help with men

republic of me

Does any one have a fool proof system of decideing between an undesclosed number of men? I am at the point where i realy have to choose one. I havent had sex with any of them im not a whore but i have a number of male friends who want to take things further. i dont actualy know how i arrived at this situation.

and also why do men all arive in your life at once?


a point scoreing questionare would be idillic but anything else you have to offer would be kindly appreciated

joshofalltrades

Gonna need some more information here, to be honest. We don't know anything about any of these men or how you feel about them. Also, some people might take offense at the notion of ending up on a scorecard.

Esh

Yeah, this is pretty ridiculous. Why don't you choose the one you like best and leave it at that?

How old are you?

EDIT: Nevermind. 19.

LoneIgadzra

I always try to imagine how I would feel after a difficult decision with each of the options, and take the one that gives me the most imagined sense of relief.

Aurora Borealis

First off, honey, having sex does not make you a whore. You could sleep with all of these boys if you wanted, (which is not necessarily what I would recommend), but would that make you a whore? NO. Put your sex negative preconceptions aside for a minute and think about what it is that you really want.

Do you even want to take things further with any of these male friends? If you do not, you need to make it clear to them. It's cool to have male friends. It is not cool to have male friends that are only your friends because they want to sleep with you and you have somehow implied to them it might be possible if they stick around and do your bidding long enough.

Do you want a boyfriend? A friend with benefits (or three)? A makeout buddy(or six)? A guy that you go to parties with and only touch/fuck when you are both plastered?
Do you want to have sex? Do you want to have sex with any of these male friends? Do you want to have sex but only if you are boyfriend/girlfriend and have declared some sort of undying love for each other?

Do you even know what you want? If you can't articulate your own needs/wishes/desires, no boy on earth is going to be able to magically fulfill them for you.

All that being said, I've found that when I have been in the position where I am dating more than one boy at a time, it often becomes very obvious which one turns my crank more. Start going on dates, if that's what you want. Have a good time. And when you start feeling feelings, you'll know.

republic of me

joshofalltrades wrote: »

Gonna need some more information here, to be honest. We don't know anything about any of these men or how you feel about them. Also, some people might take offense at the notion of ending up on a scorecard.

well theres eddie, i feel mostly for him but he is unemployed, a biker, much much older than me. he suffers from fairly bad clinical depression and im bipolar so i dont think that would work,

you then have hussan, hes sexy, kind, romantic and not that it matters but hes indian, but i dont feel masivly for him in the sense of love

then you have brendan. tall, blonde, quiet, respectful. but he is too quiet to talk to times unless hes had a few drinks. and i have kissed him but he is terrible at it (and that only happened because we were both drunk but he now wants me to be his girlfriend and go to his brothers wedding with him)

Alan, very goodlooking if he cut his hair (has very curly hair) came to me when he found me crying over eddie when we had a row, thats when we first met. he was a kind stranger who tourned into more, but he is involved with another woman.

and lastly jonathan, nice to me, kind, generous but i think he just wants me to have a shot at getting custody of his daughter sofia

Esh

You don't sound like you want any of these guys. This all also sounds like a shit ton of drama.

mully

this was me in 2006. and, yeah, i agree with what Esh said, as well. (i followed my own advice with this one back in the day)

look, all you can do is hang out with all of them as friends and see who clicks best with you. no one has to be "the one" in this case, you don't have to date anyone.

don't pressure yourself, don't pressure any of them.

i advise strongly against sex because some people see that as an intimate and romantic venture and you don't want one dude to think he has you because of that - unless you're very, very clear that is just a physical activity at that point. try not to hurt any one, though in this case, you probably will regardless.

it sounds like you're looking for someone to stay with long term and the sad truth is that whichever dude you pick could be terrible for you - at the same ratio that he could be perfect for you, in the long run.

i agree with what lone said - try and imagine scenarios with each of them - who would be most open to talking about problems in the relationship? that's very important, and a necessary part of a relationship. who has similar views/values to you when it comes to future goals? kids? big house? small apartment?

in the end you should be with whomever you love and screw all the rest of it - but yeah, it can be really hard to gauge who you might fall in love with ... because sometimes you just can't tell.

republic of me

well if i could take elements from all of them it would be perfect, myself and eddie have had a not very physical but romantic thing going for awhile but he isnt good for me emotionaly because i have no idea of whats going on at any given moment. but before things got bad i liked him, loved him realy but god i cant continue dragging him out of shit every time he gets into it.

alan is great except he wants me to wait until himself and his gf break up. hes waiting until she gets a job and can support herself. she lost hers recently

theres something good about each of them

AlyceInWonderland

republic of me wrote: »

joshofalltrades wrote: »

Gonna need some more information here, to be honest. We don't know anything about any of these men or how you feel about them. Also, some people might take offense at the notion of ending up on a scorecard.

well theres eddie, i feel mostly for him but he is unemployed, a biker, much much older than me. he suffers from fairly bad clinical depression and im bipolar so i dont think that would work,

You said you feel mostly for him, but you think it still won't work. What does that say about the other guys?

republic of me wrote: »

you then have hussan, hes sexy, kind, romantic and not that it matters but hes indian, but i dont feel masivly for him in the sense of love

You're not supposed to feel love yet. You're not even dating, nor can you decide on a guy, so really, love should be the last thing on your mind at all. If anything, go on a date and see how it goes. It seems like you have the least to complain about with this guy, besides the fact that he's Indian (was this even a complaint? It seems like one, but I can't tell), and you don't think you love him/could love him (???). See where it goes is my advice for this one.

republic of me wrote: »

then you have brendan. tall, blonde, quiet, respectful. but he is too quiet to talk to times unless hes had a few drinks. and i have kissed him but he is terrible at it (and that only happened because we were both drunk but he now wants me to be his girlfriend and go to his brothers wedding with him)

He's bad as kissing, he's too quiet. You've already made up your mind that you don't want to date him, it seems.

republic of me wrote: »

Alan, very goodlooking if he cut his hair (has very curly hair) came to me when he found me crying over eddie when we had a row, thats when we first met. he was a kind stranger who tourned into more, but he is involved with another woman.

He's involved with another woman. Case closed.

republic of me wrote: »

and lastly jonathan, nice to me, kind, generous but i think he just wants me to have a shot at getting custody of his daughter sofia

That's creepy.

Esh

republic of me wrote: »

well if i could take elements from all of them it would be perfect, myself and eddie have had a not very physical but romantic thing going for awhile but he isnt good for me emotionaly because i have no idea of whats going on at any given moment. but before things got bad i liked him, loved him realy but god i cant continue dragging him out of shit every time he gets into it.

alan is great except he wants me to wait until himself and his gf break up. hes waiting until she gets a job and can support herself. she lost hers recently

theres something good about each of them

Yeah, well you can't do that. And there's something good about everyone. It doesn't make them worth being with though. Who says you have to pick any of them anyway? You do realize how many people there are on the planet?

EDIT: All you're really doing is rambling on about these guys. You're not really presenting anything to us. It's like you're just using this to muse. You should probably come up with a more definite question. This is all really vague.

mully

whoa whoa if there's a girlfriend involved, back away - you don't want to be with a dude who is seeing you on the side and won't break up with his girlfriend because she can't support herself. that is a red alert right there, good buddy. if he really wanted to be with you he'd break up with her immediately. alan is off the list.

AlyceInWonderland

mully wrote: »

whoa whoa if there's a girlfriend involved, back away - you don't want to be with a dude who is seeing you on the side and won't break up with his girlfriend because she can't support herself. that is a red alert right there, good buddy. if he really wanted to be with you he'd break up with her immediately. alan is off the list.

Limed for the straight up fuckin' truth. Do you really want to start a relationship that began with deceit?

Spawnbroker

Just because you have a lot of guys wanting to move further with you doesn't mean you have to pick one of them.

If you don't want to go out with any of them, then don't. Someone else will come along eventually that you'll be head over heels for, and you won't remember why you wanted any of these guys.

Elimination

Aurora Borealis wrote: »

First off, honey, having sex does not make you a whore. You could sleep with all of these boys if you wanted, (which is not necessarily what I would recommend), but would that make you a whore? NO. Put your sex negative preconceptions aside for a minute and think about what it is that you really want.

Do you even want to take things further with any of these male friends? If you do not, you need to make it clear to them. It's cool to have male friends. It is not cool to have male friends that are only your friends because they want to sleep with you and you have somehow implied to them it might be possible if they stick around and do your bidding long enough.

Do you want a boyfriend? A friend with benefits (or three)? A makeout buddy(or six)? A guy that you go to parties with and only touch/fuck when you are both plastered?
Do you want to have sex? Do you want to have sex with any of these male friends? Do you want to have sex but only if you are boyfriend/girlfriend and have declared some sort of undying love for each other?

Do you even know what you want? If you can't articulate your own needs/wishes/desires, no boy on earth is going to be able to magically fulfill them for you.

All that being said, I've found that when I have been in the position where I am dating more than one boy at a time, it often becomes very obvious which one turns my crank more. Start going on dates, if that's what you want. Have a good time. And when you start feeling feelings, you'll know.

That limed part so hard. My last girl was like that, fuckin horrible.

Aurora Borealis

19 year old boys are, by and large, bad at kissing. The only way to get better at kissing is to do it more. Just throwing that out there.

Tavataar

Esh wrote: »

And there's something good about everyone. It doesn't make them worth being with though. Who says you have to pick any of them anyway? You do realize how many people there are on the planet?

Seriously.

Also, you have yet to say what you are actually looking for? Do you want a boyfriend? A fuckbuddy? Someone to cuddle with and watch movies?

Based on this lack of info, it seems more likely that you should just stick to being friends with all of these guys,. If you were really into one of them you wouldn't be on this board asking for advice about this.

Slider

Just have sex with all of them and get it over with. It's obvious that you want to. Afterwards, decide who you want to be in a relationship with.

This topic seems grossly immature, anyway.

Penguin_Otaku

If you have to decide and have let these guys to all believe there's a serious point further than this, I don't think you should be with either of them. You're obviously not in a place where you want to settle down with one of them otherwise it wouldn't be such a dilemma.

Save you and them trouble and keep the arrangement you have or find a new guy and try to stick to one.

joshofalltrades

Slider wrote: »

Just have sex with all of them and get it over with. It's obvious that you want to. Afterwards, decide who you want to be in a relationship with.

This topic seems grossly immature, anyway.

And telling her to go ahead and sleep with everyone is a mature way of responding?

Angel177

republic of me wrote: »

then you have brendan. tall, blonde, quiet, respectful. but he is too quiet to talk to times unless hes had a few drinks. and i have kissed him but he is terrible at it (and that only happened because we were both drunk but he now wants me to be his girlfriend and go to his brothers wedding with him)

Out of all these blokes, he seems the winner if you have too have anything, but bad kisser...THAT CAN BE IMPROVED, but talk to him about the being his girlfriend thing just don't leave him hanging.

LadyM

I agree with the posters who've pointed out that you haven't clarified what YOU want (long-term relationship/fuckbuddy/other?) and that maybe you shouldn't date any of these guys. You certainly aren't obligated to.

That said, from your list there are two I would stay far away from.

Alan - "Involved with another woman." BZZZT! Strike him from the list.

Eddie - You're 19? Getting involved with someone "much older" than you at 19 is usually a horrible idea.

Lucid

Great first(triple) post there.

Tube

My advice is to have yourself sterilised