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Rings and such.
Comahawk
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Sort of an ambiguous title but my question is pretty straight forward.
In short, I have been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for close to a year now and I intend to eventually marry her. Our first year anniversary of this relationship is coming up in December and I was playing with the idea of getting her a 'promise ring', however I have little experience in this area so I am curious what exactly goes along with giving one... How one would give one basically or if I totally misunderstand this whole concept!
Thanks in advance for any advice.
In short, I have been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for close to a year now and I intend to eventually marry her. Our first year anniversary of this relationship is coming up in December and I was playing with the idea of getting her a 'promise ring', however I have little experience in this area so I am curious what exactly goes along with giving one... How one would give one basically or if I totally misunderstand this whole concept!
Thanks in advance for any advice.
Comahawk on
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I bought him a simple gold claddagh ring and he bought me a gold band with small channel set diamonds and sapphires. Each ring only cost about $150.
We do live together and I have to agree, it does tell you a lot about the person. As for age, I am 23, she is 25. I am thinking of purposing next August or September, after I return from basic training. Though I am starting to think that not getting a pre-engagement ring is probably the better idea, as it does seem like a desperate way to lock her in (though I don't expect us to be breaking up).
I think you're heading down the right path with the not getting a promise ring.
That being said I think the real advice your looking for here is what kind of thing to look for. She got mine from JcPenny's and its a very simple silver band with a personal message etched in the inside which was free. My ring was $50 but the ring I got for her was something like $50-$75, nothing amazing but something very simple. It means even more because I went specifically to Puerto Rico (which is where I'm from) to find something that you couldn't find in any mall in the US. She loves it and in fact to a degree expected it before I even talked to her about getting it. Mind you this was a year ago and now there's talk of engagement rings which is a whole other topic on its own. Good luck man.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
If the girl I marry wants something, she can buy it herself.
The question to ask yourself is: If she were to give you a pair of promise rings would you be creeped out? Now imagine the same thing with all you know about her. Would she be creeped out?
Keep in mind that rings are metaphoric chains. While the wondrous thing about marriage and whatnot is the ability to be mature and content enough to bind yourself to another for the sake of love and life, you are also barring yourself at the same time from other possibilities. Be this promise ring, engagement ring, or just a normal jewelry gift, rings carry that weight. Be sure you are prepared for all the symbolism, both good and bad, when you present one.
So, if you're stuck on the promise ring idea, maybe something like that would work; Etsy is pretty nifty. I personally share others' concerns about the lameness of promise rings though.
That's well and good for you. It dosen't really apply to the OP though. However, I would say that Slider also brings up a good point by example. If she freaks out from the ring, or if things don't turn out the way you expect, you could be left bitter. It dosen't have to be a $1000.00 wedding ring for this sort of backlash to occur, either.
Is it worth it even still? I'd say yes. But then, I lived with my lady in blissful, non-binding companionship for close to three years before we even considered the concept. And then it was mostly for the tax breaks. ^_^;
Just think about it long and hard before you act. Odds are, if you feel this strongly about her you'll know if she feels it back if you are honest with yourself.
You are a grown up. Propose or let it simply be a nice gift.
EDIT: I had friends in college that couldn't get married until they graduated or they would have lost the money from parents. They got promise rings because they wanted to get engaged right then but both understood. So in their case it was "I want to marry you but it doesn't make sense to get married right now rather than wait a year and get my college paid for." That is where the comment about being a grown up is coming from.
The ring symbolizes whatever you think it does. it can be a placeholder for something more expensive, a token of you affection, a sign that you think marriage is for suckers but you're committed in your own way, whatever.
Just be careful to remember how seriously most (otherwise normal, non-crazy) girls take proposals and don't let the ring be mistaken for something it's not. Take it from me, thinking someone is asking you to marry him when that isn't what is happening is all kinds of awkward for a lady.
Yeah, that's kind of what I'm thinking.
I'd also like to point out that there's no set time limit involving engagements. You could be engaged for a year or 2 until you both feel it's time. Since you've said you plan on marrying her, the only thing I could see holding you back would be thinking she might think it's too soon, which is valid. If that's not the case, I say why put it off. I proposed on our 1 year anniversary, we got married 6 months later, and we're about to celebrate our 9th anniversary this Wednesday. If you know, you know.
You say that as if people don't shell out 10 times that amount without batting an eye. Setting aside the fact that your comment is in no way helpful to the OP's question, $1000 is on the low end for an engagement ring.
OP: I would forget about the promise ring idea. You're too old for that. You're also running the risk of giving this girl the ring and having her flip out because she thinks you are proposing. You also don't want to have to give a disclaimer before she opens it to clear up any confusion.
If you really want to give her some jewelery to show her you care, but you don't want to propose, consider something other than a ring. At your age, a girl is going to expect a ring to equal engagement.
I disagree with the naysayers, if you want to promise to promise to wed, as stupid as I think that is, you should go for it.
with mine being thinner than his like a woman's band normally is.
Similarly to the OP's situation, it was his suggestion, and it was more or less a surprise to me. While I would normally find things like that kind of silly or childish, it was more endearing because of his tendency to communicate affection physically rather than verbally, for instance. So, essentially, it meant less of "we'll get married eventually" and more "I love you, but I can't always say it, so please remember." Essentially, not everyone is ready for the big question, but that doesn't mean gestures of love aren't valid. This might be the case with you, so I'd encourage you to give them to her, with a little written/spoken reminder about what she does mean to you. This will clear up any possible reaction deriving from the demeaning "I'd marry you, but..." misinterpretation, while simultaneously scoring you bonus points for telling her she rocks your world hard.
Pretty much this. Either propose to me or don't but don't half propose to me.
All rings had at least one stone in them 2 sapphire, 1 pink sapphire, and 1 diamond (engagement) none of them were cheap lowest value was $200 a bit of pinch budget wise but nothing bank breaking even in my collage days. I always figured if your going to get the women you love jewelery it better sparkle and all of them loved showing them off. Just my 2 cents.
Edit: To be clear, I was saying propose to her now with the 'basic' thing, and then you go pick out something nice as a couple when you get back from basic.
Thanks to everyone for their advice, I'm still considering the idea, but need to give it more time I believe.
As for purposing before I head to basic I may do that, I am still unclear on how I intend to go about that to be honest. My main problem with purposing right now is that I am in a program to become an officer and will be attending school until 2013ish, so it will likely be a long engagement, which makes the situation somewhat unique compared to the norm.
I think I may just buy her a nice ring or something along those lines for this anniversary and go with the 'to remind you I love you' as I am in a similar situation, I am horrible at saying that sort of stuff.
Anyways, don't want to sound too emotional, but again thank you everyone for the information/advice, it definitely helped.
I thought a promise ring was some Christian thing that said you weren't going to fuck anyone till the two of you got married.
Also within the topic of promise rings and proposals, I think that it's always a good idea to talk openly about marriage with someone before doing any sort of proposal. Make sure you are both ready. You can still 'propose' for tradition, but the idea of proposing to someone as a surprise seems rather a thing of the past.
Where did you find this???
That is the dumbest description of something I've read in quite a while
This is like something Dilbert's company would develop
Also not to be a dick but I'd propose now since you're joining the military
The stats on military marriages staying together are frightening; if she's able to stay with you till 2013 you'll be in good shape
I still don't get why you can't propose to her now/marry her. I mean, either way you're basically asking her to stick with you thorugh a long distance relationship for four years right?
And for some reason, promise rings really bug me. But hey, you gotten tales of people that liked them too, so it comes down to you and your girl.