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Problems dealing with my parents (2 updates page 8)
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It's actually next weekend, unless I misposted somewhere? D: Shit I hope I didn't. After I lost my job I also lost my ability to keep track of the date without looking at a calendar so I've been getting my days mixed up a lot. D:
There's nothing new going on until then so there is nothing to post. I'm just trying to keep my nerves down and I'm working on getting up the courage to tell my parents about the date. I might be leaving regardless of their permission but I can't just not tell them about it before hand. I have to at the very least get permission.
That law stuff that Salvation posted? That's heavy. D:
I mean the very last thing I want to do is get my parents arrested. What they're doing is wrong, I can see that now, but god damn that is a huge thing to do. Regardless, if I have to call the cops I'll do it but man I really don't want to.
EDIT: I did make the error with the dates, sorry. D:
I'm not going to go back and edit every single one of my posts so I just made the correction in the first post. D:
Red for NO. You are a smart adult woman, not a 15 year old kid.
You owe your parents nothing at this point, especially considering how they treat you. If you want to prevent them panicking, then yes, tell them that you are going out on a date. Tell, do not ask. It will take a lot of courage, but you have to at least try.
Don't ask if you can go out.
There's a reason that the penalty is that bad. Because what they're doing to you is that bad. You just can't grasp it properly because to you it's normal. In effect, you've been brainwashed into believing that yeah, this might be wrong, but it's really not that bad. It is that bad.
What?
No you don't.
You're 22.
You don't have to get permission.
When you're 22, if you want to go out, you go out.
In a better family environment, I'd say that courtesy is to let them know in advance and tell them when you expect to come back, but you don't need to ask to actually go out. Just do it. It's not like anyone in the world has the right to tell you No.
That being said, your parents are extremely harsh and controlling. If you don't want to be treated like a child, you need to move out.
physically restraining someone from leaving the house and a 22-year-old needing permission to leave the house goes beyond "living by their rules"
^That.
Also, saying "you're under their roof so you must follow their rules" is pretty ridiculous when she is physically restrained from not being under their roof.
Another also: That's a bullshit statement to begin with. Murder is not ok just because under my roof I think it is. If they're doing something illegal - restraining her from leaving through physical force - it is still illegal in their house.
That's a completely illogical analogy. You're very very wrong. They have a say in who is allowed onto their property doing what. They have zero say in who is allowed to exit their property.
PSN/XBL: Zampanov -- Steam: Zampanov
No, when you live under someone else's house as an adult, you should only be expected to do some chores and not turn it into a pig sty. You don't sign over your life to whoever owns the house.
They have no authority to stop her from leaving. However, they can decided they no longer will allow her to live under their roof if she disagrees. At this point though, GET OUT NOW.
And I should have been more clear in my statement, as it made it seem like she is completely in the wrong when that is definitely the case. At her age, her parents should not be physically restraining her from leaving the house. However, I might have missed something, and while not trying to justify her parents actions in anyway, it seems like that happened once. I am sure, although against her parents will, she could walk out and do whatever she wanted (although not without consequences) She is not being held in with chains.
She needs to move out if she does not want to be treated like a child.
That is nothing more than your opinion. And maybe her parents are providing for her more than you are aware of.
I think you missed the part where her dad physically prevented her from leaving by holding her by the arms. He was using his strength advantage over her.
It doesn't matter how much they are providing, or if they're laying 100$ bills under her pillow each day, she does not need fucking permission to go somewhere. Period.
The fact of the matter here is that they've trained her to be afraid to be on her own without explicit permission. The situation we're afraid of here is that it seems the dad is trying to prevent her from moving out at all. The fear is that if she tried to move out, the dad would physically restrain her again or worse.
I'm not going to go back and start quoting, but how many times has she said something like "I won't be able to do this or "I can't handle this". They have trained their own fucking daughter to assume she will fail at anything she tries to do on her own. This goes so far beyond "my house my rules" that it is staggering. It is a lifetime of brainwashing. They have done the exact polar opposite of what you are supposed to do with a child. They haven't raised her, they've fucking kept her.
Nukes, sorry if that is harsh. I just finally read all this and my heart is breaking at the same time I am incredibly angry. I always thought you were just shy and kinda joking when you said you had to leave L4D or TF2 because your parents would get angry.
Look, I know it's going to seem like it's impossible at this point, but you have to get out of there somehow. See how it goes when you go out with Hacksaw and go from there, start seriously looking at options. You CAN do this.
Please keep us updated, I'm pretty confident that I speak for everyone here when I say we are all very concerned. Plus I need medic buddies for TF2 so you can't go vanishing!
Steam - Talon Valdez : Xbox Live & LoL - Talonious Monk
I like how you said that you might have missed something, then proceed to reiterate exactly what it is that you missed. Also, the first sentence I quoted doesn't make sense in the world of English land where people speak English while using English.
Please read the whole thread before responding, because sometimes you can say something that could set back pages of help with a random douchebag comment. Justifying her parents' behavior in any way, when she is obviously being emotionally abused by them, to the point where, yes, she may as well be held in chains, is just a bad idea. She needs to get away from their influence first, so she can be allowed to develop psychologically and emotionally on her own. Then, perhaps at that point, she can make her own judgments as to what was and was not justified while living under her parents' roof.
Nuka, please concentrate on finding a place to stay that is away from your parents. Then you can think about the other things in your life. Right now it is way too easy for you to stay put and provide excuses for doing so. Frankly, school and work are secondary to your living situation, because you will never succeed in either until you get away from that house. Your parents are too emotionally invested in making sure you are always going to be dependent upon then, even if they don't realize it. You are falling into their type of thinking when you try to have "the perfect plan" for financial aid, picking a major, finding a job, etc. Stop making excuses and just get out.
I explicitly did not ask permission for trying to go on this date this weekend. I just told my dad that I was going and they seem to be ok with this.
I think it's weird, I've been very suspicious because the last time I tried to leave without permission I did the same thing. I explicitly did not ask permission, they said that I could go, but then near the end they changed their minds and kept me from leaving the house. I'm also purposefully being pessimistic because I really don't want to get my hopes up for something that might go horribly wrong.
I think the reason why they're ok with this is because he's driving up to see me, I'm not going down south where he is to see him. It's kinda like the first lines of that Journey song, there is even a train to take if I wanted to. It bothers me though, it's not fair that he has to drive up here to see me but I can't just go see him.
I feel a little foolish now making this thread that I get to go with him on this date with apparently very little problems, but I still have problems dealing with my parents overall. It's also very hard to accept that you're in an abusive relationship with someone when you're having a good day with them which has been the past couple of weeks, I still think I'm being immature and misreading things. It's not an easy fact for me to swallow.
We were thinking of heading to a Christmas party regardless of what my parent's said, I asked him to wait to find out what this Saturday would be like first.
You still need to get out.
Yeah.
I've got a place to go if I need a bed to sleep on for a few nights but that's it.
I can't just move out quite yet, I'd only be able to pay rent for a month or two probably before running out of money.
The job search isn't fairing to well either but I haven't run out of places to apply to yet. I'm still focused on that.
Have someone pick you up.
Do not try and leave until they are at the door knocking on it.
Tell them if they see your parents restraining you tell them to call the police.
Satans..... hints..... I'm a mo bro!
Here's hoping you have a good weekend, and that this is the start of better things for you.
My last job was a dishwashing job actually! It's not something I've ruled out yet but I want to try to get a job elsewhere if it's at all possible first so no I haven't sent in applications to restaurants quite yet, but I will. There's a pretty decent number of restaurants in the area that aren't just fast food joints.
And yes I'm just turning them in. I'll go ahead and give Costco and UPS a call.
At least call the places that you apply at if you can't go in and talk to them.
UPS store isn't even thinking of hiring until after the first of the next year.
I know there's more places but right now I can't remember what they were.
Like I said before I'm not worried yet about not getting a job, there's still a lot of places to try that I haven't gotten to yet. Next time I get to town I was going to pick up another and deliver another application.
I remember looking at some local want ads a while back and some of them just explicity stated that they were only looking for women.
That seems kinda weird to me that they would only want women. Its one thing to only hire a woman but to actually advertise that kinda seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen.
The UPS Store is a franchise, so it wouldn't be UPS proper. It can still be a good job, dependin in who your owners are. It could also suck a lot. Mostly depending on how much sales they try to make you do as opposed to service. UPS Store was my first long term job ^_^
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we got booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
My mistake then. I didn't know they had UPS stores. I honestly don't know what my grandfather did for them but my uncle was a delivery truck driver before switching to driving 18 wheelers to there hubs.
Nope. Men and women still don't have equal rights in the United States, so it's perfectly still legal to advertise a job as women's-only.
ANYWAYS. Everything today went smoothly and beyond but I can't go into details because that would not be proper.
I lied to my folks and went to Seattle instead of some small town closer by and just the fact I was in the city that I haven't been to since school years was more than I could ever ask for already, so it was a blast and if my parents were more hostile to the idea of me going I would have probably jumped out my window and left anyways. (If I'm careful and I climb down the porch railings I should be ok! XD)
Still can't get permission to go to the Christmas party, but at this point I'm only asking for the sake of being good. It's still also very, very hard to think for myself and to just get myself to do things. D:
IF I DO work up the nerve to go anyways, getting there will be difficult. The plan is I take the train, but the train is also like 7-8 miles from my house. My dad takes my car to work to save gas money (and to probably keep me at home) and he's been working mandatory overtime so he's been working weekends so it's likely he'll work Sunday too.
The only thing I can really do is wake up early tomorrow and see if my car is still here. If it is then it's just up to me working up the nerve to go. I'll be forced to spend the night at Hacksaw's place which is fine by everyone but my parents because the train home starts when the party begins.
I'm working up the courage to go right now and I'll need all the time I can get to do so.
That said, it's not uncommon for incredibly strict parents to lose their fucking shit over a daughter spending the night at a young man's house. Be prepared.