Oopses and Expecting Before You Were Expecting

clearsimpleplain

This is short because I have to go to work, but I wanted some feedback sooner rather than later. I'll fill in some blanks when I get the chance.

My wife and I have been married for 3 years; she's 23 and I'm 26. I have one more year of University left before I get my B.A. (English Major~), after which the plan was to move back to her hometown in California, where I'd spend the year getting my teaching certificate and then presumably teach elementary/middle/high school, wherever I could although middle would be the preference. She has no postsecondary education.

We stopped being careful a month ago (ie, she went off the pill and we started pulling out). This was irresponsible, I'm aware; we were giving "Oops" a chance to happen because her older sister is having problems getting pregnant and I worry about the side effects of The Pill. My wife just sort of wanted to get pregnant.

End of the month has rolled around; period expected any day now, but she was feeling nauseas so she took a home pregnancy test. Two lines = pregnant.

I guess I'm looking for stories from other mid-20s parents here, or maybe some advice. I think we're both a little more scared than we thought we'd be. We both have decent "jobs" at the moment, her slinging smoothies for $13.75 an hour and I've been working in a butcher shop for 2 years@$14.90, but these are "jobs" and not "careers" and I'm very worried about what happens now. A big move a year from now away from two sure-thing jobs, good economy, Canadian health care, and safety seems quite a bit more risky now.

Spacemilk

First of all, congratulations! (I hope!)

I'm sorry I don't have any specific advice for you, but we have had a few excellent threads asking for advice. Here is one of them and here is another.

Best of luck to you!

Spudge

Start stocking up on diapers now. A pack here and there will help immensely in the long run

Get her on prenatals, preferably ones that have a good amount of iron

Start thinking of names

And most importantly, deal with it. Don't freak out, I know people who are doing just fine on less money. Sit down and redo your budget early. Find things you can cut (nonessentials like cable TV, eating out less often, etc) and start building up some cash reserves. You've got roughly 8 months to build up some extra savings which you will need when she takes maternity. But don't get too caught up in the minor details, keep an eye on your big picture together and make things work

rfalias

Well, having been through this 8 months ago (shes due any day now actually!) I can give you some advice:

I'm 24, My wife is 28.
We were engaged in Febuary, found out she was preggers in march. She lost her job in April, we got married at courthouse in April for insurance, had a real wedding in May that we paid for (mostly) on my one income. We both have car payments, and our mortgage.
Seeing as you both have jobs, that's a good start. My wife lost her job shortly after we found out, so we have been on my income for a while now. To top it off, we are in a one bedroom condo. (600ish sqft).

First, take a deep breath. You both have decent jobs, and people are pregnant all the time with much less income than you.

Live within your means and you will be okay. Start thinking about things you will need, and start saving.
Crib (and crib mattress), toys, diapers, wipes, storage for baby clothes, will she breast feed? Look at pumps so you can still work, daycare costs, doctor visits, hospital stay.

Just start saving now, as month 9 approaches it will be harder to get things that you NEED.

Start reading up about babies, Get the book What to expect when you are expecting, there are many others as well, but that one covers a LOT of random ass stuff you could ever be wondering.

For guy books, I got the Practical handbook for new dads, which was a nice funny way to look at being a dad. Also, the baby/pregnancy manuals are fun to read together while still being very informative.
Find out what hospital your OB will use as the primary facility, in a few months look at scheduling birthing classes, breast feeding classes, birth suite tours, etc... They were immensely helpful for me and my wife.

Do your best to go to her OB appointments, the support will go a long way for her!

That's kind of an overview of what it was like for me. Her water broke at 30 weeks so we didn't get to do all the classes we wanted, but 4 weeks in a hospital is more than enough training. 2 weeks to go!

Reverend_Chaos

There is just too much stuff to cover. I second the What to expect when you are expecting. Great info.

Also, all women react differently to having a parasite growing inside of them. Some women "glow" and are super happy. Others tend to go insane. My signifigant other was the latter. If your better half suddenly becomes emotional and irriational, don't be suprised. I was treading on egg shells for about 6 months, twice now. Be supportive. Think twice before opening your mouth. Show lots of love and affection.

And congradulations

Sipex

Don't give up on your current plans. You're working towards stabilizing your future with a career which will really help this. It will be very very tempting to just drop out and settle when things start getting mega rough.

And don't panic, you'll do fine.

Sheep

Make sure she eats when she takes anything with a high dosage of iron.

rfalias

Ahh yeah, forgot about that part...
She will be upset/angry/cry for what seems like no reason, but the hormones do some crazy things. Just comfort her and it will pass!

Not sure if you already did, but go see your doctor for a real pregnancy test and start on prenatal vitamins, and schedule with her OB!

ceres

Oh my goodness on the prenatal vitamins. She needs to start on them ASAP (and hopefully if you guys were inviting an 'oops' she was already on something with folic acid in it at least). Those vitamins become developmentally significant very, very quickly.

Ninyu

I second being patient with your wife. Her hormones are going to go crazy and I'm sure it is a little freaky having something growing inside you. Just try to make things as easy as possible for her with the least amount of grumbling you can manage.

Also, don't go crazy buying newborn-sized diapers and clothes. Chances are your baby will have outgrown them in a couple weeks after birth if not AT birth. Just buy more of the next size up.

Disco11

Congrats! I had my daughter when I was 19 and my wife was 23 and things had some rough spots but everything worked out fine. Going to be 30 this year.

I am also canadian and depending on what province you are in you might consider putting your names down for daycare NOW if you want to get in by the time your maternity leave runs out.

That's if one of you is going to return to work.

CooterTKE

My little guy is 7 months now and really he has not cost us much more then we already where spending. Start putting the money away however because you will need it for things you never thought of.

Cedar Brown

clearsimpleplain wrote: »

We stopped being careful a month ago (ie, she went off the pill and we started pulling out). This was irresponsible, I'm aware; we were giving "Oops" a chance to happen because her older sister is having problems getting pregnant and I worry about the side effects of The Pill. My wife just sort of wanted to get pregnant.

This doesn't make sense, does it? It's not really an "oops" and you were sort of already "expecting." You stopped taking precautions on purpose and your wife wanted to get pregnant. Where's the accident there?


My cousin is raising a 1 year old and she's near the same age as you. She's doing it with less of an income than you are.

Lord Yod

A guy I'm friends with completed the required education to be a teacher in California 3 years ago, and apparently needs to have 3 years of experience within 5 years of graduation to get his certificate (as it was explained to me). He's been able to find employment as a teacher for 1 of the last 3 years and has very little hope of finding more before next fall.

So I guess what I'm saying is you might want to consider choosing someplace else to move to if you're set on becoming a teacher. California is a very tough place for that right now. Definitely try and line up work before you move, or be prepared to get a job that isn't teaching. (And with unemployment rates the way they are that won't be easy either)

strebalicious

The wife and I were both 19 when our son was born. I joined the Navy shortly before he was born, and on the single income of a lowly E-3 in the military, we were able to take care of what we needed to. You guys should be perfectly fine, as long as she doesn't lose her job permanently during and after the pregnancy. Been doing it for the past 10.5 years and we've been awesome.