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Gammarah
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Do it man
You really can't lose here
EDIT: Jasconius' avatar oozes cool
I don't see how she couldn't be into you.
edit: fur speel bad
but they're listening to every word I say
basically this
Yeah I definitely don't wanna be that guy. I'm not worried about what I'll do if she declines, and I definitely wouldn't want to make the friendship awkward through repeated attempts.
but they're listening to every word I say
I'm not sure if theres anything else thats in our area, I'd have to check online. The outdoor mall near us is actually kinda cool though, although I see your point. What else is there to do really, as teenagers?
So many times i've been friends with a girl, getting to know them, then go out or have some drinks and my place and BAM she's sitting on my lap. I'm not even talking drunk. Just a beer or two and girls often jump directly onto what they want.
The zoo is a good option. Lots of opportunities for laughs and d'awwww moments.
Dude's in high school. This is probably not a straightforward option. :P
I hope all goes well for you OP.
EDIT: I totally see the Dangerfield aspect now that you mention it.
And when it comes to long-term friends like this, where you already do a lot of things that either best friends do or that people who are already dating do, it seems like this subject is best broached as more of a "why not" rather than a "justify your existence" approach.
In other words, if you justify your existence by saying "I think I love you, we get along well and I want to kiss you maybe?" It comes across as lame and uncomfortable. It takes the fun out of the friendship.
If you pose it as a "why not," you say something like "You know, we're having a great time right now, we ALWAYS have a great time -- why the hell aren't we dating or something?" It makes it much more casual AND it puts the ball in the other person's court.
If you say "I like you," it doesn't really segue into a question or a conversation. If you say "why aren't we in a relationship" it makes it obvious that you like the person but lets them shut you down if they're just not into you. If she comes back with "I don't know, I don't really like you in that way, you're more like a bro" then that's that. If she says "I don't know, I didn't want things to get weird between us," you can say "why would things get weird, we already act like we're dating with the birthday stuff and hanging out and all that."
I don't see what you've got to lose. Just don't come on too strong and if she says no, you've still got an awesome friend. Go for it!
Try and think of something out of the usual and light. Rock climbing, boat tour if you're coastal. Frisbee depending on temperature. Museums are everywhere, even wierd ones can be fun if you go ironically...
...or you could always just go to the goddamn mall... grumble grumble
I had one of these as well, man up and ask her.
?!?! Explanation please? That could potentially change any advice we give...
This is what I was thinking of doing once we were hanging out. Seems pretty casual and gets the point across, which is exactly what I wanted.
The two situations don't really mix. What do you want to know exactly?
Not really an option. Theres the double whammy of being in high school and her not being interested in alcohol.
Thanks to all of you who gave me advice and told me how and if to do it, really helped me out a lot. This isn't done yet, though. Any advice on something I should have said?
Seems alright. Just a note in advance though: at some point in the next week or two you're going to want to post again. I can tell you with 90% certainty that our responses will be one of two:
(1) That's too bad blah blah </sympathy>.
(2) Kiss her.
So you can just skip that part and tell us when you've kissed her.
(1) She sees you as a taken guy and therefore assumes you guys are nothing but the best of friends. I have had this happen before, both this way and in reverse (I am taken, guy wants to be friends, I assume he really does just want to be friends but he becomes interested in a relationship)
So she may have been doing things that were flirtatious or giving you that relationship-vibe, but it's only because she felt more comfortable and safer about showing affection, than she would if you were single and could potentially misinterpret your interest. This is almost exactly something I would think or do.
The thing is, every single item on that list you gave is stuff that most girls would do to show affection for people who are just good friends. I'm not a guy but it seems like guys show affection differently, so maybe that is why you are misinterpreting it.
(2) She sees you as a taken guy but actually IS interested in you and does want to date you and you are completely right. In that case, take the best advice from this thread and run with it.
__
A couple more notes:
-A lot of girls would be a little wary of a guy who JUST popped out of a relationship and is now suddenly ready for a brand new relationship with them. I'm sure you aren't planning on popping the "dating" question to her, like, tonight or anything (right?) but just keep in mind the timing. There's nothing wrong with doing "hanging-out" type stuff but just be careful not to move too fast.
-Does this new girl know anything about the relationship with the old girl? Does she know why you ended it, or that you were planning on ending it?
**Please note that this is all from my point of view as a female and may not reflect the views of every other female in the world, including your girl.**
Thing is, all of the things I listed happened when I was single, about a month ago or more. My relationship with my now-ex (Lets just call her Rachel, just so she can be easily referenced), only lasted for a few weeks, and was not very serious at all. This is a big reason of why I don't want to rush this, because I didn't wanna just come out of one relationship and make it seem like I was defaulting back on current girl (lets call her Michelle). I also didn't want to jump in right away and then figure out that her feelings had changed while I was dating Rachel. So yes, definitely keeping the timing in mind.
As to your other question, I have told Michelle about what happened to make the relationship end with Rachel, but I kept it brief.
Will do.
Also, is the Olive Garden still a good place to go? It's been more than a decade since High School for me so I'm not sure if that's still the thing. I just remember that Olive Garden was the high school equivalent of a five star restaurant, if you took a girl to the Olive Garden then it was pretty much official.
I also feel inclined to emphasize a need for not worrying too much, which I think you're doing a nice job on. Whatever happens remember, it's just high school, you've got a lot of lifetime ahead of you to get in and out of relationships and stuff so just relax, ask her out and have a good time, responsibly of course.
(The circle is complete, I now espouse 'responsibility' just like my parents did to me in high school... perfect)
I believe that I do. And if it doesn't work out, then I'm fine with that. I'm sure that we'll still be friends if anything happens.
The LandoStander, that doesn't seem to be the case here with the Olive Garden thing. Thanks for the advice though. Thats exactly my attitude, its high school, and I've already wasted enough time worrying in freshman and sophomore year, might as well just have fun while I still have the opportunity.
I think i was fairly insecure seeing as I was short for my age, scrawny, and had unfashionable clothes. Yet somehow it worked out.
End of the night, as we're driving back she says that the relationship probably isn't going to work because shes known me as a friend for too long, and can't really disassociate "friend" from "boyfriend" after she knows someone for too long, says I am too great a friend for her to date. Had a long talk about it and she was very sincere, unfortunatly for her I've just been her friend for too long to make that leap, despite me saying that it wouldn't be that big a deal, however, the whole conversation was positive and we're still very good friends.
I've decided that I can either mope about this and be sad the rest of my life, or I can realize that I still have a great friend who I love hanging out with and be happy with that. I've chosen the latter option. For me, the reason why I was worrying before was that I wasn't sure of her feelings before, but now that I know, I'm much more comfortable with this. And I respect her too much to try and convince her that this relationship is going to work if she isn't 100% sure. And if she comes around eventually, it'll be awesome, but now I'm still happy to be her friend.
Thanks to all for your advice, really helped me out here. I've succesfully solved an issue thats been bugging me for a while, and it feels pretty good. Thanks H/A.
thats kinda shitty but at least you were able to salvage the friendship and it sounds like your'e approaching the situation with the right attitude so kudos to you.
You are being incredibly mature about it, I have no doubt you will have an excellent life because of this.
Agreed wholeheartedly. I'm very happy right now, as I had a lot of fun last night, and if I can continue to hang out with her like that I'll be even happier.
Thanks
You sir are awesome. Congrats to you for rolling with the punches. You are very strong.
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For me, it was obvious from the right from the first post you would fall into "Let's be friends" zone, but it is really great place to be. You really can't have too many friends in this world. And you handled things in wonderfully mature way, something that only few men seem to be able to do. Congrats.