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Behaving Irrationally Part Deux

MimMim Simple Kind of LifeRegistered User regular
edited June 2010 in Help / Advice Forum
Old thread: Behaving Irrationally Part Un

A bit of background and update:
Spoiler:

Fast forward to a bit ago, I checked my old e-mail account to find that they had written me. Olga sent me an e-mail not discussing anything we had talked about before, but wishing me happy birthday...on the wrong day. Which ticked me off because for 7 years she's known my birthday and in order to make nice, she decided to do it on the wrong day. Then Dan sent an e-mail stating he had forgotten about me but that his impending graduation made him remember me and he decided to write.

I had been good about not going on their Facebooks, but then last night I had a major relapse and found out that Olga was in a relationship with a girl and that started 2 days after she wished my "Happy Birthday" after saying she didn't want one, and that Dan had an active social life. No indications of being missed or anything. But I wasn't upset Dan moved on, or that they didn't mention missing me at all (not till later anyways), but that Olga was in a relationship.

Since finding out she was in a relationship, I've cried, I couldn't sleep and I feel like someone hit me in the abdomen with a ton of bricks. I know people suggested that I might have feelings for Olga and I shot them down initially but people in my own life have suggested the same thing. How do I know if that is what it is?

Also, how do I stop hurting and just forget about them? I don't have my facebook account anymore, I went on my sister's. I asked her to delete them but she said she wouldn't and they're not even friends, they added her after I asked them not to.

What do I do?

Mim on
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Posts

  • THEPAIN73THEPAIN73 Santabreaker PresentslayerRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    How old are you?

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  • MimMim Simple Kind of Life Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    THEPAIN73 wrote: »
    How old are you?

    I'm 22. Dan is 21 and Olga is 22.

    And before anyone advises "Her sexuality has nothing to do with you" I KNOW this. I tried to steer the questions away from someone being able to respond in that manner, but it still comes up.

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  • THEPAIN73THEPAIN73 Santabreaker PresentslayerRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    You need to get a hold of yourself because you made need someone in real life to talk to, a net forum, as good as this one is, won't cure your deeper problems with a few short sentences. Hell even my advice is probably wrong for you.

    This continuing problem seems to be growing out of control if you are crying so much you can't sleep.

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  • Dr. FrenchensteinDr. Frenchenstein Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    yeah, i think talking to someone is going to be your best bet here. considering this whole thing spans two threads, there is a lot more going on than the interwebs are capable of handling.

  • MimMim Simple Kind of Life Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    I want to try therapy, but I start it, begin to feel better and then I drop it. Kind of like anti-depression medication. I'm going to try again, but I'm worried I might not solve anything.

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  • UsagiUsagi Feminazgul ~*special snowflake*~Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Well of course it's not going to solve anything if you give up only a few sessions in - the whole point of seeing a counselor is to relearn new, constructive and positive behaviors to deal with a lot of these issues, and you're not going to do that in just a few sessions.

    And have you stopped the antidepressants recently? Because reaction to withdrawal can exacerbate a lot of these depressive and anxious feelings, especially if you stopped cold and without a taper-off period.

    So yeah, get thee to a counselor you trust for as long as it takes, good luck.

    Jormungandr? Damn near killed 'er!
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray the swamp, always the swampRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    I find it difficult to just outright forget people, all I have been able to do (and this took years) was to give them a place in the past. The things some people have done to me happened in my past. I have turned them into stories I can relay to people in the here and now as stories about where I come from.

    I don't want to claim that I am a completely stable individual now, because that is something that takes effort. It's not easy to move on and there are always things that might remind you of your past (as I wrote this sentence the eyes of someone I used to love flash before my mental eye for a second). Moving on is easier said than done and there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help for these kind of things. I didn't, people I know did... in the end a shrink is someone who can help you and if you can afford it you might as well give it a shot.

    Also, keeping active and meeting new people is probably the only long-term way to stop yourself from thinking about your past. There ought to be something in the present or in the future to keep you from thinking about the past.

    I think THEPAIN73 has the most sensible advice and please don't see my post as anything other than the point of view of one individual.

    *e: if you have trouble applying yourself to therapy you should try to get help from others to force you to keep going. Family, friends, neighbours or co-workers...you don't even have to tell them what's up exactly, just ask them to keep reminding you to visit the sessions even when you don't feel like it.

    Elendil wrote: »
    said Aldo hazily, before clop-clop-clopping out of the room
  • Dr. FrenchensteinDr. Frenchenstein Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    forgetting isn't the answer, but letting go is.

    but everyone is right, you need to stick with therapy just like anti-depressants, and work it out with the doc how to wean yourself off.

  • MimMim Simple Kind of Life Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Usagi wrote: »
    Well of course it's not going to solve anything if you give up only a few sessions in - the whole point of seeing a counselor is to relearn new, constructive and positive behaviors to deal with a lot of these issues, and you're not going to do that in just a few sessions.

    And have you stopped the antidepressants recently? Because reaction to withdrawal can exacerbate a lot of these depressive and anxious feelings, especially if you stopped cold and without a taper-off period.

    So yeah, get thee to a counselor you trust for as long as it takes, good luck.

    No, I haven't stopped anti-depressants. I just remember someone mentioning that in a previous thread.

    Well, beyond forgetting them (if only the machine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind existed!), how do I know if I did have feelings for Olga or something else?

    I'm trying to not dwell, but I am. I'm just really hurt, and this is frustrating. I don't want to be homophobic and I might be equating homosexuality with abandonment/change in personality for the worse. Because that is what happened when people came out of the closet. But at the same time, this is the second time this has happened and the first time it happened it was with someone I liked. I'm still unsure why its happening again, which is why I asked how do I know if I liked her in that way.

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  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Spending too much money eating out. That's about it. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Mim wrote: »
    I'm still unsure why its happening again, which is why I asked how do I know if I liked her in that way.

    You go see a trained professional who are experts at figuring this kind of thing out. Obviously H/A advice didn't do you that much good if a simple email has set you off again.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

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  • Mostlyjoe13Mostlyjoe13 Semiaquatic Suburban Subtropical Wasteland aka. FloridaRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Well from what little I can tell from the previous thread and this one...I think fundimentally the friendship is not as sound as you make it out to be. First, she's riding a bandwagon of self richeousness, which frankly if she's coming out of the closet is pretty normal. Shes in the stage where she strengthening her life choice and your becoming an excuse for her to preach. If it bothers you, just tell her to stop. And if she tries to stear the conversation that direction again, tell her again and then leave her presence. No honestly, it's fine that's she happy but not at the expense of causing you pain. Which at this point seems to be your primary reaction.

    As for you, yes this is an excuse for you to rationalize your abandonment. Frankly, and I mean this in the kindest way I can put it, move on. She's going to live her life and your going to live yours. Focus on what makes you happy and eventually you'll come to terms with it. Seeking professional help is good, especially if it helps you indentify what's really bothering you.

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  • MimMim Simple Kind of Life Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Well from what little I can tell from the previous thread and this one...I think fundimentally the friendship is not as sound as you make it out to be. First, she's riding a bandwagon of self richeousness, which frankly if she's coming out of the closet is pretty normal. Shes in the stage where she strengthening her life choice and your becoming an excuse for her to preach. If it bothers you, just tell her to stop. And if she tries to stear the conversation that direction again, tell her again and then leave her presence. No honestly, it's fine that's she happy but not at the expense of causing you pain. Which at this point seems to be your primary reaction.

    Oh, I don't talk to them anymore. They e-mailed me but I didn't respond and my sister left her facebook account open which was how I was able to see their accounts. I keep asking my sister to de-friend them considering they're not friends and Dan added her after he and I stopped talking, but she refuses.

    Oh, fake edit: Sister finally deleted them and let me watch. Though she bet $200 that I'd become friends with them again. But considering they don't even miss me, and I'm possibly going through a sexual orientation crisis (if that is what this is) I think I'll win that bet.

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  • Mostlyjoe13Mostlyjoe13 Semiaquatic Suburban Subtropical Wasteland aka. FloridaRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Well, sounds like you resolved the best possible way. But please do consider seeking professional help. It's really the last step.

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