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Debate and Discourse: AWESOME POST in "arrested develo[chat]", by Res
JustinSane07
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JustinSane07 has reported a post.
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Forum: Debate and Discourse
Assigned Moderators: Elki, ElJeffe, Irond Will
Posted by: Res
Original Content:
Reason:
Post: arrested develo[chat]Res is currently doing his first tour of Afghanistan for the United States. This, to my knowledge, is his first confrontation with an enemy.
Forum: Debate and Discourse
Assigned Moderators: Elki, ElJeffe, Irond Will
Posted by: Res
Original Content:
So yesterday we head out to our vehicle, and we're waiting for the mission to start, just hanging out on the ramp that opens from the back
Then we this bird that has nested on the back of it. A goddamn bird. We point it out to our First Sergeant who is like
"What's wrong with you, bird?
Are you oblivious to the fact that we are killers?"
Then my platoon sergeant grabs its nest (It flew a ways away without protest) and put it on a barrier nearby so that its eggs wouldn't break after we drove off. We took pictures first, of course.
Six hours later, we're parked in the middle of nowhere watching this road. We're inside the vehicle. My platoon sergeant is watching the road via the camera attached to our .50 that's mounted on top. Basically he can see from the point of view of the gun, with up to 25x magnification, and control the gun remotely from inside.
Then we see these two guys on a motorcycle driving down the road. They stop, and one of them drops something, about the size of a cricket ball, in a ditch on the side of the road. Then he kneels down for a few seconds. Then they drive off the road to a herd of goats, apparently theirs. They both have rifles. One AK, the other some kind of bolt-action rifle. Not unusual, they need to protect their goats.
My platoon sergeant, however, decides we're going to check out the ditch. Not an unreasonable decision. I grab my dismount bag and we go, just me and him. Our First Sergeant and the driver stay with the vehicle.
(A dismount bag is like a lightened aid bag; it's enough medical supplies so that if someone gets really badly hurt, I can keep them alive long enough to get them to the vehicle and to my aid bag which has most of my supplies in it. The aid bag is just too heavy to carry on dismount patrols.)
We each take one side of the road and start walking. We get to the ditch and slowly approach it, we had to be pretty much on top of it to see inside. Nothing. Whatever the dude dropped, he took with him. We look over at them. We're closer to them now, less than two hundred yards. They're just standing in the field, watching the goats. They wave at us. We wave back. We go back to the vehicle.
As my platoon sergeant gets back on board, I tell him I'm going to take a leak. So I walk to the side of the vehicle, unbutton my pants and start pissing in the dirt. I sling my rifle over my shoulder to get it out of the way. On my back, I still have my dismount back, marked with a white cross made of medical tape. I don't normally have that there, for obvious reasons, but the First Sergeant had an identical backpack so I marked it to eliminate any confusion.
So I'm standing there, peeing, when suddenly the dust kicks up around my feet. My first thought is, you know, what the fuck is that. Then I realize those motherfuckers are shooting at me. I look over my shoulder; they're pretty far, now, probably about 550 meters, but I can see from the glare on the guy's scope that he's resting his rifle on the bike and just shot at me. The guy with the AK is standing next to him like a retard.
My next thought is: my rifle is on my back, shit. No, wait, my next thought is: I'm peeing, shit. Then the rifle thing.
As soon as I realize I'm getting shot at, I also realized that his next shot probably won't miss, and if his first one just hit the dirt then he's probably already loaded his second round. So I start to move. I can't do that very well because my pants are unbuttoned and my belt unfasted, but I just try to move around a bit so he can't adjust his next shot properly, all the while trying to maintain control of my dick which is now uncontrollably spraying pee everywhere. My other hand instinctively and ineffectually grabs my rifle and fires wildly in their general direction. I get my dick under control and kneel down and raise my rifle to get a bead on them.
Now I'm looking at them through my optic and the spotter is standing up, starting to get back on the bike. The shooter, it seems, wants to take another shot at me so I just fire several more (aimed, this time) shots at him. I don't think I hit him, I think I hit the bike, at least, because he falls backwards, probably trying to take cover. Hit or not, he's down and neither shooting at me nor a very good target. The spotter is standing straight up, though. I took a shot at him that I knew wouldn't miss: the sub-navel shot. He was a good distance away so I put my sight around where his knees would have been, behind the bike, and fired. He keeled forward in a way that there was no mistaking it was a good hit, right in his gut.
So I'm kneeling there watching for any more movement. Then my ears get ripped apart by the machine gun on top of the vehicle opening up on the dudes. Both guys, bike, whatever it was they dropped earlier, and a couple of nearby goats, ripped the fuck apart.
So, yeah, that's my story for the day. Shooting at a guy while he's peeing. Who does that?
JustinSane07 on
Posts
But still, One million stars.
but i do feel bad for the goats...
Also that bird was fucking chill. A couple of us even petted her before she moved and she was just, like, "Oh, people, cool."
This 40 minute cutscene will!
I suppose better him than me.
As I'm not serving in Afghanistan.
Fuckin dead.
Also an extra star because buttcleft made me giggle.
This!
http://www.fallout3nexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=16534
PA Lets Play Archive - Twitter - Blog
Those goats deserved it.
The goats were just scouts
http://www.fallout3nexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=16534
No goat sodomy were they went.
Well, unless they went to goat hell. Then I imagine there's a lot of goat sodomy.
5 "Glad you're not dead" stars.
this just reminded me that they're going through generation kill on TV here atm and I missed everything except the first two episodes, fuck
oh and the story was good of course
kpop appreciation station i also like to tweet some
and yeah, when those two get to...wherever they're going, it's not going to be filled with virgins, i can tell you that much.
FIVE STARS, MR. RES!
google+ | facebook | twitter | steam | Guild Wars 2: fightinfilipino.8914
Rez that is a fine story.
But this is just great.
Satans..... hints..... I'm a mo bro!
5 obligatory glad you're alive stars
most of them aren't trained
good story res. glad you're safe, fo sho. my brother got shot at by one guy with an AK... while he was in a convoy of at least 4 vehicles, all with mounted guns. yeah that guy didn't last too long.
That depends. We have some house wrens who fight each other over which pair gets to build nests in my parents garage. They love people, they want to be as close to the house as possible because they've figured out that humans = lack of snakes. People smells do not bother these guys.
Glad you're still alive and kicking, Res.
Free MMO Überlist
It's the fact that nest was moved that bothers most birds.
The nest was on a moving object to begin with.
An anti-mcguffin if you will.
"Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process."
Imagine all of my posts being spoken by Alec Baldwin
GamerTag: MunkusBeaver ||||| Steam: munkus
I believe the phrase is red herring.
Five holy-shit-I-couldn't-have-done-that stars.
I was expecting the bird to take a bullet for him, and would be posthumously awarded an Avian Medal of Honor for his/her bravery under fire.
In all seriousness, good to hear you weren't hurt, and you have an awesome story to tell your grandkids someday to boot.
Con-geese-inal Medal of Honor?
Con-grouse-inal Medal of Honor?
Condor-sinal Medal of Honor?
The possibilities go on
Medal of Condor?
QEDMF xbl: PantsB G+
We're making awkward jokes about how Res nearly got killed.
Five stars for being an honest to God hero.
I can now sleep peacefully