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From the mouths of babes

J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
edited January 2007 in Singularity Engine++
So - last night, a local forumer and I met up at a pub with about 6 of my friends. I will not mention names unless this person wishes to come forward.

Ha, right, so it was Darth.

Anyhoo. We meet at this English-style pub and Darth, sneaky weasel that he is, already has a hot chick that he apparently just met. Instantaneously, three things are very, very obvious about this girl:
- She's pretty goddamn drunk.
- She's fairly cute.
- She's dumber'n a bag of wet, hammered chickens

We shall, for sake of names, refer to her as Bluejay from here out.

Bluejay became a source of constant entertainment throughout the night. I am still trying to remember everything stupid that came out of her mouth, and my mind staggers.

We all caravaned to another bar, where Bluejay became even more inebriated, and at some point decided to move the party to our house. And that was where the real fun began.

ANYTHING you said to this girl, no matter what, transmogrified into something else in her brain. Seriously, seriously drunk AND stupid. Some gems:

ME: [walking staggering bimbo up front sidewalk to house] Okay, the rule is if you throw up in our house, we make you strip naked and roll around in it, ok?
BJ: But that would make my shoes hurt!

BJ: [watching capoeira video on a computer] Your wife does this?
ME: Yep.
BJ: Get her in here!
ME: What?
BJ: HAY MEL COME IN HERE AND DO CHUPACABRA

MEL: I can't do capoeira in here. This room is tiny.
BJ: How much space you need?
MEL: About three times as much space.
BJ: Well, scoot back!

[back porch, smoking with some of the partygoers]
BJ: [enters scenario] Brrrrr! It's cold out here!
ME: Yes, it is.
BJ: Too cold! [starts to go inside. It should be noted she gots some lungs, and is wearing a thin sweater]
ME: Hey, hold on. Stick your arms out like this.
BJ: [imitates Christ on the cross]
ME: Now jump up and down.
BJ: [Does so, boobies a-flyin around]
ME: Nah, you're not cold enough yet.
EVERYONE: LOL
BJ: ......HA HA... what?

The one that we all thought was the epitome of just how dumb this twat was:
BJ: [VERY drunk, rearranging word magnets on fridge] Never...shave...a....ferret! LOLOLOL
ME: So what's your stance on ass to mouth?
[spoiler:602f482fae]BJ: Oh, I don't do drugs.[/spoiler:602f482fae]

All in all, Darthwaiter was a cool guy. A+++ WOULD BLOW AGAIN LOLOL


TL;DR= No, fuck you, learn to read, fag.

J. Grant on
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Posts

  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    But what is your opinion on home video game consoles?

    7LmZWpZ.jpg
    Steam | 3DS: 3497-0691-2891
    ·
  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Dumb hussies.

    japsig.jpg
    ·
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    Keith wrote:
    But what is your opinion on home video game consoles?

    They are the gaming equivalent of BJ.

    ·
  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    J. Grant wrote:
    Keith wrote:
    But what is your opinion on home video game consoles?

    They are the gaming equivalent of BJ.

    Who or what is "BJ"?

    7LmZWpZ.jpg
    Steam | 3DS: 3497-0691-2891
    ·
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    Dumb hussies.

    There was also the Mavs Game Incident, whereupon Bluejay alternated between rooting for a basketball game that had ended three minutes ago and offering to fuck Darthwaiter.

    ·
  • ZephosZephos Climbin in yo ski lifts, snatchin your people up. MichiganRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    seriously though, if you shave a ferret they go into a ferret rage.

    its not pretty, i saw the after effects of a ferret rage back in Denver in 93. so many body parts just lying everywhere.

    Xbox One/360: Penguin McCool
    ·
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    Keith wrote:
    J. Grant wrote:
    Keith wrote:
    But what is your opinion on home video game consoles?

    They are the gaming equivalent of BJ.

    Who or what is "BJ"?
    J. Grant wrote:
    TL;DR= No, fuck you, learn to read, fag.

    ·
  • BergyBergy Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    did you rape her

    ChicagoBulls01.jpg
    I've been trying to reach you, but your extension cord doesn't reach that far.
    ·
  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    J. Grant wrote:
    Dumb hussies.

    There was also the Mavs Game Incident, whereupon Bluejay alternated between rooting for a basketball game that had ended three minutes ago and offering to fuck Darthwaiter.
    Well what did Darth do

    japsig.jpg
    ·
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    Bergy wrote:
    did you rape her

    I have a long-standing rule of never fucking anything dumber than the hair on my nuts.

    ·
  • Skull ManSkull Man Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    plushophilia, guys.

    ·
  • ZephosZephos Climbin in yo ski lifts, snatchin your people up. MichiganRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    Keith wrote:
    J. Grant wrote:
    Keith wrote:
    But what is your opinion on home video game consoles?

    They are the gaming equivalent of BJ.

    Who or what is "BJ"?
    why dont you ASK YOUR MOM.

    Xbox One/360: Penguin McCool
    ·
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    J. Grant wrote:
    Dumb hussies.

    There was also the Mavs Game Incident, whereupon Bluejay alternated between rooting for a basketball game that had ended three minutes ago and offering to fuck Darthwaiter.
    Well what did Darth do

    That is not for me to say, homeboy.

    [edit] Although he might say once he gets done sleeping it off. We killed a LOT of Guinnui last night. My kitchen looks like the Irish Army was drinking in it.

    ·
  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    J. Grant wrote:
    J. Grant wrote:
    Dumb hussies.

    There was also the Mavs Game Incident, whereupon Bluejay alternated between rooting for a basketball game that had ended three minutes ago and offering to fuck Darthwaiter.
    Well what did Darth do

    That is not for me to say, homeboy.
    Couldn't get it up :(

    japsig.jpg
    ·
  • KalTorakKalTorak Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    J. Grant wrote:
    [back porch, smoking with some of the partygoers]
    BJ: [enters scenario] Brrrrr! It's cold out here!
    ME: Yes, it is.
    BJ: Too cold! [starts to go inside. It should be noted she gots some lungs, and is wearing a thin sweater]
    ME: Hey, hold on. Stick your arms out like this.
    BJ: [imitates Christ on the cross]
    ME: Now jump up and down.
    BJ: [Does so, boobies a-flyin around]
    ME: Nah, you're not cold enough yet.
    EVERYONE: LOL
    BJ: ......HA HA... what?

    You may be a rapist.

    ·
  • ZephosZephos Climbin in yo ski lifts, snatchin your people up. MichiganRegistered User regular
    edited January 2007
    The chips are on Whiskey Dick at this point i think.

    Xbox One/360: Penguin McCool
    ·
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    KalTorak wrote:
    J. Grant wrote:
    [back porch, smoking with some of the partygoers]
    BJ: [enters scenario] Brrrrr! It's cold out here!
    ME: Yes, it is.
    BJ: Too cold! [starts to go inside. It should be noted she gots some lungs, and is wearing a thin sweater]
    ME: Hey, hold on. Stick your arms out like this.
    BJ: [imitates Christ on the cross]
    ME: Now jump up and down.
    BJ: [Does so, boobies a-flyin around]
    ME: Nah, you're not cold enough yet.
    EVERYONE: LOL
    BJ: ......HA HA... what?

    You may be a rapist.

    Only if you ask nicely.

    ·
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    oh yay a thread about a drunk person

    i certainly do not have acces to a city or urban development of any type or even a shack in the desert with just one guy living on his own





    man i thought this thread would be about snowballing

    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
    ·
  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    This belongs in H/A. I'm pretty sure everyone referred to in the OP needs help. Lots of it.

    steam_sig.png
    ·
  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    displayimagenc3.jpg

    7LmZWpZ.jpg
    Steam | 3DS: 3497-0691-2891
    ·
  • Carl with a KCarl with a K Registered User
    edited January 2007
    haha those sure are wacky things she said

    ·
  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    That'll do, pig.
    That'll do.

    japsig.jpg
    ·
  • edited January 2007
    jareth.jpg

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    FOOT SWEATERS
    ·
  • PeshPesh Registered User
    edited January 2007
    is that david bowie

    cause i think that's david bowie

    sigxu7.jpg
    ·
  • Skull ManSkull Man Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    that's not real Babe

    that's Pig in the City Babe

    boo to that

    not even the same pig

    ·
  • edited January 2007
    jareth.jpg

    You remind me of the babe?


    What babe?


    The babe with the powerrrrrr

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    FOOT SWEATERS
    ·
  • [Tycho?][Tycho?] Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    So who had sex with her then?

    ragesig.jpg

    ·
  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    what power?

    I tried to write "but that" and my hands naturally wrote "butt hat", which is vastly superior in every way.
    ·
  • edited January 2007
    The power of voodoo

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    FOOT SWEATERS
    ·
  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    who do?

    I tried to write "but that" and my hands naturally wrote "butt hat", which is vastly superior in every way.
    ·
  • edited January 2007
    you do

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    FOOT SWEATERS
    ·
  • potatoepotatoe Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    do what?

    I tried to write "but that" and my hands naturally wrote "butt hat", which is vastly superior in every way.
    ·
  • PeshPesh Registered User
    edited January 2007
    that voodoo

    sigxu7.jpg
    ·
  • edited January 2007
    Remind me of the babe

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    FOOT SWEATERS
    ·
  • J. GrantJ. Grant Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2007
    If you bust into that gay-ass song about magic babies and shit I will kill you.

    ·
  • Carl with a KCarl with a K Registered User
    edited January 2007
    guys remember muppet babies

    ·
  • As7As7 Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    J. Grant wrote:
    If you bust into that gay-ass song about magic babies and shit I will kill you.

    Man they already got through the entire chorus, where were you?

    XBOX Live: Arsenic7
    Secret Satan
    ·
  • KeithKeith Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    i saw my baby

    cryin hard as babes could cry

    what could i dooOOooo

    7LmZWpZ.jpg
    Steam | 3DS: 3497-0691-2891
    ·
  • Dead LegendDead Legend Registered User regular
    edited January 2007
    this sounds like fun

    diablo III - beardsnbeer#1508 Mechwarrior Online - Rusty Bock
    ·
  • SmokingGunSmokingGun Registered User
    edited January 2007
    and relax

    ·
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