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Even Robots Cry, Sometimes...
Posts
It's a long process, but just keep at it, and it'll get easier as time passes. My heart goes out to you for what you went through - that's really horrid. *internet hugs*. Just try to keep your chin up, and allow yourself to go through the grieving process...but understand that eventually it'll end, and things will look up.
So I was freaking out a bit because I do not want this to result in departmental factions. But my hope is that once people go out to the bars this weekend and some social time occurs the truth will come out. It is just difficult, at the moment, to sit here quietly while she goes through her friends telling them lies about how we never dated, about how I was a creepy stalker, and bla bla bla she's a bitch.
Also, tonight was the first instace of missing her being here. I was laying on the couch and thought, "I really wish K were here so we could cuddle", and then I realized that she is gone, and that even if she were here it would all be a lie anyway.
It's just difficult to think someone is my girlfriend and, more importantly, friend and then have all of this happen. She always stressed that friendship was the most important thing to her...and then she did something like this.
It's just quite difficult at the moment. But it helps to have friends come by, sit on my couches, and tell me that she is an evil bitch. Because, well, she is evil.
It's just so fucked up.
This is not happening in a "workplace environment" but rather in an "academic setting", so I do not know what the HR things would be. Not sure if I ought to talk to someone or just be quiet. It does worry me that she is so easily and remorselessly telling people lies regarding my character. But maybe if time goes on the truth will come out.
Yes, you should really accept this. I am not trying to be mean, but what did you expect her to do? Join a nunnery? Life goes on, she's trying to move on. Of course none of this stops her from being a a collosal bitch. But you gotta accept that she isn't going to wander around being mopey all the time.
As for your last post, if you are that concerned with it, talk to them about it. If you aren't then fuck 'em. By the sounds of they are friends with this girl, and lets be honest, you two aren't going to hang out too much anymore. If you really want to address the problem show them your texts or something. Ask them why she has met your parents.
Finally you arer three days into a fairly sucky breakup on your end. Go out have fun and do all the things that she would hate you doing.
Satans..... hints..... I'm a mo bro!
Either:
1) They're going to get fucked over by her in some way.
2)They're going to realize what a huge bitch she is and leave her with no friends.
3) Nothing, but honestly, who cares? She's a stupid bitch.
4) AIDS
......
#4 is probably unlikely.
But seriously. Focus on your self at this point. Be fucking selfish. Do what YOU want to do. Break ups suck. They ALWAYS suck, and they always will suck, so take the time to be sad, or mad, or hell, even happy (worked for me!) in knowing that she can't fuck up your life any more.
Put on some hard rock, or metal, and just rock the fuck out to it. Scream if you have to, to get it all out.
Also,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxRCDmHwlEQ
I feel like this song should be a requirement in all break-up threads.
Check out my art! Buy some prints!
It's a little different from person to person, but all ends up the same. Meet girl/guy, girl/guy does crazy things, think it's your fault, wallow in it, lies get told, loose/gain/strain friendships, you go crazy, wake up a few weeks/months/years later and go...wtf? Why did I let this happen to me? Then painfully, finally, life goes on.
Your best bet? Get out, start planning your life w/out her factored in. Think about a different future. Hijack her pity parade by being totally cool with your friends and ignore the rumor mill. Eventually get a new job down the line, etc.
With hope you'll make it through it. Those of us that been down this crapy road are rooting for you. All I can say is the immortal words:
"This too shall pass."
Do stuff to make you happy, stop worrying about girls for a while, get out and try to short circut the "What did I do wrong? It's all a lie!" brain process. Eventually, it will be natural. Like an emotional bruise. You will ignore it.
PSN ID - Mostlyjoe Steam ID - dungeondweller
I know what you mean about her continuing to have a social life, and you having to hear about it. This is why COMPLETE DELETION FROM YOUR LIFE is the recommended course of action. If I hear anything about the dude I've recently 'deleted' I get anxious and it feels like the bottom drops out of my stomach. For a moment at least. I'm mostly on top of that now. One impulse I have is to label any friends who communicate with this guy as traitorous & full of betrayal. Totally illogical, and I don't pay any attention to it. They're not really part of the equation and it's unfair for me to expect them to stake loyalties over my bullshit. Might need to remind yourself of this.
I know getting away from her completely is probably not possible now, but I'd suggest it as a goal to aim for. And it's nice when you're the one removing yourself from her life - that way you're in control. If she disappears from yours completely, and you're not ready for it, you'll probably waste an awful lot of energy wondering where she is, what she's doing, etc. I spent a good year or so in that very bad place after a guy I was seeing (and working with, urgh) suddenly left. I'd see him at work, chatting like there was no problem, and I'd have to pretend it wasn't destroying my brainmeats. Pretty shitty crying in the bathroom at work....
...I'm over-sharing.
Best bet is to just reply with something along the lines of "Look, I don't feel like talking shit about her and the breakup. Whatever you heard... she's crazy. That's it. I'm not going to talk bad about it."
The benefit is three-fold.
1) There's really no way to "set the record straight" without sounding crazy and obsessed.
2) The less you talk about it, the more quickly you'll get over it.
3) The less you talk about it, the less drama and rumors she'll have to feed off of, and the more quickly it will go away.
My last breakup was.. epic. I had to deal with all this too, just with really intertwined social circles instead of work and school.
Um... pics or it didn't happen. :winky:
Gotta laugh about something, dude!
When that happens, get up and go do something else. Boot up GTA, pay a hooker for sex, and then run her ass over and take your money back. Get your wanted level up to 6 and then just have a cathartic blow-shit-up session.
You can be the bigger person and still keep shit straight at the same time.
And, anyway, people that know you probably recognize you're not actually a creepy stalker. Set the record straight calmly and then let it be. People will eventually figure out this girl is insane, or they won't, in which case there's really no reason to associate with them.
Right. At the moment I simply do not know how to tell my side of the story, to try and argue for my character, and have it work out. I mean, if I start approaching people saying "I am sane!" this will not help.
I talked to a few people today, and I very calmly explained what happened and they seemed to believe me and reinforce the notion that, within the department, I have a good reputation and no one questions my character. So, at least they thought well of me.
I simply do not know what to do about the people upon whom she is most directly focusing her lies. My guess is that they will believe her given that she got to them first, she is attractive, and they were never my close friends to begin with. But I worry that they think ill of me...though, I guess I have no control over that.
My thought is that I cannot talk to everyone, and set the record straight for everyone, but what I CAN do is approach people who I think will believe me, with whom I have had contact previous to Monday, and try to calmly explain to them what happened. So I do not have to be completely uninvolved, but I also do not have to try to convince everyone. If I simply focus upon the people in the department about whom I care then I think I can have a healthy engagement with the situation and at least get the support of some people in the department, since all may be an impossibility at the moment.
Someone asked why I have not talked to the other guy. I have left him 3 voicemails. Once after I first heard of this and I simply told him that I did not know what was going on, but would be willing to talk. Then once I was fairly sure of what happened I called to let him know what I had heard and my position. Then, after I heard that he was not believing the story from various persons, I left him another voicemail indicating that I have proof and would be willing to talk to him if he wanted to.
I do not think I am required to do anything more than this for him. He knows I am willing to talk; he knows how to get in contact with me. So, it is up to him.
Again, I appreciate all of the feedback and support. I am starting to get over the shock period and settle into the hurt / depressed / sad period...and my guess is that things will get worse before they get better. Today I had the sort of roller coaster-esque ups and downs where little things will set me off towards being depressed, then I will start to feel ok, and then I will want to lay and stare. It just takes time, I assume.
But friends have been supportive and you guys have been supportive. And it may sound asinine, but it helps to be able to come her and read feedback and vent a bit every now and then. It helps to get things out of my head, I guess.
As for the other guy, I think you've done enough. You've extended the olive branch, and it's up to him if he wants to hear what you have to say, or if he'd rather keep deluding himself. You're under no obligation to force him to hear what you have to say, and any further prodding by you to talk will only start to cast an unfavorable light on you.