Debate and Discourse: AWESOME POST in "Strange and Embarrassing Moments: "You smell of oth

PeregrineFalcon · October 2009

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Below is chronicled the story of one "Crazy Naked Bitch."

This story just keeps getting better and better as the spoilers unfold.

And you won't believe the plot twist at the end.

Post: Strange and Embarrassing Moments: "You smell of other pussies."
Forum: Debate and Discourse
Assigned Moderators: Elki, ElJeffe, Irond Will

Posted by: skarsol
Original Content:

So, I promised more, and since these threads made me remember most of the details of the Saga of Crazy Naked Bitch that I had previously mercifully repressed, I guess I have to share it. It's all *your* fault so you'll have to forgive the length. I'm sure I'll regret this at some point, but here it is.

It was Freshman year of college, so over ten years ago. I think it was still first semester even. I was working part time at a local comic/gaming shop in order to finance my absurd comic book habit. I had semi-recently turned in my V-card, but was definitely less than experienced in opposite sex interaction.

Spoiler:

One fine day a female (gasp!) wandered into the shop and, after browsing for a bit, latched on to me in the card section and we proceeded to talk about who knows what for like an hour. She wasn't horrible looking, but certainly not amazing, but I was still at the age where "OMG, a female is talking to me" was sufficient to override pretty much anything. She was steadily piling up shit in her "to buy" pile though, so my boss didn't seem to mind and plus he was big on having females in the shop. Conversation eventually winds down and she invites me to a party at her hotel that night (which happens to be across the street), gives me the room number, and goes to pay for her shit.

Alas, her card is declined. Both of them. With instructions to destroy. Faced with her sob story, I gave her back the cards unmolested, reclaimed the stores property, and said goodbye.

Later that night (cue cries of "No, Skarsol, you didn't!") I went to the aforementioned hotel room (I was a stupid and didn't pick up on the warning signs) with ideas of joining the party. Parties are good, right?

No. Apparently it wasn't that kind of party. It was her and one other guy and it became fairly apparent fairly quickly that sexy times were in store. The other guy went to the store to get more drinks (I suspect,
based on later events, that he never returned) and I shortly beat a hasty retreat as well.

"Wow, Skarsol, that's not really all that strange or embarrassing other than the fact that you passed up sexy time and/or avoided losing a kidney!" Sorry, I had to give the backstory. I did say it was a saga.

Spoiler:

Fast forward, oh, let's say two weeks. My phone rings and I don't recognize the number, which is odd, but I answer it anyway. It's her. I never gave her my phone number. I'm sure of this. Inquiries reveal that she got my home number from the comic shop (we later had words) and then got my cellphone number from my mom (we later had *many* words) and then called me.

Apparently she was in a bit of a bind. I don't remember the specifics but it was along the line of no money, no place to stay, lost her job, sob, sob, sob. So yeah, being the dumb person that I've already established I was, I agreed to let her crash at my dorm for a night after much begging. (Yes, I know, *sigh*)

So she shows up. She looks a little worse for wear and has a small duffel bag and not much else. It was fairly late at night at this point, so I offer her the bed and roll out the sleeping bag for myself. She gets in my bed. Roommate gets in his bed. I go to turn out the lights. I hear rustling and look over at my bed and see it practically ejecting clothing. Lots of clothing. All her clothing. *ALL* of it. Cue the first D:.

Lights out, sleep is on its way, and suddenly "You could share the bed with me." I decline. This repeats about 3 times until the roommate bitches at her that I'm not going to share the bed, go to sleep. So we do.

Next morning. It's shower time before class! She, predictably at this point, offers to join me. At this point I'm running scared and practically dash to the shower and lock the door. This is a good thing because my roommate informs me that she was contemplating "surprising" me. Advances thwarted, I finish my ablutions and head to class.

Now, my roommate had a girlfriend. This was made clear to the chick (whose name had already been forgotten by us and replaced by Crazy Naked Bitch, so I'll use that from here on out) but she was having none of that and was apparently hitting on him the whole time I was gone. Shortly after my return we decided that her tenure here was done, we'd performed our gentlemanly duty to help out a "lady" admirably, and it was time she was on her way. She left with her duffel.

Our room heaved a sigh of relief.

Spoiler:

At this point I should explain that our floor in the dorm was already known as a fairly party floor. Lots of drinking at night, most room doors were always open if there were people home, lots of room to room socializing, etc.

By "left" I mean she went down the hall visiting rooms looking for a new place to stay. So she finds two new saps and camps out in the new room and manages to stay for two days while making periodic visits to other rooms. It appears that she's planning to set up shop. She's spotted in the hallways a couple of times, naked. By now everyone is referring to her as CNB and all the doors on our hall are shut tight 24/7 with ample use of the peepholes because no one wanted to be associated with her.

So she's finally kicked out of the second room and disappears. Oddly enough, she left what was probably a large portion of her wardrobe behind in room two and it all ended up in the hallway outside their door. Along with the tube of astroglide that we discovered in our room. Bad things were done to these clothes involving febreeze, the lube, and assorted other fluids. The less said about it, the better.

The floor heaved a sigh of relief.

Spoiler:

Oh, but we're not done.

Now, a floor down from us lived a guy named Troll. Not really, but that's what we called him cause he looked like one and frequently acted like it. He was known to chase pretty much any tail but we were fairly sure his hit rate was low. CNB apparently ran into him the day she was booted out of room two and they hit it off. Two days later he came to our floor wearing the biggest D: we'd ever seen. All we ever managed to get out of him was "OMG, the blood. So much blood." Inquiries around the floor revealed Troll was super excited about finally being about to get some action, but it didn't last very long and ended up with Troll being super sadface and CNB being kicked out into the hallway late that night. Many jokes were made about her *really* needing that tube of astroglide she left behind. After being kicked out of Troll's room, she was seen actually leaving the dorm.

The dorm heaved a sigh of relief.

Spoiler:

Nope, still more. About a week passes and we hear rumors of a crazy blonde chick performing the exact same room jumping tricks in the neighboring dorm where all the jocks lived. Questioning reveals that it is indeed CNB.

Now, here I should point out that my roommate and I were very careful during this ordeal to not reveal that I was the one that brought this plague upon us. People knew she stayed in our room one night, but we insisted she just showed up at our door like she did to everyone else. So at this point, people from the other dorm have heard that she came from our floor and were less than pleased, but I at least avoided the majority of the blame I deserved.

About one more week passes and we finally hear that the problem has been resolved! She ran afoul of an RA or a security guard or something and the police came and took her away.

The campus heaved a sigh of relief.

Spoiler:

We then found out that the cops picked her up because she was a 16 yo runaway who had been living off stolen credit cards. D:

It took probably 3 years before the few people who knew my actual role in the events to stop giving me shit for it.

tl;dr

Spoiler:

So yeah, I introduced an underage runaway to a college dorm where she apparently lost her virginity and then slept with who knows how many people. Go me.