Script Synopsis Critique please

Lilnoobs

Hey. I'm getting a script ready for submission to that Nichols movie script contest and also just to send out. Therefore, I need a synopsis that sells!

So here's what I have got. I wonder, what is unnecessarily wordy? What doesn't make sense? Do you understand what the movie is about?

Also for technicalities, do I use all caps for the names of characters in the synopsis as well as the script?

Also the beginning subordinate clause can be cut if anyone with experience feels its unnecessary. I've been reading and apparently it's good to mention whether something is a completely created work or based on reality, but I have no real world experience on that matter.

Spoiler:

Outlined by life experience and filled in with creative originality, Play School is about SARAH, a young teen who finds the answers to her domestic problems by escaping through a cracked window, who is in a relationship with SIMON, a man nearly 10 years her elder. But when SARAH’S FATHER seems to be behind SIMON’S arrest, SARAH runs away and is befriended by JEN, a mysterious woman claming to be a friend of SIMON’S. Unbeknownst to SARAH, JEN is SIMON’s wife. Once the secret is let out of the room, SARAH’s life unravels, as she believes her last friend to be TOM, a teenage boy more interested in himself than her heart. In the end, JEN’s compassion and forgiveness enables SARAH to choose to return home, face the problems plaguing her life, and understand that help isn’t just a four-letter word.

OfficiousG

I have experience in cutting subordinate clauses. I think you should cut it. (It doesn't really clarify how much of the story is true, if any)

play school is a pretty generic title.

"who is in a relationship with SIMON" should be a new sentence

"Once the secret is let out of the room": is that an idiom?

Who is Tom? It's not clear how he fits in.

Are you supposed to be so vague about the ending?

Lilnoobs

Am I supposed to be vague on the ending? I don't know. Pretty new to this. The only experience I have is the back of DVD covers, which tell you some things but then leave others hanging as a grabber.

DrBalls

That first line bugs me. "Outlined by life experience and filled in with creative originality." It sounds like something my boss would write on an annual review. I'm not really sure what it means and it sounds pretentious. Not a real attention grabber. I think you'd be better off starting with this line as it is much more compelling:

"A young teen who finds the answers to her domestic problems by escaping through a cracked window" and then go into "Play School is about SARAH, who is in a relationship..." It is a much better hook.