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Spiders, the life, times, and deaths thereof.
Xaviar
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, there is a spider living in my bathroom garbage can.
Normally, I'm super cool with spiders, like, whatever. But I live in the northern midwest, and most spiders I have to deal with are of the itsy-bitsy variety, or the "Yeah, you might be big, but it's because you've got super long legs even though your body is still super tiny" variety.
This spider living is my garbage can is super huge.
I want it to die so I can get rid of it.
I refuse to put more (eheh.) refuse in my bin until it does, lest it be able to climb atop the pile and escape.
It refuses to die, which would create a situation in which I would be comfortable disposing of it.
I might be slightly drunk, so feel free to lock this and let it die if need be.
Why the hell won't it die, and will someone come and take it away for me?
Normally, I'm super cool with spiders, like, whatever. But I live in the northern midwest, and most spiders I have to deal with are of the itsy-bitsy variety, or the "Yeah, you might be big, but it's because you've got super long legs even though your body is still super tiny" variety.
This spider living is my garbage can is super huge.
I want it to die so I can get rid of it.
I refuse to put more (eheh.) refuse in my bin until it does, lest it be able to climb atop the pile and escape.
It refuses to die, which would create a situation in which I would be comfortable disposing of it.
I might be slightly drunk, so feel free to lock this and let it die if need be.
Why the hell won't it die, and will someone come and take it away for me?
Xaviar on
Posts
Super huge for me though.
Maybe half-dollar sized, averaging the body and the legs.
As in the legs extend slightly past that, whereas the body is slightly under that.
Alternatively you could wrangle it into something and let it loose outside your home.
Secret Satan's Wishlist!
just zip that sucker up and run with it, screaming, from the house to the trash can outside
Don't actually do that.
Unless you have someone else video tape it and put it on youtube. We'll miss you.
I prefer the one-two punch. Bugspray, then pummeling. The bugspray slows 'em down.
In my case, I dual wielded the Outdoor Fresh and Industrial strength cans to dispatch my formidable foe.
This is the only humane way deal with spiders.
It's the only way to be sure.
Personally though, I'd just Raid the shit outta the garbage can.
Because they hunt in packs, you know. Kill off the alpha, and they'll come for you.
All joking aside, hit it with some Windex or wasp-killer or hell hair spray, beat it severely, possibly insult it's mother if you feel the need to do so, and you're golden.
Unless it's a wolf spider. Heaven help you if it's a wolf spider.
You can tell it's a wolf spider if it howls. You'll have to get really close to hear it though.
They cast a shadow like a sundial in the morning light. It was half past 10.
But that's how they jump in your ear and lay eggs in your brain!
They respect that.
Also, did you successfully kill the spider?
this is not a terrifically difficult question
STEAM ID
Bug spray? Pffft.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnKJzCUy9Tw
Also, I can't believe I missed that vid. That's awesome.
get a good look at it and find out what it is.
if it's anything that turns out to be harmless, i would go with taking the garbage can outside and dumping the contents into a larger bag, then tossing the larger bag into whatever you do with your trash for the week. if it can get out of that predicament, then good. if not, oh well. survival of the fittest.
if it's a wolf spider or something ridiculous i would go with the idea that it needs to die. fast. i would say either disposing of the garbage can entirely (and yes, fire is okay) or putting the can outside, knocking it over and then beating the spider into the ground with a boot. again... survival of the fittest.
i've seen wolf spiders take a solid hit from a thin phonebook, heard the crunch over the impact, felt the smug superiority of vanquishing one's enemy... and watched in horror as it went scurrying off as soon as the phonebook was pulled away.
I pronounce it bee-log.
the spider won.
I'm terrified at this prospect.
Terrified, but not really suprised.
reach in, pick up solidified spider, shatter against wall.
He and the spider talked it over and are now both super drunk on the bathroom floor.
Also, just put a book over the top of the trash can and go outside. Dump the spider out then pick up your trash when it waddles off. You'll feel better.
edit: Because if you kill it there will be revenge taken by the other spiders. That's how my mind works.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7973024/Man-blows-himself-up-trying-to-kill-a-spider.html
Police are monitoring the area for suspicious activity.
As of now, no one has heard from the abducted.
Let this be a reminder to us all that we must be ever vigilant in the face of these demons. Xaviar underestimated his foe and was probably dead before standing from his computer desk.
Don't take your eyes off these bastards. Collateral damage is acceptable if it means the spider is engulfed in flames, screaming and dying.
I hear that's the worst though. If they're on fire, screaming and dying, they're more likely to try to take you with them. Those crazy-assed maniacs.
Spider: 1
Xaviar: 0
R.I.P.
You will be missed.
This.
Didn't you learn anything from Arachnophobia, Underwhelming?
That movie wasn't supposed to be entertaining, it was supposed to be a warning to always be wary of the 8-legged true overlords of the Earth.
Why oh why do people mind wolf spiders? They are just eight-legged puppy-dogs, never bothered me in my life.