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who do i direct my rage to for supplying him with booze?
RoyceSraphim
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Teenage baby brother currently in a hospital sleeping off the vodka and henessy someone supplied at a party, most likely by the host and his parents. A fall down the stairs, nausia, and a lack of lucidity later, he's in the hospital being observed for complications with his medical history.
Here's my problem, I want to be mad at him but for him to be this bad off, someone supplied him with a lot and now his phone gives me proof that there were multiple groups supplying him.
So do I direct my wrath.at him for making the.bad choice or start striking down the enablers of his conduct?
I should point out that I a refugee with a great deal of unresolved issues that would take issue with his condition. He also has had a long term medical condition that makes alcohol consumption all the more dangerous for him.
Here's my problem, I want to be mad at him but for him to be this bad off, someone supplied him with a lot and now his phone gives me proof that there were multiple groups supplying him.
So do I direct my wrath.at him for making the.bad choice or start striking down the enablers of his conduct?
I should point out that I a refugee with a great deal of unresolved issues that would take issue with his condition. He also has had a long term medical condition that makes alcohol consumption all the more dangerous for him.
RoyceSraphim on
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Your brother has been through a lot, wait to see if he shows remorse and just let him know you're disappointed, try to make him understand the levity of his choice here. Ask him if he's learned his lesson.
The other assholes, if they are aware that he had this medical condition they need to be taught a lesson. If they didn't, they should now. If they were older kids, they need to be ratted out/punished.
http://www.fallout3nexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=16534
El Dorado: Never forget and The Defense of Minas Tirith, Capital of India
I have four kids, two are teenagers. If or when I have to deal with this I've already decided to let my daughter know that I'm upset/disappointed and will be punishing them later (I'm a big fan of taking away car keys and cell phones, then enforcing lawn duty and car detailing for a month). That and a strong lecture about the health concerns involved should do it (assuming bad behavior isn't a regular thing and this is just a teenager acting out).
Now as for who supplied the alcohol. I don't really know if you're angry enough to be callin the cops. I probably would in your shoes. I'm the kind of person that would take the brother's cell phone to the party location, call the cops and wait. Show them the cell phone and let them know that your brother will be happy to point out exactly who was buying the alcohol. My wife on the other hand would probably rain down Hell-fire on the people responsible. Scorching the Earth so that nothing could grow there for years to come.
Seriously though, I personally think this sort of thing is pretty serious. There are people out there that buy alcohol for children thinking that it's harmless and they're just being kids. The rationale I usually hear is: "They're gonna do it anyway, this way they are doing it with me around!"
Usually this ends up with the kids hung over or puking. But occasionally some of those kids decide to get in a car or do something equally stupid. And they end up hurt, dead or they hurt someone else.
Harm was definitely done, though. The supervision was clearly poor, and your brother is in the hospital with complications after having fallen down stairs. The adults who put him there have failed to take any responsibility for supplying him with the stuff and then not taking care of him, so I would say yeah, call the police and let them know.
For you, focus on your brother and why he's drinking when he knows it's dangerous. Communicate with him. Let your parents and/or the police handle the irresponsible parents
Look, he's a teenager and I know peer pressure is a bitch but I thought we took steps to herd this off.
http://www.fallout3nexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=16534
edit: Vomiting on the floor because your uncle is in the bathroom has got to be a rite of passage. FYI, I don't drink much. Certainly, never binge drink. I just remember not knowing what I was doing. So... learning process here.
This isn't peer pressure, this is the common adolescent tendency towards experimentation, whether in or outside the boundaries set by authority figures. Telling him how you haven't found any reason to be a social drinker isn't going to reduce his curiosity about why other people have.
Your brother will learn his lesson, and while the lessons you've learned in life will likely serve you well... well, you just had to be there.
Still, he's lucid and getting filled in on how all his "friends" were all "I dunno" when we pressed for details and how the host and his mom chickened out and didn't do shit to help him. Yeah, he's learned his lesson and the fact that it was midnight when he really was awake and he's missed out on the last....4-5 hours has really "sobered" him up (pun intened). Now to the speeches, the grounding, the cutting off of braids, the removal of cell phones, and the legal persecution of dumbfucks.
I should also learn some tegallan insults.
http://www.fallout3nexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=16534
I'm not saying you should let him off scott free, but teaching him that the worst possible thing he can ever do is to get caught doing something wrong probably isn't the best way to go, either.
because ultimately, it's his own fault
but if he thinks you're going to get all crazy mad at him every time he screws up, he'll never talk to you about anything and you won't find out he's doing _____ until he's in the hospital for it
be understanding and compassionate instead of judgmental
This. Definitely this.
My Mum's policy with me and my brother, for example, was that she didn't want us doing drugs at all. But that is we did, and got into a bad trip or any other sort of trouble then we should call her whatever time of night it was and she'd come get us and leave the telling off for later.
Now I never did any drugs but better to have someone to call then be stuck fending for myself.
Out of interest, you say teenage brother, how old are we talking?
Exactly. . . and this rationale is well, rational. Parents introducing kids to alcohol responsibly so when they do drink makes it less of a big deal, therefore kids won't do dangerous shit. If an adult was there how would kids be hopping into cars and killing people? You're not making any sense here.
A zero-tolerance approach to alcohol is poor parenting, it's a method that never works.
Teenagers drink, and he should make his own choices. Teach him how to drink responsibly instead of telling him he shouldn't drink because you don't like it.
Also listen to Thanatos and Raneados, instead of going nazi on a kid.
I was 17 when I first started trying out the whole "drinking thing", and I learned my limit pretty damn quickly (an evening, and following morning of being sick...and some blacking out). I'm 23 now, and I haven't had that amount (or anything near it) to drink since then. A few times a year I might get a little tipsy at a party, and another handful of times I might have a beer with dinner, or something. That first "learning experience" was by no means an accurate portrayal of how I would handle alcohol in the following years.
I'm sure he feels pretty bad right now, after having been through that...and opening up a can of disciplinary whoop-ass on him may not be the best tactic, as I'd hardly feel it was necessary (unless this was one of many times he'd done this...in which case you'd probably be looking into professional help for him).
The best way for teenagers to learn things is through experience. If he is ok give him a talk and just leave it at that. I'm sure he won't want to do it again.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
Calling them the day after, not so much. The house is cleaned up, the other kids are unlikely to talk and the adults will say something along the lines of "No officer, we don't know where 'Jimmy' got the booze. No one else was drinking and he must have snuck something in." And by now everyone nows that 'Jimmy's' pissed off family was there the night before too.
As bad as it may sound, you also have to weigh the social dynamic changes that will happen to your brother. Everyone will know who's family it was who called the cops if you do it now. Everyone will know it was 'Jimmy' who got everyone in trouble and some people arrested. That's the kind of thing that makes a kid a social pariah in every way and unless they are some very mature and understanding teens, he will have to deal with the fallout. Does that suck, yea, but teenagers are awful creatures. To be honest, I'd let it be your brother's call since he's going to be the one who's going to have to deal with it.
Since I live in a country in the old world I may have somewhat different perspective to situations like this. But the thought of going after whoever enabled your brother to drink seems just wrong unless your brother have only been a teenager for like 2 days. Providing your brother 15+ or so I'd say the one to blame is his parents for not educating him on drinking and that is really only if you absolutely must blame someone.
Also there is another matter. Exactly how is it you come to invade your brothers privacy and go through his phone! That stuff is personal (and in some countries even protect by privacy laws)!
I'm guessing when him and his family were called to the hospital and found their sibling/child near unconscious they thought checking his phone to see what happened would be a good idea and I agree with them. Anyway privacy laws would be iffy since it involves a minor and his legal guardians.
edit: And did you even read the thread? The OP has talked at length about how they have talked and educated him about the dangers of drinking especially with his condition.
The likely scenario is that he only knew that he shouldn't drink much through being told. If someone told me I can only drink a little I would be mighty tempted to find that border between good and not good. In this one he overestimated his ability.
It's stupid easy to get your hands on booze as a teenager. There are plenty of enablers out there. Ultimately, he is going to have to learn his own limits and be responsible for himself.
As a matter of wondering, what does this refer to?
Surely the parent are the legal guardians and not the big brother. I get why the phone was inspected but A. It is still wrong. and B. Considering using information found is taking it to another level.
Your second sentence is pretty much what my response to you would have been
With drink talking is not enough. I'm not saying you should get kids drunk to educate them on the problems but letting them try it at home with instructions on what to do and what not to do is what is needed.
And the parents could have been the ones who actually looked in the phone and told him. Maybe the parents asked him to look through it for them. Maybe we don't know everything. I consider this perfectly fine thing to do in this situation.
There is a big difference between education and experimentation under supervision. And even in your situation he will never know his limit unless the parents allow him to get drunk enough and teenagers love to know, and exceed, their limits.
If he's 14 or so then yeah you should be angry at the enablers. If he's more like 17 or 18 then it's his own damn fault. Personal responsibility kicks in around that age imo.
you guys remember being 17 right?
you remember teenage rebellion?
Unless the brother has some sort of mental condition too, I really don't see how saying 'no' is not his responsibility. If he's old enough to go out with friends on his own, he's old enough to be held accountable for his actions. I'm sorry he ended up in the hospital, and I hope he's OK, but he chose to take the bottle and chose to pour it. No one physically forced him to, did they?
I guess I don't understand the double standard here - we say kids are old enough to play mature games, but can't be trusted to say no?
edit: I do agree that coming down like a ban-hammer won't do anything positive. Talk to him calmly a few days from now about responsibility and specifically him & booze.
All my fuckin life I lived a normal fuckin life
Except it's not the same as when we were kids -- we didn't have a serious medical condition that could cause complications like this. If he does it again, he could die.
That doesn't get rid of teenage rebellion. Becoming incredibly strict on him is only going to make him less likely to get help from his family when something like this happens again
I am pretty sure it's all through out the US, but the owner of the house is legally responsible for underage drinking that takes place in their residence. Be sure to let her know this when you send her the bill.
Currently painting: Space Wolves [flickr]
Medical condition is a seizure disorder thats treated with twice daily medication. He hasn't had seizures in some time so it was a big worry when he drank, he fell down some stairs, and being too tired to take his meds.
He didn't have alcohol poisoning he was just wasted at twice the legal limit.
The other brother in Cali chewed him out fierce and now he faces the hard task of looking at his friends and realizing that most of them were only concerned about covering their ass and only a few bothered to tell the truth to help him.
As far as the rebellion verses authority goes, his brother and I have been more than encouraging and understanding of his whims, even going so far as to let him taste some jack and understand it and explain why it wasn't necessary.
The cutting of braids was because they were something fashionable that he had and that it was always a threat that they would make him cut it when he crossed the line. Personally, I think they should make him trim it down to a fro.
As far as the phone was concerned, its not his property, its something his parents pay for so they can contact him and let him out of the house.
Right now, I don't think anyone is going to put him on the rack, its kind of back to normal right now and since the evidence is all gone from the house, there's no point in perusing legal action. But after he showed me his facebook page and his friends, there will be a discussion on how the host could go out there and be all, "EHHHH, DUO!" trying to slap hands with my wasted and passed out little brother and not say a GORRAM thing to his mother! Hell, even the tween and teen girls were yelling, "How can you go up and disrespect his mom like that?"
http://www.fallout3nexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=16534
1. Twice the legal limit doesn't really mean anything. Here it's .08. Being twice the legal limit just means you shouldn't operate machinery or drive a motor vehicle or other things that require attention and coordination. I'm sure if you check the police log in your paper you'll see plenty of DUIs where the drive is over twice the legal limit. I'm not saying it's ok for a kid to get that drunk, but it's not like he binged until he outright passed out.
2. Why would you do that? That's sending a mixed signal to an adolescent.
I'd try to let it blow over and be thankful that he's still alive. He'll have to deal with the shame and consequences on his own and hopefully it will be enough of a wake up call. I would send the hospital bill to the home and be like, "Look, you pay for this and it's done."