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Graphic Violence Presents: Myths and Legends

2

Posts

  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Quoth wrote: »
    Quoth wrote: »
    Quoth wrote: »
    quoth just admit you can't beat EL CHUPACABRA: ACE DETECTIVE

    man the chupacabra lives down here

    sucking the blood out of all our goats

    also damnit quoth you need to keep a better eye on your goats

    what is wrong with you

    i am scared of the dark :(

    dangit

    you'll never join the midnight society at this rate

    but my membership to the noon brigade is all but assured!

    is it though

    is it really

  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I'm just going to sit in the corner and curse myself.

  • QuothQuoth the Raven Miami, FL FOR REALRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    wtf crimson, what is up

    do you need a hug

    “Hic non defectus est, sed cattus minxit desuper nocte quadam. Confundatur pessimus cattus qui minxit super librum istum in nocte Daventrie, et consimiliter omnes alii propter illum. Et cavendum valde ne permittantur libri aperti per noctem ubi cattie venire possunt.”
    Site | The Miami Grindstone | Twitter | Dropbox
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    He bought stock in your goats, Quoth.

    You've ruined him financially.

    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • QuothQuoth the Raven Miami, FL FOR REALRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    it's not my fault an insatiable bloodthirsty creature is terrorizing my herd

    “Hic non defectus est, sed cattus minxit desuper nocte quadam. Confundatur pessimus cattus qui minxit super librum istum in nocte Daventrie, et consimiliter omnes alii propter illum. Et cavendum valde ne permittantur libri aperti per noctem ubi cattie venire possunt.”
    Site | The Miami Grindstone | Twitter | Dropbox
  • LucascraftLucascraft Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Steve Irwin.

    Is it too soon?
    Spoiler:

    BN_Sig3.jpg
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I don't really think I'd call Steve Irwin a legend.

    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • LucascraftLucascraft Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    You've never heard the legend of the ghost of Steve Irwin that haunts ...places?

    BN_Sig3.jpg
  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Faynor wrote: »
    He bought stock in your goats, Quoth.

    You've ruined him financially.

    I invested in the chupacabras and shorted Quoth's goats.

    I am the Goldman Sachs of livestock futures.
    Lucascraft wrote: »
    You've never heard the legend of the ghost of Steve Irwin that haunts ...places?

    His poltergeist only pokes things until they excorcise him.

  • MetroidZoidMetroidZoid Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I imagine that crocodile parents tell their disobedient croc kids that Steve Irwin 'will jump on you in his short-shorts and wrastle you in the wrong way' if they don't behave.

    And on cool evenings along the river, croc kids swear they see the ghost of Steve Irwin, whoo-hooing the full moon.

    9UsHUfk.jpgSteam
    3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
  • ThaneThane Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I'd see post human Irwin more as a constant torment on Crocodiles

    just hovering above them talking about putting his thumb up their butt

    286v37l.jpg
  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Mythbusters

    Premise: Legendary and mythic figures are, quite literally, immortalized, and with that immortality comes power, pride, vanity, and sometimes madness. When legends cross the line and threaten the American public, the Mythbusters are called in to bring them to justice. Chosen from the hibernation vault at The Warehouse (think Warehouse 13) for their skills, accumulated lore energy, and relative sanity, the current team has only a year of active duty and freedom before being forced back into hibernation.

    Team Members: each of these legends have gained enough lore energy since their deaths to now have super human enhancements to their existing abilitities.
    Wyatt Earp - super fast and accurate on the draw and a natural with guns
    John Henry - super human strength, steam powered mechanical heart and lungs, unbreakable hammer
    Johnny Appleseed - Psychic suggestion that affects both plants and animals
    Marie Leveau - voodoo priestess with the power of a minor voodoo deity
    Harriet Tubman - stealth, able to hide in shadows, and always knows an entrance to the Underground Railroad (a subterranean transportation system connecting every town and city in the United States).
    Br'er Jackalope - Son of Br'er Rabbit and a legendary jackalope, he embodies the cleverness of his father and the elusiveness of his mother.

    Sorry, no pictures. I just got home from vacation today and threw this together at the last minute.

    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • MetroidZoidMetroidZoid Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    wwtMask wrote: »
    Mythbusters

    Premise: Legendary and mythic figures are, quite literally, immortalized, and with that immortality comes power, pride, vanity, and sometimes madness. When legends cross the line and threaten the American public, the Mythbusters are called in to bring them to justice. Chosen from the hibernation vault at The Warehouse (think Warehouse 13) for their skills, accumulated lore energy, and relative sanity, the current team has only a year of active duty and freedom before being forced back into hibernation.

    Team Members: each of these legends have gained enough lore energy since their deaths to now have super human enhancements to their existing abilitities.
    Wyatt Earp - super fast and accurate on the draw and a natural with guns
    John Henry - super human strength, steam powered mechanical heart and lungs, unbreakable hammer
    Johnny Appleseed - Psychic suggestion that affects both plants and animals
    Marie Leveau - voodoo priestess with the power of a minor voodoo deity
    Harriet Tubman - stealth, able to hide in shadows, and always knows an entrance to the Underground Railroad (a subterranean transportation system connecting every town and city in the United States).
    Br'er Jackalope - Son of Br'er Rabbit and a legendary jackalope, he embodies the cleverness of his father and the elusiveness of his mother.

    Sorry, no pictures. I just got home from vacation today and threw this together at the last minute.

    Led by Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman? And they both wear eyepatches ...

    Fuck Avengers, this has so much potential.

    9UsHUfk.jpgSteam
    3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
  • MunchMunch Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I just want a Br'er Jackalope spin-off.

  • ThaneThane Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    whos the legendary Jackalope

    is there a legendary Jackalope or just the one

    286v37l.jpg
  • CrimsondudeCrimsondude Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    By all rights the real Teddy Roosevelt was a living pulp hero.

  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Thane wrote: »
    whos the legendary Jackalope

    is there a legendary Jackalope or just the one

    Let's just say that there's one.

    I was gonna make Teddy the leader of the squad, but someone already used him. I cut Paul Bunyan too because it'd be more fun to have the Mythbusters fight him.

    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • ThaneThane Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    yes

    make his blue cow thing go double agent

    "I CANT TAKE HIM ANYMORE. HE TRIED TO MILK ME"

    286v37l.jpg
  • ThaneThane Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    The Wandering Gnome


    Wandering_Gnome_by_thanekats.jpg

    Hi, my name is Frances, and i'm an alcoholic. I haven't had a drink in 3 months.
    You may have heard of me from various articles over the years and more recently with my youtube videos. One of them even has over 300.000 views, can you believe it? Years of speculation and fear have somehow led to me becoming an urban legend even bigger than that hack Bigfoot(who fyi smells like shit and never shares his dro).
    I am on a continuous quest to find my way home, ever since I started on this path the fateful day that i blacked out and came out into the world in search of cherry hostess pies and midget prostitutes.
    I travel across the world in search of my home, helping out poor souls that find their way to me, hoping that some clue will pop up and lead me one step closer to my people.
    I'm sober and have never been happier!

    286v37l.jpg
  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Is...is this the life story or the Travelocity garden gnome?

    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • ThaneThane Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    i never heard of the travelocity gnome, but after perusing, i didn't find anything involving a taste for whiskey and prostitutes

    unless i missed something

    286v37l.jpg
  • wwtMaskwwtMask Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Well, he does get around a lot, so it's certainly possible he's done lines of coke off an underaged prostitute's ass.

    When he dies, I hope they write "Worst Affirmative Action Hire, EVER" on his grave. His corpse should be trolled.
    Twitter - @liberaltruths | Google+ - http://gplus.to/wwtMask | Occupy Tallahassee
  • ThaneThane Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    if its an underage midget prostitute, then Frances is good for 2 hours and a dimebag

    286v37l.jpg
  • The Geebs That Got BigtimedThe Geebs That Got Bigtimed Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited September 2009
    Remember, all entries due by Monday.

  • MunchMunch Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I'll try to get mine done for tomorrow. It's actually my favorite idea I've had for this whole thing so far, I just haven't had time to write or draw anything yet.

  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    geebs can I turn mine in on monday at like 3 PM

    I am gonna need to do it this way

  • The Geebs That Got BigtimedThe Geebs That Got Bigtimed Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited September 2009
    I think when I said midnight I meant you have all of monday

    brb changing it to 11:59pm to make it more clear

  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    oh okay phew

    because I got side tracked and didn't want to waste munch's awesome art by not writing

  • Desktop HippieDesktop Hippie totally sane in the AsylumRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Okay, before I submit my villain I have just two quick notes.

    First, I did not draw the image I'm using. I knew heromachine wouldn't give me the vibe I wanted, so I went a-googling and found something that fit the bill. Second, the myth/legend that inspired this particular villain won't be obvious immediately, but it's not going to be hard to figure out once you read the submission. (At least I don't think so.)

    Villain Submission:

    Claudia Von Waldeck

    femmefatale.jpg

    Claudia Von Waldeck first became a player in the Chicago criminal underworld in the early 1980s. At the time she first emerged, Chicago PD and the FBI were focused on breaking up the Cosa Nostra, and had no time for a bizarre 30something woman who spoke with a faint German accent and dressed like a femme fatale from a 1930s movie. Even today, many in the Bureau consider her a fringe figure, an unbalanced woman with too much money and too much time on her hands, playing at being the big, bad criminal boss.

    They're wrong.

    Over the past 20 years, Claudia has become the undisputed leader Chicago's criminal underworld. The reason law enforcement haven't noticed is because each mafia family and gang continues to operate exactly as it has before, with one exception; They answer to Claudia. Gang wars and fights for territory have ceased. Investigators have noticed how all criminal activity in the area have been carefully divided up between the five main Chicago gangs, and have speculated that the leaders have brokered a deal. The criminal bosses themselves allow the myth to continue. While each of them answer to Claudia, none of them are certain if the other mob bosses are also under her thumb, though they suspect as much.

    No one talks about Claudia. People who talk about Claudia always seem to die.

    She doesn't have them killed, everyone knows that. The deaths are always natural causes. A young, passionate D.A who suspects all is not as it seems and decides to dig a little deeper succumbs to cancer. An eldery judge who refuses to submit to blackmail suffers a fatal stroke. The new head of a mafia family who objects to taking orders from an outsider has a heart attack. There is simply no way that Claudia Von Waldeck could be responsible. Still, most criminals now have a superstitious fear of mentioning Claudia's name aloud. If they must refer to her (at her request of course) they prefer to use the nickname her bright red lipstick and lethal beauty have inspired. They call her

    Scarlet Fever

    Scarlet is an extraordinarily beautiful woman. She has black hair, elegantly styled, and hazel eyes. Most people who meet her place her as mid 30s, although it is never mentioned that most who have met her have placed her at that age for about 20 years now. Her height is difficult to judge, as she is almost always seated. Whispers mention that, while she has the full use of her legs, her feet are badly damaged and she can only walk with the aid of a cane. No obvious injury is visible through her expensive but tasteful shoes.

    No one has ever sees inside Scarlet's bedroom, but if they did the first thing they would notice is the large, ornate mirror that hangs above her dressing table. The second thing they would notice is that it doesn't reflect the room. Instead, it flickers randomly, showing images of bedrooms, bathrooms, hotel lobbies, offices, every place imaginable. The mirror is about 600 years old and is her most formidable weapon. Through it, Scarlet can see through any reflective surface within 50 miles. Although the mirror shows these images randomly, Scarlet can use her magic to concentrate on a mirror in a particular location, allowing her to see and even hear what happens there - though not for long.

    Scarlet's magic isn't limited to the mirror. She has an affinity with glass and most of her spells are related to glass in some way. These range from simple spells to shatter glass, which require next to no time or thought, to complicated rituals that drain the life force of a target and trap it in a glass bottle. Scarlet is also able to shapeshift into the form of an ugly old woman, a form she can retain for a maximum of 13 hours, providing her with an additional tool for spying on (and accessing) her rivals.

    Scarlet is adept at using poisons, some of which are undetectable as all knowledge of them has been lost over the ages - except to Scarlet. She is particularly skilled at poisoning jewellery such as rings, pendants or cufflinks, so the poison is absorbed through the target's skin over a period of time.
    Spoiler:

  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Wow, that image is pretty perfect! I like the submission a lot.

    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • Desktop HippieDesktop Hippie totally sane in the AsylumRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    wwtMask wrote: »
    Mythbusters

    Premise: Legendary and mythic figures are, quite literally, immortalized, and with that immortality comes power, pride, vanity, and sometimes madness. When legends cross the line and threaten the American public, the Mythbusters are called in to bring them to justice. Chosen from the hibernation vault at The Warehouse (think Warehouse 13) for their skills, accumulated lore energy, and relative sanity, the current team has only a year of active duty and freedom before being forced back into hibernation.

    Team Members: each of these legends have gained enough lore energy since their deaths to now have super human enhancements to their existing abilitities.
    Wyatt Earp - super fast and accurate on the draw and a natural with guns
    John Henry - super human strength, steam powered mechanical heart and lungs, unbreakable hammer
    Johnny Appleseed - Psychic suggestion that affects both plants and animals
    Marie Leveau - voodoo priestess with the power of a minor voodoo deity
    Harriet Tubman - stealth, able to hide in shadows, and always knows an entrance to the Underground Railroad (a subterranean transportation system connecting every town and city in the United States).
    Br'er Jackalope - Son of Br'er Rabbit and a legendary jackalope, he embodies the cleverness of his father and the elusiveness of his mother.

    Sorry, no pictures. I just got home from vacation today and threw this together at the last minute.

    This is just gold. Seriously. I would totally read this.

  • Desktop HippieDesktop Hippie totally sane in the AsylumRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Faynor wrote: »
    Wow, that image is pretty perfect! I like the submission a lot.

    Thanks! Although you wouldn't believe what shows up when you GIS "femme fatale" if you don't have safe search on. I actually need to get the name of the artist who did it and credit him properly. I think I eventually found it on ImagineFX.

  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    okay doggs it's time

    it's time for EL CHUPACABRA: ACE DETECTIVE

    Juan Chupacabra used to be a cop, but cattle mutilations, missing livestock, and petty larceny stripped him of his badge and gun. Disgraced, and circling the bottle, Juan left behind the filthy cesspool called Mexico for brighter pastures in the crime-ridden streets of Detroit. While there, he begrudgingly rescued a halal restaurant owner named Frank from a flock of Mothmen. To repay him, Frank gave him office space above his restaurant and feeds him with the precious goat blood that Juan needs to survive. With his expertise in the seedy underbelly of the criminal world and his familiarity with various creatures of urban legend descent, Juan opens up a private detective's agency. Anything from missing persons to marauding Sasquatch looking for protection money, unsolved murders to stolen shoes -- Juan is the chupacabra to call. He gets results.

    1108za1.png
    (picture courtesy of MUNCH)

    POWERS AND ABILITIES: Juan Chupacabra has all the powers and abilities of being a fucking chubpacbra and also a detective

  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Munch's art makes it.

    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I only let munch draw it so that he could bask in my second victory vicariously

  • Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2009
    okay doggs it's time

    it's time for EL CHUPACABRA: ACE DETECTIVE

    Juan Chupacabra used to be a cop, but cattle mutilations, missing livestock, and petty larceny stripped him of his badge and gun. Disgraced, and circling the bottle, Juan left behind the filthy cesspool called Mexico for brighter pastures in the crime-ridden streets of Detroit. While there, he begrudgingly rescued a halal restaurant owner named Frank from a flock of Mothmen. To repay him, Frank gave him office space above his restaurant and feeds him with the precious goat blood that Juan needs to survive. With his expertise in the seedy underbelly of the criminal world and his familiarity with various creatures of urban legend descent, Juan opens up a private detective's agency. Anything from missing persons to marauding Sasquatch looking for protection money, unsolved murders to stolen shoes -- Juan is the chupacabra to call. He gets results.

    1108za1.png
    (picture courtesy of MUNCH)

    POWERS AND ABILITIES: Juan Chupacabra has all the powers and abilities of being a fucking chubpacbra and also a detective

    The last line

    Holy shit

    This wins

  • MunchMunch Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Faynor wrote: »
    Munch's art makes it.

    I completely agree sir.

  • ServoServo Super Moderator, Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited September 2009
    man, the only thing i could come up with was Bat-Man (bat-boy from the tabloids all growed up) but i didn't have the time or effort to punch it up enough for it to end up better than el chup.

    the choop. that's what i'd call him if i read his regular monthly comic (which i totally would)

    newsigs.jpg
  • The Geebs That Got BigtimedThe Geebs That Got Bigtimed Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited September 2009
    Just a head's up, this closes in two and a half hours!

  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    munch I gotta give credit where credit is due -- your art totally molded how I wrote up the description of Juan Chupacabra. It still would have been the best entry ever without your art, but dang you made it slightly more awesome.

    And aside, if/when EL CHUPACABRA: ACE DETECTIVE becomes a thing, the first arc would totally be about Juan against the Sasquatch mafia.

2
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