Things you'd like to tell people but can't

Rankenphile

naporeon wrote:

Jordyn wrote:

what if my penis is bigger than a cantaloupe?

[obligatory "your sig makes this better" comment]

I didn't want to say it, but yeah.

Jordyn

Darth Waiter wrote:

Danielle, I had the most amazing crush on you. And then I found out that you rolled around naked in latex paint for your senior art exam and tried to get me to see it but were too nervous. What. The. Fuck. How could you have been as nervous as me? We talked everyday for three years! Why couldn't you say anything?

We would have had the most good-looking kids. I shit you not, woman.

I talked to my everday for three years, I still don't want to show her naked pictures of me.

Jennifer

Slungsolow wrote:

It's kind of hard to not see the signals when a girl sneaks into the boy's locker room to watch you shower.

you have to really like a guy to go in there. I hear it smells really bad in a man's locker room.

Druhim

lostwords wrote:

Druhim wrote:

Slungsolow wrote:

Druhim wrote:

Jennifer wrote:

Kantankeris wrote:

Jennifer wrote:

girls are nothing but trouble.

Thanks for the insider information Jennifer, but seriously, where else can we get a vagina? I'd like to hear the answer for that.

I hear that if you drill a hole in a cantalope and warm it in the microwave you can get a similar affect.

But then how do I find the g-spot?

oh, that's easy... just give her access to your checking account.

What's a cantaloupe going to do with access to my checking acct?

Buy flowers and chocolates for slutty watermelons behind your back

Dynagrip

What the fuck. This thread totally exploded and I missed it.

Damn it!

Slungsolow

Jennifer wrote:

Slungsolow wrote:

It's kind of hard to not see the signals when a girl sneaks into the boy's locker room to watch you shower.

you have to really like a guy to go in there. I hear it smells really bad in a man's locker room.

this was a private school... they could afford bleach.

Jennifer

Jordyn wrote:

what if my penis is bigger than a cantaloupe?

then you, my friend, have bigger problems then us all.

Druhim

Jennifer wrote:

Kantankeris wrote:

Jennifer wrote:

Druhim wrote:

I haven't been to any of my HS reunions. I've keept in touch with most of the people I care about so why should I care what those other schlubs are up to?

ha ha. you said reunion(S). old person. Mine was last year. I did not go. my class sucked. I hung out with the class before me and the one before that.

Dru's like in his 40s and hangs around the malt shop with all the young kids so he can stay hip and score from the girls with daddy issues.

Also: I'm still pretty bad at picking up girls' signals. My last one let me know by saying "Oh I put too much moisturizer on my hands, would you like to share some?"
I'm not fucking joking.
I love her.

oh I know all about dru. we go waaay back. he knows things about me. him and callius are my peeps.

hook me up with those pics too if you ever follow through

Jordyn

Rankenphile wrote:

naporeon wrote:

Jordyn wrote:

what if my penis is bigger than a cantaloupe?

[obligatory "your sig makes this better" comment]

I didn't want to say it, but yeah.

I should add a link to the image that takes you to Amazon where you may purchase the book that the image is from.

Jennifer

Dynagrip wrote:

What the fuck. This thread totally exploded and I missed it.

Damn it!

I take partial credit for that.

naporeon

Druhim wrote:

lostwords wrote:

Druhim wrote:

Slungsolow wrote:

Druhim wrote:

Jennifer wrote:

Kantankeris wrote:

Jennifer wrote:

girls are nothing but trouble.

Thanks for the insider information Jennifer, but seriously, where else can we get a vagina? I'd like to hear the answer for that.

I hear that if you drill a hole in a cantalope and warm it in the microwave you can get a similar affect.

But then how do I find the g-spot?

oh, that's easy... just give her access to your checking account.

What's a cantaloupe going to do with access to my checking acct?

Buy flowers and chocolates for slutty watermelons behind your back

Tree of Irony is still my favorite.

Druhim

So Jennifer, you wanna come into the boys locker room with me? :winky:

Jennifer

naporeon wrote:

Druhim wrote:

lostwords wrote:

Druhim wrote:

Slungsolow wrote:

Druhim wrote:

Jennifer wrote:

Kantankeris wrote:

Jennifer wrote:

girls are nothing but trouble.

Thanks for the insider information Jennifer, but seriously, where else can we get a vagina? I'd like to hear the answer for that.

I hear that if you drill a hole in a cantalope and warm it in the microwave you can get a similar affect.

But then how do I find the g-spot?

oh, that's easy... just give her access to your checking account.

What's a cantaloupe going to do with access to my checking acct?

Buy flowers and chocolates for slutty watermelons behind your back

Tree of Irony is still my favorite.

I like this. the only thing that for some reason creeps me out, it that the nails are all bent.

Jordyn

Druhim take her to a burlesque show.

Be like, "eat this salad, it's fucking shit."

Rankenphile

save your fork, there's cheesecake

naporeon

Jennifer wrote:

naporeon wrote:

Druhim wrote:

lostwords wrote:

Druhim wrote:

Slungsolow wrote:

Druhim wrote:

Jennifer wrote:

Kantankeris wrote:

Jennifer wrote:

girls are nothing but trouble.

Thanks for the insider information Jennifer, but seriously, where else can we get a vagina? I'd like to hear the answer for that.

I hear that if you drill a hole in a cantalope and warm it in the microwave you can get a similar affect.

But then how do I find the g-spot?

oh, that's easy... just give her access to your checking account.

What's a cantaloupe going to do with access to my checking acct?

Buy flowers and chocolates for slutty watermelons behind your back

Tree of Irony is still my favorite.

I like this. the only thing that for some reason creeps me out, it that the nails are all bent.

Kinky sex? Also....



Pleasant memories from childood.

Jordyn

There wasn't cheesecake!

I was upset.

Darth Waiter

Jordyn wrote:

Darth Waiter wrote:

Danielle, I had the most amazing crush on you. And then I found out that you rolled around naked in latex paint for your senior art exam and tried to get me to see it but were too nervous. What. The. Fuck. How could you have been as nervous as me? We talked everyday for three years! Why couldn't you say anything?

We would have had the most good-looking kids. I shit you not, woman.

I talked to my everday for three years, I still don't want to show her naked pictures of me.

My who?

Rankenphile

Jordyn wrote:

There wasn't cheesecake!

I was upset.

you went too?

awww man


hey I totally got a new car today and can actually drive down to seattle now without problems

Jordyn

Darth Waiter wrote:

Jordyn wrote:

Darth Waiter wrote:

Danielle, I had the most amazing crush on you. And then I found out that you rolled around naked in latex paint for your senior art exam and tried to get me to see it but were too nervous. What. The. Fuck. How could you have been as nervous as me? We talked everyday for three years! Why couldn't you say anything?

We would have had the most good-looking kids. I shit you not, woman.

I talked to my everday for three years, I still don't want to show her naked pictures of me.

My who?

Uh.

I'm not saying now.

Yeah.

Jennifer

Jordyn wrote:

Darth Waiter wrote:

Jordyn wrote:

Darth Waiter wrote:

Danielle, I had the most amazing crush on you. And then I found out that you rolled around naked in latex paint for your senior art exam and tried to get me to see it but were too nervous. What. The. Fuck. How could you have been as nervous as me? We talked everyday for three years! Why couldn't you say anything?

We would have had the most good-looking kids. I shit you not, woman.

I talked to my everday for three years, I still don't want to show her naked pictures of me.

My who?

Uh.

I'm not saying now.

Yeah.

now we all want to know.

Darth Waiter

Jordyn wrote:

Uh.

I'm not saying now.

Yeah.

Fine. Be that way.

Druhim

Jordyn wrote:

Druhim take her to a burlesque show.

Be like, "eat this salad, it's fucking shit."

Seriously, I've been thinking about going to their website and finding either an e-mail or phone # to complain about the crap food to. That salad was fucking ridiculous. I would have preferred an iceberg salad out of a fucking back with a simple store bought italian dressing to that nonsense they served us and getting that bullshit chocolate cake on paper plates instead of cheesecake was the last straw. If they had charged $7 for that, I would be cool but no way was that shit worth $13. I'm going to find a contact to complain to right now.

Jordyn

Rankenphile wrote:

Jordyn wrote:

There wasn't cheesecake!

I was upset.

you went too?

awww man


hey I totally got a new car today and can actually drive down to seattle now without problems

There was this dude there, sitting up front. And this dude, oh man he looked almost exactly like Steve Page of Barenaked Ladies. It drove me nuts and also insane and at the end of the night I went over and talked to him and I said "you look...just like Steve Page" and he kinda laughs and I say "Do you get that a lot?" and he says "No, usually I hear that I look like Jack Osbourn." And then he says "but this (POINTS DIRECTLY AT MY TITS) is better."

I was all ready to hide my wedding ring and runaway with fake Steve, whose name was actually Steve too.

Druhim

Jordyn went through this phase in college.

Jennifer

Druhim wrote:

Jordyn wrote:

Druhim take her to a burlesque show.

Be like, "eat this salad, it's fucking shit."

Seriously, I've been thinking about going to their website and finding either an e-mail or phone # to complain about the crap food to. That salad was fucking ridiculous. I would have preferred an iceberg salad out of a fucking back with a simple store bought italian dressing to that nonsense they served us and getting that bullshit chocolate cake on paper plates instead of cheesecake was the last straw. If they had charged $7 for that, I would be cool but no way was that shit worth $13. I'm going to find a contact to complain to right now.

lol

Rankenphile

Druhim wrote:

Jordyn wrote:

Druhim take her to a burlesque show.

Be like, "eat this salad, it's fucking shit."

Seriously, I've been thinking about going to their website and finding either an e-mail or phone # to complain about the crap food to. That salad was fucking ridiculous. I would have preferred an iceberg salad out of a fucking back with a simple store bought italian dressing to that nonsense they served us and getting that bullshit chocolate cake on paper plates instead of cheesecake was the last straw. If they had charged $7 for that, I would be cool but no way was that shit worth $13. I'm going to find a contact to complain to right now.

Callius

Oh god... a hot chick rolling around in latex paint and...

fucking boner city.

Jordyn

Druhim also told us that appropriate attire was lingerie but no one was wearing any except the girls in the show.

Slungsolow

I had a chick tell me that i looked like alf.


I don't think she wanted to sleep with me.

Rankenphile

Slungsolow wrote:

I had a chick tell me that i looked like alf.


I don't think she wanted to sleep with me.

well, you were eating her cat at the time

lostwords

Slungsolow wrote:

I had a chick tell me that i looked like alf.


I don't think she wanted to sleep with me.

Did you eat her cat in revenge?

EDIT: beat

Homeless

Old people tell me I look like Tiny Tim.

No, I do not feel like tiptoeing through the goddamned tulips right now.

fightinfilipino

people keep telling me i look like Jean Claude Van Damme.



i only hope it's pre-drugs.

Druhim

Jordyn wrote:

Rankenphile wrote:

Jordyn wrote:

There wasn't cheesecake!

I was upset.

you went too?

awww man


hey I totally got a new car today and can actually drive down to seattle now without problems

There was this dude there, sitting up front. And this dude, oh man he looked almost exactly like Steve Page of Barenaked Ladies. It drove me nuts and also insane and at the end of the night I went over and talked to him and I said "you look...just like Steve Page" and he kinda laughs and I say "Do you get that a lot?" and he says "No, usually I hear that I look like Jack Osbourn." And then he says "but this (POINTS DIRECTLY AT MY TITS) is better."

I was all ready to hide my wedding ring and runaway with fake Steve, whose name was actually Steve too.

It's true. If Jordyn were a mandrill she would have been thrusting her ass in his face to get the point across. :lol:

Darth Waiter

Callius wrote:

Oh god... a hot chick rolling around in latex paint and...

fucking boner city.

She was absolutlely smoking. Apparently, you could see the imprints from her nipples left over in the paint after it dried. Which means that they were erect while she was rolling around on the canvas.

What I'm saying is that she was naked and horny.

lostwords

I've been recently hearing from some people that I look like Hiro from Heroes. Their reasoning? You're a somewhat pudgy asian with glasses. Way to be racist, friends.

Druhim

Jordyn wrote:

Druhim also told us that appropriate attire was lingerie but no one was wearing any except the girls in the show.

You fuckers always pull this bullshit on me. I made it very clear that I was reading the recommendation off the flyer for the show but that I was just going in jeans and a nice shirt. Damn kids.

Callius

Darth Waiter wrote:

Callius wrote:

Oh god... a hot chick rolling around in latex paint and...

fucking boner city.

She was absolutlely smoking. Apparently, you could see the imprints from her nipples left over in the paint after it dried. Which means that they were erect while she was rolling around on the canvas.

What I'm saying is that she was naked and horny.

Or maybe cold?

naporeon

Darth Waiter wrote:

Callius wrote:

Oh god... a hot chick rolling around in latex paint and...

fucking boner city.

She was absolutlely smoking. Apparently, you could see the imprints from her nipples left over in the paint after it dried. Which means that they were erect while she was rolling around on the canvas.

What I'm saying is that she was naked and horny.

Yeah, I dated a stage actress once, who sent me a picture of her doing a love scene on-stage.

She later told me that she'd had an orgasm during one of the performances.