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Redhead Wants To Fuck His Mom

I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights みんな、見ていてくれ!Registered User regular
edited April 2010 in Singularity Engine++
If not here is the story

http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showpost.php?p=8035495&postcount=792
Jesus goddamn christ thanksgiving

I don't know if you noticed (you didn't) but I have been gone for the past almost four days.

Well, it is because I was up in Forbestown, California, which is about as rural and buttfucky as you can get in California.

They got metheads, crack babies, and there was even a guy next door to my uncle's house in super short cutoff denim shorts with willy nelson locks having his own personal one man ecstasy fueled rave.

Now, normally, I consider my Uncle's house a safe haven from all this insanity.

However, on this particular thanksgiving getaway, I got hit with the brown eye of the storm.

Let's go to thanksgiving day.

I have a cousin, who we'll call Ally because that's her name.

Ally is your typical fourteen year old "emo" girl, who writes stupid poetry and listens to stupid music and has stupid friends and has her room painted black with posters of My Chemical Romance up on her walls.

Now, despite all this, Ally is pretty fun to hang out with, and we've been close since we were very young.

However, Ally's parents, my aunt and uncle, are pretty liberal and uncaring and allow profuse alcohol consumption by all.

I tend not to drink at these gatherings because I don't trust those meth'd up hillbillies not to break in and start shit.

Ally does not follow this particular stigma.

Ally gets pissdrunk and when everyone goes to bed, begins to hit on me.

You may be asking yourself "Swordfights, did you remember to bring your condoms" to which I say, shut up let me finish my story.

So Ally is hitting on me, trying to take off my pants, saying things akin to "I hate you, because you're illegal" and "Is it bad that I wanna kiss you", and when I kissed her on the forehead to shut her up she replied with "No, not like that"

So I'm about ready to let her collapse onto the floor and pass out for the night when she does collapse, but instead of passing out, she proceeds to claw at herself saying "I CAN FEEL IT I CAN FEEL HIM HITTING ME HE'S KICKING ME OH GOD" and so I have to restrain her because she is breaking the skin.

She proceeds to claw me

A couple times during this episode she passes out and stops breathing, so I slap and shake her awake until she regains consciousness and breathes.

I can't leave the girl alone because there is a very high probability she will choke on her own vomit and die.

So as I'm sitting there thinking "God damnit why didn't I go to sleep two hours ago", I see a family friend we invited along walk by.

I go grab her, and we take her into the bathroom, induce vomiting, and I wake up her parents and tell them what happened and get my sleepy ass to bed.

Fun Thanksgiving, right?



anyway Faynor and I were talking about our families and started talking about small towns and stuff and how scary they are and it prompted me to look up Forbestown. I now present you with their official website (pay close attention to the URL):

http://www.road-kill-cafe.com/forbestown/about.html



How fucked up is your family, SE++?

I Win Swordfights on
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Posts

  • Viscount IslandsViscount Islands [INSERT SoKo HERE] Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    WOW THANKS FOR THE STORY SWORDFIGHTS

    I want to do with you
    What spring does with the cherry trees.
    ·
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I remember!

    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
    ·
  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights みんな、 見ていてくれ!Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I fully expect this to get locked but I wanted people to see that website

    ·
  • FramlingFramling Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    That website would not meet Microsoft's accessibility standards for strobing frequency.

    you're = you are
    your = belonging to you

    their = belonging to them
    there = not here
    they're = they are
    ·
  • CogliostroCogliostro Marginal Opinions Spring, TXRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I'm not going to go into the psycho-salad that is my family.

    Interesting story, though. Did your cousin ever get out of her emo phase?

    ·
  • JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I remember when trentsteel did it

    copycat

    bar-cc-1.jpg
    ·
  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights みんな、 見ていてくれ!Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Javen wrote: »
    I remember when trentsteel did it

    copycat

    My story came first!

    Like, a year before!

    ·
  • Viscount IslandsViscount Islands [INSERT SoKo HERE] Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I think one of my cousin's is really hot but we have a strictly normal cousinly relationship.

    I want to do with you
    What spring does with the cherry trees.
    ·
  • NarianNarian Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Have you seen this cousin since?

    Narian.gif
    ·
  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights みんな、 見ていてくれ!Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Cogliostro wrote: »
    I'm not going to go into the psycho-salad that is my family.

    Interesting story, though. Did your cousin ever get out of her emo phase?

    Well she moved into this scene myspace thing

    She's still pretty cool we don't really talk about her wanting my dick

    ·
  • FramlingFramling Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Oh, weird, it only does it in Opera.

    If you mouse over the text, it'll switch to red text, all caps.

    you're = you are
    your = belonging to you

    their = belonging to them
    there = not here
    they're = they are
    ·
  • AntimatterAntimatter Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    WOW THANKS FOR THE STORY SWORDFIGHTS

    no kidding

    ·
  • rational vashrational vash Registered User
    edited April 2010
    Once, when i was around 8 or so

    I stumbled upon my (female) cousin masturbating. Or maybe removing a tampon. Or something.

    She was standing on the toilet seat and leaning against the wall for some strange reason I still don't understand

    Anyway, I slammed the door as soon as i saw bare ass

    God, I still have no fucking clue what she was doing

    ·
  • KusuguttaiKusuguttai __BANNED USERS
    edited April 2010
    so is this the made up stories thread

    guys my hot sister blew me last night and swallowed it was super hot

    ·
  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights みんな、 見ていてくれ!Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Sometimes I wonder if a girl has ever tried and succeeded to masturbate with a tampon

    ·
  • JordynJordyn Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    god

    do I want to type up what dumbfucks my cousins have been...

    thumbsupguy-1.jpg
    JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
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  • KusuguttaiKusuguttai __BANNED USERS
    edited April 2010
    her tongue felt like a warm popsicle i am serious

    ·
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    post pix of the one who tried to fuck you

    xcomsig.png
    ·
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Jordyn wrote: »
    god

    do I want to type up what dumbfucks my cousins have been...

    do it. the world must know of stupid bitches.

    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
    ·
  • rational vashrational vash Registered User
    edited April 2010
    My story is completely true

    Although i don't really know what it's about so it is open to interpretation

    ·
  • Viscount IslandsViscount Islands [INSERT SoKo HERE] Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I saw one of my female cousins run to her room when she was naked from the bathroom when I was like seven. But before that she was like sneaking and I JUST HAPPENED to look around and blam, awkward eye contact and immediate look away for me trying to keep my face straight while mentally screaming.

    I want to do with you
    What spring does with the cherry trees.
    ·
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY EVERY DAYRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Fallout wrote: »
    post pix of the one who tried to fuck you

    seriously

    i need to complete the scene in my head

    xcomsig.png
    ·
  • AntimatterAntimatter Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
  • redheadredhead Registered User
    edited April 2010
    Do You Guys Remember When My Cousin Tried to Have Sex With Me Because I Feel Like We Didn't Talk About It Enough Last Time

    ·
  • JordynJordyn Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Faynor wrote: »
    Jordyn wrote: »
    god

    do I want to type up what dumbfucks my cousins have been...

    do it. the world must know of stupid bitches.

    Okay gimme a few minutes to work up the energy.

    thumbsupguy-1.jpg
    JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
    ·
  • NeoTomaNeoToma Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    My Cousin was voted Miss Black Arizona

    Which i mean is kinda cool, but being the hottest black chick in Arizona? There's pool of what 30 people total.

    funkybanner_zps9614e94d.png
    ·
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    redhead wrote: »
    Do You Guys Remember When My Cousin Tried to Have Sex With Me Because I Feel Like We Didn't Talk About It Enough Last Time

    if only he could live up to your illustrious career in threadmaking

    if only

    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
    ·
  • alternatingAberrationalternatingAberration I am the milk man My milk is deliciousRegistered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I think everyone has a cousin like that.

    xI8QS1g.jpg?1
    ·
  • FaynorFaynor Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I have a cousin who we always used to fight over who got to pick what channel was on the TV on thanksgiving so when she was running to my grandma to complain I tripped her and she cried

    it was hilarious

    do you wanna see me eat a hotdog
    ·
  • Viscount IslandsViscount Islands [INSERT SoKo HERE] Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Was Swordfights also the one who was like GUYS GUYS MY PENIS IS REALLY BIG GIRLS LOVE MY PENIS IT'S LIKE X INCHES AND THEY SEXT ME ALL THE TIME IT'S LIKE THE STAFF OF RA?

    I want to do with you
    What spring does with the cherry trees.
    ·
  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights みんな、 見ていてくれ!Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Was Swordfights also the one who was like GUYS GUYS MY PENIS IS REALLY BIG GIRLS LOVE MY PENIS IT'S LIKE X INCHES AND THEY SEXT ME ALL THE TIME IT'S LIKE THE STAFF OF RA?
    That was back when I was on medication that worked for the first time, I was pretty happy and boastful, sorry.

    ·
  • AntimatterAntimatter Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    Was Swordfights also the one who was like GUYS GUYS MY PENIS IS REALLY BIG GIRLS LOVE MY PENIS IT'S LIKE X INCHES AND THEY SEXT ME ALL THE TIME IT'S LIKE THE STAFF OF RA?

    was?

    ·
  • DrIanMalcolmDrIanMalcolm Does somebody go out into the park and pull up the dinosaurs' skirts?Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I was actually disappointed when I saw that Trent didn't make this thread

    dfd58e54-76e3-4cca-a87e-8fabd8a8c8eb_zpscb3d0a8b.jpg
    ·
  • MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    no but i remember when you said how it felt good that your girlfriend said she wanted your dick and i was like

    ahahahaomg.png

    do not ask for whom the snerd tolls
    ·
  • FramlingFramling Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I can't wait for Jordyn to tell you guys about her stupid cousins.

    you're = you are
    your = belonging to you

    their = belonging to them
    there = not here
    they're = they are
    ·
  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights みんな、 見ていてくれ!Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    I was actually disappointed when I saw that Trent didn't make this thread

    That was one of the best threads we've ever had

    ·
  • KusuguttaiKusuguttai __BANNED USERS
    edited April 2010
    Meissnerd wrote: »
    no but i remember when you said how it felt good that your girlfriend said she wanted your dick and i was like

    ahahahaomg.png

    she was talking about his richard nixon mask

    ·
  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights みんな、 見ていてくれ!Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
    This is all guff and shit and mocking I deserve

    I will tell you gus right now though, I am not so good at mean words so I will only ignore the barbs, there will be no word fights

    ·
  • AntimatterAntimatter Registered User regular
    edited April 2010
  • KusuguttaiKusuguttai __BANNED USERS
    edited April 2010
    his username used to be I Wins Wordfights but he had to change it because of that post

    ·
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