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Generic Dating Advice?
McGibs
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Alright, this is pretty straight forward, but I know some of you people like dispensing dating advice because it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside.
About a month ago I started hitting it off with one of my friends, flirting at parties, going for walks, generally just hanging out and talking about stuff. Stuff was going really well, but then picked up really fast before I knew what was going on. She was also pretty stressed out from midterm school work and some other personal issues, and she gave me the "I just want to be friends" line.
This frustrated me greatly, because I knew there was something there, and I knew she felt it too, but cut it short after even giving it a chance.
A few days later I talked to her to sort stuff out, and manged to get her out of her corner. Basically, she was scared she would ruin our friendship, and convinced herself of various doubts and whatnot. But after our talk, she saw what she was doing, and agreed to give me a shot with a few dates, but she's still trying to be really careful in case I turn out to be an asshole or something (we've only been friends for about 6 months, and she still doesn't know me that well).
So now I've got my chance, and I really want to knock her off her feet (albeit, without scaring her). Problem is, I really haven't been romantically involved with a girl since high-school, and although I've got some ideas, getting some tried and true suggestions and also some perspectives from the ladies would help me out greatly.
H/A POWERS ACTIVATE!
About a month ago I started hitting it off with one of my friends, flirting at parties, going for walks, generally just hanging out and talking about stuff. Stuff was going really well, but then picked up really fast before I knew what was going on. She was also pretty stressed out from midterm school work and some other personal issues, and she gave me the "I just want to be friends" line.
This frustrated me greatly, because I knew there was something there, and I knew she felt it too, but cut it short after even giving it a chance.
A few days later I talked to her to sort stuff out, and manged to get her out of her corner. Basically, she was scared she would ruin our friendship, and convinced herself of various doubts and whatnot. But after our talk, she saw what she was doing, and agreed to give me a shot with a few dates, but she's still trying to be really careful in case I turn out to be an asshole or something (we've only been friends for about 6 months, and she still doesn't know me that well).
So now I've got my chance, and I really want to knock her off her feet (albeit, without scaring her). Problem is, I really haven't been romantically involved with a girl since high-school, and although I've got some ideas, getting some tried and true suggestions and also some perspectives from the ladies would help me out greatly.
H/A POWERS ACTIVATE!
McGibs on
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Just keep it simple. Go to a nice dinner, have lunch outside somewhere (on a nice day, of course).
I don't mean what giant epic gestures of affection I could do,
I mean what simple, small romantic niceties can I do just to make her think.
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She's stressed out with school and whatever personal issues... so she's probably thinking a relationship is just another brick on the pile right now. Just respect those feelings, they're understandable.
If you start pushing by doing little romantic things, it might flip that switch fully in the "I want out" court. Just take it easy and keep doing what you're doing. Show her you can respect her boundaries and that you're there if she needs you.
whoh, whoh. Lets not jump to conclusions here. You can't give that advice with the tiny bit of info I've posted here. Just basic dating tips please.
To the rest of you: thanks, keep em comin.
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Well, it's one perspective.
I can understand why someone would feel the way he does. That's the thing about advice... it's subjective and you can take it or leave it. =)
That's generally how this thing works. It's just not the advice you want.
She told you she just wanted to be friends, gave you excuses why she didn't want to date you, had to have her arm twisted by you to get her to "give you a shot".
My general dating advice is don't date girls like that, keep them as friends. You'll be much happier.
Maybe frame it like you're busy, but you would love to get together for a coffee this afternoon, before you have to go back to your important activity. That way she won't be worried that hanging out could be an open-ended time-sink thing. Plus, you'll have an easy out if things are awkward, or if they're going well you could leave her wanting more fun hang-outs.
In other words, a good way to "go slow" without trying to do the grand gestures thing is to simply encourage her to do activities that are "in between" the typical dating/friend activities. They stand out as different, they're great ways to bond with someone, and they let you both know if you feel comfortable in these "normal life" scenarios. I wouldn't really consider going grocery shopping with a good friend, for example, but I regularly go grocery shopping with my girlfriend. And then we use some of the food to make a meal.