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[WH40K]Imperial Inf'ty Uplifting Primer Ed: So Dark Eldar are a thing I guess?

timspork's ghosttimspork's ghost GhostbusterHook & Ladder 8Registered User regular
edited October 2010 in Critical Failures
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Prepared by Order of the Lord General Militant of our Emperor’s glorious Imperial Guard, in conjunction with the Departmento Munitorum, and Departmento Administratum.
LMX Edition
DCDCVI Impression
945.M41


Foreward
Paraphrased from Lord General Militant Huxlow
From the Imperial Infantryman’s Uplifting Primer.

You are a soldier of the Imperial Guard. You stand with billions of others in the greatest army that has ever existed, bathed by the brilliant light of the Golden Throne with a chance of immortality that is the gift of a glorious death. It is the highest honor to fight in these same illustrious ranks which have produced some of the most exulted heroes the Imperium has ever known. Your Responsibility, and that of your comrades, is to help ensure that our magnificent Imperium is defended from its enemies. You will smite out foes wherever you find them, with the fervent passion and fury of those heroes of the past.

This thread has been produced to instruct you in your difficult transition from your previous life to one serving in the Military. Put your trust in the Immortal Emperor and he will watch over you. You will find in this thread guidance when you are in health, comfort when you are in sickness and strength when you are in adversity.

Go forth and ensure our prosperity. Fight with pride and fervor, for it is better to die for a purpose than live without reason.

The Immortal Emperor watches over you. He will judge you with unflinching eyes.
Forward
Chapter 1: Know Your Foe
Chapter 2: Quartermaster Locations
Chapter 3: Tactica Imperialis
Chapter 4: Warp Transport
Chapter 5: Section 1: Issued arms and Attire
Chapter 5: Section 2: Apparatus and Equipment
Appendix
Inspirational Text

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Spoiler:


Chapter 1: Know Your Foe
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- The Dark Forces -
Daemons A Black Peril stalks our realms. Its nature is virtually unknown, but it manifests itself in many ways, ways which cause great bloodshed and tormented wailing of those left in its deadly wake. This dark, malign influence saturates the land wherever it falls and many weak minded fools respond.

Fear not these creatures of the night! They are no match for the Gloriousness of the true Emperor. These abominations will fall to nothing but the spoken words of the Imperial Creed. Your faith is the only weapon you will need!
Note: In dealing with this foe, keep an eye on your comrades. If you notice any strange behavior, inform your commissar immediately.

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- The Betrayer -
Traitor Astartes Cowards and traitors all! Once proud members of the Astartes, these so called men turned their backs on everything you now protect. They sought power and wealth, but betrayed everything they swore to defend. They deserve nothing better than the purifying blaze of your flamethrowers.

Fear not their armor or weapons. Once these were as strong as the mighty Astartes, but millennia of disrespect to the machine spirits has caused their equipment to disintegrate. Even a simple thrust from your bayonet will easily penetrate their weakened armor. Stand firm, so great is the shame of their heresy that they will run from even the sight of your loyal uniforms.

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- The Hammer -
Daemonhunters This entry has been censured by order of the Ordo Malleus By the Holy Light of the Emperor, the Inquisition stands firm!

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- The Dying -
Eldar Of all the major alien races in the galaxy, the enigmatic elder are the most like to humans in physical terms. But do not let this seeming connection with us confound your judgment; the elder are despicable aliens, untrustworthy and decadent.

In combat the elder are undoubtedly more sophisticated than orks, and more autonomous than tyranids. However, their physical frailty and reliance on overly complex technology ensures that with discipline and courage, they will prove no match for the peerless Imperial Guard.

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- The Lost-
Dark Eldar A subset of the Eldar race which shows that this once proud and power ancient race is dividing at the might of the Imperium. They are identical to the Eldar except for an obsession with spikes and blades. Deal with them as you would their cousins.

ig_00.gif
- The Dutiful -
Imperial Guard You. If you do not understand your place within the great Imperium of Man, then please see your Commissar immediately for retraining/conversion to servitor menial.

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- The Ancient -
Necrons This Entry Classified by the Inquisition. Sightings of the race known as Necrons are to be reported to the Ordo Xenos immediately. Guard Regiments are then to await orders. Trust in the glory of the Imperium.

ork.gif
- The Beast -
Orks Of all the pestilent alien races that infest our galaxy, the Orks are the more numerous. They mass together in great war bands and by sheer weight of numbers they overwhelm those who stand before them. Cowards! But a man, armed with a lasgun and knowledge of their physiology, has nothing to fear from these abominations.

It is enough to know that an ork is slow-witted and will cause no problems for a properly trained Imperial infantryman. It is far more appropriate to compare the brain capacity of an Ork to a plant than it is to any sentient life form. It is capable of little cohesive thought, and is easily confused by loud noises or sudden movement.

sm_02.gif
- The Loyal -
Space Marines Space Marines The Emperor’s most glorious and loyal Astartes. Sons to the Emperor Himself! To even see a member of an Astartes Chapter is a honor beyond comprehension. To fight beside these magnificent men is to fight beside immortality and legend itself!

tau.gif
- The Young -
Tau Empire Not much is known about this newly encountered race. Like the Eldar they rely heavily on sophisticated but extremely weak technology. Their Pulse Rifles have no where near the range of a MKVI Lasgun, and nowhere near the power. Tau are second only to the Ork in sheer horrible marksmanship. A guardsman can stand downrange of a Tau Firewarrior and be safe in the knowledge that he has all the time in the world to line up a head shot as the Firewarrior will never be able to hit him.

To not be alarmed at the Tau vehicles hovering in the air. This power only serves to make their vehicles slow and their weapons weak. A frag grenade is more than enough to bring this floating nonsense to the ground.

tyranid.gif
- The Hungry -
Tyranids The Tyranids have begun appearing more and more often throughout the Imperium. Do not fear, these creatures are brainless and incompetent. Their sharp looking claws could not cut the top off a ration packet, let alone get through the standard issue flak armor. These aliens try to make up for their weakness by having a large variety of shapes.

It is a general rule to always shoot the big one first. Their deaths will scare the little ones into flight. A single lasbolt to the head is more than sufficient. Remember: Wasting the Emperor’s ammunition is punishable by death.

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- The Faithful -
Witchhunters The military arm of the Ordo Hereticus. These women are loyal servents of the Imperium. They seek out weak willed souls and send them to the judgment of the Emperor. They may require your assistance from time to time. It will be your honor and glory to serve them as well as your commanders. You do the Emperor’s work and in that work you shall find immortality at his side.
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Chapter 2: QuarterMasters
Where can I obtain supplies for my Regiment?

Contact your local Departmento Munitorum or fill out the requisition forms found in the locations below.
Spoiler:

Chapter 3: Tactica Imperialis
Locations of Sage advice and strategy for even the most experience commander.
Spoiler:

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Chapter 4: Warp Transport
The Imperial Guard Relies on the Imperial navy for transport. From time to time you will travel through the warp, being guided by the radiance of the Emperor. To facilitate your safe and easy transit, all guardsmen should make themselves aware of equipment designed to help them store their gear.
Spoiler:

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Chapter 5: Section 1: Issued arms and Attire
Uniform Cleaners: it is the responsibility of all Guardsmen to maintain the utmost cleanliness of their uniforms. Failure to do so will result in death.
Spoiler:

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Chapter 5: Section 2: Apparatus and Equipment
Guardsmen must know their gear intimately. Failure to do so can not only cause your own death, but the death of your comrades, your families, and all those you cared for and loved. The Commissariat promises.
Spoiler:


Appendix
Spoiler:

Inspirational Texts
From time to time a Guardsmen will need his or her moral increased when a Commissar is not available.* In these cases additional texts may be read to improve the well being of the solider. Below is a list of recommended titles.
*Note: Even if a Commissar is not present, he is ALWAYS watching.
Spoiler:

The Emperor Protects.

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Posts

  • FrowbakkFrowbakk Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Let's not forget the links to non-GW, but cool miniatures and bitz suppliers:
    Spoiler:
    -Loki- wrote: »
    I found some interesting Tyranid 3rd party stuff.
    Spoiler:

    Your sig was too tall.
  • SlapnutsSlapnuts Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Tim, this is awesome and you are awesome.

    There are some acts so ruthless, some deeds so unpalatable, that only the Vlka Fenryka are capable of undertaking them. It's what we were bred for. It's the way we were designed. Without qualm or sentiment, without hesitation or whimsy. We take pride in being the only Astartes who will never, under any circumstances, refuse to strike on the Allfather's behalf, no matter what the target, no matter what the cause.
  • timspork's ghosttimspork's ghost Ghostbuster Hook & Ladder 8Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Frowbakk wrote: »
    Let's not forget the links to non-GW, but cool miniatures and bitz suppliers:
    Spoiler:

    Fuck, I knew I forgot something. Oh well, can't add it anyway. The OP is reaching the text limit.

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    (3DS Friend Code) 5472-6198-4568 (PSN) timspork (Steam) timspork
  • NaxNax Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    AMAZING. I love you, Tim.

    The following people are amazing and I love them: Wildcat, Timspork, Kias, Denada, susan, Sharp101, [GHSC]Ryctor, Matev, Matrias, ItBurns, Slapnuts, Dayspring, see317, and the unknown poster that sent me a box of Death Company! <3 If you get them as Santees you should buy them amazing things!
  • MorskittarMorskittar Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Epic OP Tim.

    But Gaunt's Ghosts regarded as the best 40k series? Man, Abnett is great and all, but fuck if those guardsmen shouldn't have been left on a planet after the first short story in Inferno waiting for exterminatus. You can't trust a guardsmen that's been exposed to such things. Death and an eternity at the Emperor's side should have been their reward.

    snm_sig.jpg
  • timspork's ghosttimspork's ghost Ghostbuster Hook & Ladder 8Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Morskittar wrote: »
    Epic OP Tim.

    But Gaunt's Ghosts regarded as the best 40k series? Man, Abnett is great and all, but fuck if those guardsmen shouldn't have been left on a planet after the first short story in Inferno waiting for exterminatus. You can't trust a guardsmen that's been exposed to such things. Death and an eternity at the Emperor's side should have been their reward.

    I'm just saying that the majority of people seem to think.

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    (3DS Friend Code) 5472-6198-4568 (PSN) timspork (Steam) timspork
  • DayspringDayspring the Phoenician Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Tim, you had me at the tau with their "floating nonsense"

  • NaxNax Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Thats also my favorite part :P

    The following people are amazing and I love them: Wildcat, Timspork, Kias, Denada, susan, Sharp101, [GHSC]Ryctor, Matev, Matrias, ItBurns, Slapnuts, Dayspring, see317, and the unknown poster that sent me a box of Death Company! <3 If you get them as Santees you should buy them amazing things!
  • MorskittarMorskittar Registered User regular
    edited July 2010

    I'm just saying that the majority of people seem to think.

    Curse the masses and their tyranny!

    snm_sig.jpg
  • SJSJ Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    mmm new thread smell

  • -SPI--SPI- Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I'm going to try something new with my Daemons. I'm going to write a list, and then buy and build the army around it, rather than buying a whole heap of stuff I think is cool and then tyring to shoehorn as much of it into a sort of working list.

    8t2qhu8l050f.jpg
  • SkulloSkullo Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I told one of my friends I'd rebuild/fix/repaint his busted Tau on the condition he gets back into playing.

    I feel like heretic painting these xenos.

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  • Mad JazzMad Jazz Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Acknowledgement and acceptance of terms. OP approved.

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  • -SPI--SPI- Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    "Here's your tau back!"

    "Wait, you converted them too? How come there's this inquisitor guy leading them now? Why is the ethereal in chains... and is he lobotomised? All the fire warriors have imperium symbols stamped on their armour and it's all ragged looking."

    8t2qhu8l050f.jpg
  • susansusan Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Out of curiosity, anyone here have any experience with the 40K Dark Heresy Pen & Paper RPG? My RP group is going to be on the lookout for a new game soon, and I'm on a bit of a 40K kick at the moment, so it seems a natural option.

    2010 PAX DM Challenge Grand Champion
    2011 PAX Warmachine/Hordes Champion
  • SJSJ Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    susan wrote: »
    Out of curiosity, anyone here have any experience with the 40K Dark Heresy Pen & Paper RPG? My RP group is going to be on the lookout for a new game soon, and I'm on a bit of a 40K kick at the moment, so it seems a natural option.

    buy it

    play it

  • UnarmedOracleUnarmedOracle Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Epic OP Tim.

    I've run Dark Heresy and it's fun, but power levels could use a bit of tweaking. Psykers are kind of worthless at first and then all of a sudden become godlike. Nothing that hampers the game, mind you, but just something to watch out for as GM.

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  • susansusan Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    buy it

    play it

    ...

    I've run Dark Heresy and it's fun, but power levels could use a bit of tweaking. Psykers are kind of worthless at first and then all of a sudden become godlike. Nothing that hampers the game, mind you, but just something to watch out for as GM.

    Understood :) . And I think my team were looking at the Arbiter and Assassin classes (or maybe they just didn't get past 'A'...), so hopefully I shouldn't have to worry much about Psyker balance.

    2010 PAX DM Challenge Grand Champion
    2011 PAX Warmachine/Hordes Champion
  • DampCatDampCat Registered User
    edited July 2010
    New thread; off to a good start.

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    "EVEN IN DEATH I STILL COOK MOTHERFUCKERS".
  • altmannaltmann Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I like the new OP. Again, the floating nonsense is awesome.

    My Flickr. My Fruitfucker computer and my Annarchy computer. See my PAX 2006/07/08 Flickr sets

    "Look at that subtle off-white coloring, the tasteful thickness of it... Oh my God, it even has a watermark."
  • Sharp101Sharp101 TorontoRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Morskittar wrote: »
    Epic OP Tim.

    But Gaunt's Ghosts regarded as the best 40k series? Man, Abnett is great and all, but fuck if those guardsmen shouldn't have been left on a planet after the first short story in Inferno waiting for exterminatus. You can't trust a guardsmen that's been exposed to such things. Death and an eternity at the Emperor's side should have been their reward.

    They do deal with this eventually.
    Spoiler:

  • Captain ScurvyCaptain Scurvy Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Epic OP... that is all. Slap, box in mail tomorrow expect resupply sat to monday.

    [Enter Witty Catch Phrase Here]
  • SJSJ Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    susan wrote: »
    buy it

    play it

    ...

    I've run Dark Heresy and it's fun, but power levels could use a bit of tweaking. Psykers are kind of worthless at first and then all of a sudden become godlike. Nothing that hampers the game, mind you, but just something to watch out for as GM.

    Understood :) . And I think my team were looking at the Arbiter and Assassin classes (or maybe they just didn't get past 'A'...), so hopefully I shouldn't have to worry much about Psyker balance.

    Arbitrator. It's an Arbitrator.

    And truth be told, Psyker's don't get much worse than anyone else. And if they start getting out of control? Who knows, maybe the Inquisition will want them dead! :P

    Just make sure no one plays a Scum, because they are seriously just bad with no redeeming qualities.

  • NaxNax Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I read one of the starter introductory adventures and it ended with people having to roll to see if their characters were affected by this warpstone thing... It was pretty sweet. You keep your character alive through the whole adventure, just to end up getting shot in the back of the skull by one of your friends because you become mutated by the item you're looking for anyways. Brilliant

    The following people are amazing and I love them: Wildcat, Timspork, Kias, Denada, susan, Sharp101, [GHSC]Ryctor, Matev, Matrias, ItBurns, Slapnuts, Dayspring, see317, and the unknown poster that sent me a box of Death Company! <3 If you get them as Santees you should buy them amazing things!
  • saluksicsaluksic Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Nice OP, worth the wait.

    Does anyone know when is Space Marine coming out? Also, when is Ultramarine coming out?

  • NaxNax Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Space Marine currently has a Street Date of 12/31

    The following people are amazing and I love them: Wildcat, Timspork, Kias, Denada, susan, Sharp101, [GHSC]Ryctor, Matev, Matrias, ItBurns, Slapnuts, Dayspring, see317, and the unknown poster that sent me a box of Death Company! <3 If you get them as Santees you should buy them amazing things!
  • SJSJ Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
  • NaxNax Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    So, Altmann has spent pretty much the entire last week giving me shit about how I need to make a 2500pt list that most of my future lists will be pulled from, in order to actually get started on building it and painting it. I think I am going to extend it to 3k, and then actually try to make a concentrated effort to adhere to this plan.

    I only say this now because he's away away for vacation, and he may not ever see this post :P

    The following people are amazing and I love them: Wildcat, Timspork, Kias, Denada, susan, Sharp101, [GHSC]Ryctor, Matev, Matrias, ItBurns, Slapnuts, Dayspring, see317, and the unknown poster that sent me a box of Death Company! <3 If you get them as Santees you should buy them amazing things!
  • MorskittarMorskittar Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Sharp101 wrote: »
    Morskittar wrote: »
    Epic OP Tim.

    But Gaunt's Ghosts regarded as the best 40k series? Man, Abnett is great and all, but fuck if those guardsmen shouldn't have been left on a planet after the first short story in Inferno waiting for exterminatus. You can't trust a guardsmen that's been exposed to such things. Death and an eternity at the Emperor's side should have been their reward.

    They do deal with this eventually.
    Spoiler:

    What the hell sort of
    Spoiler:

    snm_sig.jpg
  • Sharp101Sharp101 TorontoRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Well, it's been a while since I read it, but an Inq really did almost kill him. He was REALLY close to being executed. I can't remember which book that was though, one of the more recent ones.

  • altmannaltmann Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Nax, my wolves combined are 5500pts. What I think you should do is just make a good solid list of models you might ever use. I mean, you have a shit ton of marines, and if you just add in any Baal preds, and other random stuff I really don't think you need that much... I think you're blowing it out of proportion. Also, i always find time to read the thread. Even at the airport. I just have no life like that...

    Is space marine squad based or a 3rd person type game?

    Also, after playing against a fully footslogging guard army and seeing another full footslogger army completely destroy a chaos opponent I'm finding it an interesting shift. Guard have so many options, it's pretty neat.

    My Flickr. My Fruitfucker computer and my Annarchy computer. See my PAX 2006/07/08 Flickr sets

    "Look at that subtle off-white coloring, the tasteful thickness of it... Oh my God, it even has a watermark."
  • SJSJ Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    how have you not watched the trailers for space marine

    you're not allowed to post in this thread again until you do so

  • HuntzyHuntzy Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Morskittar wrote: »
    Sharp101 wrote: »
    Morskittar wrote: »
    Epic OP Tim.

    But Gaunt's Ghosts regarded as the best 40k series? Man, Abnett is great and all, but fuck if those guardsmen shouldn't have been left on a planet after the first short story in Inferno waiting for exterminatus. You can't trust a guardsmen that's been exposed to such things. Death and an eternity at the Emperor's side should have been their reward.

    They do deal with this eventually.
    Spoiler:

    What the hell sort of
    Spoiler:
    Spoiler:

  • Sharp101Sharp101 TorontoRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    That didn't stop that one Inq from going after him though.

  • NaxNax Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    altmann wrote: »
    Nax, my wolves combined are 5500pts. What I think you should do is just make a good solid list of models you might ever use. I mean, you have a shit ton of marines, and if you just add in any Baal preds, and other random stuff I really don't think you need that much... I think you're blowing it out of proportion.

    I'm not blowing anything out of proportion because I know what I own :P I went off on waaaay to many tangent armies between the end of the PDF and the new Codex, so there was a long time that my marines went unused and nothing was added to them :P

    Is there anyone in this thread that is interested in Daemons, Tyranids, or an open but pretty much entirely unused Tau Battleforce? I do not want to sell them, I want to trade for unopened boxes of things that I am looking for. Everytime I sell something with the intent of buying new BA stuff, something comes up and I end up having to use that money for bills or something dumb. Looking to trade for the models I need/want so that I can't put the money toward other stuff. Also, I figure this way, people can use store credit or whatever personal hookups they have to get the stuff Im interested in, in whatever cheap ways they know how to get it, thus they spend less and get more! :P

    The following people are amazing and I love them: Wildcat, Timspork, Kias, Denada, susan, Sharp101, [GHSC]Ryctor, Matev, Matrias, ItBurns, Slapnuts, Dayspring, see317, and the unknown poster that sent me a box of Death Company! <3 If you get them as Santees you should buy them amazing things!
  • HefflingHeffling Center of Excellence Applications Engineer Alexandria, LARegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    "...the Orks are more numerous..."??? Shouldn't that be "The Orks are most numerous"?

    mcp wrote: »
    I'm never going anywhere near your lawn.
  • timspork's ghosttimspork's ghost Ghostbuster Hook & Ladder 8Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Heffling wrote: »
    "...the Orks are more numerous..."??? Shouldn't that be "The Orks are most numerous"?

    That is a direct quote from the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer. Are you saying that a work, sanctioned by the High Lords of Terra themselves, is wrong?

    Please wait in your general location. Commissariat representatives will be with you shortly.

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  • It BurnsIt Burns Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    That's not the only typo... :P

    The chaos marines entry alone has at least 2 or 3.

    The slowest painter. Ever.
  • drama_drama_ Registered User
    edited July 2010
    epic OP tim, my green tide approves

  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    It Burns wrote: »
    That's not the only typo... :P

    The chaos marines entry alone has at least 2 or 3.

    Heresy and corruption is prevalent. It touches and influences everything that touches chaos.
    Clearly you are reading from a terminal with a corrupted machine spirit.

    Inquisition forces will be onsite shortly.
    If you attempt to avoid or evade the inquisitor, you will be shot as a heretic.
    If you attempt to aid the inquisitor in whatever capacity you are able, you will be shot as as a precaution against the further spread of heresy.
    =I=

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
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