This thread, this thread right fucking here
, is about the best goddamn learning game of all time
Moar liek Carmen Sandigaygo amirite
Have fun with your yellow fever and burying your children in some lame ass state like fucking Nebraska or some shit, ya tosser
Honestly I've never played this game so...hah hah look at the lame ass boxart, only lamers would buy such lame ass boxart NERDS
Yeahhhh here we go here is some shit right here
I am an utter lamer who hasn't played one of the best PC games of ALL FUCKING TIME, what is this Rent?
The 'Zoombinis' line of games were a series of games published by The Learning Company
the guys behind basically any game you played in school at any time (for reference, they made all the prior-mentioned games in this thread thus far).
Goddamn check out all this fucking learning you're going to do, fucking hell you don't even need to go to school any more after this shit. After this you mine as well take the SATs and go to, at the very least, a pretty good State University. Maybe Stanford if you're lucky, but that's pushing it
Starting with The Logical Journey of the Zoombinis
(a name that is either one of the worst names of a game ever or completely awesome
depending on how much of an insufferable hipster you are), these games titular stars were the Zoombinis
, a race of little blue people that looked sorta like Mr. Potato Head crossed with Mario in some weird ass powerup form (Spring Mario, etc)
A whole mess of Zoombinis. Probably reflecting on how awesome they are. Because that's what Zoombinis are, fucking awesome
I'll let Wikipedia set up the premise
The Logical Journey of the Zoombinis (also published under the title "Zoombinis: Logical Journey") was the first title to be released in the series. The game is based around the "Zoombinis", a race of small blue creatures which are depicted with varying eyes, noses, hair, and feet. They are peaceful and successful, living on a small island called Zoombini Isle. Their lives are interrupted by a race called the Bloats, who offer to expand trade routes and improve the Zoombinis' quality of life; instead they take advantage of the situation and enslave the Zoombinis. The Zoombinis therefore decide to flee and search for a new home, and on their journey they encounter a variety of logic puzzles which the player must solve.
Hmm I wonder where I heard that before
Zoombinis never shied away from teaching the hard truths about how much of dicks random [strike]white people[/strike] explorers on ships promising you nice things can be
Anyways, so what you do is bring Zoombinis over in groups of 16 from one end of the Island over to the other. But first you had to make them using their TOTALLY AWESOME CHARACTER GENERATOR
Suck it Mass Effect. Can you replace springs for SHEPARD'S legs? Yeah. Yeah that's what I fucking thought.
As a side note what the hell kind of name is Lupheepi? At least we know where Final Fantasy gets its character names from
Anyways after you made your set of 16 Zoombinis using the TOTALLY AWESOME CHARACTER GENERATOR
(or just randomly had them all made because you're a lazyass), then you had to get them to the other side of the Island.
, I guess
There are 12 puzzles in total, split into four legs, and the Zoombinis must complete three legs (9 puzzles) in order to reach their new home. The first and last legs are compulsory and are completed by all Zoombinis; for the second leg the player is given a choice to take either the north or the south path.
Man only nine puzzles? Lame, right? Hahaha yeah that's what you think
the player has to save 625 Zoombinis in total...The four difficulty levels are Not So Easy, Oh So Hard, Very Hard, and Very Very Hard, and each difficulty level is color-coded. Once a leg has increased in difficulty, there is no way to revert the change.
Wait 625 Zoombinis to collect? Hmm GameFreak you have some 'splainin to do.
At 16 per trip, that's...how many is that, Captain Carrot?
That's like 3,720 times! And a half.
Oh ho ho ho Captain Carrot you're such a scamp! :lol::lol::lol:
But no seriously that was dumb and so are you.
Also, this game has no "Easy" mode. You know why? Because Easy mode is for pussies, and pussies don't save Zoombinis, they play Reader Rabbit or some shit.
Anyways so the First Leg always had one of three puzzles:
The lower bridge is obviously the Cool Kids Bridge. I never got to walk on THAT bridge in middle school :cry:
Anyways yeah basically each Zoombini would be "allowed" to walk on one of the bridges and NOT on the other, and they were grouped to each bridge based on certain facial/pedal(?) features (like in the above screenshot it was most likely separated into "Glasses/No Glasses", with maybe "Hat + Hair Combo/No Hat + Hair Combo"
I remember this one being balls hard when I was a kid because you only had five shots to figure out the pattern (every wrong choice pulls a peg out of the ground and you only had six, with the last being pulled out stranding all the Zoombinis on the other side)
Stone Cold Caves
Sorry about the smallness of the image.
Basically Stone Cold Caves but with four
paths, and two creepy-ass looking cave guardians. It was pretty goddamn hard on the later levels, if I remember correctly.
My most vivid memory of this level is how much of cunts the guardians are; they'll let a Zoombini get like nearly all the way to the top of the cave then like shake the path so it tumbles all the way back down to the bottom. Pretty dick move if you ask me
You know what? Fuck you troll we're not making you a goddamn pizza, there's 16 of us and one of you we can beat your silly wood ass into submission
This is a bit too complicated to explain easily, I'll have Wikipedia handle it:
The Zoombinis arrive on a dirt road guarded by three tree trolls: Arno, Willa and Shyler. There is a pizza machine to the left which has options for different toppings for a pizza and ice cream. The player must create a pizza with unique toppings for each troll. If none of the trolls are happy with the toppings on the pizza, it will be thrown into a pit. But if one of the trolls likes all of the toppings present on the pizza, it will be thrown onto the rock behind that troll instead. Once a troll receives a pizza with all of the wanted toppings on it, the troll will move to stand on their respective rock and wait for the remaining trolls to be satisfied. If the player is unsuccessful in delivering the correct pizza after 6 tries, the Zoombini delivering the pizza will be whacked by the first troll that is present onto the rock. If there are more incorrect delivers, the zoombini will be wacked away by a troll back to Zoombini Isle. The more incorrect deliveries, the more Zoombinis will be whacked away. Once all trolls are satisfied, they will consume their pizzas and the remaining Zoombinis will then be allowed to continue their journey.
There are significant changes to the puzzle as the level of difficulty increases:
Not So Easy: Only Arno is present, and there are five pizza toppings.
Oh, So Hard: Willa is added, giving a total of two trolls. There are now four pizza toppings, and ice cream is added with a total of 2 toppings.
Very Hard: All three trolls are now present. Ice cream toppings remain the same as the preceding level, but all five pizza toppings can now be used.
Very, Very Hard: Same as Very Hard, but now with three ice cream toppings.
It's really not that hard in comparison to Stone Cold Caves but on the higher difficulties it pretty much guarantees
that you lose at least a couple of Zoombinis, which sucks, honestly
Also Jesus Christ
the trolls can kick you fucking far as fuck, they should be trying out to be the San Diego Charger's starting kicker (HEYOOOO!
) then fucking around screwing some innocent little blue natives over
After the First Leg/Second Leg
You end up in Shelter Rock
(couldn't find a pic, sorry) wherein you sit, collect your thoughts, and assumingly the Zoombinis recount the horrific events that they have been through, and the permanent, lasting emotional and mental damage brought on them by losing their fellow countrymen.
"Oh my god... we lost Frank. Someone has to tell his wife what happened. Jesus. He was such a good man, and to die like that, like a fucking animal...."
"I don't think we'll ever be able to find Jenny's body. Just...the way Shyler bit her head clean off...dear god, that'll stay with me for the rest of my life."
Anyways, after the brief respite you had to pick 16 more Zoombinis (and no less) to go with you. Unfortunately if you lost any in the last leg, this meant you had to redo it with 16 new guys (luckily you got to store your current amount of Zoombinis at the site).
Also at the second leg, you could choose which way you wanted to go: North
. Hmm, non-linearity? You got some 'splainin to do, Rockstar.
The North Path (The Marshy Trail/Who's Bayou)
Captain Cajun's Ferry Boat
Wait wait why do the propeller guys need to get on the boat? Can't they just float over the water? What the hell game
Baically every seated Zoombini has to have a trait in common with whatever seat(s) next to its seat. The above screenshot is on the highest difficulty, were every seat has at least two seats adjacent and many have as high as six
. It can get really ridiculously hard depending how you spec your Zoombini loadout, but you can cheat your way to victory by bringing everyone with like the same color nose or glasses (and honestly every Zoombini should have glasses because goddamn the glasses are awesome as hell
). Although honeslty, if you cheat at an educational game...is that indicative of it achieving its purpose or does that make you a total douche? Interesting moral question there
Titanic Tattooed Toads
Man what the fuck is going on here thanks a whole lot Rent
I have absolutely no recollection of this level at all!
The player must find a path on different shaped, patterned and colored lily pads for huge toads to ferry them across the river on their backs. Each toad has a shape on its back which corresponds to a particular feature (hence 'tattooed toads'). The same toad cannot be used more than twice nor will there be any toads that hop diagonally. If the player chooses a path which doesn’t have a continuing sequence of the shape, color or pattern on the toad's back, the toad will get stuck and the Zoombini will be left in limbo on the lily pads and cannot continue. When the puzzle difficulty increases, there are few or no paths to be found, but half-formed ones. A fairy is shown at the beginning of the puzzle changing the lily pads with a wand. The wand (called the "Swapping Stick") is left with the toads and the player must swap the lily pads with the wand to make a path. Eventually, the wand's power will run out. In the third and fourth levels, crabs emerge from the river at the top of the lily pad field. The crabs have the shape of a particular lily pad on their back and, like the toads, will work their way down the field to obstruct the toads pathway, possibly taking them in a different direction.
I remember the wand, I do remember that. Oh...oh wait now it's kinda coming back to me. Fuck the crabs.
I really can't think of a snarky comment to put here. Sorry!
Basically Ferry Boats, but each Zoombini has to be linked to the other Zoombinis in the chain by a specific characteristic (i.e. nose, walking implement, hair, etc). Harder difficulties have more links to other Zoombinis.
Also, what the fuck?
In 'Very Very Hard' Mode (Red, Level 4) of this activity, in the centre of the field usually will be a line of four stones,(starting with the main stone on the very right and the other three directly left of it horizontally. Linking zoombinis on these four stones, and these four stones only a banner stating that the player has entered the 'Psychedelic ZB Zone' where the zoombinis will start flash, this has visual effect only.
I dunno if the broken English makes this more
comprehensible. It surely makes it more HILARIOUS
The South Path (Deep, Dark Forest)
Basically the "Fleens" are the "cousins" of the Zoombinis, and for some incomprehensible reason (maybe it was a Hatfields-McCoys scenario but with [strike]less[/strike] [strike]more[/strike] about the same amount of inbreeding) they're not letting you pass until you can find the Zoombini that corresponds to it in characteristics, so the Fleen can...chase the Zoombini off a branch. On easiest levels this is unbelievably easy, but on the hardest it's unbelievably difficult because red'll correspond to green and the Zoombini's hair will correspond to the Fleen's legtype and oh my god my brain is leaking out of my ears
The 90's ruined EVERYTHING.
Didimension Hotel/Hotel Dimensia
I can't find a pic of this, so instead I'll just put a pic of some Doritos 3Ds. Why? Because they were fucking delicioso, that's why.
It's like it's coming right at me!
You gotta shoot balls of paint, combined with symbols, at a grid on specific tiles. The grid is organized in a logical but unknown way.
Eh this shouldn't be too hard, this is easy
OH HOLY SHIT GODDAMN
After the Second Leg/Third Leg
Same thing, campsite, you can store Zoombinis if you need to, gotta make sure you have 16 before setting off again.
I really gotta wonder how badly the Zoombinis are doing right now. After seeing nearly everyone they know and love eviscerated by trolls, crushed by stone guardians, and vaguely freaked out by those mongoloid, disgusting green freaks
, I'm concerned for their mental well-being at this point. Hopefully they won't be Courtney Love'd, that would suck.
Third Leg (The Mountains of Despair)
The Lion's Lair
The Zoombinis encounter a dimly lit cavern where a large, stone lion guards the only way onward. Below the lion is a path consisting of 16 stones. The Zoombinis must be placed on the path, in order, according to certain characteristics, which are shown on the wall. If a Zoombini is placed on the wrong stone, a peg holding up a large gate pops free. When all the pegs are gone, the gate falls and the Zoombinis behind the gate cannot continue. The Zoombinis which are placed correctly on the path can continue their journey. The stone lion lifts its paw, and they can continue to the next puzzle. As the difficulty increases, characteristics disappear from the wall until no characteristics are shown.
On Very, Very Hard it's like a sick combination of Memory, Stone Rise, and Cursor*10. Man.
The secret to sex changes: Mirrors. Who thought it'd be that easy
Basically they wheel out a Zoombini, and it must undergo the correct "transformations" (based on mirror placement) for its image to be changed to the one on the center diamond. It has an awesome failure animation, though; if you fail the diamond in the center drops
and the Zoombini totally eats shit. It's fucking hilarious.
Why the fuck does every puzzle game have to have a "placing pipes" minigame? Is there some kind of law I am unaware of or something? What the hell, man?
Played that Bioshock game where you connect pipes? It's this. There's some directions specific to certain Zoombini characteristics that are automatically placed on the board to make it harder for you to complete the task. Also, you can only rotate the points, and Zoombinis can't crash into each other (the bubbles pop and they both fall to their screaming deaths...it's...horrible). Also also, on harder triggers you trigger the "Zoombinis begin to go through" button and can't stop it so you're spending all your time trying to figure out where the hell to rotate the points and oh this one has a blue nose so it's gotta go straight and oh a Zoombini passed over a button that reset everything and hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
The End! You Win! For Now.
So, you've made it through all the puzzles, and your broken, battered shell of Zoombinis get to Zoombiniville (real name). What do you get for all this trouble?
BADASS BUILDINGS, THAT'S WHAT!
This was totally worth the scores of women and children we had to sacrifice to get here!
You get one for every leg, at every level of difficulty that you complete fully, with no loss of Zoombinis (since there's four legs and four difficulties, that's 16 possible buildings). Hmm...that sounds a bit like Achievements. Looks like you got some 'splainin to do, Microsoft.
And then you get a sweet ass ending animation!
Dude we are getting mad fucking drunk tonight, Frank just brought over a kegger
And then you get to do it all over again! 16 down, 609 to go!
Man this game sounds totally awesome, Rent! Where can I get it?
I don't know! I was hoping one of you fine folk could tell me. Maybe gog or something has it?
So anyways this thread's about this awesometastic game! We should totally discuss it and/ore bitch about how hard as fuck the bubble level is. Because seriously. Fuck that level.
Oh, also, there were two other games. I never played them, maybe one of you have?
God these game covers are so 90's