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the what the hell kind of friend is this thread
Barcardi
All the WizardsRegistered User regular
All the WizardsRegistered User regular
Ok, so i have just graduated school six months ago and a bunch of friends, being just out of school, move away. Particularly there was this one girl who i had no attraction to whatsoever, nor had she been attracted to me. However we did get along, we basically adopted each other as our long lost sister/brother. So anyway, she moves back home. About 3 months ago i went to the town she was in (seattle) on business. I told her when i would be there and that we should meet up, two weeks + in advance. She is really happy and wants to hang out. Only when i get there, finish my business, and call her she dosnt answer the phone. I get a text the day before i leave from her saying that she is sorry she missed me but she was out of town.
Only she was not out of town, i know this because i met up with some other friends who were hanging out with her that week. I just shrug it off, as i wasnt really going there to meet just her.
Now this past week she texts me, says that she is going to be in town and that we need to hang out. Im happy to hear that and schedule a time for it. She never shows, never responds to my texts for the entire time that she is here (like a week... 8 days i think). I do however hear from my roommate who just went out with her and he was surprised that i was not invited along, he has no idea why. Again i am fine with it, if not a little wierded out now that i would openly not be invited to hang.
Only just now i get a text from her saying "sorry i couldn't come out i was really busy and i lost my cell phone." on her cell phone.
Now, what exactly am i supposed to make of this? That aside, what kind of person brushes off a long time friend like that twice in a row?
Only she was not out of town, i know this because i met up with some other friends who were hanging out with her that week. I just shrug it off, as i wasnt really going there to meet just her.
Now this past week she texts me, says that she is going to be in town and that we need to hang out. Im happy to hear that and schedule a time for it. She never shows, never responds to my texts for the entire time that she is here (like a week... 8 days i think). I do however hear from my roommate who just went out with her and he was surprised that i was not invited along, he has no idea why. Again i am fine with it, if not a little wierded out now that i would openly not be invited to hang.
Only just now i get a text from her saying "sorry i couldn't come out i was really busy and i lost my cell phone." on her cell phone.
Now, what exactly am i supposed to make of this? That aside, what kind of person brushes off a long time friend like that twice in a row?
Barcardi on
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From what you've said, the only thing interpretation that springs to mind is she's a bitch (and kind of dumb about it) but maybe she has some reason for it. The only person that can really answer your question is her.
my unofficial autobio will be accompanied with tips on how to smile
cause I've found that when they don't see you frown, they never know that you're a threat
and they don't sweat you when you came around
Maybe.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/pacificnw/2005/0213/cover.html
Making plans general plans to hang out and then bailing on them is pretty classic.
maybe she likes you dude
If she calls or writes asking to meet up again, I'd simply say "no thank you" and be done with it.
I read through that article and it pretty much sounds like what you experience when you move anywhere without pre-existing connections. I don't see anything particularly unique to Seattle in that respect. Moving somewhere where you don't know any people virtually guarantees you a period of isolation/shitty social life that can take years to do anything about. A large part of it is because people don't want to upset the chemistry of social situations and don't want to put themselves in a situation where they're essentially vouching for a new person, which is something that can horribly backfire.
Transplants generally always find themselves hanging out with other transplants due to having in common the inability to infiltrate an established social circle, and over time, if the friendship lasts, develop loyalty due to each other having been there when no one else was. Which is essentially the start of a new circle, which will generally look upon new people less favorably than the friends from hard times. Sympathy for new transplants will be in short supply because everyone has gone through it.
Also, it's just naturally awkward to break the ice in that kind of situation. There isn't really a way to tell someone you don't know anyone in town without coming across as somewhat needy or desperate, even if that isn't the case and in a way it's sort of like implying that someone is obligated to hang out with you as opposed to a naturally developed acquaintance->friendship based on mutual personal interest, not social caregiving.
I think this happens at every level of "transplanting". I think it happens with people who move to different countries and cultures as much as between cities in the same country.
That being said, I think smaller/mid sized places that are considered hip tend to be way more insular or "localist"
But really, she bitched you
Wasn't that hard to answer.
Seriously, she ditched you, most likely twice, but definitely once. If you feel it's something you even want to try to salvage then call her and basically say, "Look, I just talked with ____ and he/she said you guys were hanging out on ____ and that he was surprised I wasn't there. You said you were busy that night, what's the deal?"
Either she will have a valid answer for you or she won't. You can then react accordingly after that. Or you can simply take this all at face value now and simply move her from "friend" to "acquaintance" and go on with your life.
Fuck her games.
that is a blackly funny article, and it explains some other people from there dropping off the radar then appearing again once they moved out of the northwest.
all and all thanks for the feedback.