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Dress for success! or don't?
Posts
The rules are hazier than explicit dress codes, but IMO this allows for a lot more variation and opportunity. Social standards and expectations are a powerful thing and to simply ignore their existence or to dogmatically and intransigently oppose them is doing ones self a personal disservice.
I would have dressed up, too. My only point was that the standard is, in my opinion, different between "attending a funeral" and "going to the cemetary to mourn."
I assume that cemetaries are populated with people doing their own thing, and unless someone is really dressed in some incredibly outre manner that attracts attention (or is acting in the same manner), it's not such a big deal.
That said, it has happened more than a few times that I've been at a wedding where almost everyone has made at least an effort to dress up respectfully, and a few people just wear their tee shirts or sweats or whatever. It looks trashy and implies disrespect. If these people showed up in similar attire at the funeral of a loved one, I would be offended.
Even if it isn't explicit it is pretty easy to figure out.
Formal: wedding, funeral, job interview, the opera, plays, musicals
business: most often there will be a dress code or you can just see what everyone else wears in the office.
Casual: hanging out with friends, some workplaces as long as everyone else dresses casually
The situations where dress code is REALLY ambiguous no one will probably care.
No, I am not really communist. Yes, it is weird that I use this name.
I think we agree more than not. I would be offended, too is cousin Bill showed up to my wedding in shorts and a wife-beater. I would not, however, be offended if somebody else who happened to be at that resort was in shorts and a wife-beater as he's not part of my event.
The funeral one is funky because we're both there to mourn - you're there as part of an event, I'm there beause I happen to be in town. Also we're mourning different people.
I pretty much agree with what Nos wrote, it's what I was tryin ham-fistedly to say on a previous page.
Also, I think that what Nos was getting at wasnt that different sub-cultures can do what they feel is respectful while running against norms and get away with it, he was trying to say that while most people understand and respect the idea of dressing up for certain places and events, not everyone agrees exactly how far it goes. You and others in this thread have set yourselves up as being somehwat of a authority on this subject and if someone with a logical point or arguement run counter to your ideals, you blast them for cometely ignoring the idea of social norms for dress. To use the church example, most people believe in getting more dressed up for services, bu to what degree is debatable. If someone says that nice jeans and a collard shirt are good for church, but you think Sunday best is what should be worn always, they aren't ignoring social norms, they just adhere to a different interpratation of said norms
I'm not saying that all churches should demand people wear suits, or that jeans and a polo aren't sufficiently dressy for many occasions. Some churhces require no dress code at all - whenever I see footage from those megachuches from the southwest, it looks basically like that people of walmart website herded into a big tent. That is their standard and wearing whatever is appropraite to their venue is what is proprer.
I'm saying that some church services or events or venues or occasions demand a suit and tie, and no matter what ones' preferred subculture or individual need for self-expression or preferred comfort level, bucking this expectation will result in being regarded negatively and possibly giving offense.
And I agree, certain church events pretty much require the nicest stuff you have. However, when itried to suggest a few pages back that people might have different, equally valid based on life experience, ideas on how to comply with a social norm, I was called dense and repeatedly asked if I agreed that following social norms period was, well, normal. People can have different ways of following a social norm that might disagree with what you and others have basically said are "the rules" while still maintaining respect for other by the way they dress.
The only real contention I have with this is that a number of people will use this kind of caveat as an excuse to simply disregard cultural standards altogether.
One of my friends in college, for instance, was a devout muslim from Bangladesh. He carried around a mat and prayed seven times a day and wore traditional Bangladeshi muslim garb, turban and all. And when he had a formal occasion to go to, he wore his nicest traditional muslim Bangladeshi formal outfit. He had a different cultural basis for what he wore (like my example of Scots with their kilts or Texans with their suits with boots and bolo ties), but he still did his best to show respect to the society he was living in.
This is far different from people who should know better but refuse.
Hint: You are not a unique snowflake. The universe does not center around you.