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Surprise siubling from parental infidelity and how Facebook is the devil

chaosisorderchaosisorder Cupcake PrincessOregonRegistered User regular
edited February 2010 in Help / Advice Forum
So a previously unknown half sister found me on FB this weekend. I have no issues getting to know this person, and providing her with whatever information she needs/wants especially because she really got gypped out of a big family and normal childhood by being the mistress' munchkin, but...

..our dad was kind of a dick. I'm sure she's at least a bit aware of this since you know, he cheated and kept her a secret, but he was really, really a dick. He's dead, everyone currently involved is happy to have her join the family and I had a great childhood so i kind of feel like just leaving him out of the equation even though he's an obvious focal point. But I'm also an honesty advocate...so what do I do here? Sugar coat, ignore, be brutally fucking honest?

This is all new Springer territory for me.

chaosisorder on

Posts

  • RookRook Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Be honest if asked, if not stay away. It'd be horrible to find out that not only was your real dad a dick, but that everyone was making a joke out of it at your expense (which is how it will appear).

  • ForarForar #432 Already prepping for Toronto Fan Expo!Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    That's a hard position to be in. I think you should go with honesty. Difficult as it might be, try not to sugar coat or demonize him or his actions. He was a flawed person, as we all are, and mistakes were made. He's not there to offer defense or explination, but you're not responsible to defend him or heap all the shit up that he might've done over the years. If she wants to know who her father was, I think she has a right to know the real man, not the Disney edited edition where he cheated on your mom but beyond that was a really swell guy or something.

    Personally, my father was an alcoholic who abused my mother. He too has passed away, and has been gone nearly 17 years now. I loved him, and know he taught me a lot of things, but some of those things were by giving me an example of how not to treat people. It's a fine line to walk, but when I talk about him I try to remain balanced on the issue; he was my dad, he had problems, and I miss him. Going into specifics often isn't pretty, but for all the good things I remember about him, the bad ones are stuck in there as well.

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  • Eat it You Nasty Pig.Eat it You Nasty Pig. tell homeland security 'we are the bomb'Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Assuming this person is an adult (or close), she presumably has some idea of how things went down.

    gkcmatch_zps97480250.jpg
    stand up! It was the smallest on the list but
    pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
  • HeavyVillainHeavyVillain Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    These guys are right, Id say honesty is definitely your best policy

    Six years ago my dad found out that he had two (10-year-younger) half brothers- so they were uncles to me and my sister. My dad took the wrong tact and suger-coated all the shit that my grandfather had gotten up to (he was rich and successful but a horrible person). So they were under the impression he was a good guy, having only heard the best parts of his life... and then at a family reunion my aunt got drunk and stupid told the two of them what he'd really got up to

    They eventually forgave my dad but for a year or two they simply didnt get along, because while hed done it for the right reasons ultimately he'd still lied to them. So yeah! Go with honesty

  • DarkewolfeDarkewolfe Registered User regular
    edited February 2010
    Having some experience with this type of thing, it is easier to accept "They were just a raging asshole" than "It is inexplicable why they didn't love you."

    "Well, look at this. Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What's that make us?"
    "Big Damn Heroes, Sir."
    "Ain't we just."
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