Help / Advice Forum: AWESOME POST in "Fuck my fucking life (first kiss with a homeless man)&quo

bombardier

bombardier has reported a post.

Reason:

This is for all those skeptics of love at first sight.

Forum: Help / Advice Forum
Post: Fuck my fucking life (first kiss with a homeless man)
Posted by: DarwinsFavoriteTortoise


Original Content:

All right. Let me get something out of the way. I am romantic. I believe in loving a girl, blah blah blah, which is why I am still waiting for the first kiss. Now I've FINALLY found the girl I want, things have been going great, and I'm going to kiss her tomorrow. I expect fireworks to go off. Seriously.

But here's the fucking cockhole bitch of it.

I went to the 7-11 a few hours ago for a midnight milk run. As I'm getting out my debit card, I'm tapped on my shoulder. I turn around and a big fat disgusting wet slobbery every-fucking-nasty-adjective-you-can-think-of kiss is planted on my lips. Some fucking homeless dude (yeah, a goddamn dude) KISSED me! MY FIRST KISS WAS WITH A HOMELESS MAN. He was seriously tweaking out, so I definitely think he was on something, but goddamn. This is something that will stay with me forever.

I just finished brushing my lips for the 100th time and they are nice and raw and clean and devoid of ick. Please, H/A, help, SOMEHOW. My first kiss was supposed to be very special...I mean, its my FIRST KISS. I am seriously nauseous.

The worst part of it is that I could have probably stopped it, if my eyes still weren't focused on entering my pin number when I turned around. Ok, maybe that wasn't the worst part, BUT FUCK.

Nocturne

Well was he any good?

Cyvros

Cyvros has also reported this post.

Reason:

We all dream of our first kiss. This man has lived the dream.

What? Someone's going to have to report this.

Cyvros

Oh, look, someone already has.

Metalbourne

Finally, the "report for awesome" button being used right.

Infinity stars.

Olivaw

This is easily worth ten stars

LemmingHead

Ugh.

Beautiful.

Dragkonias

I don't see what he's complaining about.

He said he wanted his first kiss to be special...that's about as special as you're going to get.

durandal4532

hahahaha

It is a day you will remember forever! <3.

Prospicience

Oh my, this is fantasic indeed. Ahahahaha.

Buttcleft

Hobo rape is always 5 stars

Malkor

The thread title implies that there will be more kissing with homeless men.

Aegeri

This thread was one of the best threads ever.

RainOPain

Instead of asking for advice, this guy should be thanking fate that he has basically been given one of the best stories to tell for the rest of his life

Hacksaw

First kisses don't get much more special than that. That dude should count himself among the lucky.

Semprini

A guys life was going so well.
But then the night went to hell.
A bearded old mooch
Gave him a smooch
Shame Darwins a kiss-and-tell!