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Behaving Irrationally Part Deux
MimStatus: Very depressedThere's your updated status on Mim.Registered Userregular
Well, since the old thread, I told my friend how I was feeling around October because it has still been bothering me since my last post in the thread (which was July). I was upset with her and figured it was about her sexuality, but then a week or two after my last post my dog had passed away unexpectedly. I had posted on Facebook what happened, as it was early in the morning and none of my friends were awake. She saw that I posted that (she left a short comment), but didn't talk to me for awhile. When she did talk to me next it was about her sexuality again. No "How are you holding up" questions, just about her sexuality, which I obliged but it left me even more angry.
When she talked about me to our mutual friend, it was more about how I was dealing with her sexuality than how I was holding up with the loss of my dog. Eventually, we got into an argument about feminism, where we were basically saying the same thing but she was talking about how I didn't understand feminism and that my school didn't teach me about the patriarchy society as well as they should have. I became fed up and told her everything I was feeling. How I was angry on how she dealt with my dog's death, and her telling our mutual friend (Let's call him Dan) all these details but not telling me anything (before she found out I was having issues).
Instead, she deflected and started talking about how I was emotionally closed off and that it was my fault she didn't contact me. That she was labeless and not looking for a relationship with anyone and that her problems of finding someone who wasn't taken didn't just extend to men but women too.
Either way, the e-mail correspondence didn't end well. She started forwarding my e-mails to Dan without letting me know before hand under the guise that we "share everything", and then Dan wrote me saying that I was being overly dramatic (something he says whenever I open up to him, despite his common complaint being "You don't open up enough") and that I needed to get over, let's call her Olga, Olga not being there for me when Harvey died.
I asked to be left alone but I was still expecting her to respond to my e-mail. She then said she'd write Dan a private letter (as in one I couldn't see) but continued to share what we were talking about with him. By then, I had enough and just stopped writing.
Fast forward to a bit ago, I checked my old e-mail account to find that they had written me. Olga sent me an e-mail not discussing anything we had talked about before, but wishing me happy birthday...on the wrong day. Which ticked me off because for 7 years she's known my birthday and in order to make nice, she decided to do it on the wrong day. Then Dan sent an e-mail stating he had forgotten about me but that his impending graduation made him remember me and he decided to write.
I had been good about not going on their Facebooks, but then last night I had a major relapse and found out that Olga was in a relationship with a girl and that started 2 days after she wished my "Happy Birthday" after saying she didn't want one, and that Dan had an active social life. No indications of being missed or anything. But I wasn't upset Dan moved on, or that they didn't mention missing me at all (not till later anyways), but that Olga was in a relationship.
Since finding out she was in a relationship, I've cried, I couldn't sleep and I feel like someone hit me in the abdomen with a ton of bricks. I know people suggested that I might have feelings for Olga and I shot them down initially but people in my own life have suggested the same thing. How do I know if that is what it is?
Also, how do I stop hurting and just forget about them? I don't have my facebook account anymore, I went on my sister's. I asked her to delete them but she said she wouldn't and they're not even friends, they added her after I asked them not to.
What do I do?
"I’m going to die one day, probably, without having left my mark on this silly, little planet. I’m going to die an anonymous, meaningless, speck of dust." - Chris Traeger