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[EQ] Free EverQuest Classic Server - It's Good To Be Back

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Posts

  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    ooohhh ok

    see you all soon =)

    Xaquin on
  • juice for jesusjuice for jesus Registered User
    edited January 2010
    Feldorn wrote: »
    Fryhole wrote: »
    Some generic questions that may have already been asked -

    How do hybrids hold up? (Rng, Pal, SK) It looks like they left the experience penalties in, but I never felt (at least in original EQ) that hybrids deserved it. You ended up being mediocre at everything in the end. (lower skill caps & low rank spells) Rangers didn't even get decent archery until what, Velious or maybe even after.

    Did they put back in some of the rare fun items that SOE gutted out - like the manastone, guise of the deceiver, jboots, some others I forgot.

    this is as it was released in 1999, so manastones and rubicite, all that stuff is still dropping right now.

    for hybrids, at lvl 14, i see a good number of paladin's and sk's around, and they do fine, though they lvl slower than other classes. warrior/rogue/monk/ranger ane what i never see, and very few bards as well.

    The bigger problem with the xp penalties was that they were shared with the group. Not only were Pal/SK/Rng considered inferior for their grouping roles (although, in retrospect I wonder if that was really true), they were a literal xp sink for the group. Bards sometimes got a pass solely for the mana song, though I'm tempted to roll a bard and see how I do pulling with the old lament song.

    Yeah, xp penalties were one original EQ thing that deserved to get the axe.

    Surprised that monks are rare. They, along with bards, are one of the classes that is fairly unique to EQ.

    juice for jesus on
    Lanlaorn wrote: »
    That's just insulting, I think DBZ is bad but I'm not going to insinuate that it only appeals to people who are equal parts retards and psychopaths.
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I've been saving this for a good EQ thread.

    I always loved some of the stuff people wrote on Alla's before it was purchased and other EQ dedicated sites. These are some of the best of the bunch.

    Where is Burned Wood?
    So there I was.....minding my own business in The Overthere, when all of a sudden I see the message: "d00d sow plz".

    Of course, my natural instinct was not to answer, since I thought the clueless newb (hereafter referred to politely as "the petitioner") must have been poorly informed at best.

    Boy was I ever wrong.

    I switch out of 1st person into an external camera, and what did my wandering eyes behold? Only myself and the petitioner.

    So I says to myself...."Self? You need to edumacate this fella!"

    (Keep in mind what the overall setting looked like: There I was, in skeleton form, carrying a scythe, FLOATING IN MIDAIR IN A MEDITATING POSITION, with a LARGE dark-brown skeleton named "Gibober" standing behind me. Ummm....No, skippy, I'm not a druid or a shaman.)

    I say "Wish I could, bro, but I don't have SoW. I'm a Necromancer."

    The Petitioner says, "$#*&@#$ dick, sow me already! it's for a cr"

    Feeling as if my feathers had been ruffled a bit, I do a "/who all dumbass" (um..pardon..I meant "/who all petitioner")

    This is where I discovered the "/who all" bug. Certainly it must have been a bug, right? There's NO WAY IN CREATION the dumbas...err...petitioner could have been a level 31 Dark Elf Wizard, right???? RIGHT????? /em begins to cry like a little girl.

    Well, needless to say, I couldn't have been any more shocked than if my pet began dancing an Irish Jig. I quickly begin the arduous task of maintaining my composure, while deciding how best to deal with this tricky situation.

    I say, "Necromancer's can't cast SoW".

    Petitioner says, "Bull@#$%! you cast a spell while you were running and you sped up! i couldn't catch you until you sat down! if you're not going to sow me just say so you dont have to be a dick about it a$$hole"

    Yes I know....he didn't use any punctuation in that last sentence.

    I say, "I have JBoots."

    He says, "what are they"

    Before I have a chance to pick my chin up off the floor....

    Petitioner asks, "can you buff my hps my hp sux"

    I say, "I can't buff you, dude. I'm a necromancer. I only have one buff that you would probably want."

    He says, "yeah the one you won't give me dick"

    Ok. Time to have fun with the hopelessly clueless.

    I say, "Why do you need a sow?"

    He says, "i need to get to burned woods to hunt. sumbody said its perfect for my level"

    Yep. That's what he said......"burned woods".

    I say, "man are you ever in the wrong place."

    He says, "?"

    Apparently he found the "question mark" key conveniently located nearby other various and sundry communication facilitators.

    I didn't answer him.

    He repeats, "??"

    Found it twice...good for him.

    He repeats, "???"

    Having an IQ greater than plantlife, I sensed a pattern forming.

    I say, "You are NO WHERE near Burned Woods."

    He says, "my friend told me it was in kunark"

    I say, "Yeah, the operative word there is 'WAS'. There was a major patch a couple of months ago after a bunch of complaints were filed about 'static content'."

    He says, "?"

    I say, "!"

    He says, "?"

    I say, ","

    He says, "wtf"

    I say, "no, already have some."

    He says, "????"

    I don't respond.

    He says, "so where the @#$% is burned woods"

    He lost the question mark button again. Probably popped off when he was sniffing his feet.

    I say, "Well, THIS week it's south of Freeport. It changes with every patch, since they began randomizing zone locations."

    My guild is hysterical at this point. And I haven't even told them the ENTIRE story yet. Just snippets.

    He says, "@#$% i just got off the boat"

    I say, "You don't need the boat."

    He says "why"

    I say, "You're a wizard!"

    He says, "how you know that"

    I say, "I did a /wh...nevermind....the important thing is you have teleportation spells."

    He says, "oh yeah the green ones"

    I nod.

    I say, "Yep. The 'green ones'. Pretty nice how you have them grouped by color."

    He says, "thx"

    I say, "How'd you think about doing it that way?"

    He says, "they were all @#$%## up when i got this char"

    I say, "Sit down and mem the spell 'Fay Gate'."

    He says, "why"

    Question mark key is on the ground in front of your chair, guy. Mixed in with your collection of boogers.

    I say, "It's going to put you within spitting distance of Burned Woods."

    He says, "how do you know"

    I say, "All patch messages come with a zone connection map."

    He says, "oh"

    I say, "Ok. You have it memmed now?"

    He had just stood up after what I assumed was meditating/looking at his spell book.

    He says, "yeah"

    I say, "Ok. Cast the spell and let me know when you get there."

    Dumba...errr....Petitioner begins to cast a spell.

    A LONG time goes by.....ok, maybe 5 minutes
    I still haven't heard from him.

    Getting curious:

    I tell petitioner, "Are you there yet?"

    No reply. No reply at all. [Yes, I'm a Genesis fan... ]

    Obviously he's there, or my tell wouldn't have gone through.

    I tell petitioner, "Hit the 'r' key to reply to me."

    He replies, "i'm here now where do i go."

    Right idea....wrong punctuation mark. Oh well. "C" for effort.

    I tell petitioner, "Ok, do you see a hotkey on the screen that says 'Sense Heading'?"

    He replies, "no"

    I reply, "Hit the arrow buttons one by one until you see one."

    It was a guess, but an educated one.

    He replies, "found it"

    I reply, "Click on it."

    He replies, "north"

    I reply, "Ok, you need to head east along the path. Keep going until the path turns north. When it forks to the right, take the right fork."

    He replies, "ok"

    Who knows, maybe the guy who sold his account on Ebay worked his Felwithe faction up.

    He replies, "sumbody told me i shouldnt be here cause i'm a dark elf"

    I reply, "They were roleplaying."

    He replies, "oh hehe @#$%@#$ morons ;P"

    Priceless. Utterly priceless, I tell you.

    I reply, "Where are you?"

    He replies, "i see something now. looks like a castle"

    I reply, "Run into the castle as fast as you can. The guards might give you some trouble, just keep running."

    Yeah...damned conscience started kicking in.

    A fairly long period of time passes. Not sure how long, but longer than I was expecting.

    I tell petitioner, "What happened?"

    As if I didn't know....

    He replies, "my spells are gone!"

    I reply, "What happened?"

    He replies, "i died why"

    I reply, "Oh man! Did I tell you to run east or west?"

    He replies, "east wtf???"

    I reply, "Yikes. My bad. You should have run west."

    He replies, "?"

    I reply, "So where are you now?"

    He replies, "how can i tell"

    I reply, "Look right after you see 'Loading please wait'. It should tell you 'You have entered [zone]'."

    He replies "it doesnt say [zone] there."

    After smacking my head against my monitor....

    I reply, "What does it say in place of [zone]?".

    Get this....

    He replies, "Burning Woods"

    I nearly fell out of my chair! I couldn't have PLANNED it that way!

    He replies, "is that the same as burned woods"

    I reply, "No, but you're close. Start running south so you can get your corpse back."

    He replies, "i have to get my corpse back?????"

    /ignore petitioner


    Moral of the story: EBay...Just Say No!

    Out of sheer curiosity, I took him off ignore later to find out what happened.

    I tell petitioner, "How's it going?"

    He replies, "wtf? where you been"

    I reply, "been afk, sorry."

    He replies, "got my corpse back. some dude rezzed me."

    My conscience somewhat eased...

    I reply, "Really? Cool! Where are you now?"

    He replies, "iceclad ocean"

    I scratch my head a few times.

    I reply, "Why Velious?"

    He replies, "the guy that rezzed me told me burned woods was in western wastes this week"

    I don't recall exactly how long it took me to stop laughing. I stopped breathing shortly before my dog dialed 911.

    He replied, "@#$%&* wouldnt sow me either. what is that sh#$ gold?"

    That's what finally killed me. I'm writing this from the afterlife.

    Mujahid Mukhtaar
    Questmaster of the Enchanted Circle (Solusek Ro Server)

    Veeshan's Peak
    Veeshan's Peak

    Druid: /shout WOOT!! YOU HAVE ENTERED VEESHAN'S PEAK!!!
    Rogue: Hey, we didn't die zoning in, it already beats the crap out of those Howling Stones...
    Magician begins to cast a spell
    Necromancer begins to cast a spell
    Wizard: /shout Level 57 wizzie lookin for a group
    Jenkins says "Guarding you master"
    Jeeves says "Guarding with my life, oh great one"
    Monk: /auction Selling Tailor made items at reasonable prices
    Warrior: /auction Same here
    Paladin: /auction Same
    Enchanter: /auction Selling Platinum Ruby Veil for 9.5k
    Druid: That's insane
    Enchanter looks around for some competition, and shrugs
    Cleric: So who wants to group with me?
    Magician: Me
    Necromancer: Me
    Rogue: Me
    Warrior: Me
    Paladin: Me
    Shadow Knight: Me
    Wizard: Me
    Monk: Me
    Bard: Me
    Druid: Me
    Enchanter: Me
    Ranger: Me
    Shaman: Me
    Cleric: Okay, Warrior, Necromancer, Bard, Enchanter, Shaman, you're with me
    All others: <Various swearing>
    Wizard: So who wants to group with me?
    Rogue: Yeah, and I'm starting a group, who wants to group with me?
    <Sound of wind whistling>
    Paladin: So maybe we should do some scouting...
    Druid begins to cast a spell
    Wizard begins to cast an UselessUpgradedSpell spell
    Rogue disappears
    Druid dons a mask of the hunter
    Wizard creates an "Invisible to Mobs under 35 when it's a level 55 spell" eye
    Druid, Wizard, and Rogue: I'll scout
    Wizard: /shout Level 57 wizzie looking for a group
    Enchanter begins to cast a spell
    Necromancer: Hey buddy can I get some Swords of Runes?
    Magician feels his summons are useful for a change
    Magician: Sure
    Magician begins to cast a spell
    Magician begins to cast a spell
    A cool breeze slips thru Enchanter's party
    Jeeves says "Thank you master"
    Jeeves says "Thank you master"
    Necromancer disbands
    Necromancer: Well I don't need you guys anymore
    Necromancer chuckles
    Wizard: /shout %&^(( They saw my invisible eye, we got two dragons inc
    Druid: /ooc <sigh>
    Rogue: /ooc <sigh>
    A Sky Blue Dragon begins to cast a spell
    A Sky Blue Dragon begins to cast a spell
    Monk: GETEM!
    Ranger, Monk, Warrior, Rogue, Paladin, and Shadow Knight attack A Sky Blue Dragon
    Necromancer, Magician, Enchanter, Druid, Wizard begins to cast a spell
    Necromancer has feared A Sky Blue Dragon
    Jeeves says "Attacking master"
    Necromancer: I got this one
    Jenkins says "Attacking master"
    Ranger slashes A Sky Blue Dragon for 49 damage
    Monk kicks A Sky Blue Dragon for 200 damage
    Warrior taunts A Sky Blue Dragon
    Rogue backstabs A Sky Blue Dragon for 400 damage
    Shadow Knight Harmtouches A Sky Blue Dragon for 800 damage
    Magician hits A Sky Blue Dragon for non-melee for 850 damage
    Druid hits A Sky Blue Dragon for non-melee for 1020 damage
    Bard twists mana and hp recovery songs
    Wizard's spell has been resisted
    Wizard: %*&^
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
    Ranger yells for help behind you and to the left
    Cleric begins to frantically cast a spell
    Necromancer reclines and yawns
    Warrior taunts A Sky Blue Dragon
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 50 damage
    Warrior taunts A Sky Blue Dragon
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 126 damage
    Warrior: Oh come on
    Cleric has cast a spell
    Ranger has regained 900 hp
    Cleric begins to cast a spell
    Warrior taunts A Sky Blue Dragon
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 300 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 193 damage
    Ranger yells for help behind you and to the left
    Cleric: Quick casting my $*%
    Wizard begins to cast a spell
    Wizard's spell has been resisted
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Wizard for 800 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Wizard for 800 damage
    Wizard has been slain by A Sky Blue Dragon
    Necromancer puts on sunglasses
    Warrior: Well there's a taunt at least
    Bard summons water from his boots
    Cleric has cast a spell
    Ranger has regained 900 hp
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
    Ranger: WTF? I stopped attacking 20 secs ago
    Cleric begins to cast a spell
    Ranger is completely healed
    Cleric: There we go
    Magician begins to cast a spell
    Ranger is enveloped in fire
    Shaman: Well at least he's useful now
    Necromancer strikes up a conversation with Jimi Hendrix
    Necromancer lights a cigar
    Monk kicks A Sky Blue Dragon for 450 damage
    Warrior kicks A Sky Blue Dragon for 3 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon is stunned
    Warrior: Woo hoo
    Druid begins to cast a spell
    Monk uber-punches A Sky Blue Dragon for 800 damage
    Warrior kicks A Sky Blue Dragon for 10 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon is stunned
    Warrior: Twice in a row!
    Warrior sticks his tongue out at Monk
    Druid hits A Sky Blue Dragon for non-melee for 1020 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Druid for 500 damage
    Necromancer begins to debate the philosophy of "The Matrix"
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Druid for 500 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Druid for 500 damage
    Cleric begins to cast a spell
    Paladin begins to cast a spell
    Druid feels a healing touch
    Cleric: %*^
    Paladin: Sorry
    Cleric's casting has been interrupted
    You must be standing to cast a spell
    Bard summons water from his boots
    Druid: You mind?
    Bard summons food from his pants
    Bard: What? Can't you see I'm using my armor's special abilities
    Rogue backstabs A Sky Blue Dragon for 400 damage
    Jenkins backstabs A Sky Blue Dragon for 500 damage
    Jenkins laughs an elemental laugh at Rogue
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Jenkins for 800 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Jenkins for 800 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Jenkins for 800 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Jenkins for 800 damage
    Jenkins has been slain by A Sky Blue Dragon
    Rogue laughs heartily at Jenkins
    Magician begins to cast a spell
    Enchanter wanders blindly, waiting for a crowd to control
    Magician: I'll try an air this time
    Butler says "Attacking master"
    Necromancer chuckles
    Magician: What?
    Necromancer points at Jeeves
    A Sky Blue Dragon tries to hit Jeeves, but is parried
    A Sky Blue Dragon tries to hit Jeeves, but Jeeves dodges
    A Sky Blue Dragon tries to hit Jeeves, but Jeeves ripostes
    Jeeves hits A Sky Blue Dragon for 60 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon tries to hit Jeeves, but is parried
    Magician: So?
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Butler for 600 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Butler for 600 damage
    Butler has been slain by A Sky Blue Dragon
    Necromancer laughs
    Necromancer begins to cast a spell
    Magician begins to cast a spell
    Necromancer lifetaps A Sky Blue Dragon
    Necromancer experiences a 2000 point swing in life totals
    Magician sighs, wanting to be second best at direct damage
    Druid sighs, wanting to be second best at direct damage
    Revived Wizard sighs, wanting to be best at direct damage
    Magician: Okay, this one is fire
    Shaman: Just do earth, everyone knows the others suck anyway
    Lil'Flamey says "Attacking master"
    Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
    Lil'Flamey's spell has been resisted
    Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
    Lil'Flamey's spell has been resisted
    Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
    Lil'Flamey's spell has been resisted
    Revived Wizard feels some sympathy
    Bard yawns, still twisting his mana/hp regen songs
    Necromancer yawns, still sitting on his can
    Shaman: Okay let's end this
    Shaman begins to cast a spell
    Warrior feels like an avatar
    Warrior: Woohoo, you're the best!
    Cleric: Oh come on
    Cleric tries to strike A Sky Blue Dragon, but misses
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Cleric for disproportionately high damage
    Cleric sighs about her armor
    Cleric has been slain by A Sky Blue Dragon
    Necromancer takes pity on Cleric
    Druid begins to cast a spell
    Necromancer begins to cast a spell
    Paladin tries to cast a spell, but quest hasn't been implemented yet
    Necromancer casts a spell
    Cleric is revived with 93% exp regain
    Necromancer: A newbie gave his life for that
    Revived Cleric sighs
    Buffed Warrior hits A Sky Blue Dragon for tons of damage
    Ranger blows wind at A Sky Blue Dragon
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Ranger for 600 damage
    Ranger sighs
    Shaman looks around mildly, waiting to buff someone
    Druid: Any ideas?
    Shadow Knight tries to make a point, but there aren't enough of him to be listened to
    Lightbulb appears over Enchanter's head
    Enchanter begins to cast a spell
    A Sky Blue Dragon is showered with gold
    Monk: What'd you do?
    Enchanter: Gave him some pocket change
    A Sky Blue Dragon is heavily encumbered
    Paladin slashes A Sky Blue Dragon with FIERY AVENGER for massive damage
    Warrior slashes A Sky Blue Dragon with RANDOM WEAPON FROM KARNOR'S for massive damage + 1
    Paladin sighs
    Jeeves says "Guarding you master"
    Necromancer: You should see the loot on my dragon...
    All others: SHUT UP!!
    Monk B!tCh-Sl@Ps A Sky Blue Dragon for massive damage
    Magician, Druid, Enchanter, Wizard, and Shaman begin to cast spells
    A Sky Blue Dragon is hit for miniscule fraction of total life in non-melee damage
    Casters sigh
    Magician smiles
    Magician: I still have my pet
    Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
    Lil'Flamey's spell has been resisted
    Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
    A Sky Blue Dragon is hit by non-melee for 178 damage
    Shaman: You know your Earth quad hits for....
    Magician: Shut up!
    Necromancer: ...less than mine does
    Magician sighs at Lil'Flamey
    A Sky Blue Dragon hits Lil'Flamey for 600 damage
    Necromancer begins to cast a spell
    Wizard begins to cast a spell
    Necromancer DOTs A Sky Blue Dragon for Trakanon-like damage
    Wizard casts CrappyRainSpell
    A Sky Blue Dragon is hit by non-melee for 600 damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon resisted CrappyRainSpell
    Jeeves is unaffected by CrappyRainSpell
    Lil'Flamey is unaffected by CrappyRainSpell
    Wizard: Woo hoo, and that only cost 400 mana
    A Sky Blue Dragon staggers, looking for somewhere to die
    Druid, Ranger, Magician, Wizard, Cleric, Shaman, Enchanter, Necromancer, Shadowknight, and Bard begin to cast spells
    Warrior beats on A Sky Blue Dragon
    Paladin whallops on A Sky Blue Dragon
    Monk decimates A Sky Blue Dragon
    Rogue kinda wounds A Sky Blue Dragon
    A Sky Blue Dragon is hit by a ton of non-melee
    A Sky Blue Dragon says "From Hell's heart I stab at thee!"
    A Sky Blue Dragon swipes Lil'Flamey for massive damage
    A Sky Blue Dragon has been slain by Necromancer's DOT
    A Sky Blue Dragon has left no corpse
    GroupOf13 look at Necromancer
    Necromancer lowers head, then wanders off to solo dragons
    Lil'Flamey begins to cast a spell
    Lil'Flamey casts ReallyStupidYonderSpell
    Lil'Flamey disappears
    A Sky Blue Dragon begins to cast a spell
    A Really Huge Dragon begins to cast a spell
    A Red As Blood Dragon begins to cast a spell
    A Makes Veeshan Look Like A Worm Dragon begins to cast a spell
    SadMage sighs, knowing what's coming
    SadMage is burned with the fires of Hades
    SadMage has been slain like you wouldn't believe
    PanickedWarrior: Here they come
    Necromancer feigns death
    Shadowknight feigns death
    Monk feigns death
    Druid gates away
    Ranger sits down and waits to die
    Wizard evacs
    Cleric wishes she had picked wizard for her group
    Bard has been slain before he knew what hit him
    Enchanter begins to cast a spell
    Warrior has been slain like paper before the Whitewater investigation
    Enchanter has cast a spell
    CrowdODragons has been mezzed
    Enchanter gates away
    Casters gate away
    PeopleWithoutGate sigh
    PeopleWithoutGate are slain, roasted, and served with a white wine
    CrowdODragons disperses
    Necromancer stands and gates
    Shadowknight can no longer play dead
    Shadowknight is roasted by dragonfire
    Shadowknight has been slain
    Monk sighs

    Xaquin on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    The Quon on The Classes Part 1
    Quon on the classes - part 1
    The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

    As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and shit to the peeps of Norrath, I'm dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

    Bards - Band geeks who's natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI's geek ass dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such shit. C'mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon's gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When's the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY's in PoP, but The Quon sure as shit never groups with one. I'm guessing there's a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, "Play mana song and rub my feet."

    The Quon's general heal strategy for Bards: Hit 'em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they're at 40% and i send them a /tell to "run!!". Then I giggle my ass off.

    Beastlords - The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he's grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who's all like "I need your help". If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass Shit Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, WTF? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

    The Quon's general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the fuck knows?


    Druid -
    Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these assclowns did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his shitcan class was relevent and fun. And Druids...listen up. Don't over-write The Quons buffs. Don't try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It's just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can't even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too...it's always "By Tunares will this" and "By Tunares might that". By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon's salad... it's all holy roleplaying until they're gargling The Quon's 'SoW potion' in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

    The Quon's general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal's the shizz? Then use it on yourself.


    Enchanter - I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I'd let you group with me, or if your pet could find it's own ass with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No shit, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie ass toon right now, WTF were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won't make me like these asshats.

    The Quon's general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It's like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it's swirling down the Crappa. If they can't "bedazzle" their way out of trouble then pfuck 'em and their short bus pets.


    Magicians - All Mage's should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40's. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the shit. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon's ass.

    The Quon's general heal strategy for Magicians: Let's be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage's closer than he watches the Mage's. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn't even bother with a Rez.


    Rangers - This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let's get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It's also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP's. It's like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it's easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you'll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

    The Quon's general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That's all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he'll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for shits and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, "Who's a big boy?...Who's a big boy???". Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.


    Quon out

    The Quon on The Classes Part 2
    The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

    As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and shit to the peeps of Norrath, I'm busting down the second in a series of definitive class breakdowns.


    Paladin - Self proclaimed "Holy Warriors" of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole "Rez in my pocket" thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. "Hey, get your hands off my tits!" "Awww girl, I've gotta touch ya to heal ya."
    The problems start when they do that shit to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big ass shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and shit, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It's all Truth, Honor, Integrity and shit until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don't be all like "But The Quon, I'm really not gay, you're just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better..." I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I'm gonna light your shit up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don't even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You'll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

    The Quon's healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

    Rogue - The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these mutherphuckers will sneak up on you like a yeasty queef in the night. They'll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and shit and be all like "smell that". The Quon don't fall for that shit, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc's ass while you're trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain't no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some shit The Quon didn't care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it's a motha phuckin fact that they don't take care of their cha cha's if you get The Quons meaning.
    Any time a rogue is in The Quon's group he send them a /tell right off, "Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can't control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 biatch. That doesn't include the DoT money you owe me either." Respect.
    The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. "So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force...220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again." Pwnd.

    The Quon's healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and shit.

    Shadowknight - Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who's gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp's. WTF? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don't even try to play like you didn't choose a SK because you thought it had a "cool" name.
    Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ass. SK's should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they've spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like "NEXT!" and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does..."Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha"..."Damn that's some good sitting", or making sure nothing is in The Quon's way when he trains the zone out.
    Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn't have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon's favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and shit. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and shit. When they finally arrive I'm like "dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior." After they calm down The Quon's all like "Do you have 11 friends?"

    The Quon's healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it's Celestials all freakin night.

    Warrior - Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it's mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she's got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP's and AC like The Quons SAT's (All 1500 and shit...yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp's every time. The Quon says "fetch" and she's off like a shot. The Quon says "ouch" and she's got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and shit. The Quon says kill and she goes all bitchcakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that's a phucking dream and The Quon knows it.

    The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the shit out the other 1, who's giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like "put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-FUCKING-EVER. Boooya, now you're Cletus, Champion of Norrath, biatch."

    The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this shit. But you'd better come correct with the equipment. Don't make The Quon feel like he's over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your ass and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. "Supernal Elixir for this weak ass 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a phucking waste..."

    Part 3 is apparently lost to the ages

    How NOT to Keep The Quon in Your Group!
    I logged on last night to get a little exp ya know. Been working on AA lately, want to get Run3 so peeps will stop leaving me behind when travelling. That crap is ssoo annoying, and friggin rude.

    Anyway, I go /lfg and it's not long before I get an invite to a PoN group. I'm like "What camp?" - "Caves" - /r "cool, Who is in group?" - "chanter, shammy, druid, warrior, rogue" /r "No, I mean who is in the group, names please, I need to make sure none of them are on my SL". At first he is like /boggle , apparantly he hasn't read my rules yet (pub21.ezboard.com/fquon91...=1.topic), but he finally gives me the names of everyone in the group and I check them against my alphabetized excel spreadsheet. Luckily none were on there so I head to PoN. I zone in and do a quick /shout "Quon here, REPRESENT!" , then I spin around and find the guy who sent me the tell. Mouselook spins are the shizznit.

    As soon as I get invited to group I start bustin down my expectations.

    /tell druid "don't be laying down any gimp heals unless I ask ok? I'll be dropping the Big Heal Bomb so there is no reason for you to waste mana, you should dot or something, or just chill and soak up the exp waiting for us to need an evac." He responds with some garbage about being able to spot heal, nuke, snares etc.. I /r "Please don't argue with the Quon. Besides you're the one who rolled up a Halfling, the least you could have done was make a Wood Elf Honie for me to look at"

    /tell enchanter "Yo, KEI. And why do I have to ask you for the only thing you got invited to this group for?"

    /tell warrior "I'm going to initiate you into the purple club tonight." He says "?" /r "You'll see soon enough "..Another person that hasn't read my rules, I'm going to need to get more exposure.

    /tell rogue "I bet you can generate a lot of aggro eh?" She says " I sure can " /r "Well don't, you are dead last on my list of peeps to heal since there is no Ranger in the group." She responded but I was already typing my message to the shaman and I missed it, and didn't feel like scrolling back.

    /tell shaman "I'm not sure I trust this enchanter, can you keep an eye on me with root crowd control please?" He's like "I'll do my best" /r "WTF?? If I die, we all go down, you better respect that." I think for a minute about adding him to my @#%$ List for that lame ass attitude, but I let it go this time.

    /group "I get all money drops right to replenish my expenditures?" The groupleader, the warrior, says "We'll be splitting any loot at the end." /group "If you all want aego, I better see 60 platz in my trade window" The warrior repeats himself, so I wait for the 40pp to show up in my window. Time wasted 5 minutes. I can see this group is turning out to be very Non-Quonesque.


    Buffs done and we rock toward the gobbie cave. I'm amazed that I didn't have to ask for levi and invis with these assclowns.

    We set up and the warrior pulls the first 2 gobs. The fingertwiddler to my right manages to mez one so everybody is on the gob. I figure I'm going to go ahead and get the warrior into my purple club right away. (If you don't know what the purple club is by now, go back and read my commandments, it's like the first friggin one.) Warrior gets to about 50% and I ask him, "How many HP's you got?", by the time he responds he's down to like 30%. The timing on this @#%$ has got to be square ya know. I drop the big heal bomb on the meat shield with the Hot Key Macro "<Warrior> may you live to protect The Quon another day". I have like 2 hot key banks full of TIIIGHHT hot key macro messages. Because this clown waited so long to tell me how many HP's he had the heal bomb landed a split second to late. Now we are tankless, and I'm sitting in a frickin cave with 4 asshats and no tank. I think "WWQD?" (What Would Quon Do?), and I'm blessed with the answer, /sit, /load gate, /cast gate, and slicker than @#%$ I'm back in the Nexus safe and sound.

    I decide that those freaks don't know WTF they are doing so I /groupsay "Yo, dudes, I'm gonna bust outta here and see if I can get a PoV group, Caves exp suxxors. And FYI, next time you want to group with me, someone in the group needs to read the commandments, Yo". /disband


    The Quon". I want the respect, I want the platinum, I want the excitement, and I want the Wood Elf Honies all on my tip. Yeah..."The Quon". Represent.

    A new rule - Have Quon's back
    So last night I head to the Bazaar to get a KEI just in case I get stuck in a charity group with a gimp Chanter who doesn't have it. Seriously, do Chanters feel like they're actually playing this game from levels 1- 59? I mean, mez is cool and all as a novelty, but who ever uses it? If you're hunting someplace where you can't single pull then c'mon, you just want to die. You full on get off on CR's. Freaks. If you can't get to a single pull camp spot then it's amazing you have the sense to re-equip your own gear when you die. Everyone acts like the life of a Chanter is all full-on glamour but it's all about speed and crack, don't think you're any better than Pablo Escobar. The Quon just doesn't get it.

    The tell comes for a PoN group under acceptable circumstance and after I do the name checks I'm tight. The 60pp comes across for Aego and I'm feeling charitable so I toss it out to the blubbering "thank yous" of the group. So i'm medding and while I med I like to let my group members in on some of my latest exploits. It's kind of like shit talking in reverse. See, The Quon likes to psyche out his group members thus pounding them into a more pliable state in which to execute the will of The Quon. So I start dropping links and spinning tales and I happen to throw out a link for my sweet sweet Silver Hammer Earring. Now the Quon paid to get through the PoJ trial mainly to get this earring, make no mistake, the PoV/PoS flag was just gravy. Quon won't step foot into PoV or PoS until he has firmly gotten RUN3. Cause when stuff hits that hard, folks are gonna die. It's just a fact, MC or not. And Divine Aura will only get me so far. This is how I see it; if I can run to the GY quicker than it takes my body to pop there...then i'm off like I robbed your house. And unless there's Druid or Wiz with us, you all need to be WATCHING me for run calls. I can't type and run at the same time. WATCH ME. I can't stress this enough. That's how I can tell my group is ready for anything. I'm facing the zone-out and everyone else except the puller is facing ME. Let one of the useless classes call run after I head off. Mages/Necros, are your ears burning?

    So back to the shit talking. This Druid is all up in my grill about the earring and asking me this and that and how much I paid to get the earring and I tell him the truth, 5k. I screwed those guys hard too, cause The Quon woulda paid 7k. So this Ranger does this little "omg" thing and starts in on me about how messed up this game is and how The Quon got hosed anyway cause he saw the Earring in the Bazaar for 3.5k just yesterday. That's just some rude shit. So I'm all like "/ooc Group looking for quiet Ranger. Will drag corpse here for rez..." Which seemed to please the Ranger cause he starts going "woo hoo" and "I wanted to be with my guild anyway". Poor poor deluded treehugging surrender-monkey, he didn't understand the next step included the excel SL and I was pretty pumped cause his name started with an "A" so he was gonna be near the top cause it's alphabetized. When I sent him a tell letting him know, he didn't seem so happy about it then. Which was The Quons whole point.

    So this Ranger disbands and starts telling smack to the whole zone in ooc, which is cool with me because it spreads the word of The Quon and let's everybody know how I'm living. So I'm pretty calm about this cause i've already got a Ranger on the hook who just so happens to have a fresh corpse at the docks anyway. Perfect. But this asshat crosses the line..."I really want to beat this guys ass, irl". I was mad enough until the Druid tells me what "irl" means, which I kinda figured cause Rangers are pretty much at the top of my "Do not duel out of pity" list and I'd get more of a challenge farming Evil Eye Bags in LGuk. The Quon lets this guy, and the rest of the zone, know that he's a Black Belt and shit and if he wants to come to up-state NY then it's on like Grey Poupon. I'll let him know that The Quon would beat his ass so hard he could write it off on his taxes. And all The Quon heard was crickets and the sound of Wood Elf honie Tunics across the zone straining to hold it all in.

    So I'm a little pissed cause my group wasn't responding at all to what The Quon was laying down. No cries of "PWND" or "AWWW SNAP!". No back-up in group either. Just a shitload of nothing. So i'm all like "You better Recognize!" and they start hemming and hawing and that's enough for The Quon. I get every name and load gate and I'm out with a wave and a "Peace, dookie tasters".

    And a new rule is born.

    - Have your MC's back. If we're grouped, you fight for The Quon. Do that and you'd be amazed at the shit I'll do for you in time. I don't care if I'm giving one of your guildies a pants down spanking in front of the whole zone. Show support. Not just by staying grouped, The Quon wants to hear that shit. Give Quon his propers. Respect. Have my back.

    Xaquin on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    More Quon

    The Quon and The Seven Newbs
    Don't ever let it be said that The Quon wont help a newbie. Shiat, everyone deserves a little Quon love now and then. So, The Quon decides to head over to Crushbone and give some mad buffs to a few random toons. Took the Nexus pad to Greater Fay and on arrival busted with /shout "The Quon has arrived, all Hail!" As you can imagine there were an assload of responses coming back. The Quon did get phat props from gobs of peeps but on the other hand The Quon's Shit List got 13 new entries.

    Anyway, The Quon rolls past Kelethin takin screenshots of nekkid Wood Elf scooties on the way, up and over orc hill, past the firepots and zones into Crushbone. For giggles I give a little hammer tap on the Orc Centurion standing in the corner and it starts trying to hit me. With the Orc trying to pound on The Quon's back I run over to the castle where there are 7 newbs all sitting around medding or performing some type of cyber circle jerk. The Quon stands right smack in front of them and /say "This is what happens when you disrespect The Quon Yo" and I nuked that Orc down in one mothaphuckin shot. The Quon knows they were crazy impressed cause they were too friggin amazed to even type back a reply. The Quon stands there a little while to let that shit sink in. Moments pass and I'm all like /say "Kneel before The Quon and you shall feel The Quon's l33tness." The Quon waits for them to pay their due respect and shit. WTF? only 3 of these phucks /kneel?? They don't know who the hell they are messin with. Maybe they didn't hear The Quon because they were in mid jerk, so I repeat that shiat one more time. Holy piss, out of the blue one of these assclowns /says "We don't kneel for nobody bitch."

    AWWWW SHIT!, there is going to be reverence paid to The Quon whether these petunia's want to or not. You can believe that yo.

    /say "Last chance newbs, /kneel"
    No response.

    The Quon hits the Walk key, to be all dramatic and shit, and strolls into the castle. Walk right to the throne and start tapping orcs left and right yo. By the time The Quon has clinked all those Cents and Lego's it looks like The Quon has an overgrown, Ooompa Loompa, Conga line strung out behind his fine ass. I take that shit out to my new found playa hatas and snuggle The Quon all up nice and close, cast DA, and watch from overhead view as the Seven Newbs all take dirt naps at The Quon's feet. Once those phucks bit it, The Quon decided to take the parade global yo. Conga'd our way to Trainer Hill, the tents, and Slave camp. By the time The Quon zoned out of CB there were 27 fatalities and 16 mobs in the Death Dance Line. Seconds before zone out, these words were heard, /ooc "Don't EVER disrespect The Quon, a simple /kneel from 4 fucknuts would have prevented this horrible act of vengeance, remember that"

    The Quon zones out and gates on back to the Nexus to /LFG. Wasn't but 4 minutes later that a GM sends a /tell "We understand that you trained a lot of people in the zone of Crushbone." /r "Ummm, hello, can't understand, you are breaking up." She's all like "Quon, you have not been observing the PNP (Play Nice Policy)." /r "Play with this scootie, they had it coming for not respecting The Quon." GM-"Training players is expressly forbidden in EQ." /r "I hear ya, wanna cyber?" GM-"You are dangerously close to account cancellation." /r "Is that a yes?" GM-"You sir, have been warned, do not make another mistake." /r "The Quon has mad cyber skills glazecake, let me perform some verbal stimuli on you sweet thing. Once you go Quon you'll find your panties on the lawn." Yeaaah. Interestingly enough the conversation ended here. That biatch is prolly looking up The Quon's email addy to send erotic photos and shit.

    The Quon out.

    My personal favorite

    Roleplayers should shampoo The Quons crotch...
    Roleplayers. The Quon doesn't get it. The Quon doesn't want to. And let's be real. The Quon doesn't have to and neither do you.

    The Quon has had to endure a certain level of contact with Roleplayers over the levels. He see's it as a necessary evil. Along the way to god-hood, a little give and take is sometimes required to keep the wheels of xp greased. We've all had run-ins with that punk ass Druid who won't kill animals no matter how sweet the xp. Or that fucktard who won't kill his own race. Weak. At first The Quon tried to educate these dingleberries about the whackness inherent in their logic. "Dude, this Orc hasn't ever seen your lands, he don't know you ruined them and besides that, fuck him". But eventually The Quon put his blinders on and went about the business of level lapping these self-handicapped freaks 10 times over. Cause that's how you can identify "most" of the roleplayers, they're level 35...for-fucking-ever. They've got 8 character, all level 15 to 35. The Quon wants to know the point.

    But now that he's the MC The Quon won't tolerate these assclowns.

    So when The Quon found himself in PoJ cell group last night with an MA who obviously juggled turds as a side job at the Renaissance Fair, he knew it was on. Everything was going just fine for the most part. Respects had been paid, rules were being observed and shit. We were chugging through the xp at a decent pace.

    The tank comes back empty handed on a pull and I'm all like "WTF?". And the rest of the group's looking at The Quon just waiting to back his play. The tank says, "Nothing down there to pull. Just humanoids". And The Quon is all like, "You better pull that shit! The Quon needs RUN3 tonight so he can leave all the newbs behind and hit PoV." And the Shammy's all like "Newbs?", like he was offended or something. The Quon squashed that shit with a quickness though, "You heard me mothaphucka...do something." And he was all quiet after that. Respect.

    So get this, the tank actually stops looking for mobs and comes back to the camp, stands in front of me and starts teaching like he's a professor or something. "I'm a Humanoid, we're all humanoids. It would be a slap in the face of our gods to kill others like us. There's plenty of other mobs here to chose from without offending our dieties."

    After a minute to stop giggling, cause The Quon SO knows what the future holds, The Quon says, "You don't do certain things you don't want to do, then blame it on the will of your god and everything's cool? Nice deal. Good to know." And this guy seems all pleased and shit like he blew The Quon's mind or something.

    So we continue on for a bit and all seems forgotten.

    On the next pull, The Quon watches as this door-knobs health went down faster than a Wood Elf Honie looking for a Rez in The Quons pocket. ("It's down there baby...keep looking"). I enjoy this because I knows what's coming. "HEAL". The Quon, of course, does not. What I do though is call out "The Big Heal Bomb is Inc on Warrior. But I never cast that shit. Instead The Quon loads gate and once I'm sure the Warrior is gonna take a dirt nap I say "I think you're a fuck-wit. I don't wanna heal you and Tunare says she's with me on it. Roleplayers should shampoo my crotch. Peace out".

    And I'm gone.

    Now who's the teacher mothaphucka.

    Cyber with The Quon
    So I'm medding in the Nexus and I'm weeding through the barrage of "group with me Quon" and "We need you for uber xp Quon" tells I always get as soon as I log in, when out of the blue I get a random /tell from some honie.

    "FUCK you Quon".

    I'm pretty sure I remember this scooties name so I check on my Shit List first to see if she has upset the Quon in the past. Nope. I check my other Excel list "Honies I want to Cyber with". It takes a hot second though cause it's a monster Excel joint, and I'm all about enabling macros and shit. Yep, she's there and I have her stats too, sweet little inky enchantress with perkies and maxed out DEX and AGI, you know what I'm sayin. A bit low on INT for a caster but Quon was only looking to "group" with her in the loosest sense of the word. (Don't forget to ask The Quon about the night he spent "2-boxing" some other time...bwahhhh)

    Lady Marmalade is a little fast on the draw, all wanting to jump right into the final act before we can do a little pre-lovin. I try to slow the shiznit down by throwin back some sweet nothings to her. Cause the one thing my grandma told me that I'll always remember is "Quon, you gotta lick it before you stick it". So I'm all like.../r "Yo baby, I want it bad as you, I ain't never had no blue stuff, but daamn girl you shakin like J-Lo on crack. What you say me and you tangle our tongues before we do the nasty?" And I say it just like that cause the honies love it when The Quon comes at them all hard verbally and shit.

    She responds with "OMG!", I can almost hear this chick moaning out The Quon's name as she's typing, like she was washing her hair in one of those cracked out shampoo commercials.

    I'm all like screw it if she wants it that bad who am I to hold out on her. So I put it all on the table.../r "Come on over here Smurfette and rub your Orbs and you Infinite Void on me. Let the Quon show you how to get Shizzle with the Bizzle." Cause I know that will get her all hot and shit. I continue cause I don't want to lose the flow.../r "Sweet thing I got more moves than a Grandmaster Monkey, you and me were meant to do the Kunark Krotch Rock, awww yeeea we're gettin freaky now aren't we baby?" And I'm really into it so I stand up at my cpu and start gyrating my hips and I'm hollaring at the top of my lungs..."Feel It, Feel It!", until my moms screams up at me and I sit down and get back to it.

    So this DE is all like "Welcome to my list!"

    I'm all like, Sweeeet. Cause regular cyber kicks ass. So I tell her, /r "That's the stuff baby, you're on my list too. Write this shit down. I give her this laundry list of what Quon needs to have done for him to "DING" if you catch what i'm saying. And Quid Pro Quon like, I ask her to give me her list so I can help her with her "Alternate Advancement". (Yeeeahhh).

    She doesn't respond, I figure she's got her hands too busy to reply. I fire off some more sexual healing for my new Inky Cyber Buddy.../r "You're crazy hot for The Quon ain't ya? You can't help that you dig tha flava. The Quon just summoned his Hammer of Divinity and it proc's like a muthaphucka. And just when you can't take anymore, I'll toss my 'lil Hammer Pet around the back way on ya. Free your mind and your ass will follow."

    This chick has got to be steamin hot by now, and I'm rubbing my Thumb over Firiona Vie's plastic boobies trying not to spill my SoW Potion too fast, it's time to take this shiaat to the next level.../r "Let's stop with this lame ass typin shit, fire off your digits to me, and send me your pic via email to TheQuon2003@yahoo.com, I'll talk at ya. Yo"

    When she sends the pic I'll post it, she'll be whack ass embarrassed but at least I got mine.

    Quon out

    The Quon heads to PoV
    Now The Quon has always had the world swinging from his sack. But in the last week or so, shit has been crack pipe crazy for The Quon. The Quons not sure if you've heard it or not but there's been a huge sucking sound all over the EQ community as peeps rush over to The Quons joint to learn from the MC, or to read about the latest adventures of yours truly.

    And things have gotten buck ass wild in game too. For example, The Quon logs on and heads to the Nexus, as is his custom and shit, to cold scam an Enchanter out of some sweet, sweet KEI. So The Quon does a /who enchanter 60 65 and looks for one he hasn't done the dine and dash with before. Bingo. "/t Chanter 100pp for KEI? You with that?" And this hussy is all like "/ooc Nobody KEI Quon, he's a dick."

    OMG WTF? She did NOT just disrespect The Quon like that, it's sooo on. But before The Quon gets a chance to give this KEI skank a verbal enema /tells come flooding from every mothaphuckin direction. The Quon sees some "Rangers pwn you", "No ports for The Quon ever", "We don't wear parachute pants you bastard" etc. etc. and The Quon knows that he's been taken off the guest list of every planned same sex marriage on the server. The Quons all like /ooc "Phuck y'all. The Quon wants SOE to start a Druid and Ranger only server. Call it Felchers of Tunare. Then in two years, The Quon will crash your no traffic gettin message board and drop mad spoilers about what drops off The Ghoul Lord, or directions on how to get to DVinn and shit, cause you sure as phuck won't know."

    But The Quon also sees some of these type tells "The Quon rulez", "You tell em, The Quon...Rangers suck ass" and "I wanna cyber till you're sore", so The Quon figures it's all good. One of the pro-The Quon chanters KEI's me and I'm ready to head out. So The Quon heads west to the PoK book and /shouts, "If you gotz a problem with The Quon, you know who you can talk to right? Deez Nutzzzzzzzzzzzzz..." And The Quon's out.

    The Quon hits PoK with a quickness, rolling right into PoT thinking how sweet it would be if The Quon could have had a choice between this lame ass horse and a Pimped out Cadi with 20 inch rims, jacked up hydrolics, shag carpet and a Wood Elf Honie deodorizer hangin from the rear view. Shiat, The Quon could only fit one Spirit receptacle on the back of this nag, but he could fit half a dozen glazecakes in a true ride. Hell, The Quon needs to ditch EQ and build his own online World, cause it would be the bomb for sure, you can believe that Yo. Anyway, The Quon knows exactly where he's heading tonight...PoV (That's Plane of Valor for those still rockin Velks...shout out to my boyz at named). Yeah, The Quon swore he wouldn't hit PoV till he got RUN3 and he got it last night so it's time to phucking set this shit off and get with the crazy xp.

    Unfortunately, the group I started wasn't up to The Quon's standards. However, The Quon has got to get his cyber on before the night is over so I'll toss that story at ya tomorrow, cause you won't believe the newbness that The Quon had to endure.

    The Quon Out

    Xaquin on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Sk8er Gnome

    Brave Brave Me
    well i did it again. i ran over to commons west side (the

    scary side) to try to hunt some things
    anyway im running around getting losk and i see this guy named
    dervish walking slow

    so i run up to him and hail him and he ignores me but im used
    to that here in commons west. so he keeps walking an i keep
    hailing him but still getting ignored

    so im like 'dude i was going to help you and tell you how to
    turn on run so you can get
    places faster but now i wont, haha'

    and he STILL ignores me.

    so i say 'dude you think your tough but i fought 4 lvl 59s
    yesterday and lived'

    well now im mad cause hes ignoring me and keeps walking but i
    see hes wearing no gear and im going to teach him a lesson

    so i attack him and i cant hit him that hard but he sure is
    beating me up fast and suddenly like 10 of his friends all run
    out to help him

    but check this out. suddenly i see their exploiting cause ALL
    OF THEM ARE NAEMED THE SAME THING

    so im shouting 'dervish your a cheater you expoiter!!'

    and now im almost dead and suddenly im at full health and i
    turn around and its this elf guy behind me and he says 'need
    some help?'

    finally someones talking to me so i tell him that he can run
    faster by clicking the "WALK" button at the bottom of the
    screen.

    and hes like 'huh?'

    and i said 'i tried to tell dervish but that punk wouldn't
    listen'

    well wouldnt you believe it the elf guy starts to do speels on
    me too, just like the meen ppl from yesterday

    and elfguy says 'you better run'

    and i say 'im not scared of you'

    and he says 'huh?'

    and i say 'im a lvl 5 monk, haha, whats up now? YOU better run'

    and he just stands there

    and then he says 'n00b' and leaves.

    and i shout at him WTF is a n00b im a MONK ARE YOU DEAF!!>??

    and this dervish guys is beating me up bad now that elf guy
    left so i run and and im faster and dervish is following me
    with his band of cheaters. well i see another group killing
    some stuff, so i run over there and say 'hey wanna help me
    kill some exploiters?'

    and then dervish run up to me with his dirty no good friends
    and kills me quick

    so i died come back in freeport east and suddenly im getting
    all these tells

    sakan tells you 'dude thanks for the train, n00b'

    OMG WTF???

    so im like 'sakan wtf are you dumb this is fantasy, no trains
    in EQ'

    then..

    critol tells me 'you are a total n00b dude'

    WTF??

    so now im wondering if n00b is like a nice name for a monk, or
    something cause i hear it alot.

    anyway im staying awayt frum common west side forever unless
    nicer people play there

    laterz

    How It All Works Out in the End
    ok so eq2 is coming out now eh?
    WTF??

    what about all the hard work ive put into my characters?? is
    it all going down the tolet??

    well im not going to let that happen so a few hours ago i
    logged onto eq

    'selling reel good lvl 5 monk for USA dollars, send tell' i
    start auctioning

    im not going to let verant screw me. hell i have over ONE DAYS
    PLAYED ON MY ACCOUNT!!

    well i keep auctioning for awhile, and then this hot darkelf
    chick walks up to me

    GM LONI tells you 'hi skaterr. i wanted to remind you that
    selling your account is against the EULA and is a bannable
    action'

    so i reply 'loni dude this is some damn hell crap. u r
    scerwing us all with eq2 all my time on eq1 is worthless'

    GM LONI tells you 'skaterr, eq1 is not going anywhere for a
    long long time'

    so then i get this idea cause i like to think outside the box
    and stuff.

    so i tell GM LONI 'hey hotcakes, r u going 2 be a gm on eq2???
    cause if you are how about i give you like 20 platz and you
    can pl me on eq2 or give me cool stuff'

    GM LONI tells you 'it doesn't work that way skaterr. and im
    not going to be a gm on eq2 that i know of'

    well i figure she HAS to say that or she gets fired.

    so i told her 'i know you cant say anything. shhhhhh. i wont
    tell or anything, but just poke me twice if you will do it i
    can keep a secret and your hot'

    so she says 'consider this a warning skaterr. please re-read
    the eula.'

    so i tell her 'does that mean youll do it sweetcheeks??'

    you know you have to flirt with these girl if you need
    something they like that.

    so i figure if i cant sell my account i may as well buy an eq2
    accout

    so i start auvtioning 'WTB EQ2 lvl60 MONK SEND TELL I HAVE 26
    PLAT'

    and this keeps going and i get a tell from a wizard named
    savat.

    savat tells you 'i have a level 60 monk on eq2 that i will
    give you'

    so i tell him 'really dude how much u are cool, haha'

    savat tells you 'hes free. hes in a different zone right now i
    can take you ther if you want'

    so i tell him 'dude no i want and EQ2 monk not an EQ1 monk duh'

    savat tells you 'no no this monk can play on both eq1 and eq2.
    he can be played on both games. it costs extra to do that but
    i already paid it'

    what a deal, right?!?!

    so i tell him 'dude lets go you are cool!'

    so we group up and he gates me to Colebelts Scars zone and
    then and then he goes linkdead.

    so im waiting and waiting and he wont come back and then do
    a /who all savat and i see hes in north freeport again!!

    WTF??

    so i tell him 'dude omg wtf??!! im waiting in Colebelt Scars!!'

    and he says 'hold on im getting the monk but i have to keep it
    a secret or the gm's will find out. just fight some wyrvens
    while you wait.'

    so i was scared cause its a new zone but hey, im level 5 now
    so i dont think many things can hurt me

    but just then i had to log cause it was time to go skating but
    i just wanted to say..

    dude eq2 will rock with my lvl 60 monk and if anyone wants me
    to pl them, just send me a tell on eq2. savat told me the
    monks name was joo suxors, which i thought was a pretty dumb
    name but hey, i didn't choose it.

    My Big Adventure
    ok i get home last night, right, and i turn on the monitor and
    i guess what i see? my brothers account is at the character
    selection screen, hehe.
    so im very tempted to log his 60 enhcanter on but he said to
    never ever play it, but that was BEFORE i leart everything
    about eq with my 5 monk.

    so im thinking about it and i decided to eat some ice cream.
    so im eating ice cream and looking at the enchanter and eating
    more ice cream and finally i push the ice cream aside and log
    in Tyru (named changed duh)the enchanter

    anyways im fealing reely tough and looking around but i dont
    recognize where i am and thats wierd cause ive been in all 8
    of the zones already with my monk

    well then i get this tell

    Rathmus tells you 'are you coming dragon nec with us?'

    so i tell him 'which one?' cuase i dont know which dragon he
    means

    Rathmus tells you 'what..?'

    i tell him 'which dragon duh'

    and then theres this long pause and he says 'ummm, dragon
    necropolis... the guild raid tonight. we're kill zoolander'

    ROFL a bad guy named zoolander!!

    so i tell him 'hahaha dude u r funny there is no mob named
    zoolander, haha, haha.'

    so then he says 'Tyru are you ok?'

    so i say 'no dude im peeing my pants cause u r a funny guy'

    so then there is this long pause again and he says 'just read
    the motd and get out to WW asap'

    WTF??!!

    so im like 'omg dude, speak freakin enlgish wtf'

    so i see in guild chat that a wizard is giving away pickups at
    gbp.

    well this i just HAVE to see. a pickup in eq, haha.

    so i say to the guild 'where the hell is gbp??!!

    and the wizard is like 'if you cant even remember that, you
    should just click gate and find out'

    so i gate and im in the dwarf snow town of whatever and there
    is the wizard with a bunch of other ppl from the same clan.

    so i say 'dude i want a pickup plz, a red one, or green and is
    it faster than horses??'

    so the wizard invites me and then before i could get a pickup
    somehow i gated again!!

    WTF, stupid enchanters, jezz.

    anyways were all in colebelts scars again (where my 60 EQ2
    monk is parked, if the dumb guy will ever give him to me) and
    we all start running for like FOREVER. and we keep going and
    going and going. so i say screw this im getting mor ice cream.
    so i get some more ice cream and i turn on the tv and full
    house is a reely stupid show btw.

    so anyway i go back to the computer and i see im in the snow
    dworf city again!!!

    WTF stupid random gating crap hell is this??!!

    so Rathmus tells me 'consent me'

    and im like 'WTF??'

    and he says 'consent me we're all waiting on you'

    so im like 'waiting on me for what?'

    and he doesn't answer and then he says 'consent me now'

    so i say 'how?'

    and he tells me.

    anyway, i get this box offering me FREE EXP (prolly cause i
    flirted with GM LONI yesterday) so i click it of course, my
    brother will be so happy! but wouldn't you know it, that damn
    enchanter gates again!!

    so now im outside with everyone again and i see this corpse
    with the same name as me, but im used to verants bugs now, so
    i loot it.

    then Rathmus says 'Buff here and when your group is buffed,
    zone in. send tells now.'

    so suddelny like 10 ppl send me a tell saying 'SoS'

    OMG!! they must be in trouble, right

    so i run over there to them and im yelling 'ill save you!' but
    i dont see whats hurting them so bad that they have to say SOS
    to me for. in fact they looked ok.

    so now im getting like A HUNDRED TELLS saying 'sos plz'
    or 'kei'.

    WTF?!?

    so im like 'dudes i dont speak french or whatever'

    anyway we finally zone in and this big orge is running off and
    suddenly THE SKELATON DRAGON APPEARS AND STARTS TO ATTACK HIM!

    so i run out there and start hitting it, and hes a big sissy
    cause hes running back toward the group. then it dawns on me
    why everyone was saying 'sos'.

    so im getting hurt real bad but then the whole group finally
    comes out to fight it, those scaredy cats, and i say 'haha you
    guys are scared sissys'

    and the dragon dies and i jump up to get more ice cream and
    THERES MY BROTHER STANDING BEHIND ME!

    uh oh.

    so his face is all red and his eyes are all big and hes
    looking at me

    so im like 'dude chill i just killed a dragon for you'

    so he grabs me and puts me in a chair and grabs some duct tape
    and wraps it all around me!! how ingrateful can you get!?!?

    so i'm trying to tell him about the free 96% exp that the GM
    gave him, but he wont listens he just keeps taping me

    WTF??

    so hes done taping me and he rolls me outside on the porch and
    locks the door. so people are so unthankful.

    anyway all in all it wasnt to bad, cause after an hour or so
    he threw some icecream out the window and i was able to tip
    the chair over and eat some while i waiting for him to cool
    down and untape me.

    i guess the lesson i learned is to nextime take MY monk to
    kill the dragon and not my brother randomly-gating enchanter.
    jezz.

    The Stalker Amoung[sic] Us
    omg check this out.
    so last night im killing fire beeatles and eating ice and i
    get this tell..

    slayerr tells you 'your posts on cr forums sucks and u r
    stupid'

    WTF?!?

    i tell slayerr 'dude who are you and wtf?'

    slayerr tells you 'im on cr forums and read your posts and
    their dumb an u r dumb too dumbface, whos dumb.'

    so i say 'dude did you create that character just to log onto
    mith marr and taunt me?'

    slayerr tells you 'ya sucker you suck and your dumb and im not
    and you suck and i dont haha'

    so im thinking that slayerr is a loser and a meaniehead.

    so my brother is watching TV and i call him into the room and
    he reads whats been wroten and he chuckles and he says come
    with me.

    so my brother logs on his 57 wizard and tells slayerr 'hi
    friend and well met!'

    slayerr tells him 'who the hell r u n00b'

    mykrel (57 Wizard) tells slayerr 'im quitting eq and selling
    my 57 wizard for one penny to the person with the coolest
    name, and i think you may be the one!'

    slayerr tells mykrel 'awesome!!! dude u r cooler than
    airsupply!!'

    mykrel tells slayerr 'hold on though, there are a few others
    who are in the running'

    slayerr tells mykrel 'dude comeawn pleeaaase!! I have a cool
    name cause im cool and handsome!'

    mykrel tells stayerr 'don't go anywhere, in ten minutes i'll
    tell you who wins, but your looking really strong right now'

    slayerr tells mykrel 'sweet dude u r a studly man, a beautiful
    man'

    WTF?!?

    so my brother looks at me, and i'm like 'ya dude, i dunno what
    up with that?'

    so my brother waits 10 minutes and watches TV, then he
    petitions 'a level 1 player named slayerr keeps bothering my
    trying to buy my account for one penny. please take action on
    this'

    so then my brother tells slayerr 'no i will not sell you my
    account, please stop bothering me'

    and then slayerr tells him 'DUED WTF YOU SELL ME YOUR ACCOUNT
    I WAITED 10 MINUTEDS!!'

    and mykrel tells him 'there will be no account selling, it's
    against the rules, please stop bothering me'

    and slayerr tells him 'bullsh1t dude you can sell it and get
    away with it, i do it all the time i have a cleric and warrior
    and they are 52 and i bought them off ebay, i get all my
    characters off ebay, now sell me your account for a
    penny!!!!!!'

    then my brother does a /report slayerr, whatever that is.

    so slayerr keeps going on and on and on, about how my brother
    needs to sell, and that he is NOT cooler than airsupply
    anymore.

    then he gets another tell..

    GUIDE forsythe tells you 'im sorry about all that. slayerr
    won't be bothering you or anyone else for awhile, his account
    has been suspended and is under review for a ban.

    so we log off and eat more ice cream.

    then my brother says 'slayerr probably drunk right now,
    singing "im all out of love"'

    and we had a good laugh and ate ice cream.

    I guess what goes around comes around.

    Easy Cash and Silly Girls
    well, like last week i was playing eq at my friends house, and
    his sister was like 'hey, quit that and come help me with
    something'
    so im like 'hey shutup for a sec im almost done beeting a
    dervish!'

    so she comes over and turns the computer off!!! and im
    yelling 'mike!! mike!! your sisters a meanhead!!'

    and she says 'mikes gone with my mom to get the dog back from
    the vet thats why i need your help'

    so im like 'dammit fine then, since i cant play eq anymore'

    so we go upstairs and shes like 'help me move my bed to this
    side of the room'

    so im like 'this sucks'

    and shes like 'your a whiner'

    and i get mad and im like 'no im not, you are'

    anyway, were moving the bed and we get it across the room, and
    theres this quarter under the bed

    and she picks it up and walks over too me and looks at me for
    a sec then whispers in my ear 'i'll bet you this quarter that
    i can kiss you without touching you'

    so im like 'sweet! thats a free quarter!'

    so i say 'you better pay up when you lose'

    and she just smiles and gets closer and kisses me right on the
    mouth!

    then she took my hand and put the quarter in it, looked me in
    the eyes and smiled and said 'looks like i lost'

    and im like 'dam right, you did'

    and she says 'so how was that?'

    and i said 'good, you taste like jolly ranchers!'

    and she laughed and said 'that would be my lip gloss'

    and she said 'im going to go for a swim in our pool, wanna
    help me get changed into my bathing suit?'

    and i was like 'hell no i have a quarter to spend on some ice
    cream, haha, woo-hoo!!'

    then i ran out of the room, which took a little while, because
    the door had gotten locked somehow.

    anyway a bossy cheerleader and her money are easily parted i
    guess

    Xaquin on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Funny How the World Works Sometimes
    hey like, my birthday is friday. well my brother and a few of
    his friends were talking about what gift to give me, and my
    brother mentioned a cof for my monk, or a fungi, whatever that
    is
    weel then my brother looks over at me playing eq and says 'hey
    wait, lets get him a stripper.

    OMG WTF?!?

    now i KNOW wht a stripper is. i had to use one on the kicthen
    walls last summer when my dad and me repainted part of the
    house. it doesnt work very well and its not fun AT ALL

    so im like 'dude WTF, why would i want a stripper??!!

    and my brother and his friends are looking at me funny, and
    they say 'umm, stripers are alot of fun, bro. youll understand
    when your older'

    how can this be?? what do they know that i dont??

    well they go outside and do whatever it is college people do,
    and i log off eq and decided to give this stripper thing
    another chance

    so i go down stairs to try to get my dads stripper and
    practise with it a bit and see i was missing someting...but i
    cant find it anywere

    so i call my mom at work and im like 'mom have you seen dads
    stripper'

    and she says 'what?!'

    and im like dad has a stripper, do you know were?'

    and she starts breathing heavy and whatever.

    so she says 'your father has a STRIPPER?!'

    and im like 'chill mom, jezz, ya sometimes he keeps it in the
    basement, but i cant find it anywhere'

    and my mom is foaming at the mouth and yelling 'SHES BEEN OVER
    TO THE HOUSE??!!??'

    WTF?!

    i never knew this was such a hot topic

    and im like 'listen you didnt mind the stripper so much when
    you got a new kitchen remodled'

    and shes like 'I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT ANY STRIPPER' blah blah
    blah... and 'THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON SINCE LAST SUMMER??!!'

    so im like 'umm mom ill call ya later of something, jezz'

    and shes like 'DONT YOU HANG UP ON...."

    so im like 'WTF'

    so i go downstairs again and finally find the stripper on the
    toolbench

    so i bring it up to my bedroom and plug it in and man i must
    have gotten bigger and stronger since last summer cause that
    striper worked reel good

    so there i was peeling perfect stips of paint off my wall, and
    im like 'hey this isnt so bad'

    so then i decide to write my name, and i do it and im
    thinking 'like, my brother was right this is fun haha'

    well then the phone rings and its my grandfaather who lives
    all the way overr in Britin Engalend.

    so he says 'good afternoon son, and how are you?'

    and i say 'hey gramps im great im playing with a striper in my
    bedroom!'

    and he says 'pardon me?'

    and im like 'ya, im getting one for my birthday, so i decided
    to practise with my dads stripper in my bedroom and i reely
    like it'

    and he cleared his throught and said 'oh dear'

    and im like 'ya at first i didnt like it, but now its really
    growing on me'

    and he says 'so its growing, is it *ahem* *cough*? ummm, is
    your mother there?'

    and just then my mom burst through the bedroom door all red
    faced and looked at me and looked at the wall and i dropped
    the phone and i was thinking 'oh man i am screwed'

    and shes like 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!'

    and im like 'mom, im playing with dads stripper dont be mad'

    and she stops and looks at me again and at the wall, and all
    of the sudden she starts laughing and giggling and gave me a
    big hug and a kiss on the forhead (ewww) and she wasnt mad
    anymore (my dad sure was we he got hom, but thats a different
    story)

    anyway all the guys at skool think im reely cool now when i
    tell them that my mom likes strippers and that im getting one
    for my birthday. seems like they all want to come over friday
    and play with it too, but i dont think ill let'em.

    I Love My Brother
    so im sitting Fireonia Vei last nite at about 11 aclock eating
    icecream and feeling bored and all of the sudden my brother
    shows up at the bank with his 60 enchater. and he see's me and
    types 'Hey Skaterr '
    so i yell 'hey mike. hi'

    and hes like 'dude dont yell, just freakin type it in'

    so i yell 'dude WTF ur rite down the hall, typing is dumb'

    and so he types 'ya and mom and dad are asleep already'

    so i yell 'oh ya ur rite my bad ill type stuff now'

    so he types 'when are you gonna start'

    so i yell 'right now!!'

    and he types 'your still yelling...'

    and i yell 'WELL QUIT ASKING ME STUFF!!11!'


    so then he says 'want me to PL you?'

    and i say 'ok cool'

    and hes like 'wow, you do know how to type'

    and im like 'stfu'

    so we group up for the scary spidur run from fireonia vie to
    lake if the ill omens, and we get to the bridge to cross and
    im getting nervous and eating icecream faster and faster.

    well we get to the end of the bridge when all of this sudden
    this 45 monk say 'HALT! you may not pass without paying the
    bridge toll.'

    and the monks standing there at the end of the bridge looking
    at us. waiting for some plat or somthing.

    WTF??

    so my brother says 'how much is the toll'

    and the monk says '200p a peace'

    and my brother says 'what if we dont pay it'

    and the monk says 'ill train you while you run to loio'

    so im like 'dude monks are gay'. but then i remembered that im
    a monk, and that didnt really sound good so i asked my brother
    if there was a way to erase what i had said, and he said no'

    so my brother says 'we shall pay you, and also buff you, so
    you can defend this bridge even better'

    so i yell 'OMG MIKE WTF ARE YOU DIONG!?!?!?'

    and hes like 'can it, bullhorn. if you yell again, im gonna
    duck tape your mouth shut'

    jezz my brother an his damn duct tape.

    so he gives the monk 400p and invites him to the group for
    some group buffs. so the monk joins us, and im like 'dude ur
    gay, but not ALL monks are gay' so now i felt better about
    calling monks gay when i am one

    so he like 'whatever suxor. going afk for b-room while you
    buff me, brb'

    and my brother says 'incoming monk buffs!' and begins to cast
    a speel. and promptly turned the monk into a werewolf.

    well the guards didnt liek that so much, so they started
    attaking him and killed him pretty quick. well he came back to
    the keyboard and was like "WTF why am i dead??!!'

    and im like 'cause your gay, and the guards dont tolerate that
    here in FV.'

    and my brothers liek 'dude im SO sorry.. forgot about
    illusions getting oyu killed in FV. ill get you a rez'

    so we find this 30 cleric whio will rez him, and he gets back
    to his corpse after lots of biching about getting a higher rez
    and losing exp.

    so while he was looting his corpse, mike did it again. it only
    took 1 hit to kill the monk this time so im falling off my
    chair laughing. and i yell 'mike you are so freakin funny im
    peeing in my pant'

    well 10 seconds later theres mike standing behind me with duct
    tape in hand. dammit.

    so i get my mouth taped and hes like 'can you still breath?'

    and im liek 'mmhmfmmmh'

    and hes like 'that was worth 400p, wasnt it'

    and im like 'mmhhmmfmmhmm'

    all in all it was a good night. mike was thinking about
    logging on his wizard and offering to gate the monk to DL, and
    taking him to cobelt scars instead, but we figured he had had
    enough.

    mike let me take the duct tape off after haf an hour, but by
    then my ice cream had melted, so i had to use a straw instead.
    like i said, all in all it was a good night.

    Live and Let Die
    ok so like last night im playing eq, and the phone rings and
    its my friend jeff moncrief (who we call J-Mo as a nickname
    cause it sounds like j-lo and he hates it) and hes like 'dude,
    ive got too tickets to Godsmack for tonight!!'
    and im like 'omg dude wtf so you you are so gay. im not going
    to a concort with you just the two of us'

    and hes like 'wtf dude girls are coming with us. like 10 ppl
    are goin'

    so im like 'sweeeet dude, u r not gay u rule'

    so i grab my jacket and yell 'mom ill be back in a sec, i have
    to go outside to pee'

    and shes liek 'huh? cant you use the bathroom like a normal
    person?'

    but i was already out the door by then, and i run over to j-
    mo's house and there all outside waiting for me.

    so we pack like 10 ppl in the honda and im liek 'dude get off
    me homo' and 'dude stop touching me' like the whole way there.

    anyway we get there, and were parking and we all get out and
    go up the the gates, and theres this long-ass line and we get
    in line, and all of the sudden these guys behind us are
    like 'hey dudes, we were in line first you just cut us'

    and im liek 'wtf dude no you weren't you just came up i saw
    you, liars'

    and the girls who came with us are giggling and looking at me
    and im feeling tough.

    so one of the guys pushes me and says 'are you calling me a
    liar?'

    and im like 'uhh, ya are you deaf? dont make me eagle strike
    your ass'

    but these guys are big and older and im thinking maybe i
    should have handled it a little differently.

    so hes walking toward me with his fists ready and everything,
    and im getting reely scared now, when suddemly i remember...
    feign death! feign death!

    now let me tell you... that sh!t doesnt work in reel life,
    cause i fell down and played dead real convincingly and he
    didnt even hesitate before starting to kick my ribs in.

    so lift my head up and im like 'dude wtf im dead just look at
    me' and i close my eyes and stick my tounge out, and he didnt
    even think about stopping.

    so im getting reely hurt now and i look up and i see j-mo
    looking at me and im like 'j-mo nuke him wtf!!'

    so j-mo comes running over and stops it and im like hurt
    pretty bad and those guys run off and j-mo is like 'dude quit
    crying sissy'

    and im like 'dude, stfu, im not crying im alergic to the
    pavement'

    so im grumpy and this girl sara who rode with us comes up to
    me and shes like 'aww skatey-poo are you ok huney?'

    and im like 'ya im fine'

    and shes holds my hand and says 'is there anything i can do to
    make you feel better?'

    and i think about it for a minute and im like 'ya, u can get
    me some ice cream'

    so in the end i got some ice cream and saw a good concort so
    it wasnt reely all that bad. ive been grounded for tto weeks
    though, but hay, i can still play eq, so im happy.

    You Win Some You Lose Some
    ok so like im playing eq alot lately cause when your grounded
    all you can do is play eq and eat ice cream. so im playing
    saturday afternoon and noone else is home, and suddenly i see
    this named mummy standing in north ro! So im like 'sweet, this
    is cool'
    but then i see he cons red to me, wtf. so im like 'dammit this
    is gay'

    so im sitting there pondering my situation when i hear someone
    start knocking on the front door. so im ignoring them and
    trying think if i have enough endurance to log my brothers
    cleric in and run back and forth from his room to my room and
    fight and heal and fight and heal.

    so whoever is knocking on the door is still knoching and they
    call out 'hello is anyone home?'

    so i yell 'no!!'

    and they yell 'ahha we heard that, come down and talk to us a
    minute'

    so i yell 'woof woof!' hoping that i can fool them.

    but then they're like 'comeon down, it will only take a minute'

    and i yell 'im not allowed to answoer the door!!'

    and theyre like 'what?'

    WTF!?!

    so i run my ass downstairs and yank open the door and im
    like 'I SAID IM NOT ALLOWED TO OPEN THE DOOR CAUSE IM HOME
    ALONE!!'

    and then im thinking that ive been tricked somehow, cause here
    i am with the door wide open.

    so this old guy and this old woman are standing there smiling
    at me, ahnd the guy says 'hi there my young friend, my name is
    frank and this is my wife vergina and we are from the chuch of
    ladder-day saints.

    and im like 'cool we have a ladder too'

    and he says 'id like to talk to you for a few minutes about
    our church can we come in?'

    so then i start thinking all deep and intelichual and my mind
    hatches a brilliant plan.

    so im like 'hey saint frank i wanna be a ladder saint too'

    and he says 'wonderful! your never too young!'

    so im like 'but dude you have to help me with something first'

    so i grab him by the wrist and im dragging him upstairs to my
    brothers room and hes huffing and puffing and his wife is
    like 'where are you going with my husband?'

    so i sit saint frank down in my brothers chair and load up eq
    and log on his cleric.

    so im like 'listen saint frank i need you to take the mouse
    and clikc on that little button right there a few times before
    i become a siant'

    and hes looking up and me kinda bewildered and hes still
    breathing hard from his sprint up the stairs.

    so i show him what to do, and i run to my room and i see some
    ranger starting to attack the named mummy!!

    so i rush in and attcjk it too and im getting beaten up bad
    and im like 'click the button frank! CLICK IT!!'

    and i hear him in there clicking away as fast as he can, and
    hes still weezing. and verginas hobbling up the stairs
    saying 'frank whats going on??'

    so the fight is going good and saint frank is clicking the
    buttons like i showed him and i end up killing the mummy and
    looting it!

    so frank is like 'what does "joo sux0rs" mean?'

    and im like 'that means the ranger wants to join your chruch
    too.'

    and franks like 'oh'

    so i log off and i run into my brothers room and im
    like 'frank your the man!'

    and he and vergina are looking up at me all wide-eyed and a
    little scared and hes like 'you arn't gonna hurt us are you?'

    and im like 'no way dude, u rule!'

    and im like 'lets go downstairs and ill get you some beers for
    u and your wife'

    so im dragging frank down to the living room and vergina is
    hobbling after us saying 'frank whats going on??'

    i think shes a bit slow, that one.

    well we get down to the livingroom and all of the sudden my
    dad walks in.

    and hes like 'what the hell is going on here?'

    and im like 'hi dad, this is saint frank, and he wants to
    borrow our ladder. hes really cool'

    and then i whisper 'but be nice to his wife cause shes a
    little feeble in the brain if you know what i mean'

    but then franks like 'im sorry to disturb you people. we
    really need to be going'

    and im like 'frank whats up, when do i get to be a ladder
    saint???'

    and hes like 'someother time' and he and vergina hussle out
    the door.

    so i look out the window and theyre trotting away looking over
    there shoulder back at the housr and i couldnt help but
    thinking what a nice couple they were and hoping that they
    would visit us again soon.

    My New Friends
    ok like wtf is up with leveiling??? it gets reely boring. i
    guess cause level 5 is like a hell level or somthing? im
    thinking about taking a break from the grind and focosing on
    equipment.
    anyway so im sitting in feeraut at the druid ring thingy and i
    see this little hobbit guy named hobben sitting there afk.

    so like all of the sudden this spider start atacking him but
    hes afk and cant fight back!

    so im like 'dude dont worry ill save you!'

    so i jump up and im fighting the spider and i get posioned and
    im starting to like get hurt reely bad. so im liek 'hobben
    hurry up and get back so you dont die!!'

    and hes still just standing there afk and that sucks cause i
    dont know how much longer i can hold the spider.

    so i shout 'HOBBEN COME BACK TO KEYBAORD OR UR DEAD! hoping
    he'll hear me.

    so im liek almoset dead and this elf guy named aftathott
    appears and hes like 'skaterr your very brave'

    and im like 'thanks i know im a monk'

    and aftathotts like 'i have to rescue hobben all the tiem too.'

    and im like 'thats nice but im almost dead'

    so aftathott attacks it and helps me finish it off.

    so i check and i have like 12hp left and im like 'sweet dude
    thanks!'

    and i see hobben is back now and im like 'hey guys i have a
    little suprise for you try not to get too excited'

    so i guildinvite them to Heros of Norrath (my brother made me
    an offiser, shh dont tell anyone). i could tell they were reel
    excited caiuse they wer elooking at each other and chuckling
    and laughing.

    so hobbens like 'skatter we cant join your guild we kinda have
    a small one our own'

    so im like 'dudes forget all that we have like 15 people
    already and one of them is even level 20!'

    then aftathott says 'let me ask you something skatter, do you
    like big adventures?'

    and im like 'i sure do!!'

    and aftathotts says 'do you like phat lewtz?'

    and im like 'i LOVE phat lewtz!'

    so then i get this message "aftathott has invite you to be a
    regular member of afterlife" and i click yes.

    so hobben tells the guild 'everyone say hi to skaterr who very
    unselfiskly risked his life to save me from a level 3 spider'

    and everyone is like 'rofl hi skaterr!' and 'welcome skaterr!'

    and im liek 'HI GUYS!! is ur guild tough enough to raid
    befallen?? cause i reely need a cracked staff and an leather
    tunic'

    and rezzum tells the guild 'oohh, befallens a toughy, i dont
    know if were that good yet'

    WTF?!

    so im like 'aftathott, if its all the smae to you, i think ill
    go back to my old guild, we have a befallen raid tonight and i
    need to be with guild whos stong enough to do it'

    and hes like 'you must do what you feel it right, of course
    skaterr'

    and im like 'no hard feelings hehe?'

    and hes like 'not at all, we're sorry to lose you'

    and im like 'ya i know im level 5. dont feel bad, someone else
    will come alone that can help your guild eventually im sure of
    it'

    and hes like 'i hope so'

    so we went our seperate ways and im kinda screwed now cause
    now i have to explain to my brother why i need a nother guilf
    invite. maybe if ask him nicely i wont get the duck tape.

    The Secrets of Everquest
    ok, so like im in the commons east last night and im having
    some ice craem and getting my determination up to go crazyman
    and finish level 5.
    so i see this skeleton and he runs over to me and hits me and
    then laughs at me. so like theres no way im gonna put up with
    that, so im attack him.

    well im standing there fighting, and this monk named siegert
    walks up to me and hes like 'what are you doing?'

    and im like 'wtf dude im killing this dumb skele dont KS me'

    i don't even know what KS means, but everyone tells me to stop
    doing it alot so i think it has something to do with
    roleplaying

    so he's like 'why aren't you attacking it?'

    WTF?!?

    so im like 'dude, i am attacking it, look at this sweet ninja
    kicking action, are you blind'

    so im clicking kick as fast as i can so this stupid monk will
    see that i can fite good and leeve me alone.

    so then he's like 'skaterr, press the A key'

    so i say 'A'

    and hes like 'no, don't say it, just press it'

    so I tell siegert 'A'

    and hes like 'your kinda retarded arent you? just press the A
    key'

    so im like 'ok dude but this is the last favor i ever do for
    you'

    so i press A

    well all of the sudden i start swinging with my fists and
    punch the skele and it dies reely fast!

    and im like 'OMG DUDE YOU ARE SO RULE!!'

    and hes like 'how is it possible that you've gotten to level 5
    without knowing about auto attack?'

    and im like 'whats autoattack???'

    and hes like 'its what you were just doing when you pressed A'

    and im like 'ohh is it an exploit, cause i wont tell on you if
    you dont tell on me'

    and he stops for a second and hes looking at me and hes
    like 'your amazing'

    and im like 'ya i know im almost level 6'

    and hes like 'lucky for you i came along'

    and im like 'ya dude you are the rulest'

    so he leaves and im all excited, so i give j-mo a call on the
    phone.

    and he like 'hello'

    and im like 'dude i just got sooooo lucky!'

    and hes like 'sweet bro!! with who?'

    and im like 'this guy named siegert'

    and hes like 'WTF?!?!'

    and im like 'ya this monk guys showed me how to exploit the
    game with autoattack'

    and j-mo's like 'oooooooh, i thought... nevermind'

    and im like 'ya dude it rules i can kill pretty much anything
    in the game now'

    and hes like 'umm, wait a sec dude, you're telling me you
    didn't ever know about auto attack?? how the hell did you ever
    get to level 5?'

    and im like 'DUDE WTF WHY DO PPL KEEP ASKING ME THAT, IM A
    MONK!!!'

    and hes like 'ya how could i forget, the sweet ninja kicking
    action right?'

    and im like 'thats right'

    so i hang up and then i start wondering why the hell my
    brother never told me about the autoattack exploit.

    so i go running over to his room, and im banging on the door
    and im like 'MIKE!'

    and he opens the door a crak and sticks his head out and hes
    whispers 'SSsssshhh! dude shut-up! i cant talk right now im
    getting lucky!'

    so then i realized that that he must be learning about
    autoattack right now too, so theres no way he could have told
    me about it.

    i celebrated with some ice cream.

    Whatever
    ok so like im eating ice cream and killing munsters in wc (i
    reseantly found out wc stands for west commons and not west
    coast like i thougt)
    so like this warrior comes up to me and hes like 'hey dude
    wanna group up??'

    and im like 'whats that supposed to mean'

    and hes like 'do you wanna group?

    and im like '?????'

    and hes like 'DO U WANNA GROUP WITH ME AND KILL THE SAME
    MONSTERS FOR FAST EXP????'

    and im like 'uh ya I guess as long as you dont try an KS me'

    and hes like 'click follow'

    and im liek 'dude your not the boss of me'

    so i decide on MY OWN that i want to click follow and not
    because he told me too

    and then hes like 'can u sow me'

    and im like 'omg dude wtf no im not a paladin'

    and hes like 'i c'

    so were running arond looking for munsters and he like 'a
    young kodiak is incoming get ready'

    and im liek 'wtf how do i get ready??'

    and hes like 'just kill this'

    so i start attacking it, but then i see the hes attacking it
    too!!

    WTF?!?!

    so im like 'dude wtf stop ks'ing me!!!'

    and hes like 'huh??'

    and im like 'IM HITTING THIS ONE OMG R U BLIND'

    well he doesnt stop hitting it so i look around to make sure
    noones looking and then i use the autoattack

    weel the bear dies and i get the exp and im like 'haha fag i
    got exp u should think twice befroe tying to ks me im a monk'

    and hes like 'umm i got exp too stupid, thats the benifit of
    grouping both people get exp'

    and im like 'OMG are u serious??!? is it an exploit cause i
    just learned about auto attck last week but im too scared to
    use it'

    and hes like 'no its not an exploit'

    and im like 'sweeet dude u are so rule!! ok then im gonna go
    sit at the druid ring and u go kill stuff then. ill check up
    on my exp from tiem to time and let u know how your doing'

    and he says 'like hell you are if you can't biff me and wont
    fight, i dont need you'

    and im like 'OMG dude WTF I CANT BUFF U WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A
    WIZARD?!!?? now go kill stuff'

    and hes like 'no'

    and im liek 'please??'

    and hes like 'no'

    and thats when i got kicked out of the group. but what i wanna
    know is what the hell is grouping good for if you cant get
    free exp??!?!!?!

    Xaquin on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    New Horizons
    ok so like im sitting down to type a new story cause something
    reely funny happened last night but before i start riteing i
    check my private messages
    so theres this message in there from this chick darla and shes
    like 'hye skatterr i just read your stories and you a so cute.
    a/s/l??'

    WTF?!??

    so yell 'hey mike come here'

    and then i yell 'sorry for yelling' cause i dont want the duck
    tape but he usually lets me do it once with no tape hehe'

    so mike comes in and hes like 'what'

    and im like 'mike wtf does asl mean???'

    and hes like 'the asl an organizasion that defend the civil
    rights of minorities'

    and im like 'whats a minority??'

    and hes like 'in this county its someone whos not a white male'

    and im like 'then what am i????'

    and hes like 'the majority'

    and im like 'that sucks'

    so mike leaves and i write darla back and im like

    'deer darla,
    how are u? i am fine. i love black people. i cant give the asl
    anymoney though cause i am poor. want to be frieds???'

    weel i wait a few minutes and darla writes back 'skatterr you
    are funny wanna cyber?'

    so i yell 'mike come here'

    and then i thought dammit thats the second yell, im getting
    the duck tape for sure

    but mike was cool for some reason and not mad so i was
    like 'dude wtf does cyber mean??'

    and he like clears his throat and hes like 'shes asking you
    for help with her computer problems'

    and im like 'that sucks i don't know anything about computers'

    and hes like 'thats ok i do. why don't you go downstairs and
    eat some ice cream and ill provide her with some technical
    assistance'

    so im like 'omg dude you are so rule!! thanks'

    so i go down stairs and eat ice cream

    i never new my brother liked to help on computer stuff so
    much, i could hear him 'woooo-hoooo'ing from the living room.

    Summer Camp Adventure I
    ok, so like my parents com into my room last week and theyre
    like 'u play too much computer'
    and im like 'omg the sign on my door says WOODELVES ONLY an
    neither of you look like woodelfs to me'

    and my dads like 'dont speak that way to your parents son'

    and im liek 'i cant understand you ur not speeking elvish'

    and my dads like 'your on thin ice'

    so my mom say 'were worried about you we think you should take
    a break and go to camp'

    and im like 'everquest camp??'

    and theyre like 'no'

    and im like 'ok whatever ill go if j-mo can go to'

    and they were happy and i thought that it was kinda funny how
    i was losing parent agro by camping

    so like it comes time for me to go and after a losing a big
    arguement with my dad that involved me playing tug of war with
    my laptop i finally get on the dumb camp bus

    so im on the dumb bus and i sit in the back and an this dumb
    guys lookin at me and im like 'wtf ru looking at'

    and hes like 'woah bro chill. hey do u wanna smoke a bowl?'

    and im like 'sorry dude im not good at pottery'

    and hes like 'pottery? ive never heard it called that before'

    and im like 'what do u call it haha?'

    and hes liek 'pot'

    and im liek 'i guess that makes sence'

    so liike this guy talks to me for a long time about how cool
    pottery is, so i kinda made a mental note to increase
    skatterrs trade skils with pot when i get back to norrath

    so like anyway we get to camp after liek 100 hours and its
    nite time an all the couselers are meeting us at the bus and
    herding us towards the cabins and my couseler is wearing
    purple and talking to us in a girly voice and j-mo is liek 'i
    think our counselir is gay'

    WTF?!??

    and im like "wtf cause of his voice and clothes??'

    and hes like 'no cause of the rainbow bumper sticker on his
    vokswalgon beetle over there'

    and im liek 'i feel like were in boy scouts all over again'

    and hes like 'ya'

    so like we're all in our cabins and the couseler has his own
    little room on the side and i cant sleep and suddenly i hear
    the beep of a computer powering up

    and im like 'omg' and i jump outta bed and sneka to his door
    with my eq cds and its all silent so i open it and see the
    computer on the other side of the room

    so im sneeking over to it and i see dave (the cousulir)
    sitting on his couch watching tv

    so im looking at the tv for a second and im like 'omg dude are
    u watching top gun????'

    and he freaks out and changes it quickly and hes liek 'no look
    its the princess bride!!'

    and im like 'ya i dont remember pruncess bride havin f-14s in
    it' but then i wish i hadnt said that cause

    and hes like 'what r u doing in here??'

    and im like 'ill make a deal. i wont tell anyone about you
    watching top gun if you let me use ur computer'

    and hes like 'uhhh, ok'

    and im like '...and give me ice cream'

    and hes like 'i dont have any'

    and im like 'omg how can ne1 go without ice cream??'

    so come to finhd out his comp wont run eq but i did let me get
    on castersrealm to share an adventur with u

    Summer Camp Adventure II
    hey guys camp is fun kinda but not like eq but im having a
    good time
    so like yesterday me and j-mo and are hanging out in the
    cafateria with this guys shane and allen cause a magic show is
    on later and ive never met a real magician b4 and i reely want
    to meet one

    so like were sitting there talking and this black guy tyrone
    comes up and hes like 'whats up my dudes'

    and shanes like 'what did you just call us??'

    and tyrones like 'umm...dudes'

    and allens all like 'he just said the 'd' word to us'

    and tyrone is like 'wtf are you talking about???'

    and shane is like 'a white person can call another white
    person dude but a black person cannot call a white person dude
    cause its racist'

    and im like 'wtf'

    and j-mo is liek 'omg'

    and allen is liek 'ya you can say dudez with a 'z' but not
    dudes with an 's' dont worry were not mad cuase you didnt know'

    and j-mo and i look at each other and were like '/roll'

    and tyrone in liek 'whatever im out'

    and j-mos like 'how come when a white person says it the 'd'
    word its ok but when a black person says it its racist???/?'

    and allens like 'a white person cant hate other white people
    duh'

    and j-mos like 'well i think im starting too'

    so j-mo and i go sit at a different table and in a few minutes
    the magic show starts

    OMG!!!

    its was so cool all the magic he was doing but i never
    actually saw him cast any speels

    so at the end of the show i go over the the magician and im
    liek 'hey dude ur the rulest!!'

    and hes like 'umm thanks kid'

    and im liek 'what level are u im lvl 5??'

    and hes like 'huh?'

    and i whisper 'can i see you pet?? shhh i promise i wont tell'

    and hes like 'uhhh'

    and he was like starting to look all confused and i was
    thinking that he wasnt a reel magician after all

    so to test him i was like 'ok can you summon me sum ice
    cream??'

    so liek he grabbed his hat and said algebra cadabra and poof
    there was an ice cream bar!!

    and im liek 'OMG u ARE a MAGICIAN!!!!!!!!!!!'

    so next thing i know im in the nerse station lying on a bed
    and im like 'OMG I DIDNT KNOW MAGES GOT TRANSLOCATE'

    and then the nerse told me to shut my pie hole and lay back
    down but she didnt have any duck tape so i wasnt scared

    so i was thinking that all i want to do is meat a monk someday
    and then i can die happy

    hmmm i wonder where my ice cream bar is????? i bet j-mo took it

    A Turn for the Worse
    ok like camp is reely cool and whatever but yesterday it got
    reely suc
    ok so like im standing on the dock at the lake cause im next
    in line to ride the water weenie

    so im standing there and all of the suddin i get shoved in the
    back and go flying off the dock and into the water

    WTF??!?!!

    so like my swiming is suck so im doing doggie paddel back to
    dock and i heer lots of laffing coming from everyone on the
    dock and im getting reely angrey!

    so im clikmbing back up the dock and im like 'omg dude ur so
    dead' but when i get up to the top i see the freakin huge kid
    there scowling at me ready to attack

    and im like 'omg dude i thought this camp was for 13 to 15 not
    30yr olds'

    and hes like 'u wanna peace of me???'

    and im thinking 'hell no' but i say 'oh ya i want the who
    enchallada'

    i dont even liek enchaladas

    so im getting a little scared now and im looking around for
    the zone line out of instinct or whatever but the only
    safespot i can see is up the hill at the cafe where the
    couseliers are but thats a long way away

    so im thinking about trying feign death but we all know how
    that turned out last tiem

    so its just him and me at the end of the docks and hes like
    lumbering toward me with his swimming flippers and facemask on
    holding a snorkel in his hand liek hes gonna hit me with it
    and everyone is watchin

    so im standing there wondering what it will feel like to be
    killed with a snorkel when i see j-mo pushing through the crowd

    and hes got something in his hands and he rolls it toard me
    through giganto-kids legs and its my skaterboard

    and j-mos like 'two hand blunt'

    and he give me the thumbs up

    so i pick up my board and im gettin all fired up and breathing
    hard and im scream 'feel the power of quellious b1tch'

    and j-mos like 'yaulp 2! good one!'

    so i charge and im swinging my board with sweet ninja action
    but mammoth-boy just knocks it out of my hands and grabs me
    and picks me up

    and im like 'omg dude wtf put me down ur so gay'

    and so he walks to the edge of the dock and starts to throw me
    in again (dammit)

    so im starting to fall and i reach out for anything i can grab
    on to and i gget a hold on his mask

    well i could only hold on to it for about the first two feet
    of my fall and then i had to let go before i went splash

    well i guess the face mask went flying right back into his
    nose or something cause buy the tiem i doggie paddeled back to
    the dock he was lying on his back with a bloody nose and the
    nurse was stunding over him saying 'jonny can you heer me'

    and j-mos like 'dude sweet kill!'

    and im like 'ya im the rulest' and i never told anyone that i
    didnt do it on purpose

    so i was thinkin about looting the body but i decided that
    prolly not appropriate

    so anyway i got in alot of trouble and they punished me by
    making me stay in the cabin for the rest of the day

    i never did get to ride the water weenie but i guess thats ok

    it sounds kinda gay anyway

    No Place Like Home
    ok like yesterday was my first day back at hom from camp
    and it was very exciting
    so like i get off the bus and my mom and dad are waiting
    on the steps and smiling and waving at me and its all
    like a kodak moment stuff

    so like i give my mom a hug but not my dad cause thats
    gross and my dads liek 'we have a present for you sun'

    and im liek 'OMG IS IT ICE CREAM??'

    and their like 'no'

    and i'm all /glare

    and so my dad hands me this box all wraped up and i tear
    it open and im all /giggle

    and i get it open and OMG its all the eq action figures!!

    and im like 'omg u guys are SO the rulest'

    so i run upstairs to my room and im getting them all set
    up and forming little groups and to make it fair i put
    all of them against the monk

    so like my brother walks in and hes like 'having fun
    playing with your dolls?'

    and im like 'stfu dude theyr not dolls their action
    figures'

    and hes liek 'ya kep playing with them and i guerentee
    thats the only action you'll ever get'

    so I thought he was being mean but then he came over and
    I showed him all the figures and my favorite one was the
    big ogre with just one eye in the center of his head

    so my phone rings and its j-mo and i'm like 'hello'

    and hes like 'hey what r u doing'

    and im like 'im playing with my one-eyed ogre'

    and hes like 'omg dude wtf dont tell me gay stuff like
    that'

    and im like 'wtf dude its not gay my brother likes it
    too'

    and j-mos liek '*click*'

    and i call him back and im like 'dude wtf'

    and hes like 'dude wtf'

    and im liek 'huh?'

    and hes like 'forget it. come down to the skate park
    theres some new guys here that are trying to be cooler
    than us'

    and im liek 'is that possible?'

    and hes like 'i dont think so'

    so i put away all the dolls, i mean action figures, but
    i wanted to take the one-eyed ogre with me to show j-mo

    so i put on my cool-jeans and grab my board and head
    down to the park

    so im walking up to the ramp and j-mo is liek' why are
    you walking like that?'

    and im like 'this is my gangster stroll'

    and hes like 'wtf its that??'

    and im liek 'i dunno i saw it on tv but it makes me look
    cool'

    and hes like 'no it doesnt stop doing it'

    so that was the end of that

    so were looking at these guys skating and they come
    skating over to us and theyre like 'you guys get lost ur
    not cool enough to skate here'

    and im like 'omg dude we define cool we are even cooler
    than manaburn'

    and j-mo is liek 'ya and manaburn is pretty damm cool'

    and im all /agree

    and theyre like 'we challenge you to a skate-off then'

    and im liek 'you have ruined your own lands you will not
    ruin mine. your on'

    so i decide to go against their best skater and we flip
    a coin and i have to go first

    so i start skating and i skate reel good and everyones
    cheering and i finish and im like 'ahh, i feel much
    better now, n00b skater01'

    so its their skaters turn to go now and he starts his
    run and hes skating and im liek 'damm hes good. reely
    reely good'

    so im thinking were gonna lose and that sux so im
    thinking how i can distract him so he messes up

    so then i remember i have the ogre in my pants. so i
    wait till he skates close to me and suddenly i reach
    into my jeans and start pulling the monstor out and im
    like 'fear the one-eyed ogre, b!tch!!1!'

    and he looks at me pulling my ogre outta my pants and
    hes like 'AHHH!!1! and he falls down and his crew is
    like 'omg dude wtf lets get outta here'

    and they grab their boards and take off

    and j-mo is like 'ooooohhh, you actually DO have a one-
    eyed ogre. dude i think thats called ancient cyclops'

    and im liek 'whatever'

    and hes like 'and just why, exactly did you keep it in
    you pants?'

    and im liek 'it wouldnt fit in my pocket'

    and he like 'oh. well it worked the poser skaters left'

    and im like 'ya looks liek everyone else left too'

    so liek the battle was won and the skater park was ours
    to rule once again

    That Time Again
    ok liek wtf is up with school

    so like last week im playing eq in my room and the sun is shining
    in my window and im like 'haha its night time in norrath get it
    right'

    and my mom walks in the room and shes like 'who are you talking
    too'

    and im like 'umm my imaganary woodlef friend'

    and she liek 'i thought your emaginary friend was a dwarf'

    and im like 'ya he was but he farted alot so i traded him for a
    female woodelf'

    of course that wasnt the real reason i traded for a female woodelf
    cause farting is funny the real reason shold be pretty obvious duh
    haha

    so my moms liek 'do you know what time it is'

    and im like 'umm time for you to leave my room and let me ding
    level 6?'

    and shes like 'nope its school time'

    omg wtf

    and im like 'i feel kinda sick cough cough'

    and shes like 'ok get in bed then school starts tomorrow morning'

    and im like 'oh i thought you meant it started today wow i feel
    better its a mericle'

    so tommorrow comes around and my mom is like yelkling from the
    stairs 'get up time for breakfast'

    and im like 'when lavastorm freezed over'

    and my dad yells 'one... two...'

    and im like spirit of cheetah down the stairs and sit down at the
    table

    and my moms like 'omg'

    and my dads like 'umm son, why dont you go back up to your room
    and put some boxers and a t-shrit on or something?'

    and im like 'doh, ok. lol'

    so after a grumpy morning im standing at the buss stop and j-mo
    shows up and im like 'hail, j-me' and hes like 'hail, skater'

    and were like 'hehe'

    and some other neighborhood kids show up and and jockguy jason
    shows up too

    and jasons like 'dude give me ur lunch money'

    and im like 'i dont have any i right-clicked on all my food this
    morning ill be full all day long infact i couldn't eat another
    bite our i would explode'

    and hes like 'wtf'

    and j-mos like 'dude you shouldnt pick on ppl smarter than u'

    so jason is like 'whatever' and leaves me alone

    so we get to school and its all blah blah blah boring and i sleep
    a little and then math class starts and we have a new math teacher
    and omg wtf she is so hot!!

    so class is getting started and im all sitting up strait and shes
    talking about math but all i heer is 'skater gnome i love u'

    and i whisper 'i love you too'

    and j-mos like 'ur imaginary woodelf friend again?'

    and im like 'um ya sure'

    so then i hear her say 'ok class who can tell me about fractions?'

    and im thinking 'omg i know all about this'

    so im like 'me me me'

    and shes liek 'ok' and smiles at me

    so i stand up and clear my throut and im liek 'factions are very
    important. if you have good faction with certain people you can
    talk to them and buy stuff from them and they wont try to kill you
    but if they do you can just feign death sometimes and you can live
    but some places are hard to get good faction with. infact i was
    wondering how i can improve my math teacher faction?'

    and then i sat down and i was nodding and grinning and looking
    around the class cause that was REELY smooth

    and everyones liek 'dude wtf r u talking about?'

    and hotmathteacher_01 is like 'thats very nice but i think were
    talking about fractions, not factions, please see me after class'

    omg wtf this REELY sucks ass

    and my imagniary woodelf friend is like 'thats ok hun i still love
    u'

    and im like 'i know'

    so the bell rings later and im walking slowly up to her desk and j-
    mo's like 'good luck man' and im like 'ya thanks'

    and i get the the desk and shes like 'that was quite a speech you
    made'

    and im like 'ya sorry i wont do it again'

    and she laughed and said 'oh no your not in trouble. it just
    sounds like you play Everquest'

    and i light up and im like 'omg u play eq??!!?'

    and shes like 'no, but my husband does'

    and im like 'ohh ur married'

    and shes like 'ya'

    and im like 'k, that sucks'

    and shes like 'aww im sure youll make some girl very happy someday'

    and shes like 'hey maybe you can meet him in game sometime he
    plays a lvl 60 necro'

    and im liek 'OMG can he pl me'

    and she laughs again and im like /drool and shes like 'youll have
    to talk to him about that'

    and im like 'omg mrs klien your are the rulest!'

    and shes like 'careful skater, your starting to become a teachers
    pet'

    and im like 'woof woof!'

    and shes like 'run along now or you'll be late to class'

    so i run out and im thinking 'omg its true. guys who play eq
    always get the hottest women. lucky lucky me'

    THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR
    ok liek some ppl dont like chrismas that much and i have no clue
    wtf is up with that omg cause chrismas is so rule

    ok so like two weeks ago im come home from school and im like 'mom
    i want alot of stuff for chismas can u deliver the beef??!?'

    and shes liek 'no dear youll haveto ask santa why dont you go rite
    him a letter'

    so im like 'whatever i saw that guy down at the mall and when i
    tried to ask him for stuff he was all liek 'get off me your too
    old' and 'quit messin up my suit'

    so im decide that the best way to get what I want is to charm my
    parents with hints and good behavyer and be sneaky and stuff so
    like last week my dads is reading the newpaper in the living room
    so i get all interested and i sit on the couch an im liek 'father
    were u in wolrd war 2??'

    and he stops reading and hes liek 'dammit no son im only 45...
    damm'

    and im like 'ok cool but have heard of b29 bombers??'

    and hes liek 'ya why'

    and im like 'would you consuder them to be planes of power
    ??'

    and he looks at me for a few seconds and then hes liek 'yes?'

    so i start rubbing my chin thautfully and im liek 'innnnteresting'
    and then i make a quick exit to let my sneaky hint sink in

    so i keep dropin hints all week liek that in my sneaky ninja way
    and finally its chrismas eve and im liek cant even slepp hardely
    and im playing with my everquest dolls and my brother comes in and
    hes like 'shhhh i know what mom and dad r getting u for chrismas'

    and im liek 'OMG WHAT!?!?!!'

    and hes liek 'dude shut ur hole'

    and im like 'sorry, omg what'

    so he looks out the door and down the hall to make sure no one can
    heer and then hes liek 'ok, shhhh'

    and im liek 'I AM SSHHHH!!11'

    and hes like 'ok, ok... theyr taking u to norrath world, in
    orlando flordia'

    OMG WTF!!

    and im like 'norath world!!?!?!? omg wtf that is so rule!!!!11!1'

    and im jumping around the roome and tossing my dolls in the air
    and my brothers grinning cause he got to give me the good newz an
    im like 'omg dude mike i didn't even know there was such a place r
    u going to go to??/?'

    and hes liek 'nope'

    and im liek 'why'

    and hes like 'cause they can only afford a trip fur 1 of us and i
    said u can go'

    and im getting all tearry eyed cause my bro is so cool

    so i figure i better strart packing now so i stay up reel late
    getting all my stuff ready

    so i finally go to sleep and i get up erly the next morning and i
    grab my sutecase and im running threw the house yelling and im
    liek 'wake up!! wake up!!'

    and my parents come runnign out and theyr liek 'whts wrong??'

    and im like 'its chrismas!!!'

    and my moms liek 'omg its 2am!!1'

    and im like 'but im ready NOW'

    and my dads like 'why are u carrying ur sutecase'

    and im like 'omg cause im going to norrath duh' but then i felt
    kinda bad cause it was supposed to be a surpriz

    and my parents are quiet and my moms looks at my dad says 'dear i
    think its finally happened'

    and my dads kneels down in front of me and hes like 'son norrath
    isn't a reel place its make believe like on mr rogers'

    wtf??

    so im like 'yes it is to reel its in orlando omg mike said so'

    and rite then i hear some snickering coming from mikes room and my
    ninja sense tells me somethings not rite

    suddenly i figured it out and im like 'ahha, dont try to lie to me
    i see now that u want to take mike insteed of me but i wont let
    you im going to norrath and u cant stop me'

    so the snikering gets louder from mikes room and my ninja sense
    tells me that wasnt it at all

    so then im like 'omg'

    and then i'm like 'wtf'

    and then i realized that bro of mine had been liar

    well i was a little agry to say the least and after tossing my
    sute case down i ran the hall an charged his room

    so i burst threw the door and so but suddenly im face to face with
    this dragon as tall as me!!1!

    and im scared and om like 'IEEEE' and i'm trying to land a
    thounderous kick on it then i try to hide behind the bed

    and mikes like 'mary chismas bro i made it myself'

    and then i ninja sense told me that the dragon wasnt reel and i
    came out to look at it and try to hid the wet spot on my pants

    and mikes like 'dude its a dragon costume u can get in and its all
    urs'

    and im liek 'OMG WTF mike ur the rulest in the history of rule'

    so even though mike was liar i he was still the rulest and i got
    the best chrismas present of my life and im wearing it rite now
    which makes it hard to tpye so be nice about spelling plz k thx la

    anywhay i never did figur out who this chris guy is and why he has
    a whole day sellabrating him but maybe ill lern that next year

    all i know is that this chismas was the best chrismas ever

    Act of Agression
    omg i meating the stupidist ppl in the whole world on mith marr for real

    liek las night im explore this brand new zone called south ro to try and find a place to ding to 6 (im veary close to lvl, its esay cause im a monk)

    so im like reely scared in this new zone and i get across the desert safe and then suddenly i see this whole camp of orc standing there and im liek 'sweet action'

    so im get redy to move in to attack and sudden this palidin called lovehart come running up in front of me

    and hes like 'halt'

    and im liek 'um hi wtf??'

    and hes liek 'u may not comit a unprovoked attack on tht peaceful camp of orc'

    and im like 'huh???'

    and hes like 'i do not premit u to kill them 4 no reson'

    and im like 'wtf dude i need to kill the orc to get experience'

    and hes liek 'i will not tolerate acts of aggerssion agianst the peacful orc, warmonger go bakc to where you came'

    and im liek 'omg lamer the orcs are here to be kilt for EXP!!

    and hes like 'i know your kind u think everything is here for u to kill whenever it benifit u huh?'

    and im like 'uh pretty much ya'

    and so he shouts to the zone 'hey everyone sktergnome is a terrorist!!'

    WTF

    so i can be pretty smart at times as u may no so i decide to try to give this guy some ration

    so im liek 'ok dude orc are evil and attack and kill innocent players all the tiem so i can kill them rightful k??'

    and he like 'it doesnt matter they did nothing to u at all'

    and im liek 'OMG THEY KILT ME LAST WEEK IN NORTH RO!!!'

    and hes liek 'that is a different group of orc that attack u. u have no prove taht they are related to this camp of orc in any way. u cant attak this group jjust cause they look the same u racist'

    so im getting preety mad and flabergasted and hes standing there lookin g at me and some of his other friends show up and im ponder the situation

    and his friends are liek 'is this the warmonger?'

    and hes liek 'ya'

    and suddenly i remember that mith marr is no pvp and they cant touch me haha

    so im liek 'ive decided to kill the orcs anyway'

    and theyre like 'not-uh we just had a vote and voted against u attacking them so now u cant'

    so im liek 'whatever stop me if you want pallypants'

    and then i move into the camp and start my sweet ninja kicking action

    so liek the whole time lovehart and his friends are all shouting to the whole zone 'skatter is babykiller' and 'skatter is a racist and warmonger'

    so i finish the kill of orcs and im liek 'whats up now haha'

    and they're talk for a moment among themselvs an then the pally is like 'hey dude we dont agree with what u just did but can we loot plz?'

    im thinkin about quiting eq

    Response to the Quon
    wow ok

    i don reely know how to tell this story becasue it is so bizare

    ok so liek its sunday morning and i siting on the couch waching cartons and eating ice cream but im still kind of groggy from al the good sleep ive been geting sence dr. henderson told me it was time to take a break from eq

    so im siting there singing along with the transfomers theme song when the phon rings

    so i anwser it and im liek 'ya'

    but theres no talk just this hevy brething on the line and im liek 'ok fag ur not funny hello'

    and so this super creepy guy voise is liek 'is this skater gnome'

    so i get a litle freeked out so im liek 'uhh no, this is skater dome, with a d, u must hav teh rong number'

    *click*

    so i call j-mo and im liek 'fag did u jus call me?'

    and hes liek 'WHO IS THIS'

    and im like 'is me@!' and hes liek 'skater??' an im like 'umm ya tard who did u thik it was??'

    and hes 'ohhh good ok i got a reel creepy call liek 10 min ago'

    and im liek 'omg me too!!1'

    and then were both liek 'wtf' at the same tiem which was so funy and we laughed but then got serius again cause we were pretty scare

    so j-mos like 'im coming over'

    and im liek 'ok cool ill practis my nija kicks while i wait'

    and hes liek 'just dont hurt ur self remeber u r not a reel monk'

    and im like 'whatever man'

    someday theyll see i reely am

    so i hang up and practise thunderus kick to the beat with the tranformer music all arond the living room

    so the dore bell ring an im liek 'dude u dont have to nock just come in'

    so the door opens and...

    it wasnt j-mo

    instad it is this dude that looks liek he should be a boss mob in Everquest Gay Edition

    its this midle age looking guy and hes wearing leather pants waty too tight and this old torn leapord skin coat that caked with dirt and mud and hes all scruffy and hunched over and his eye and neck is twitching and his bare stomack hanging is out over his belt

    so he starts hobling in to the living room on clear platform shoes with dead goldfish floting insid them but the heel is missing on one so hes not moving vary fas

    so all of the suden he stops and hes liek 'r u skater gnome??' and its the same creepy voic from the telephone

    so im a little shaky and l and i try to yeel out 'u have ruined ur own lands u will not ruim mine!' but all that comes out is a wimper

    needliss to say i was way to scareed to try thunderus kick and i started to wonder if maybe dr henderson was rite about me not being a monk after all

    so then this guy is liek 'THE QUON HAS AXED U A QUESTION ANSWER THE QUON NOW' and he starts twitching reely bad again

    WTF

    so im liek 'dude why r u here'

    and hes like 'the quon is here to demand that u quit riting skater stories'

    and im liek 'wtf who the hell in the quon??'

    and he like 'the quon is a eq humorist and mofo badass. but fur some reson not enogh ppl like me so the quon is here to make u quit riting so ur fans forget u and liek me insted'

    i think he was drunk cause at that part he almost stumbled an fell over

    so im like 'omg dude wtf have u evar stoped to think that this doesnt have to be a contest?? u dont need to attaak ur peers just to feel good abot ur own work. u will get much more enjoymint if you stop riting stoies just to try to feel good abot urself and make people leik u, and start riting stories becuse its fun to share with others'

    at this point i see j-mo sneeking up the porch behind drunk flaming homless prostatute guy with his skate bored raise over his head

    but i give j-mo the eye and shake my head cause this guy reely seems more pathetic than harmful and j-mo relaxs and stand behind him quietly

    so now "the qoun" is looking all confused and hes like 'the quon doesnt understad do u mean it is posible to feel good about myself witout pretending to get laid all the tiem and talking lots of s**t and tearing other ppl down??'

    and im like 'yes yes it is. it is also posible to refer to urself in the first persin from time to tim u should try it is reely fun'

    so he smiles ceepily and hes liek 'thanks skater u r a great guy. and very handsom too i might add what r u doing friday at 8?'

    WTF?

    so i give j-mo the eye again and this tiem gave him the nodding head cause im just not gonna tolarate that

    so j-mo clobers him hard with his bored and we dragged him out to the street wich was hard to do cause he smelled a lot like poo

    then we go back inside and j-mo is liek 'skater ur very smart phycologocally'

    and im liek 'thansk ive been lerning alot from my sesions with dr henderson'

    and hes like 'do u thik u helped that guy find a way to be happy?'

    and im liek 'i hope so j-mo. i sure do hope so.'

    the world around us
    ok so like im sitting down to type a new story cause something reely funny happened last night but before i start riteing i check my private messages

    so theres this message in there from this chick darla and shes like 'hye skatterr i just read your stories and you a so cute. a/s/l??'

    WTF?!??

    so yell 'hey mike come here'

    and then i yell 'sorry for yelling' cause i dont want the duck tape but he usually lets me do it once with no tape hehe'

    so mike comes in and hes like 'what'

    and im like 'mike wtf does asl mean???'

    and hes like 'the asl an organizasion that defend the civil rights of minorities'

    and im like 'whats a minority??'

    and hes like 'in this county its someone whos not a white male'

    and im like 'then what am i????'

    and hes like 'the majority'

    and im like 'that sucks'

    so mike leaves and i write darla back and im like

    'deer darla,

    how are u? i am fine. i love black people. i cant give the asl anymoney though cause i am poor. want to be frieds???'

    weel i wait a few minutes and darla writes back 'skatterr you are funny wanna cyber?'

    so i yell 'mike come here'

    and then i thought dammit thats the second yell, im getting the duck tape for sure

    but mike was cool for some reason and not mad so i was like 'dude wtf does cyber mean??'

    and he like clears his throat and hes like 'shes asking you for help with her computer problems'

    and im like 'that sucks i don't know anything about computers'

    and hes like 'thats ok i do. why don't you go downstairs and eat some ice cream and ill provide her with some technical assistance'

    so im like 'omg dude you are so rule!! thanks'

    so i go down stairs and eat ice cream

    i never new my brother liked to help on computer stuff so much, i could hear him 'woooo-hoooo'ing from the living room.


    aaaaaand thats all I got

    if anyone has any more, I'd love to see them

    Xaquin on
  • NargorothRiPNargorothRiP Registered User
    edited January 2010
    ...

    NargorothRiP on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    HOW ABOUT THAT SGT. SLATE

    Xaquin on
  • The Sneak!The Sneak! Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Feldorn wrote: »
    Fryhole wrote: »
    Some generic questions that may have already been asked -

    How do hybrids hold up? (Rng, Pal, SK) It looks like they left the experience penalties in, but I never felt (at least in original EQ) that hybrids deserved it. You ended up being mediocre at everything in the end. (lower skill caps & low rank spells) Rangers didn't even get decent archery until what, Velious or maybe even after.

    Did they put back in some of the rare fun items that SOE gutted out - like the manastone, guise of the deceiver, jboots, some others I forgot.

    this is as it was released in 1999, so manastones and rubicite, all that stuff is still dropping right now.

    for hybrids, at lvl 14, i see a good number of paladin's and sk's around, and they do fine, though they lvl slower than other classes. warrior/rogue/monk/ranger ane what i never see, and very few bards as well.

    The bigger problem with the xp penalties was that they were shared with the group. Not only were Pal/SK/Rng considered inferior for their grouping roles (although, in retrospect I wonder if that was really true), they were a literal xp sink for the group. Bards sometimes got a pass solely for the mana song, though I'm tempted to roll a bard and see how I do pulling with the old lament song.

    Yeah, xp penalties were one original EQ thing that deserved to get the axe.

    Surprised that monks are rare. They, along with bards, are one of the classes that is fairly unique to EQ.

    You'll be happy to know that shared experience penalty is not on this server.

    The Sneak! on
  • badpoetbadpoet Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I dug up the infamous Page 8 thread. http://www.brellrants.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=83514

    There's no drama like EQ drama. Makes WoW drama pale in comparison.

    A little comic about it: http://www.gucomics.com/sonofabitch.php and the Urban dictionary definition of Page Eighted http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Page%20Eighted

    badpoet on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Oh yeah lol

    Dick Silly Goose'n Tracy

    Just started my Shaman again

    I had forgotten how unforgiving this game is. I think I died more in ten minutes then in 2 years of WoW

    good fun though =)

    Xaquin on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    http://www.wtfcomics.com/

    He barely updates anymore, but the ones that are there are gold.

    Xaquin on
  • Bendery It Like BeckhamBendery It Like Beckham Hopeless Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I am enjoying my monk "Seraphim" freeport is win.

    Bendery It Like Beckham on
    headphones2.jpg
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I am enjoying my monk "Seraphim" freeport is win.

    heh

    I love my Shaman, but I had forgotten that Halas in EQ Classic is bumfuck egypt.

    Xaquin on
  • juice for jesusjuice for jesus Registered User
    edited January 2010
    That raft. What were they thinking?

    juice for jesus on
    Lanlaorn wrote: »
    That's just insulting, I think DBZ is bad but I'm not going to insinuate that it only appeals to people who are equal parts retards and psychopaths.
  • VladimerVladimer Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Yeah, definitely used to being level 10 by now. Barely scraping to level 5, lol.

    Vladimer on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    That raft. What were they thinking?

    no idea.

    It's also proving impossible to get out of EFP. No druids or Wizards are ever in the zone, and no one wants to make the trek lol

    maybe I should have started a ranger hehe

    Xaquin on
  • Bendery It Like BeckhamBendery It Like Beckham Hopeless Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    so monk is level 3, I was told east commons is the place to go after I beat up all the newb monster in free port.

    Problem, I don't know where East Commons is and google has failed me.

    Bendery It Like Beckham on
    headphones2.jpg
  • BrianBrian Registered User
    edited January 2010
    It's the zone right next to West Freeport. So head west from the gate.
    It's also connected to North Ro from the tunnel along the west wall.

    Brian on
  • farbekriegfarbekrieg Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    badpoet wrote: »
    I dug up the infamous Page 8 thread. http://www.brellrants.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=83514

    There's no drama like EQ drama. Makes WoW drama pale in comparison.

    A little comic about it: http://www.gucomics.com/sonofabitch.php and the Urban dictionary definition of Page Eighted http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Page%20Eighted

    gd i was on brell and knew that sum bitch... its funny to go back to allakhazem (cant spell it) and see my old posts (mostly on sk spells) from 7 or 8 years ago

    farbekrieg on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I was shocked to log into Alla's for the first time in probably 4 or so years and see that I'm still a scholar.

    despite having to ask how to get out of water =/

    Xaquin on
  • farbekriegfarbekrieg Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Xaquin wrote: »
    I was shocked to log into Alla's for the first time in probably 4 or so years and see that I'm still a scholar.

    despite having to ask how to get out of water =/

    dont feel bad, water is a friggin bitz and not to be taken lightly (particularly if you have a < 25 swimming skill) its a % of total life based damage mod so it rips up even the most veteran of players (damn you sirens grotto you charm me and wait for my enduring breath to wear off... tho that is out of scope for this thread)

    farbekrieg on
  • AresProphetAresProphet I see a darkness in my fate I'll drive my car without the brakesRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Grar downtime

    Come on Bilge!

    AresProphet on
    oh, gimme some time
    show me the foothold from which I can climb
    yeah, when I feel low
    you show me a signpost for where I should go
  • BloodshedBloodshed I smoke my friends Down to the FilterRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Thanks Xaquin for all those Cut&Pasted stories. Had a great time reading them all at work yesterday, the filter here is a real bitch so links are usually fail for me (Can't even read that Page 8 article above and I was from Brell also)

    All I can say is....more plz!

    Bloodshed on
  • The Sneak!The Sneak! Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Oh my God, the server needs to come back up so I can hit 24!

    The Sneak! on
  • The Sneak!The Sneak! Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    While waiting for the server to come back up, I'd like to point out something that not a lot of MMOs do that EverQuest did that really added to the atmosphere: in cities, buildings had custom-made signs, and not just a bullshit, generic-looking piece of wood with a sword icon on it that, once hovered over, would say "Eddie's Swords and Shit".

    Love the Lion's Mane Tavern:
    inn1.jpg

    inn2.jpg

    inn3y.jpg

    The Sneak! on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    hehe

    I'm amazed that after playing EQ forever and then WoW in a raiding guild that I can still feel more immersion walking into Everfrost Peaks than in most anywhere in World of Warcraft.

    This game had style.

    Plus I forgot that there were so many tradeskills etc.

    Xaquin on
  • DarmakDarmak Pree Ashma Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    The Sneak! wrote: »
    While waiting for the server to come back up, I'd like to point out something that not a lot of MMOs do that EverQuest did that really added to the atmosphere: in cities, buildings had custom-made signs, and not just a bullshit, generic-looking piece of wood with a sword icon on it that, once hovered over, would say "Eddie's Swords and Shit".

    Love the Lion's Mane Tavern:
    inn1.jpg

    inn2.jpg

    inn3y.jpg

    I love the one with the lions playing cards. Also, do the message boards in game still work? I remember there was one in Qeynos.

    Darmak on
    EpMbOY5.jpg
  • BloodshedBloodshed I smoke my friends Down to the FilterRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I noticed something the other day.
    Seven hours disappeared playing EQ, and I can't remember a single time in 5 years of WoW where time just vanished like that.

    It's rather remarkable and speaks volumes for EverQuest that after all these years, with its outdated mechanics and graphics, EQ still reigns supreme for immersion.

    There was a great sense of commeraderie in EQ that I have found lacking in other MMO's (And I've played damn near all of 'em). In WoW a buddy might come help you with a quest, in EQ 30+ people would come help you do your fucking Epic, with absolutely no gain to them whatsoever.

    The smallest act of kindness could make all the difference in the world.

    A passing druid hits you with a SoW.
    You're in the middle of a really long corpse run and you get "RandomCleric tells you 'Would you like a rez?'"
    The guys who came and sat at P1 killing SG's, effectively "guarding" the lowbies.
    The people who ran past and randomly gave you free gear.

    I used to PL complete strangers on my Druid. I'd be running through Oasis or something and see someone trying to solo and /tell Newb Go pull a croc, I'll heal you.
    I'd hang out for an hour or so then buff 'em up, offer SoW's to anyone nearby, then port off.

    I guess, in that light, it's really no surprise so many people are finding a home in Norrath again.
    At least, the Norrath we remember from years ago.

    Okay.

    /Nostalgia off

    Bloodshed on
  • The Sneak!The Sneak! Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Bloodshed wrote: »
    I noticed something the other day.
    Seven hours disappeared playing EQ, and I can't remember a single time in 5 years of WoW where time just vanished like that.

    It's rather remarkable and speaks volumes for EverQuest that after all these years, with its outdated mechanics and graphics, EQ still reigns supreme for immersion.

    There was a great sense of commeraderie in EQ that I have found lacking in other MMO's (And I've played damn near all of 'em). In WoW a buddy might come help you with a quest, in EQ 30+ people would come help you do your fucking Epic, with absolutely no gain to them whatsoever.

    The smallest act of kindness could make all the difference in the world.

    A passing druid hits you with a SoW.
    You're in the middle of a really long corpse run and you get "RandomCleric tells you 'Would you like a rez?'"
    The guys who came and sat at P1 killing SG's, effectively "guarding" the lowbies.
    The people who ran past and randomly gave you free gear.

    I used to PL complete strangers on my Druid. I'd be running through Oasis or something and see someone trying to solo and /tell Newb Go pull a croc, I'll heal you.
    I'd hang out for an hour or so then buff 'em up, offer SoW's to anyone nearby, then port off.

    I guess, in that light, it's really no surprise so many people are finding a home in Norrath again.
    At least, the Norrath we remember from years ago.

    Okay.

    /Nostalgia off

    Well said!

    The Sneak! on
  • AresProphetAresProphet I see a darkness in my fate I'll drive my car without the brakesRegistered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I think Bilge is still broken.

    Sadface. I need a belt that doesn't suck.

    AresProphet on
    oh, gimme some time
    show me the foothold from which I can climb
    yeah, when I feel low
    you show me a signpost for where I should go
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    I swear one day I will get out of EFP to get an invite

    Xaquin on
  • The Sneak!The Sneak! Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Xaquin wrote: »
    I swear one day I will get out of EFP to get an invite

    If you want, you can meet me on in about 15-20 minutes... should be leaving Karana soon, and can invite you if you're in West Freeport.

    The Sneak! on
  • RanlinRanlin Oh gosh Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Pretty sure he means Everfrost.

    Ranlin on
  • The Sneak!The Sneak! Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    Hahaha, fuck, I am not going all the way over there tonight!

    The Sneak! on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    The Sneak! wrote: »
    Hahaha, fuck, I am not going all the way over there tonight!

    hehe story of my life

    Xaquin on
  • krylon666krylon666 Registered User regular
    edited January 2010
    and the second i'm about to create a character the server goes down.. boo!

    krylon666 on
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