The older I get the less I find I'm willing to put up with people's BS

Houndx

The problem is EVERY SINGLE PERSON I MEET has a ton of BS that I don't care to put up with. Doesn't really bother me, I'm content to hang out with my wife and kid, my parents and my sister. It doesn't cause a problem at work or other situations. I just keep my mouth shut and silently think to myself what an Fing moron you are and how much I wish you'd shut up, then I say something friendly. It seems to work, people want to hang out with me, etc.

So, all in all, I find that it's just generally more pleasant for me to stay away from other people. I don't feel like there's anything wrong with me. That said, I'm really feeling guilty because I feel like my lack of desire for friendship is stunting my five year-old daughter's ability to have a make friends who she sees outside of school.

So is this a thing that therapy might help with or something? I'm content and don't feel like my life needs to improve or anything so I'm not sure what therapy might accomplish. But, again, I feel like it's affecting her negatively and I don't want my issues to have a negative impact on her.


Thanks in advance for your advice.

Robman

What you're describing sounds like a slow and steady decrease in social function, you should probably talk to a therapist about that.

Remember, crazy people very rarely think they're crazy, and a slow change in mental process is incredibly insidious to both individuals and people close to them.

Fallingman

What sort of stuff irks you?
I mean, depending on the details, you may talking about something wider, or maybe a fixation on certain things?

Shorn Scrotum Man

This is the process that ends with you shouting at kids to get off your lawn, and then you end up going on an adventure with one of them and learn to love life again.

Eh, seriously though, is this even a big deal? Some people just aren't social. I usually stay at home with my fiancee and just stick to my small social group and I don't think anything is wrong with me.

Seeks

Yeah, this sounds pretty normal to me, difference being that I don't usually automatically want them to shut the fuck up. Just if they talk too much, which varies wildly from person to person.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just keep reminding yourself to stop being a dick.

Houndx

Stuff that irks me? Offhand :

The guy who knows everything, but is always wrong.
The guy who knows everyone and everything about everyone.
The guy/girl at work who wants to be the boss, but never will be.
The girl who thinks I want to date her.
The girl who thinks I want to have an affair with her.
The guy/girl who never, ever shuts the hell up.
The guy/girl at work who always looks busy but never, ever accomplishes anything.
The guy who does stupid shit(some of it illegal) constantly and wants you to do it with him.
Anyone that's hardcore in to religion(any religion).
Anyone who's hardcore in to their political party or their hippy crap.
Stupid people.

I agree with most of you, I don't think it's a big deal. What I do think is a big deal is, since I don't have any real friends, I don't have any friends with kids my daughter's age. And what that means is that, outside of school, she doesn't have any friends that she sees on a regular basis. We go to the park and to places with play areas but she ends up with single serving friends(thanks Fight Club) and I'm thinking that's not a good thing. Since the consensus seems to be that this isn't unusual, I'll just work on sucking it up and try to make nice with at least one set of parents. Maybe drinking will help... j/k

Thanks.

DodgeBlan

What makes you so much better than all these people? The fact that you sit there and be quiet and seethe with pointless rage? I guess that does make you a pretty awesome dude.

Fallingman

You are grumpy.
And to be fair, most people turn into more rounded people when you get to know them. I'd suggest making more of an effort.

MrMonroe

if that's your list, and every human you meet falls into one of these categories, you might be projecting

if every single person you meet is intolerable, the statistics would tend to indicate that you're the common denominator. I don't mean to denigrate you in any way, of course; I often hate everyone also. But if you're finding you can't form friendships with a single person you meet...

H/A needs a recognized "therapy.jpg" image

Seeks

Is your kid being homeschooled or something? If she's in public school (or will be soon enough), I wouldn't worry about finding friends for her. She'll make plenty on her own.

Blake T

How old is your daughter?

Secondly sometimes you gotta put up with some shit for your kids sake man.

Maybe you need to chill out a bit? I mean you are never going to meet someone that is exactly you. You need to take the good with the bad.

Now I wouldn't say you necesarily hate everyone. I mean that isn't a bad list you wrote down. Maybe you are meeting these people in the wrong place? Maybe you are meeting people in the wrong place?

.kbf?

Houndx wrote: »

The guy who knows everything, but is always wrong.
The guy who knows everyone and everything about everyone.
The guy/girl at work who wants to be the boss, but never will be.
The girl who thinks I want to date her.
The girl who thinks I want to have an affair with her.
The guy/girl who never, ever shuts the hell up.
The guy/girl at work who always looks busy but never, ever accomplishes anything.
The guy who does stupid shit(some of it illegal) constantly and wants you to do it with him.
Anyone that's hardcore in to religion(any religion).
Anyone who's hardcore in to their political party or their hippy crap.
Stupid people.

Why does any of this matter? We all allow ourselves to have faults but other people can't?

DodgeBlan

Almost everyone seems shallow or unpleasant when you don't know them very well. Hell I don't know you very well and you seem pretty fucking unpleasant.

Complaining about it is like going to the beach, wading in up to your knees and going "this beach isn't deep enough!"

Most people don't really enjoy the initial stages of making friends. Most people realize however, that you have to put up with it if you don't want to be a hermit.

eternalbl

OP, do you enjoy your work? Do you feel overworked? I used to have symptoms pretty similar to what you describe while I had a miserable job with some pretty crappy people. I moved on and I've been much happier and way less likely to pick apart everything people do like I was before.

Houndx

My kid is five and goes to a semi-private school. None of her school friends live nearby and all the neighborhood kids are several years older. This will, at least, partially work itself out when she's in first grade next year.

I don't claim that all people fit in to the categories above. That's more a list of people who've recently gotten on my nerves. I generally find that as I get to know people better I find them less tolerable. Some of those listed start out seemingly cool but that just makes them less likable when it finally happens.

I'd encorage anyone who feels that this is my problem to not get bent out of shape about it. The reason I'm asking for advice is because I don't think most people react this way to others and, if that's true, then I don't want my family to pay the price because I do. But I'm also not sure that there's much of a solution beyond me just faking my way through it. Will therapy really make it easier to listen to the guy who talks all year long about deer hunting when it only lasts two weeks? I don't know, so I asked and I welcome your advice.

ceres

I don't see anything wrong with this. If you don't want to hang out with people you don't, and it's nobody's business.

You not wanting to socialize doesn't mean you can't encourage your daughter when she wants to have friends.

DodgeBlan

Your second post and your first post are pretty different.

The problem is EVERY SINGLE PERSON I MEET has a ton of BS that I don't care to put up with

to

I don't claim that all people fit in to the categories above.

But yeah, if you are only worried about it for your daughters sake then don't worry. the stage where a child is dependent on the parent for new friends is pretty brief. Just make sure if she does make a friend or get invited somewhere that you do what you can to get her there. And as you are currently taking her on outings where she is at least getting single serving friends then that is already better than a lot of kids.

Slider

Fallingman wrote: »

What sort of stuff irks you?
I mean, depending on the details, you may talking about something wider, or maybe a fixation on certain things?

Things, like, while I'm looking for a weight, this old f**ker at my gym comes over and takes the clips off the bench press bar I'm using, and even after he notices that I was using that bar, he still doesn't say anything or return them.

Again, this same old bastard does his situps on the ground inbetween two universal machines, so other people can't use them, despite the fact that there is, obviously, a specific area away from the weight machines where you can go to stretch or do situps.

I think it's just that these people, in general, are not courteous nor seem to possess any inclination about what is right or wrong or acceptable. They have no common sense module installed.

Anyway, I can commiserate with the OP. I'm slowly becoming more and more detached from society.

Robman

ceres wrote: »

I don't see anything wrong with this. If you don't want to hang out with people you don't, and it's nobody's business.

You not wanting to socialize doesn't mean you can't encourage your daughter when she wants to have friends.

Yeah being social is kind of the norm, deviations thereof to the point you start to lose function are considered issues. If the dude is turning into Clint Eastwood minus the just-in-time Hmong family next door, he should go talk to some professionals and get his people issues sorted. Feeling a spike of rage as soon as you talk to someone because you invent some flaw and hate them for it is not normal, nor healthy.

ceres

Robman wrote: »

ceres wrote: »

I don't see anything wrong with this. If you don't want to hang out with people you don't, and it's nobody's business.

You not wanting to socialize doesn't mean you can't encourage your daughter when she wants to have friends.

Yeah being social is kind of the norm, deviations thereof to the point you start to lose function are considered issues. If the dude is turning into Clint Eastwood minus the just-in-time Hmong family next door, he should go talk to some professionals and get his people issues sorted. Feeling a spike of rage as soon as you talk to someone because you invent some flaw and hate them for it is not normal, nor healthy.

It's the norm maybe, but not everybody needs to be some people-loving extrovert to be a good provider or caretaker to their family, or encouraging to their children, or any of the other qualities that are actually important to raising a child.

I would agree with you if he were punching people in the face every time he felt that spike, but he's not. He has specifically indicated that he is content and there IS no loss of function. He's just not overtly friendly and doesn't care to put up with rudeness. Who cares. If it's not impairing his function, unless he feels the need there's no need to see a therapist about not being terribly interested in people.

.Tripwire.

Houndx wrote: »

I don't feel like there's anything wrong with me.

I think that right there answers your question about whether you should see a therapist or not. Isn't it commonly accepted that you have to recognize a problem and desire to change for therapy to be of notable use?

You can still encourage and facilitate your daughter's social inclinations, which I'd expect will grow of their own accord as she progresses through school.

ASimPerson

My parents didn't have that many friends. I just ran around the neighborhood and met kids my age, and also by riding the bus and stuff like that.

Kids have a way of making friends. Maybe you can let your daughter hang out with kids from school?

Sir Carcass

It's not your job to find friends for your daughter. That's kind of how social development works. If you're happy, and you're not influencing your daughter with your "negative" thoughts, I don't see a problem.

Houndx

eternalbl wrote: »

OP, do you enjoy your work? Do you feel overworked? I used to have symptoms pretty similar to what you describe while I had a miserable job with some pretty crappy people. I moved on and I've been much happier and way less likely to pick apart everything people do like I was before.

I just left a job like this about a year ago and it's certainly had a large influence. Thank guys.

Sipex

I used to be the same way as you and yes, life situations were a big factor, I had school and work stressing me out and several of my personal relationships irking me.

Now I don't get that way anymore, mainly because life has improved. I stopped associating or fixed my relationships with those where it was rocky, finished school and got a satisfying job.

Also, one thing I find that helps when this sort of thinking starts up is I ask my self "What right do I have to judge?"

CelestialBadger

You think you don't have BS that other people don't want to put up with? You're so busy being a curmudgeon you probably don't even realize what it is.

poshniallo

I've been having similar issues recently and am seeing a therapist and getting better and happier.

I think Robman's posts here are excellent.

widowson

Houndx wrote: »

The problem is EVERY SINGLE PERSON I MEET has a ton of BS that I don't care to put up with. Doesn't really bother me, I'm content to hang out with my wife and kid, my parents and my sister. It doesn't cause a problem at work or other situations. I just keep my mouth shut and silently think to myself what an Fing moron you are and how much I wish you'd shut up, then I say something friendly. It seems to work, people want to hang out with me, etc.

So, all in all, I find that it's just generally more pleasant for me to stay away from other people. I don't feel like there's anything wrong with me. That said, I'm really feeling guilty because I feel like my lack of desire for friendship is stunting my five year-old daughter's ability to have a make friends who she sees outside of school.

So is this a thing that therapy might help with or something? I'm content and don't feel like my life needs to improve or anything so I'm not sure what therapy might accomplish. But, again, I feel like it's affecting her negatively and I don't want my issues to have a negative impact on her.


Thanks in advance for your advice.

Something to remember:


We are all fallen creatures and all very hard to live with.

-C.S. Lewis.


You probably have a quirk that someone might consider B.S. as well. On one hand, it's important to remember that; noone is perfect, noone is without flaw to include you and me.

On the other, avoiding psychos is always a good life strategy.

So ask yourself; are your standards too high or do you just have the bad luck to work at the real life version of Dunder Mifflin?

badger2d

It sounds to me as if you may just not be getting enough social interaction, actually. When my social skills get rusty is when I feel like everyone's annoying, like you describe.

By way of slightly weird analogy, it's sort of like, if you let your muscles atrophy extremely, then just trying to walk around a room you'll be weak and clumsy and stumbling into edges of furniture and shit, and it'll be painful. But the real problem is obviously not the furniture.

Deadfall

Sir Carcass wrote: »

It's not your job to find friends for your daughter. That's kind of how social development works. If you're happy, and you're not influencing your daughter with your "negative" thoughts, I don't see a problem.

I was about to say almost this exact same thing.

If you are making friends for your daughter, you are doing it wrong.

Houndx

Meh, I guess that it's just that as I was growing up there were TONS of kids in my neighborhood and my parents' friends also had kids my age. I was constantly playing, spending the night, etc. Her circumstances are completely different so it worries me.


Of course I have personality quirks that bother other people. For instance, I'm intolerant.

Sir Carcass

All of my friends growing up had no link to my parents, and I did all of the normal kid stuff. Pretty much every weekend found me at someone's house or someone at mine. But that didn't start at 5. Probably not at least until 8 or 9. At 5, I think I had like 2 people from the neighborhood I played with, but I met most of my friends through school.

mully

badger2d wrote: »

It sounds to me as if you may just not be getting enough social interaction, actually. When my social skills get rusty is when I feel like everyone's annoying, like you describe.

By way of slightly weird analogy, it's sort of like, if you let your muscles atrophy extremely, then just trying to walk around a room you'll be weak and clumsy and stumbling into edges of furniture and shit, and it'll be painful. But the real problem is obviously not the furniture.

To be honest, I don't know if there's ANYONE I don't find at least a little bit annoying, in some way (well, maybe 1 or 2, but not much more than that). I can really relate to this OP.

The trick is, though, to focus on the good points - like someone mentioned earlier, that while the bad tends to be the loudest part, those people can often turn out to be well-rounded folks with a lot to offer. Make it a game for yourself, if you think it might help - turn yourself into a detective for the case of "where is the good in this person". If you get past that point and the bad is still the loudest ... then back away. At least you've tried.

Just because you meet someone and get along with them outwardly doesn't mean you have to be friends with them. Forcing yourself to be friends with someone is an unhealthy practice, as well, and will only end badly.

shadydentist

I find that it helps not to take yourself so seriously.

Obsidiani

What you need is a near death experience to put things in perspective, and realize none of that shit matters. But unfortunately it's hard to make those happen.

What exactly do you expect from people? To be quiet?

darkmayo

Why stress about what other people do, you sound pretty wound up and actively look for reasons why people suck,


The guy who knows everything, but is always wrong.
(smile nod and take satisfaction that the guy will likely sabotage himself)

The guy who knows everyone and everything about everyone.
(dont really see a problem, sounds like they are extroverted and socialable, these are good people to know as they can put you in contact with a bunch of other people, you know networking and all that jazz.)

The guy/girl at work who wants to be the boss, but never will be.
(if they take initative and do a good job who says they wont be, if they dont then who cares )

The girl who thinks I want to date her.
(I would be flattered and would double check if I am giving any signals that I am not aware of)

The girl who thinks I want to have an affair with her.
(same as above)

The guy/girl who never, ever shuts the hell up.
(yea ok i'll give you this one, people who dont stop talking about nothing annoy the shit outta me)

The guy/girl at work who always looks busy but never, ever accomplishes anything.
(yea that sucks, if it really bothers you feel free to mention it to their manager)

The guy who does stupid shit(some of it illegal) constantly and wants you to do it with him.
(I assume this is a friend? a coworker? Just break contact with people like this)


Anyone that's hardcore in to religion(any religion).
Unless you are actively looking for these types, and they are actively seeking you out for conversation/conversion then live and let live.


Anyone who's hardcore in to their political party or their hippy crap.
same as above

Stupid people.
Lots of types of stupid people, some are willing to learn, and other arent. its the latter who can be a pain, but you dont really know which you are dealing with until you talk to them.

JihadJesus

MrMonroe wrote: »

if every single person you meet is intolerable, the statistics would tend to indicate that you're the common denominator.

I love this. Completely true. Most people aren't going to be your best friends, but if literally EVERYONE is an asshole with no redeeming qualities at all? The problem's probably with the common element. Which is you.

Chaotic Descent

Deadfall wrote: »

Sir Carcass wrote: »

It's not your job to find friends for your daughter. That's kind of how social development works. If you're happy, and you're not influencing your daughter with your "negative" thoughts, I don't see a problem.

I was about to say almost this exact same thing.

If you are making friends for your daughter, you are doing it wrong.

Not FOR your child(ren), but until a certain age (no idea what age), you should be providing opportunities for them to make friends and guiding them in how to properly interact with others.
Easy way to tell: does she socialize after school? If not, do something about it. (or like... take up your wife's workload around the house so she can do it if you still need to get your crap together.) Is distance of school friends really stopping her from having friends from school that she might hang out with after school?

Houndx

Distance is not a problem, for me. I would happily transport her to see her friends after school. I'm aware of who her school friends are and of their parents, etc. Her group of friends at school adore her. They play with her every chance they get, on the rare occasion we run in to them outside of school they are THRILLED to see her. However, my wife and I do not fall into their parents social circles. This is partially because of distance but mostly, I would say, because we're older than the other parents and because I just haven't cared to try. The kids whose parents are in her friends parents' social circles are the ones invited to play dates, sleepovers, etc. The same kids who her friends chose not to play with if they can play with my daughter instead. This is why I see it as a failure on my part.



One day, I might relate the extraordinary tale of my last job. Until then, here's a small taste. I could not ignore most of those people because I was the boss and the worst of the bunch was the owner of the company. The girl who wanted to date me, thankfully, was one of a few people who didn't answer me and she quit because she saw me training a new female employee - telling me on the way out the door that she could no longer talk to me as long as I am married. The one who wanted to have an affair - who also, thank goodness, was one of the few who didn't answer to me - would get drunk and high as often as she could then use the excuse to grope me in full view of anyone who was around. When I rebuked her she started a campaign to try and have me fired. It didn't work, but caused me TONS of grief, because the recently divorced owner would listen to anything that anyone with boobs would tell him. I'm glad to have left that job and I don't ever want to be the boss again.

poshniallo

Houndx wrote: »

Distance is not a problem, for me. I would happily transport her to see her friends after school. I'm aware of who her school friends are and of their parents, etc. Her group of friends at school adore her. They play with her every chance they get, on the rare occasion we run in to them outside of school they are THRILLED to see her. However, my wife and I do not fall into their parents social circles. This is partially because of distance but mostly, I would say, because we're older than the other parents and because I just haven't cared to try. The kids whose parents are in her friends parents' social circles are the ones invited to play dates, sleepovers, etc. The same kids who her friends chose not to play with if they can play with my daughter instead. This is why I see it as a failure on my part.



One day, I might relate the extraordinary tale of my last job. Until then, here's a small taste. I could not ignore most of those people because I was the boss and the worst of the bunch was the owner of the company. The girl who wanted to date me, thankfully, was one of a few people who didn't answer me and she quit because she saw me training a new female employee - telling me on the way out the door that she could no longer talk to me as long as I am married. The one who wanted to have an affair - who also, thank goodness, was one of the few who didn't answer to me - would get drunk and high as often as she could then use the excuse to grope me in full view of anyone who was around. When I rebuked her she started a campaign to try and have me fired. It didn't work, but caused me TONS of grief, because the recently divorced owner would listen to anything that anyone with boobs would tell him. I'm glad to have left that job and I don't ever want to be the boss again.

I still think you should get help. Not in the snarky 'you need help' meaning, but for yourself. You're inappropriately angry about small stuff now perhaps, in part, because of being treated so badly by these people in your old job.

Don't delude yourself that you're OK just because you can cope, for now, with your anger. You won't always be able to cope with it, and it will hurt your family in some way now or eventually.

Your story is so familiar to me, and therapy is helping me and my family tremendously. And no, I've never had therapy before or even thought about it before. I just ended up going because I was yelling at my family and I realised I was being irrational and didn't know what else to do with my anger apart from beat the crap out of someone.

There will be therapists who work on a sliding scale related to income in your area, I'm sure.

SkyCaptain

They play with her every chance they get, on the rare occasion we run in to them outside of school they are THRILLED to see her. However, my wife and I do not fall into their parents social circles.

Find a way to be part of their social circles, even if it's just two to three times a month. You can tolerate some crap that often for your daughter. Have a barbecue and invite them all over. Ask your daughter to invite some of her friends over for the night.