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Social Entropy++: AWESOME POST in "oh my god oh my god oh my god", by Skull Man

Baroque And RollBaroque And Roll Registered User regular
edited November 2009 in [2008-2012] Awesome Posts?
Baroque And Roll has reported a post.

Reason:
Skull Man wrote: »
the old guy sitting across from me in the library is masturbating through his pants

he is vibrating like a mcdonalds windup toy and clicking furiously on his laptop

I'm so scared what do I do oh god
get up and walk behind him and see what he's jerkin it to
B.C. wrote: »
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.
Spoiler:
Post: oh my god oh my god oh my god
Forum: Social Entropy++
Assigned Moderators: WhipstitchZombie, Larlar, Bogey, Knob, potatoe, Orikaeshigitae

Posted by: Skull Man
Original Content:
OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD

IT'S THE WORST POSSIBLE ANSWER

e9ae79e181b8.jpg

DO YOU SEE WHAT'S ON HIS SCREEN

NOTHING

IT'S HIS DESKTOP

HE'S JACKING OFF TO ME

AN OLD MAN AT THE LIBRARY IS JACKING OFF TO ME

Baroque And Roll on
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SteamID: Baroque And Roll

Posts

  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    Some things are best kept in the SE++ family.

  • Skull ManSkull Man Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    he's doing it again

    I'm out of here

  • MonkeyfeetMonkeyfeet Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    this isn't even the best part of the thread.

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  • BedigunzBedigunz Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    I think the entire thread needs to be posted. It's on its way to the moon

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  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    Someone needs to move the thread here.

  • mensch-o-maticmensch-o-matic Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    Bedigunz wrote: »
    I think the entire thread needs to be posted. It's on its way to the moon

    i dont know if we can get any better than the crossword part

  • RustRust __BANNED USERS
    edited November 2009
  • JudgementJudgement Registered User
    edited November 2009
  • HenroidHenroid Nobody Nowhere fastRegistered User regular
    edited November 2009
    ITT Skull Man has a case of the Mondays.

    "Ultima Online Pre-Trammel is the perfect example of why libertarians are full of shit."
    - @Ludious
    PA Lets Play Archive - Twitter - Blog (6/15/14)
  • KazakaKazaka Registered User
    edited November 2009
    This was beyond the shadow of a doubt the greatest thread.

    ... They ate, slept and worked. Some of them found uninteresting partners at work who they married and came home to. Sometimes they would half-heartededly thrust into each other and children were made. They lived a middle class existence until their deaths to heart disease and cancer.
  • Baroque And RollBaroque And Roll Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    Kazaka wrote: »
    This was beyond the shadow of a doubt the greatest thread.

    It just keeps getting better.

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    SteamID: Baroque And Roll
  • DogDog Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
    edited November 2009
  • RaynagaRaynaga Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    Best thread ever.

  • L|amaL|ama Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    this thread makes me glad that I stuck around this place

  • fightinfilipinofightinfilipino omfg Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    it definitely got better. i think the thread made it to Saturn and touched the Monolith.

    and now it's chatlogged!

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    twitter | steam | 3ds: 4227 1731 4009
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    One hell of a thread, curse my job from watching the whole thing unfold live.

    Dex Dynamo wrote: »
    Keith wrote:
    What would be your ultimate slam dunk??
    I would dunk it so hard my parents would love each other again
  • freelancerbobfreelancerbob UKRegistered User regular
    edited November 2009
    Goddmait. not only is this man whacking off in a library, it's been filed twice!

    It's just wrong on so many levels.

    Libraryman away! Justice calls!

    I move we revoke his browsing priviledges and demand he wears gloves AT ALL TIMES!

    What is this thing that is happening here.
  • DietarySupplementDietarySupplement Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    I guess that maybe I could post this in the thread proper, but this looks like a good place as well.

    Not that I'm defending this, but I've been on... the other end of this issue, so to speak. Allow me to explain:

    See, I don't think anyone here would care a shit about types of undergarments I wear; I have what I guess you could call a potpourri of underwear: boxers, briefs, those weird hybrid-ones that are longer yet still tighter around the boys than than boxers but a tad more comfortable. I also have Under Armor sliding shorts that are nice to wear, especially when working outside or working out in general.

    The problem becomes, however, as most (if not all) guys will attest to is that there is a time and place for each type of underwear. I, for one, enjoy boxers for those days where I'm just lounging around in sweats, or sometimes with a nice pair of comfortable, broken-in jeans. I like the briefs for dress pants, and working out. And for long-distance running I have running shorts, or I can roll with the aforementioned sliding shorts.

    Now this "plan" worked great through my late teens and mid-twenties. However, now being married and employed full time, the schedule changes around a lot. Add in a new puppy to the mix, and the demands of my time means that I don't have as much time to plan my "outfits" as much. Also, say what you want about marriage, but having a wife do your laundry is anything but always a blessing: sometimes she's snappy with the wash, other times I'll get down to the "reserves" (the ones with holes in them) before she gets to it. And then she has to be "corrected." But that's another thread.

    Anyhow, the point is that sometimes I end up at the gym in boxers. And when I do my cardio at the gym, I do the elliptical, more often now that the weather is starting to turn and the big runs and races are done for the year. Now, running in boxers is one thing, but an elliptical machine (with an inclining ramp) leads to even more of a problem for men. In addition to chafing due to the fabric rubbing, boxers will ride up something fierce, and not just in your ass crack. Heavier fabrics aren't so bad, but the lighter material can really bunch up around your crotch, and lead to some furious, rude chaffing.

    The solution, of course, would be to stop working out and excuse myself to the restroom. But fuck that, my workouts are serious business. A lot of times I may slow down, but I may "pick" at my pants a bit, in an an often futile attempt to free my testicles from the tyranny and oppression that they have exposed to. Sometimes I get lucky and I can free them with one deft move; most times it doesn't work out so well.

    (Quick tangent: as you work out at a gym, on set days, you get to see the same people over and over. Even if you don't talk to them, you can acknowledge that you may pass them in a locker room, in different parts of the gym, and (if you're an attractive female) if they're married or not. So you may get to see the same people over and over again, and their behaviors.)

    So over the course of the last year, this has become a problem that I used to get embarrassed about, but fuck it, I'm just glad to get the time to work out but I don't think anything about it. I just want to get my workout on and get in and out, quickly.

    Of course, as a red-blooded American male, of course I can appreciate beauty. If an attractive female is around, of course I may snap a glance. You can't fault that. But the trick is not letting them see you looking.

    Cut to a couple weeks ago. I was in the gym, and the problem arose (pun intended) again. Not even thinking, I started to pick it at bit. A few minutes later, lost in my workout and podcasts, I feel a tap on my shoulder. It's one of the gym attendants, and he says that I have a telephone call. I am lead to a corner of the gym and the fitness manager asks me to have a seat. He says that a female patron has complained about my behavior, and that she feels that I was making "suggestive sexual gestures in her general direction" (I use quotes here because that is his exact words. Exact. You don't forget those words strung together). It takes me a second, because I don't follow. He then details the complaint, and it all clicks. I turn beet red, and explain my situation. He says that if the problem arises, for the comfort of the guests, that I am to excuse myself to the locker room, "adjust," and return.

    I, of course, apologize profusely. I then ask that if I could personally apologize personally, and explain that it was a personal issue, nothing so bold or forward. He refuses, saying that the issue is basically over, and that I should just adhere to this advice and leave it alone. I concede.

    Walking back, I notice that the machine I was using is now occupied. I was gone all of maybe 7 minutes. The gym I work out in has a rule that you must sign up for the use of the cardio equipment, and if you are signed up, you have 5 minutes to claim the machine before you forfeit it. So by all rights, I am excused from the machine. But, thinking courtesy isn't completely dead in this country, I walk over to the machine, now occupied by a woman that I judge to be in her lat 50's, and... how do I say this... a little husky.

    I explain that I was in the bathroom, and that I only had 11 minutes left in my workout, and if I could somehow finish. She literally does a double-take: she looks at me, dismisses me with a "yeah, fuck you buddy" and then stops and turns again. She stops the machine and looks at me, horrified. She is wearing headphones, and she says (possibly because she can't hear over her music) "oh my god, you're that pervert! I saw you looking at me and... TOUCHING yourself... get away from me!"

    A wave of horror and anger washed over me. I froze. Everyone in the gym froze. I kindly explained that I didn't feel like working out anymore.

    I work out at home now. I spent almost $2500 on an elliptical machine*. And yet, I still feel like no matter how much I spend or work out, a part of me died that day, all over a little misunderstanding.

    *Yeah, yeah, I know, I probably over-spent, but this is a gym-quality machine that is just a few models off of what the gym employs. I feel like I still at least accomplish a good workout.

    Skull2185 wrote: »
    Basically, (PlayStation) Home is Second Life Ultra Light? Most of the cool stuff, none of the creepy blimp on blimp fucking.
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    That's over 1000 words and doesn't seem to have anything to do with the OP from what I skimmed.

  • CyvrosCyvros Look behind you, a catharsis of spurious morality!Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    I think he may have posted in the wrong thread. From a skim, it looks like either fitness or S&E moments thread material.

  • L|amaL|ama Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
  • CyvrosCyvros Look behind you, a catharsis of spurious morality!Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    I just read it, so maybe yeah.

    Oh, and for those of you who didn't read through the original thread, highlights:
    Skull Man wrote: »
    ladies and gentlemen of the thread

    he is now doing the crossword of today's paper

    he just asked me if I knew f scott fitzgerald's wife's name

    I looked at him, into his dewey eyes

    a few seconds passed, and, barely audibly, I sad "Zelda"

    the ghost of a smile played across his face and he replied

    "Thanks for the help"
    Skull Man wrote: »
    he just licked his glasses clean and dried them on his shirt

    he just licked his glassed clean and dried them on his shirt

    he just licked his glassed clean and dried them on his shirt

    HE JUST LICKED HIS GLASSES CLEAN

    AND DRIED THEM ON HIS SHIRT


    oh, and there he goes again

    with renewed vigor

    the gauntlet has been thrown down

    because jerking off while you're wearing a gauntlet is a good way to get a blister
    Skull Man wrote: »
    he's leaving

    oh my god

    he's leaving

    zipping up his shit

    breathing heavy

    black jeans when he moves the bag I'll see if there's a stain on the front oh man YES OH GOD THERE IS A STAIN OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE'S PUTTING ON HIS MOTORCYCLE HELMET

    HE HAS PUT ON HIS MOTORCYCLE HELMET AND IS NOW PUTTING SHIT IN HIS BAG

    STILL BREATHING LIKE A WOUNDED HIPPO OH MAN HIS MOVEMENTS ARE ANGRY AND FRANTIC

    GLASSES PUT IN THE POCKET THE ONE HE LICKED

    JACKET ON PUT THAT JACKET ON OLD MAN NO SHAME NO SHAME AT ALL

    HELMET STILL ON

    CHAIR IS UNDER THE DESK AND AWAY HE GOES GOING GOING

    gone

  • Seta 3000Seta 3000 Registered User regular
    edited November 2009
    oh my god I didn't even realize what was on his screen until I read this thread

    oh my god

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