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Social Entropy++: AWESOME POST in "oh my god oh my god oh my god", by Skull Man
Baroque And Roll
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Baroque And Roll has reported a post.
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Forum: Social Entropy++
Assigned Moderators: WhipstitchZombie, Larlar, Bogey, Knob, potatoe, Orikaeshigitae
Posted by: Skull Man
Original Content:
Reason:
Post: oh my god oh my god oh my godthe old guy sitting across from me in the library is masturbating through his pants
he is vibrating like a mcdonalds windup toy and clicking furiously on his laptop
I'm so scared what do I do oh godThe Far Side wrote: »get up and walk behind him and see what he's jerkin it toINQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.Spoiler:
Forum: Social Entropy++
Assigned Moderators: WhipstitchZombie, Larlar, Bogey, Knob, potatoe, Orikaeshigitae
Posted by: Skull Man
Original Content:
OH MY GOD
OH MY GOD
IT'S THE WORST POSSIBLE ANSWER
DO YOU SEE WHAT'S ON HIS SCREEN
NOTHING
IT'S HIS DESKTOP
HE'S JACKING OFF TO ME
AN OLD MAN AT THE LIBRARY IS JACKING OFF TO ME
Baroque And Roll on
Posts
I'm out of here
i dont know if we can get any better than the crossword part
how unseemly
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It just keeps getting better.
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It's just wrong on so many levels.
Libraryman away! Justice calls!
I move we revoke his browsing priviledges and demand he wears gloves AT ALL TIMES!
Not that I'm defending this, but I've been on... the other end of this issue, so to speak. Allow me to explain:
See, I don't think anyone here would care a shit about types of undergarments I wear; I have what I guess you could call a potpourri of underwear: boxers, briefs, those weird hybrid-ones that are longer yet still tighter around the boys than than boxers but a tad more comfortable. I also have Under Armor sliding shorts that are nice to wear, especially when working outside or working out in general.
The problem becomes, however, as most (if not all) guys will attest to is that there is a time and place for each type of underwear. I, for one, enjoy boxers for those days where I'm just lounging around in sweats, or sometimes with a nice pair of comfortable, broken-in jeans. I like the briefs for dress pants, and working out. And for long-distance running I have running shorts, or I can roll with the aforementioned sliding shorts.
Now this "plan" worked great through my late teens and mid-twenties. However, now being married and employed full time, the schedule changes around a lot. Add in a new puppy to the mix, and the demands of my time means that I don't have as much time to plan my "outfits" as much. Also, say what you want about marriage, but having a wife do your laundry is anything but always a blessing: sometimes she's snappy with the wash, other times I'll get down to the "reserves" (the ones with holes in them) before she gets to it. And then she has to be "corrected." But that's another thread.
Anyhow, the point is that sometimes I end up at the gym in boxers. And when I do my cardio at the gym, I do the elliptical, more often now that the weather is starting to turn and the big runs and races are done for the year. Now, running in boxers is one thing, but an elliptical machine (with an inclining ramp) leads to even more of a problem for men. In addition to chafing due to the fabric rubbing, boxers will ride up something fierce, and not just in your ass crack. Heavier fabrics aren't so bad, but the lighter material can really bunch up around your crotch, and lead to some furious, rude chaffing.
The solution, of course, would be to stop working out and excuse myself to the restroom. But fuck that, my workouts are serious business. A lot of times I may slow down, but I may "pick" at my pants a bit, in an an often futile attempt to free my testicles from the tyranny and oppression that they have exposed to. Sometimes I get lucky and I can free them with one deft move; most times it doesn't work out so well.
(Quick tangent: as you work out at a gym, on set days, you get to see the same people over and over. Even if you don't talk to them, you can acknowledge that you may pass them in a locker room, in different parts of the gym, and (if you're an attractive female) if they're married or not. So you may get to see the same people over and over again, and their behaviors.)
So over the course of the last year, this has become a problem that I used to get embarrassed about, but fuck it, I'm just glad to get the time to work out but I don't think anything about it. I just want to get my workout on and get in and out, quickly.
Of course, as a red-blooded American male, of course I can appreciate beauty. If an attractive female is around, of course I may snap a glance. You can't fault that. But the trick is not letting them see you looking.
Cut to a couple weeks ago. I was in the gym, and the problem arose (pun intended) again. Not even thinking, I started to pick it at bit. A few minutes later, lost in my workout and podcasts, I feel a tap on my shoulder. It's one of the gym attendants, and he says that I have a telephone call. I am lead to a corner of the gym and the fitness manager asks me to have a seat. He says that a female patron has complained about my behavior, and that she feels that I was making "suggestive sexual gestures in her general direction" (I use quotes here because that is his exact words. Exact. You don't forget those words strung together). It takes me a second, because I don't follow. He then details the complaint, and it all clicks. I turn beet red, and explain my situation. He says that if the problem arises, for the comfort of the guests, that I am to excuse myself to the locker room, "adjust," and return.
I, of course, apologize profusely. I then ask that if I could personally apologize personally, and explain that it was a personal issue, nothing so bold or forward. He refuses, saying that the issue is basically over, and that I should just adhere to this advice and leave it alone. I concede.
Walking back, I notice that the machine I was using is now occupied. I was gone all of maybe 7 minutes. The gym I work out in has a rule that you must sign up for the use of the cardio equipment, and if you are signed up, you have 5 minutes to claim the machine before you forfeit it. So by all rights, I am excused from the machine. But, thinking courtesy isn't completely dead in this country, I walk over to the machine, now occupied by a woman that I judge to be in her lat 50's, and... how do I say this... a little husky.
I explain that I was in the bathroom, and that I only had 11 minutes left in my workout, and if I could somehow finish. She literally does a double-take: she looks at me, dismisses me with a "yeah, fuck you buddy" and then stops and turns again. She stops the machine and looks at me, horrified. She is wearing headphones, and she says (possibly because she can't hear over her music) "oh my god, you're that pervert! I saw you looking at me and... TOUCHING yourself... get away from me!"
A wave of horror and anger washed over me. I froze. Everyone in the gym froze. I kindly explained that I didn't feel like working out anymore.
I work out at home now. I spent almost $2500 on an elliptical machine*. And yet, I still feel like no matter how much I spend or work out, a part of me died that day, all over a little misunderstanding.
*Yeah, yeah, I know, I probably over-spent, but this is a gym-quality machine that is just a few models off of what the gym employs. I feel like I still at least accomplish a good workout.
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Oh, and for those of you who didn't read through the original thread, highlights:
oh my god