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Mr & Mrs Strangelove, or How I learned to stop worrying... and eloped!

FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
edited September 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
H/A

So, I came here for some good old fashioned anonymous advice when I proposed to my fiance. (Paris for those interested... Actually - seen GI Joe? You know when the Eiffel tower fell? We'd have been screwed!)

So, we're happy. Like, stupid happy. We've moved countries, found jobs, house by the beach, 2 kittens - we're set. I mention this only because we're actually talking about scary stuff like kids now. After a while, we realised that we're putting off the marriage and subsequently our lives because of considerations for other people and their attendance of our wedding.

So the other day, this happens:

Her: I wish I could marry you sooner. I dont care about the perfect wedding any more.
Me: If I thought that you really meant that, I'd book a ticket, fly us to a pacific island and we'd be married by next week.
Her: ... OK.

So, the conversation continued to the idea of us bringing forward the wedding to early next year, and taking a small group of people to somewhere like Fiji or Rarotonga etc and getting married.

Where do I even start looking for something like this? The idea of just heading to an average resort-type place doesn't appeal. But there must be some amazing places to get married in the Pacific (we're in New Zealand). Anybody been somewhere worth me checking out?

[Also, part of this exploratory exercise is me making sure that this is really what she wants... Just in case anyone's concerned]

Fallingman on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

Posts

  • illigillig Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    get married in Hawaii

    <forgetting sarah marshall>Oh, wedding in Hawaii! Real original!</>

    seriously though... having just gone there for a wedding, a quiet ceremony at the beach at sunset surrounded by tikki torches is fucking amazing

  • FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    They do look cool.
    I think that Brazil might be too far away unfortunately, and I'm trying to avoid places too "resorty".

    You know the type... Walled in places, all you can eat buffets, that awful "entertainment" in the evenings... Ugh.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    illig wrote: »
    get married in Hawaii

    <forgetting sarah marshall>Oh, wedding in Hawaii! Real original!</>

    seriously though... having just gone there for a wedding, a quiet ceremony at the beach at sunset surrounded by tikki torches is fucking amazing

    Hmmm. I might look into Hawaii.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • matt has a problemmatt has a problem Six pack on a dick Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Just be sure that the people you invite can actually afford to fly to the place you want to get married.

    h1DI1.jpg
    All my fuckin life I lived a normal fuckin life
  • DHS OdiumDHS Odium Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Fuck it, don't invite anyone. I just got married two weeks ago, and nobody was there. In a courthouse, and our 8 day honeymoon cruise to the eastern Caribbean is in a few days.

    Sure, parents, other family, and friends aren't too happy. But it was a hell of a lot easier on us, and that's what matters. We're throwing an after wedding party so we can still see everyone, but the pressure is pretty much off.

    Wii U: DHS-Odium // Live: DHS Odium // PSN: DHSOdium // Steam: dhsykes // 3DS: 0318-6615-5294
  • PracticalProblemSolverPracticalProblemSolver Registered User
    edited September 2009
    My wife and I got married here: http://www.matangiisland.com/ we did the same as you, party at home with guests then fly away to get married.

    [IMG]http://http://www.travelmaxia.com/img_vendor/Aerial.jpg[/IMG]

    It's super chill, there's usually only around 20 guests on the island, they treat you like a vip but it's not a 5 star resort or anything, very laid back fiji style. I highly recommend it, or similar. There was an even mix of new zealanders, australians and americans there, everyone was nice and relaxed.

  • UnderdogUnderdog Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    If you're inviting people along, be very, very strict about your list of invitees. Your choices may make a lot of sense at first but reason tends to crumble when friends and family start grumbling about being left out or snubbed or whatever ridiculous bullshit crosses their minds. I'm just saying, these things have a way of ballooning so be firm about the number of people attending. It's also easier planning wise.

    159.jpg
  • DHS OdiumDHS Odium Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    That's the exact reason no one was allowed to come to our wedding. If we had even one person there, everyone would be upset it wasn't them. Now all our friends and family are equally upset. It's better this way.

    Wii U: DHS-Odium // Live: DHS Odium // PSN: DHSOdium // Steam: dhsykes // 3DS: 0318-6615-5294
  • bsjezzbsjezz Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Underdog wrote: »
    If you're inviting people along, be very, very strict about your list of invitees. Your choices may make a lot of sense at first but reason tends to crumble when friends and family start grumbling about being left out or snubbed or whatever ridiculous bullshit crosses their minds. I'm just saying, these things have a way of ballooning so be firm about the number of people attending. It's also easier planning wise.

    i always thought this would be much less of a problem for an international wedding. being in the position of possibly needing to get married on neutral turf between our respective homelands, my girlfriend and i generally figured we'd need to invite heaps of people just to get a modest number of attendees - if only because a slim percentage would be able to manage it

    mandresig_zps30545639.jpg
  • xThanatoSxxThanatoSx Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Fallingman wrote: »
    Where do I even start looking for something like this? The idea of just heading to an average resort-type place doesn't appeal. But there must be some amazing places to get married in the Pacific (we're in New Zealand). Anybody been somewhere worth me checking out?

    Um.

    You're in NEW ZEALAND.

    One of the most beautiful countries on earth.

    And you're telling me you can't find somewhere there to get married? <img class=" title=":mrgreen:" class="bbcode_smiley" />

    My wife and I lived there for over just 4.5 years and had our wedding north of Auckland at Wenderholm regional park - just us, the celebrant and about 20 guests total.

    Seriously - there are so many amazing places you could take advantage of... without having to worry about the civil unrest or other issues in Fiji etc.

  • BrotherVoodooBrotherVoodoo Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    DHS Odium wrote: »
    Fuck it, don't invite anyone. I just got married two weeks ago, and nobody was there. In a courthouse, and our 8 day honeymoon cruise to the eastern Caribbean is in a few days.

    Sure, parents, other family, and friends aren't too happy. But it was a hell of a lot easier on us, and that's what matters. We're throwing an after wedding party so we can still see everyone, but the pressure is pretty much off.

    I like this idea.

    13669_988031669590_13908669_57296127_2429910_n.jpg
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I would look long and hard at eloping. I mean it's fun to say it's all about you and you saved a lot of money but your marriage is also about your families coming together. Excluding them is not the classiest of moves and I would suggest a talk with your wife to be about her thoughts on this and both of your families at the very least.

    They may not be able to afford to go, but at the very least give them the option (and the time to plan ahead) to accompany you.

  • shadowaneshadowane Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Also make sure you're legally married according to the place you live. You may have to to go the court house or something after getting "married" in another country just to make it actually official.

    Rich on Beer - I talk about drinking beer. You read about it.
  • xa52xa52 Registered User
    edited September 2009
    xThanatoSx wrote: »
    Fallingman wrote: »
    Where do I even start looking for something like this? The idea of just heading to an average resort-type place doesn't appeal. But there must be some amazing places to get married in the Pacific (we're in New Zealand). Anybody been somewhere worth me checking out?

    Um.

    You're in NEW ZEALAND.

    One of the most beautiful countries on earth.

    And you're telling me you can't find somewhere there to get married? <img class=" title=":mrgreen:" class="bbcode_smiley" />

    My wife and I lived there for over just 4.5 years and had our wedding north of Auckland at Wenderholm regional park - just us, the celebrant and about 20 guests total.

    Seriously - there are so many amazing places you could take advantage of... without having to worry about the civil unrest or other issues in Fiji etc.

    This.

    Also, don't worry about everyone being there. Just pick the spot, pick the date, and send out the invites. If you're talking about early next year, that's plenty of time to plan an international trip, and most of the guests who care to go will make sure they can make it. Not everyone, but that's the case with most weddings and it's just something that you need to accept. You'll have a bunch of people there, and you can celebrate with the people who couldn't make it at some later date.

    You could have the ceremony on the seashore, or at the foot of one of those bigass mountains you've got over there, or at a winery, or a plain undecorated church. The reception can be a picnic, a cookout with burgers and beers, in your own back yard, or just a table at a restaurant if you've got a small group. It can be as simple or as complicated as you want to make it, and since you've gone from big perfect wedding to considering eloping, it sounds like you've got the whole spectrum to choose from. As long as you're married at the end of the day, the wedding was a success. (Additional measurements for success may include having some number of people you love there with you, and everyone getting drunk.)

    camo_sig2.png
  • FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    xThanatoSx wrote: »
    Fallingman wrote: »
    Where do I even start looking for something like this? The idea of just heading to an average resort-type place doesn't appeal. But there must be some amazing places to get married in the Pacific (we're in New Zealand). Anybody been somewhere worth me checking out?

    Um.

    You're in NEW ZEALAND.

    One of the most beautiful countries on earth.

    And you're telling me you can't find somewhere there to get married? <img class=" title=":mrgreen:" class="bbcode_smiley" />

    My wife and I lived there for over just 4.5 years and had our wedding north of Auckland at Wenderholm regional park - just us, the celebrant and about 20 guests total.

    Seriously - there are so many amazing places you could take advantage of... without having to worry about the civil unrest or other issues in Fiji etc.

    I know what you mean.

    Our plan was actually to get married on the beach in NZ.

    The decision to get away from NZ is more to do with making the day ours, as opposed to "Hey, wouldn't Rarotonga (wherever) be nicer?"

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Blaket wrote: »
    I would look long and hard at eloping. I mean it's fun to say it's all about you and you saved a lot of money but your marriage is also about your families coming together. Excluding them is not the classiest of moves and I would suggest a talk with your wife to be about her thoughts on this and both of your families at the very least.

    They may not be able to afford to go, but at the very least give them the option (and the time to plan ahead) to accompany you.

    Well, you've kind of hit the nail on the head here - though perhaps not in the way you intended.

    We're from different cultures, one being particularly disapproving of the whole situation. Even going to far as to say "Oh well, you wont be able to have a proper wedding". On top of that, it's actually quite important for us not to have a "proper" wedding (as they mean it), because our relationship is all about the two of us coming from different places but finding each other anyway. We're not about to favour one culture over the other.

    Now, I can swallow my pride for the sake of making the day hers - that's my job - but the problem is that she started freaking out about the smallest detail and how people will disapprove and say "I told you so". Family members, it should be noted, that have a long proud history of not being there for her or her mother when they needed them in the past.

    When we spoke about it, we realised that its making the whole thing quite unenjoyable. It's our day and we're taking it back. We're "eloping" in a fairly loose sense of the word, we're still having 15-20 of our nearest and dearest there - and we'd much rather spend the money on helping these people have a holiday than on, say, flower arrangements and limos.

    Anyone that wants to help celebrate the day is more than welcome. Those people that would turn up a) because they felt like they had to, or b) to be able to disapprove - well they can either fuck off, or who knows, maybe have a nice holiday and enjoy themselves.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • xThanatoSxxThanatoSx Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Fallingman wrote: »
    xThanatoSx wrote: »
    Fallingman wrote: »
    Where do I even start looking for something like this? The idea of just heading to an average resort-type place doesn't appeal. But there must be some amazing places to get married in the Pacific (we're in New Zealand). Anybody been somewhere worth me checking out?

    Um.

    You're in NEW ZEALAND.

    One of the most beautiful countries on earth.

    And you're telling me you can't find somewhere there to get married? <img class=" title=":mrgreen:" class="bbcode_smiley" />

    My wife and I lived there for over just 4.5 years and had our wedding north of Auckland at Wenderholm regional park - just us, the celebrant and about 20 guests total.

    Seriously - there are so many amazing places you could take advantage of... without having to worry about the civil unrest or other issues in Fiji etc.

    I know what you mean.

    Our plan was actually to get married on the beach in NZ.

    The decision to get away from NZ is more to do with making the day ours, as opposed to "Hey, wouldn't Rarotonga (wherever) be nicer?"

    Ahhhhh - gotcha.

    Makes perfect sense in that regard then.

    I wouldn't throw the "getting married on the beach in NZ" idea away though - that's still pretty epic.

    Of course, I'm biased given that's basically what my wedding was <img class=" title=":mrgreen:" class="bbcode_smiley" />

  • NebulousQNebulousQ Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    If you are going to go to Hawaii, I would recommend the island of Kauai. Tons of fun outdoors stuff to do there, also a much more tropical feel than Oahu and most parts of Maui or the big island.

  • firewaterwordfirewaterword Tighter than R. Kelly in his teens. Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    xThanatoSx wrote: »
    Fallingman wrote: »
    Where do I even start looking for something like this? The idea of just heading to an average resort-type place doesn't appeal. But there must be some amazing places to get married in the Pacific (we're in New Zealand). Anybody been somewhere worth me checking out?
    You're in NEW ZEALAND.

    Fly to Queenstown. Take a helicopter up to the Remarkables. Get married.

    Don't like heights? Get married next to a waterfall in the Milford Sound. Or how about Nelson - the Marlborough Sounds are beautiful.

    Don't like the South Island (ARE YOU CRAZY?!) then head to the Bay of Islands.

    Edit - Never mind I suppose - just saw the response! But still man... God I wish I was down there right now. So far away!

    They're gonna bury you, they're gonna finish. They're gonna stand 'em up six by six by six.
  • FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    xThanatoSx wrote: »
    Fallingman wrote: »
    Where do I even start looking for something like this? The idea of just heading to an average resort-type place doesn't appeal. But there must be some amazing places to get married in the Pacific (we're in New Zealand). Anybody been somewhere worth me checking out?
    You're in NEW ZEALAND.

    Fly to Queenstown. Take a helicopter up to the Remarkables. Get married.

    Don't like heights? Get married next to a waterfall in the Milford Sound. Or how about Nelson - the Marlborough Sounds are beautiful.

    Don't like the South Island (ARE YOU CRAZY?!) then head to the Bay of Islands.

    Edit - Never mind I suppose - just saw the response! But still man... God I wish I was down there right now. So far away!

    I appreciate the NZ love.
    I've just come back from six years living in London...

    I understand...

    Spoiler:

    I understand.


    Still, it just seems lazy to elope somewhere a few hours drive away ;-)

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • xThanatoSxxThanatoSx Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Fallingman wrote: »

    I understand.


    Still, it just seems lazy to elope somewhere a few hours drive away ;-)

    That excuse is NOT valid for use by residents of New Zealand.

    Please try another.

    <img class=" title=":mrgreen:" class="bbcode_smiley" />

  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Don't view it as eloping.

    Tell your family you want to, and are going to have an ultra-simplified wedding. This means XXX and no YYY then tell them the wedding date location and guest list.

    Remember here the problem is that you feel you have lost control of your wedding the main thing here is to take control of it.

  • FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    The family are actually really excited about doing it this way...

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • strakha_7strakha_7 Registered User
    edited September 2009
    I wish I could get married in NZ. That's my contribution to this thread.

    Want a signature? Find a post by ElJeffe and quote a random sentence!
    ElJeffe wrote: »
    Zero tolerance policies are almost invariably terrible.

    One might say I have zero tolerance for them.
  • variantvariant Registered User
    edited September 2009
    Do you have the money to do this right now?

    Get a travel agent to help you out..

  • Synthetic OrangeSynthetic Orange Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Or head up into the mountains for a snowfield wedding. Do it! Do it now!

    Death to PA.
  • mere_immortalmere_immortal So tasty!Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Or head up into the mountains for a snowfield wedding. Do it! Do it now!

    I read that as snowboard wedding.

    A vicar all sliding down while reading the vows.

    Steam: Dr. Mark Sloan - XBL: lego pencil - Wii U: mere_immortal - 3DS: 0748-1545-6684
  • FallingmanFallingman Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Or head up into the mountains for a snowfield wedding. Do it! Do it now!

    That sounds terribly cold...

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • KalkinoKalkino Buttons Londres Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    You bastards. I am sitting in London now and now feel homesick.

    So far as ideas go - Norfolk Island could be neat. Or it could be really dull. Perhaps worth an investigation anyway.
    Or perhaps Tahiti? A frenchified Pacific Island no less! I don't see that being a bad bet, aside from it being apparently rather costly

    Freedom for the Northern Isles!
  • The LandoStanderThe LandoStander Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I'm assuming that the families or at least the family that is "not approving" of the situation are not lending any financial support to the two of you for this wedding or just financial support in general.

    If this is the case I would say that you can do whatever you want/can afford to do.

    I would recommend that you stay within the country, especially given that you live in such a beautiful country. I'd be planning a Lord of the Rings themed wedding but that's just me.

    There are many advantages to having a wedding if not local then within the country.

    -Guests will not have to spend a lot of money/effort to wish you well. Nor will they feel bad about not going or be mad at you for making it so that they aren't able to attend.
    -Guests will be more likely to bring gifts. I know this is a horrible thing to say but to be honest this kind of stuff REALLY helps when you're getting established.
    -It'll cost you less.
    -The further from home you are the harder things might get if something goes wrong.
    -I found it difficult to handle getting to and from DisneyWorld with my wife's newly changed name and that's within the US. I would be really saddened if some bureaucratic situation led to trouble getting in and out of a country.

    Also, don't write off the 'disapproving family' my parents didn't approve of my wife when we started seeing eachother, even up to when I proposed to her. Granted we're from the same culture.

    Either way, congrats.

    Maybe someday, they'll see a hero's just a man. Who knows he's free.
  • TopweaselTopweasel Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Fallingman wrote: »
    illig wrote: »
    get married in Hawaii

    <forgetting sarah marshall>Oh, wedding in Hawaii! Real original!</>

    seriously though... having just gone there for a wedding, a quiet ceremony at the beach at sunset surrounded by tikki torches is fucking amazing

    Hmmm. I might look into Hawaii.

    I suggest this. If your going international and not going to a place you could go any other weekend. Go here. Its safe its less resorty (because you don't have to feel trapped at the resort) and everyone speaks English just about everywhere (though not your English). I don't think there is a tropic island type place anywhere near as open to people as Hawaii. Cept maybe NZ.

  • CreepyCreepy Tucson, AzRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    illig wrote: »
    get married in Hawaii

    <forgetting sarah marshall>Oh, wedding in Hawaii! Real original!</>

    seriously though... having just gone there for a wedding, a quiet ceremony at the beach at sunset surrounded by tikki torches is fucking amazing

    I've done this (eloped, too) and highly recommend it.

    Live: Broichan

    PSN: Broichan
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