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Insert foot into mouth and then talk - Awkward Times

2456

Posts

  • TrillianTrillian Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    So I got a chance recently to do some illustration for a children's book. A guy has a bunch written and wants to pay pretty hefty for an illustrator, so I did some super rough sketches, sent them his way and waited to hear back. He was positive, but hesitant, as they were really rough, and I explained to him they were just the first part of the process, feeling out the character and the style. I'm not real used to drawing little kids, so a couple days later, I'm working on refining the design, so I decide to go down the street to the park and spend some time doing some life drawing of little kids, taking photo reference.

    So there's me. A 31 year old dude that looks like me, sitting on a park bench, taking pictures of children in a park and drawing them as fast as I can, and trying desperately not to look like a pedophile, which only serves to make me look more shift and nervous.

    God damn I got some ugly looks from some parents.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    I bet your wife appreciates this story.

    Super stoked for camping next next weekend btw.
    SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARKS!
    (under the water like 60 feet but still)


    They cast a shadow like a sundial in the morning light. It was half past 10.
  • mensch-o-maticmensch-o-matic Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    woah wait hold the fuck up

    whats being said about brontosauruses

  • MaceraMacera Registered User
    edited August 2010
    #pipe wrote: »
    yeah there's this one guy

    a palaeontologist or a fossil biologist or some shit

    who proposes that more than half of currently classified species of dinosaur should not have their unique classification and are just younger or older examples of already classified species.

    I remain dubious.

    I can believe this, actually

    Imagine finding the skeletons of Danny DeVito and Yao Ming (and you don't have the technology that we do now); would you think they were from the same species?

    xet8c.gif
  • laughingfuzzballlaughingfuzzball Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    A little one.

    I guess a little background first. I work at a grocery store. A lot of people pay with EBT (foodstamps), which can't be used to buy stuff that isn't food, like paper towels or beer, and some stores make the customer separate out which stuff is EBT-approved and which isn't and do it with two separate transactions. Our register system automatically does that, and so usually whenever someone tells me it's going to be two separate transactions and one is all food stuff and one is all beer and paper products, I just say "Oh, are you going to be paying with EBT? You don't have to split that stuff up, it's easier if it's all on one."

    So this guy comes up to the register yesterday, he's a black guy, and he does the same thing, putting the beer on a different tab. So, like I do with literally every other customer, I say, "Oh, is that going to be on foodstamps? You don't have to separate it."

    "Foodstamps?! What's this about foodstamps!?" He digs out his badge to show me he works for the department of justice. "This is just a joint checking account! There are no foodstamps in my household."

    All the while I'm trying to explain haltingly about the way our system works and just end up with a feeble apology. Oops, I guess I'm a racist now.

    I'm from a pretty white town.


    I worked at CHick-fil-A for a while. Our customers were mostly white teenagers and white middle-aged ladies.

    We had a few black regulars, and by "regulars" I mean "pot heads who came in and acted all rowdy most weekends".

    at a place that only serves fried chicken.

    After a while, you start to dread seeing young black men walk into the store, because the last dozen times, they've been completely stoned and completely impossible. Then you feel terrible, because you let a shitty part-time job in the mall turn you racist.

  • HenroidHenroid Nobody Nowhere fastRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Zonugal wrote: »
    During my junior year of high school I was a campaign manager for my friend who was running for student government. It was the second week into campaign that I had learned that one of our competitors had been ripping down our carefully positioned signs, and replacing them with his. I brought this to the attention of the faculty and had him reprimanded but he ended up not being kicked out of the election (I also alerted him that I was the one who had alerted them).

    The final week of elections came which resulted in each candidate giving a speech to the entire school. Sadly my friend became ill the night before the speech and requested I give an impromptu speech on his behalf. So the day came and our unfavorable opponent went before me with his speech. He finished and I walked up the podium and immediately made fun of him. Everyone in the audience laughed at him, they laughed for so long at him. While he sunk into despair I gave me speech with glee.

    I shared a class with him when the election results came in, my friend won. I immediately threw a desk over and started laughing at him as loudly as possible.

    The next week he jumped off a freeway pass.

    Holy s.

    "Ultima Online Pre-Trammel is the perfect example of why libertarians are full of shit."
    - @Ludious
    PA Lets Play Archive - Twitter - Blog (6/15/14)
  • ZonugalZonugal Freelance Bio-Exorcist Adam Maitland's Model TownRegistered User, PAX Zonugal regular
    edited August 2010
    Blake T wrote: »
    Zonugal wrote: »
    So let me just throw this out there.

    Is anyone else sort of turned on by incest? I don't mean incest within your own family but outwards. Like watching a brother make-out with a sister, even better if they are black-out drunk or don't even know about the blood relation.

    Yeah? Can I get a yeah?
    If they were two hot sisters maybe.....

    I think I would still prefer a brother with a sister. A quarter of the joy would be watching the act and the rest of the pleasure would be from the inevitable awkwardness that will grow from such an act.

    My God could I feast on such gossip.

    Beetlejuice_sig.jpg
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    #pipe wrote: »
    Blake T wrote: »
    Triceratops were my favourite dinosaurs when I was little.

    First Brontosauruses and now this?

    oh hell no

    yeah there's this one guy

    a palaeontologist or a fossil biologist or some shit

    who proposes that more than half of currently classified species of dinosaur should not have their unique classification and are just younger or older examples of already classified species.

    I remain dubious.
    Get him on the phone.

    Tell him I will fight him right now.

    Wait, it wasn't more than half, it was about a third.

    The dude's name is Jack Horner and here's an article about it.

    regular%20sig.png
  • mensch-o-maticmensch-o-matic Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    zonugal stories are pretty hit and miss

    and by miss i mean seriously dude what the fuck did you do that for and why did you feel the need to share

  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    woah wait hold the fuck up

    whats being said about brontosauruses

    Copy and pasted from wiki.

    Elmer Riggs had published a paper in the 1903 edition of Geological Series of the Field Columbian Museum which argued that Brontosaurus was not different enough from Apatosaurus to warrant its own genus, and created the combination Apatosaurus excelsus: "In view of these facts the two genera may be regarded as synonymous. As the term 'Apatosaurus' has priority, 'Brontosaurus' will be regarded as a synonym."
    Despite this, at least one paleontologist—Robert Bakker—argued in the 1990s that A. ajax and A. excelsus are in fact sufficiently distinct that the latter continues to merit a separate genus.[16] This idea has not been accepted by many palaeontologists.[11][17]

  • ButlerButler 89 episodes or bust Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Zonugal wrote: »
    Blake T wrote: »
    Zonugal wrote: »
    So let me just throw this out there.

    Is anyone else sort of turned on by incest? I don't mean incest within your own family but outwards. Like watching a brother make-out with a sister, even better if they are black-out drunk or don't even know about the blood relation.

    Yeah? Can I get a yeah?
    If they were two hot sisters maybe.....

    I think I would still prefer a brother with a sister. A quarter of the joy would be watching the act and the rest of the pleasure would be from the inevitable awkwardness that will grow from such an act.

    My God could I feast on such gossip.

    So it's not the incest per se that turns you on

    it's watching others sow of the seeds of future misery and self-loathing?

    The Genius of the Daleks

    Latest upload: Chapter Five on 13th of March, 2014
  • ZonugalZonugal Freelance Bio-Exorcist Adam Maitland's Model TownRegistered User, PAX Zonugal regular
    edited August 2010
  • mensch-o-maticmensch-o-matic Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    MOTHER OF FUCK

    ITS PLUTO ALL OVER AGAIN

  • mensch-o-maticmensch-o-matic Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    oh god oh god oh god if they dicked around with t-rexes i dont know what i would do

  • OrikaeshigitaeOrikaeshigitae Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited August 2010
  • ZonugalZonugal Freelance Bio-Exorcist Adam Maitland's Model TownRegistered User, PAX Zonugal regular
    edited August 2010
    He who casts the first stone...

    Beetlejuice_sig.jpg
  • AneurhythmiaAneurhythmia Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    #pipe wrote: »
    #pipe wrote: »
    Blake T wrote: »
    Triceratops were my favourite dinosaurs when I was little.

    First Brontosauruses and now this?

    oh hell no

    yeah there's this one guy

    a palaeontologist or a fossil biologist or some shit

    who proposes that more than half of currently classified species of dinosaur should not have their unique classification and are just younger or older examples of already classified species.

    I remain dubious.
    Get him on the phone.

    Tell him I will fight him right now.

    Wait, it wasn't more than half, it was about a third.

    The dude's name is Jack Horner and here's an article about it.

    Horner ain't a slouch, so I'm inclined to give him some leeway.

    But in the case of the triceratops, can't they just give the adult the obviously better triceratops name as well?

    1LRdqui.png
  • MaceraMacera Registered User
    edited August 2010
    oh god oh god oh god if they dicked around with t-rexes i dont know what i would do

    As one of the earliest fossil finds in the US, Tyrannosaurus is probably safe from reclassification

    xet8c.gif
  • MaceraMacera Registered User
    edited August 2010
    Horner ain't a slouch, so I'm inclined to give him some leeway.

    But in the case of the triceratops, can't they just give the adult the obviously better triceratops name as well?

    Wait, I thought that torosaurus had been tentatively identified as an older triceratops

    xet8c.gif
  • IloveslimesIloveslimes Shoreline, WARegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    #pipe wrote: »
    #pipe wrote: »
    Blake T wrote: »
    Triceratops were my favourite dinosaurs when I was little.

    First Brontosauruses and now this?

    oh hell no

    yeah there's this one guy

    a palaeontologist or a fossil biologist or some shit

    who proposes that more than half of currently classified species of dinosaur should not have their unique classification and are just younger or older examples of already classified species.

    I remain dubious.
    Get him on the phone.

    Tell him I will fight him right now.

    Wait, it wasn't more than half, it was about a third.

    The dude's name is Jack Horner and here's an article about it.

    Horner ain't a slouch, so I'm inclined to give him some leeway.

    But in the case of the triceratops, can't they just give the adult the obviously better triceratops name as well?

    One of the articles I just read said that Triceratops is getting preference in the name.

  • ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I can't remember anything awkward that I've done.

    How awkward.

  • BrainleechBrainleech Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I really don't know why started to remmeber everything about a girl I was interested in. It made working in a rather bad place for goship really unbearable when I let it slip

    I really do question why I remembered everything I could about her

    A.jpg
  • VivixenneVivixenne aDAWRable! Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    man my <PERSON I CARE ABOUT> was killed by an awkward moment

  • ZonugalZonugal Freelance Bio-Exorcist Adam Maitland's Model TownRegistered User, PAX Zonugal regular
    edited August 2010
    Everyday in high school whenever I saw my younger sister I would scream, "I love you!!!" I even got it to the point where my whole class would scream it towards her.

    I think that was the part of the day she hated most.

    Beetlejuice_sig.jpg
  • IpseDixitIpseDixit Treat me like a pirate And give me that bootyRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I don't think I've posted this story in a long time so here goes

    The time frame: High School, Sophomore Year

    The setting: High School Dance

    The Story: Nerdy young Ipse goes to the school dance to hang out with his nerdy friends, drink sodas, and generally have a good time. So friends are standing around talking to each other, making fun of how none of them can dance. Group breaks up as people go off to do their own things. Young Ipse is left alone, and so goes to sit on a bench for a bit.

    Up comes a girl. A girl?!

    Girl continues to walk towards Young Ipse (Why is a girl walking towards me?)

    Girl asks Young Ipse to dance

    "O...Okay" stammers Young Ipse

    Now at this point it should be mentioned, Young Ipse has hardly even talked to girls much less held hands or even danced with a girl. All of this is racing through Young Ipse's head. Girl says some things while walking towards the dance floor. Ipse replies on auto pilot, the entire time freaking out with no idea what to do.

    DANCE FLOOR

    Moment of truth. Girl starts dancing. Young Ipse suddenly realizes he has no idea how to dance. Girl asks him if he's OK. Ipse mumbles something and runs off to hide in shame for the rest of the evening.

    Young Ipse does not go to another dance for the rest of High School.

    The End

    ipsesignew.jpg
    Flickr - PSN ID - IamTetsuo - Steam
  • BrainleechBrainleech Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Vivixenne wrote: »
    man my <PERSON I CARE ABOUT> was killed by an awkward moment

    Pfft a freind killed herself in front of me but she had problems

    A.jpg
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Yeah, I'm pretty sure Brontosaurus stuck around because it means fucking thunder lizard.

    Apatasaurus means something like elusive lizard I think? The things fucking 30 tonnes it's not goddam elusive.

    It's like the kid at school that pissed his pants in year two during lunch. It may be 12 years on and he may be hot and suave with the ladies but good lord he's still going to be known as pisslunch.

  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    MOTHER OF FUCK

    ITS PLUTO ALL OVER AGAIN

    Pluto ain't a planet

    tysondeal.jpg

    regular%20sig.png
  • VivixenneVivixenne aDAWRable! Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
  • laughingfuzzballlaughingfuzzball Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    So this one dude on my floor was talking about his penis. I don't recall why.

    No one was really interested, so he dropped his pants and started jumping up and down and shouting about how someone had to be interested in his penis.

    He is going to be my new room mate.

  • mensch-o-maticmensch-o-matic Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Macera wrote: »
    oh god oh god oh god if they dicked around with t-rexes i dont know what i would do

    As one of the earliest fossil finds in the US, Tyrannosaurus is probably safe from reclassification

    but what if they reclassify some bitch-ass dino as a younger t-rex

    or they find out that t-rexes were lamer than we thought, like they had feathers or some shit

    oh god

    i dont know if i can handle another raptor debacle guys

    you may be strong enough

    but im not

  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    #pipe wrote: »
    MOTHER OF FUCK

    ITS PLUTO ALL OVER AGAIN

    Pluto ain't a planet

    tysondeal.jpg[IMG]

    Americans.

    Did you know when the vote was held to reclassify Pluto the only people that voted it was a planet was Americans?

  • MaceraMacera Registered User
    edited August 2010
    Macera wrote: »
    oh god oh god oh god if they dicked around with t-rexes i dont know what i would do

    As one of the earliest fossil finds in the US, Tyrannosaurus is probably safe from reclassification

    but what if they reclassify some bitch-ass dino as a younger t-rex

    They did, sort of, with Nanotyrannus

    xet8c.gif
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    that's because it was the only "planet" discovered by an american

    regular%20sig.png
  • nateknatek Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    do planet classifications even matter?

    oh hey it's a planet and not a rock

    woop dee doo!

  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    yeah they don't really

    the thing about Pluto is that it matches other things in the solar system not usually thought as planets better than it matches Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus or Neptune.

    regular%20sig.png
  • nateknatek Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    I think it matches uranus perfectly, pipe

  • FeatherBladeFeatherBlade Registered User
    edited August 2010
    I think it would be really cool if they found out that all the theropodian dinosaurs had feathers.

    They'd be like... giant carnivorous turkeys. Hilarious!

    Awkward moment: This one guy I was on a date with carves soapstone. He told me that the most profitable thing he carves is marijuana pipes. "... That's interesting," I said, not wanting to appear the total square that I am.

    That date didn't really go very far...

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    It's like if Pluto deserves to be called a planet then so does its "moon" Charon, and 2 or 3 objects in the Asteroid belt, and half a dozen other objects in the Kuiper Belt.

    regular%20sig.png
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Hey all I'm saying is that America's "Planet" looks a little small.....

  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited August 2010
    natek wrote: »
    I think it matches uranus perfectly, pipe

    well played, my friend.

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This discussion has been closed.