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Critique my OkCupid Profile! [Round Two, Fight!]
Zul the Conqueror
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Inspired by the thread on speed dating, I come to you, H/A, to critique my OkCupid profile. I've been active on the site for a couple of months now, messaged about ten girls, and gotten only one response - that didn't really go anywhere.
I figure women on dating sites probably get a ton of messages, especially the attractive, successful ones, and that as a result they probably don't respond to many of them. That being said, I'd like to maximize my chances. Is there anything I could do better with my profile? Any advice on the best way to start a conversation?
I'd love to get the female opinion, or advice from anyone with experience in the whole online dating thing.
I figure women on dating sites probably get a ton of messages, especially the attractive, successful ones, and that as a result they probably don't respond to many of them. That being said, I'd like to maximize my chances. Is there anything I could do better with my profile? Any advice on the best way to start a conversation?
I'd love to get the female opinion, or advice from anyone with experience in the whole online dating thing.
Zul the Conqueror on
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-Lose the rapface in your profile picture. You want to scream "approachable" for your first picture. The picture is solid though, just not great for a front end thing. That said, don't make your profile picture ONLY a face shot, as it may scream "fatty!" I realize I do this, but it was a nice picture so hey.
-In general, add content where relevant. Generally, unless you are a strikingly attractive woman (and even then they get different rates of return), what you get out of this site is what you put in. Add some more idiosyncratic details. My love of pesto sauce got me laid more often than pretty much anything else prior to meeting my girlfriend.
-Don't be afraid of being specific as to what you want. In general, if you try and go for a catch all, the odds of you getting someone you actually want to be with are reasonably low.
-Shotgun and make each reasonably unique. Comment on things on her profile (she will do the same to you, which is why it's important to really put some work into it).
EDIT: Search for the OKCupid thread in SE++, Rolo did a really good OP that outlines the basics for online dating in a pretty thorough manner.
You are a nondescript guy. You have a nondescript job. You like music - but in general, not really specifically. You dance, but you're not that into it. Your interests include going to work. Your hobbies are going out with friends, and sometimes staying in. The things you "can't live without" are things every other human being in the United States has. You enjoy a few popular but harmless movies. You enjoy popular but non-controversial bands. You eat food.
One problem a lot of people have is that they go overboard and get WAAY too specific about what they're into and what they're looking for, which can scare people away. Congratulations: You, sir, don't have that problem.
You have the opposite problem, which is that you are the loaf of Wonder Bread sitting in the middle of the ethnic market.
Feel free to liven it up and let your personality show through (you do have one, yes?) What are you passionate about? What gets you excited? What gets you out of bed in the morning?
A little less Clark Kent, a little more Superman. Good luck!
A good first message will:
- introduce yourself briefly
- have good spelling and grammar
- mention something in the profile you are replying to, likely a common interest
- ask specific questions (for example, my profile says that I play the flute. The first message from the guy who is now my boyfriend asked me what styles of music I play. When we eventually met up to jam, he brought a cello/flute duet he had written for us. So many bonus points.)
A bad first message will:
- say "hi" and nothing else
- focus on how hawt the girl looks in her pictures
- ask if she's into casual sex
My favourite hilariously bad first message:
hi. i like ur age. i'm bi and i would like to meet up sometime. i was wondering, i have kind of a foot fetish, do you like to wear sexy shoes?
This message was from a 50 year old man.
There's not much I can add to what has already been said about your profile. You can also try talking to girls through the instant messaging on the site. I know not all of them respond but I met one really cool guy because he started chatting with me. I blocked a lot more because they were only interested in cybering but I'm sure that wasn't your plan.
Seriously, I met the love of my life on this site, so it does work. Just might not work the way you thought it was supposed to. I saw her profile first, thought, "out of my league!" and never messaged. A day or so later she messages me asking if I were said hitchhiking juggler. It went naturally from there, and now we've just had a beautiful baby girl. Before that I must of sent a dozen messages a week with absolutely no response, maybe one or two a month if I were lucky.
And girls do get a million messages a day. No kidding, she showed me her inbox once when we were first going out and there were 24 new messages since she had checked it that morning. She bulk deleted them all; and that was her usual response!
So my advice is to flesh out your text a lot more. Try to make it witty and interesting, while leaving room for imagination. "You should message me if: I seem like someone you'd like to get to know. " This is terrible, boring, and even one terrible boring line will sabotage you. Chances are good you will never get a reply to any of your messages, but if your profile is solid, you might be the proud recipient of your own message. You need more, but don't write an essay. Also, you can admit something a bit more embarrassing/private than icanhazcheseburger, right?
For my profile I had basically three paragraphs: This is who I am, this is what I love, this is what I'm looking for. I shot for funny, relaxed, and open. I tried to tell a story about my life and how much fun I have being me, and how swell it would be if I could share it. That said, at the time my love was not looking for the same things I was. Don't let that stop you, because people have a funny way of working well together despite their differences.
PSN Hypacia
Xbox HypaciaMinnow
Discord Hypacia#0391
gotta agree on the generic stuff. It's not a job interview. Let something of yourself show. You're handsome and not awkward, which is great, but your goal is for somebody to say "I have to meet this person."
As far as messages go.
I tend to respond to almost everyone out of politeness. Most women don't do that. They are socialized to say "no," that it's always acceptable to ignore or rebuff a guy, while it's risky to actually be friendly or enthusiastic in response to an advance. (I actually think this isn't such a good thing. Since when are men the enemy?) You're going to be working with unfriendly odds.
As I recall, OkCupid did a survey of which words in messages were most likely to get a response. "Awesome" was high on the list. As was "zombies." "Hot," "ur," and "cute" were at the bottom. The moral was that making a positive, humorous comment about shared interests works. The verbal equivalent of a wolf whistle doesn't work.
http://numberblog.wordpress.com/
There's probably something to this. I tend to have the same reaction to pics of women on there with guys. Group shots are probably safer than a pair though.
Also, you spend lots of time thinking about where to move when your lease is up? Double Boring!
Might as well say "Let's go on a date to H&R block!"
Being nerdy has a negative connotation. I would change that from being "the first thing people notice"
Are your messages a standard length for this site? They seem kind of short.
but they're listening to every word I say
If written with enough faux-conviction, that might actually be a pretty good line.
when I was doing pictures for sites like that I would take a bunch of pictures of myself headshot various angles, smiling not smiling etc, after taking a bunch I would go through them and find a couple that I liked and then would use those. You dont have to make them all fancy, black and white or sepia with you looking listlessly out of a rainy window but they should be natural and not forced.
If I still had my POF profile i'd link it here but its long gone now.
Wow.
Lime'd for truth. I don't understand women who put up pictures on dating sites of them hugging other guys looking like they've been married for years, it puts me right off.
Also you've made it too brief. Yeah you need to avoid a wall o text but saying "I work for a large company" is so vague you may as well have wrote nothing at all. Say what bands you like, a specific meal you enjoy and generally more about what you do with your free time. There's nothing wrong with going into detail as long as you make it interesting to read.
I've tried to take as much of your advice into account as possible and updated my profile. I have to say, I was surprised that the pictures of me with female friends were a negative - I thought I'd read somewhere that it shows "see, other women find me acceptable to spend time with; so should you!" I'm glad I asked for feedback.
Having had it pointed out to me, I think I was afraid of putting a lot of specifics in - I didn't want to turn anyone off with my idiosyncrasies. The result being, perhaps, that I wasn't actively scaring girls off, but neither was I creating any interest. Hopefully I've struck a better balance now.
I'm up for a second round if you are, kind denizens of H/A.
I feel so popular! About twice as many people have checked out my profile in the last day than have in the last three months. And hey, even if they're 90% dudes, it makes me feel special.
Well, after looking at your page, I stopped looking at it. I don't like sifting through a lot of information. I like simple, concise answers. My advice is to condense.
but they're listening to every word I say
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Bresso
I’m really good at
I'm a great listener, but I have a horrible attention span.
I'd like to think I'm a good kisser. The mustache tends to hinder things a bit, I guess. It certainly does with eating.
...
I mean eating food. Get your mind out of the gutter, people.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
I learned how to properly put on a condom when I was 9 years old.
What in God's name would make a person think that saying such things will make them attractive to women/
Well... I guess maybe he's looking for the type of women who would find that hilaaaaarious. Best of luck to him.
Lockheed Martin, sweet.
What kind of ladies are you into anyways is there a type that you fall for, what qualities do you look for in a "mate"
My profile when I had it seemed to attract the tattoo'd, rockabilly girls and the nerdy girls oh and some crazy ones too, which was fine as I tend to like those types (although my GF now who I didnt meet online isnt a tattoo'd rockabilly girl, she is kinda nerdy but more of a music and film nerd, we get along awesome.
Anyways its good to think about what you are looking for and alter you profile to be appealing to those types (as long as its truthful)