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So, I come on here quite often and I was checking out the OKCupid threads that were on here from time to time and I got curious enough to make a profile of my own back in November. I hadn't really been doing much to it, just put a bit up there since I was sorta hoping to hook up with someone from my past... that didn't work out.
Anyhow, on Valentine's day I get one of those quiver deals and this girl is in there that seems to share my tastes in books and is a really intelligent person as well. End up talking with her and meeting her in person as friends and learn she has an incredible singing voice via Rock Banding with her on our first time meeting. Things pick up quite a bit from there as I fill her in I'm fairly attracted to her and start sharing some thoughts of mine with her. At about six that morning she comes over and we attempt to watch the sun rise together (really cloudy morning stopped us from doing so though). We shared our first kiss then. She invites me to hang out the next night and things heat up and I spend the night over. Things continue to go that same path and we eventually become a couple on the 12th of March, about a week after that we go and try and get birth control and find out she's pregnant. Yeah, pretty big shock... yes, we weren't thinking with our heads entirely, but I had been doing things for awhile and acutally thought I wasn't able to in a way.
Anyhow, we discuss things for a bit and decide to really think on things for awhile once all the turmoil died down. Went back and forth for a bit and she told me she decided to keep it and try and move in with me in a few months (baby would be born in December or early November, we would move in around September). Things are going really awesome between us and I'm thinking this is pretty cool. We have the support of all my friends and family and she has the same. We start thinking of names, how we'd raise it, the whole nine yards.
Well, skip ahead to this past Sunday and, after talking with her mother, she decides that she hadn't really decided fully and no longer wants to raise it and instead wishes to give the child up for adoption. Two days later she learns she'll have to take an extra semester of school she wasn't expecting and decides even more vehmently against keeping the kid.
I really want to be supportive of her and be understanding of her decision (which I am), but I do not want to give this child up... nor do I feel that she actually must do so for the sake of her schooling or other such things. She feels that she could not be able to work longer hours, raise a kid, and go to school as she needs to. I already feel that I would have a very hard time letting go of what I believed I would have (something I've actually always wanted) and actually feel incredibly pained just thinking of giving it up for adoption. Her father actually talked with her and asked her to really think on it this time and not just change her mind so quickly (about not keeping it, he's for raising it and believes she could as well) because her mother brought it up to her.
I truthfully don't know how to present it to her other than this: I believe I could work more to make up for what we could lose for her not working more than she currently is. I also could potentially take more of the responsibility of raising the child at first until she completes that extra semester. Since she only has a few classes that need to be taken in that time, she could also split up the last two semesters to make it easier (if the classes are available in both semesters of course, some aren't). I'm just not certain if she actually wants to keep it as much as I do, but she was just as into discussing raising the kid (if not more so) and the naming and everything else as I was before changing her mind. The moving in was also her idea.
TLDR: Got with a girl off of OKCupid, was with her a short time, ended up sleeping together and getting her pregnant quickly. We have an awesome relationship and end up at first deciding to keep the kid, move in together, and start planning on future family ideas. Girlfriend talks to mother, decides against keeping kid and moving in with me, and relates this to me. Finds out she is nearly failing this semester and decides even more so against. Father recently tells her to really think it through and gives her pause.
What I'm asking for here is two-fold:
1)In what way can I present to her actual plans that could work for going to school, working, and raising a kid together that would be plausible and not add more than the expected load upon her. Basically I want ideas from those that have done this and how hard/rewarding it was to do so.
2)If it comes down to it, I want to know how others have dealt with the pain of giving a child up for adoption and not knowing how their own flesh and blood is being raised, it's welfare, not being able to be there for her/him or any other things you miss out on from being a parent. I really don't know how to deal with it at this point and would appreciate any pointers given from you all, whether you've been through it or not.
In advance, I appreciate anyone who even reads all of this and I just want to ask that no mention of how dumb we were is brought up at all. I have already heard enough of this from different friends and other people as well as from my own thoughts. I don't need to hear it from the people here, I just really want some honest help if I can get it. Thank you.