Our new Indie Games subforum is now open for business in G&T. Go and check it out, you might land a code for a free game. If you're developing an indie game and want to post about it, follow these directions. If you don't, he'll break your legs! Hahaha! Seriously though.
Our rules have been updated and given their own forum. Go and look at them! They are nice, and there may be new ones that you didn't know about! Hooray for rules! Hooray for The System! Hooray for Conforming!

[INTERNET DATING] also, parrots

RichyRichy Registered User regular
edited January 2011 in Debate and/or Discourse
Your Profile
Wherein we discuss dating profile advice.
OkCupid wrote:
Every Section
STOP being "honest" via self deprecation in your profiles
STOP apologizing to the reader of your profile
STOP making excuses to the reader of your profile
STOP following confident statements with insecure "lol" or "haha" or "i guess"
STOP insulting your own life path in your profile
STOP calling yourself nerdy or geeky or dorky or funny or witty or handsome or sarcastic or any-fucking-thing. Leave out any sentences that say, "I am [adjective]" unless you are prepared to put up or shut up.
YOU ARE TRYING TO WOO A MATE. THIS IS NOT AN HONEST AUTOBIOGRAPHY. YOU'RE SELLING YOURSELF

My Self Summary
- Be Specific
- Show, don't tell. Use stories to show that you are interesting
- Don't talk about vague shit like "I like to travel" and "I read books for fun" and "I have maintained possession of both my eyes since birth."

What I'm Doing With My Life
- Don't beat around the bush. Just fucking tell me what you do for money or what you are studying in school. It's going to be a first question on a date and gives a potential suitor something to ask you about.
- Put interesting things in here. Hobbies. Not JUST work-things. Show me why you are awesome to hang out with.

I'm Really Good At
- You are not good at making people laugh or being funny or whatever. Find SKILLS that you have that you are good at. I can cut a deck of cards one-handed. I can drive stick shift. Something interesting that you can do that is awesome.

First Things People Notice
- It's not your smile or your eyes or your sense of humor or whatever.
- Think about something that people would notice across a bar if you were hanging out with your friends in a loud, crowded place.

Favorites
- List YOUR FAVORITES. Not every book, movie, television show, and food you've ever read, seen, watched, or eaten.
- Pick 10-12 things MAXIMUM
- If you must use key words, only key word two or three things in each section. The favorites of your favorites.
- For books, list titles, not authors. Some authors write a wide range of books. Some authors are associated with being a prick or a poser. Book Titles tell a lot more about who you are as a person.

Six Things
- Don't list bullshit like oxygen, air, water, food, friends and family. It's boring and meaningless.
- Don't list your computer, the internet, these forums, or something else pathetic.
- Do list things relating to stuff you love or mention elsewhere in the profile. Feel free to be silly here, but don't list six random things that have no connection or theme.

I Spend a lot of time thinking about
- Don't suddenly get all deep and existential when there's nothing else like that in your profile.
- Don't say "Taking over the world" because that's bullshit.
- Feel free to be funny or silly here, too, but don't make it cliche.

Typical Friday
- Don't say "there is no typical Friday"
- Don't say "taking over the world"
- Don't say "out with friends or in reading a book" like every other person ever
- This is a bullshit question, but be specific. If you are out with friends, what are you doing? Do you go dancing? Go to bars for trivia night? Watch movies and eat popcorn?

The Most Privet Thing
- ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION

Message me if
- Don't say "if you want to" or any other variation of that. BE SPECIFIC.
Pictures:
- Your main picture should feature you alone, and your face should be visible.
- Other pictures can include other people, but do specify who you are in the picture.
- Do not put up pictures where you are not at all. It's a dating site, not a Facebook album.
- Do not put up pictures with your ex. WTF would you think that's a good idea?

Headline:
- Do not write "I never know what to write in those things". Think of something. It's not hard.
- Do not write "Headlines are stupid". NO U.

I am looking for:
- Not "intimate encounters". Girls do not need the internet to find "intimate encounters". Most of them, in fact, have their accounts set to automatically block messages from guys looking for "intimate encounters".

Question section:
- Do not "prefer not to say". These are simple straightforward questions that give some basic background info on yourself. Answer them. They're not asking the number of girls you slept with or the size of your wang or the hiding place of John Connor. They're asking whether or not you own a car. If you can't answer that with a simple yes/no, you've got issues.

Interests:
- Put some.
- Be specific.
- "Doing stuff" is not an interest. Neither is "taking over the world".

About me:
- Everything from the OKC profile advice applies here.

First date:
- Do not write "i dunno." Do not write "you come up with something." Do not write "we'll talk about it and decide." Do not write "whatever you want to do." It makes you look dull and unimaginative and boring.
- Everyone has a mental picture of an ideal date. Write a one or two line abstract of it.
- This section is important. It gives the other person a good idea of your personality. If your first date idea is chatting over coffee, you might not be a match for someone whose ideal first date is skydiving over a volcano while carrying an active bomb wrapped in barbed wire. See? Important information there.

Charts!
Wherein number are plotted against other numbers to look more interesting.
People lie in their profiles
MaleHeightDistributionYoink.png

Older women are awesome
Sparkline-Casual-Sex-Gray-40.png

Pictures do matter
conversations.png

Men are stupid
Male-Messaging-Curve.png

Female-Messaging-Curve.png

Race does matter
Reply-By-Race-Male.png

Reply-By-Race-Female.png

leet speek is p. dum
netspeak-chart.png

Be specific, a.k.a. metal-loving vegetarian zombies rock
interests-chart.png

Advice
Wherein we're wise men and women. Single, sad, lonely wise men and women.
  • Don't be discouraged if you've read this entire OP, looked through the thread, and sent out a hojillion messages without anything meaningful responses. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't, but your profile and the messages you send are only fraction of who you are, so don't take that shit to heart.
  • Pellaelon wrote: "What I do get is the opportunity to view and be viewed by people outside of the areas I spend 95% of my time (work, gym, apt complex, grocery store, local bar). Maybe they contact me, maybe I contact them, maybe nothing happens. On the off chance no one messages me and no one I message ever replies it just means that I don't meet people that I would never meet in my normal life anyway. The horror! The upside is that I have a profile that is always potentially working for me while I'm doing other things like working, sleeping, watching tv, etc. For free. While I can also pursue other means of meeting women at the same time if I so choose."
  • Too good looking for you? Son, let a girl figure out why she won't sleep with you. Don't do it for her.

Richy on
RichyFlag.gifsig.gif
«13456763

Posts

  • gjaustingjaustin Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    eHarmony sent me a match this morning who I'm Facebook friends with.

    That could be interesting...

    Come find me when you wake up

    Hex TCG tradelist: http://hex.tcgbrowser.com/#!/cards/tradelist=22167
  • LeCausticLeCaustic Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    gjaustin wrote: »
    eHarmony sent me a match this morning who I'm Facebook friends with.

    That could be interesting...

    or awkward...

    Your sig is too tall. -Thanatos
    kaustikos.png
  • Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot Alexandria, VARegistered User regular
    edited November 2010
    So the first few messages I sent all sucked (four or five sentences talking about three or four things), and they were all ignored. How long should I wait to send messages to those girls again assuming my current meetup plans don't work out?

  • gjaustingjaustin Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    LeCaustic wrote: »
    gjaustin wrote: »
    eHarmony sent me a match this morning who I'm Facebook friends with.

    That could be interesting...

    or awkward...

    Well, I was hoping for interestingly awkward, not just pure awkward awkward

    Come find me when you wake up

    Hex TCG tradelist: http://hex.tcgbrowser.com/#!/cards/tradelist=22167
  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited November 2010
    I would wait at least a couple of weeks cc

    Long enough so they hopefully forget about you

  • AgesAges Registered User
    edited November 2010
    So the first few messages I sent all sucked (four or five sentences talking about three or four things), and they were all ignored. How long should I wait to send messages to those girls again assuming my current meetup plans don't work out?

    If they didn't bother reading your first one, they're not going to read any other ones from you. You hafta pace yourself here -- send message, get response, send another message, and so on.

  • DiannaoChongDiannaoChong Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    If you don't get a response to a message, "pack up your bags and move out of town, you had a good run but its all over now"

    So basically they are never going to respond, and you are chasing someone who has already decided they have absolutely not interest in talking to. If you wait such a long period that they forget that you ever sent them a message, and it was completely different from the first time you messaged them, that might be something. But as far as I think? wait 6 months. Which is equivalent to just forget about it.

    steam_sig.png
  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    If 6 months go by and the girl is still checking OKC and updating her profile, she's probably not actually interested in dating people. At least, people from a website. For whatever reason. If she looks at your profile and doesn't respond, she *might* think you're not that interesting from what you wrote, but more likely your pictures aren't doing anything for her.

    The OKCupid blog has, I think, two or three posts explicitly stating "Pictures are what gets you dates above all other things." If you only have a couple bland photos, you need to refresh your pictures. I personally would say you should be continuously refreshing your pictures unless you have one that is super awesome. Of course, if your picture is super awesome you are probably getting messages and dates.

    Here's one of the OKTrends posts about photos:

    http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/dont-be-ugly-by-accident/

    It may seem lame, but actually posing for attractive photographs is probably going to get you a much better response. If you look through their examples, the "most attractive" photos are not spontaneous snapshots. In other words, don't rely on going to parties and hoping someone whips out a cellphone -- see if any of your friends know a bit about photography and tell them you want some good pictures of yourself.

    Hell, if any of you guys are in the greater Baltimore region, I'll even do it for you.

    One thing I've noticed from looking at you guys' profiles in general is that when you guys say "I've updated my profile, take a look," I'll hit the pictures first thing, and often there's 1 or 2 down at the bottom that I think "Oh yeah. I did see this guy before." Now, I'm not evaluating your profile for a date for myself, but I wouldn't be surprised if other people don't do the same thing -- they see your profile, they scan it and don't really remember it, and dismiss it. Then, a couple months goes by, they come across your profile (or you send them a new message), and if you still have the same pictures up they'll think "I saw this guy before. Whatever." If you have all new pictures they MAY recognize you, but it's unlikely -- they didn't exactly spend a long time remembering what you look like before they decided they weren't into you.

    So update your pictures, and don't be afraid to actually pose for shit with a photog friend. On second thought, don't be afraid to overhaul your profile completely if it's not working for you. If you go a month, hell, two weeks, with no messages, blast your profile from orbit and start completely over.

    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • CowSharkCowShark Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    EggyToast wrote: »
    So update your pictures, and don't be afraid to actually pose for shit with a photog friend. On second thought, don't be afraid to overhaul your profile completely if it's not working for you. [If you go a month, hell, two weeks, with no messages, blast your profile from orbit and start completely over.

    It's the only way to be sure.

    3DS Friend Code: 4398-9974-9558
  • KhavallKhavall British ColumbiaRegistered User regular
    edited November 2010
    gjaustin wrote: »
    eHarmony sent me a match this morning who I'm Facebook friends with.

    That could be interesting...

    OkCupid gave me a quiver match with a 94% match rating with my ex recently.



    Nice try, OkCupid

  • JarsJars Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    you forgot to mention the craigslist girl was an older asian woman

  • AgesAges Registered User
    edited November 2010
    I'm fortunate to never hafta worry about things like that. The ex-girlfriend refuses to resort to the Internet for relationships after she met me...

  • NocturneNocturne Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Dammit. So after things didn't work out with the one really cute and cool girl I met on OKC, I'm now trawling through profiles again and finding nobody even remotely attractive, which was my experience before finding this one girl.

    It sucks.

  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Holy shit asian chick works at in-n-out

    FUCK

    YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

  • JustinSane07JustinSane07 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2010
    Rent wrote: »
    Holy shit asian chick works at in-n-out

    FUCK

    YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

    Are gonna give her the 'ole in-n-out too?

  • galenbladegalenblade Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Rent wrote: »
    Holy shit asian chick works at in-n-out

    FUCK

    YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

    Are gonna give her the 'ole in-n-out too?

    I don't get i....OH.

    linksig.jpg
  • AntoineAntoine __BANNED USERS
    edited November 2010
    Hey guys my friend and I confirmed today that the high speed high five that my girl had "saved" me from was indeed safe! I know this doesn't sound like a big deal but it is because she always has a tendency to "one-up" people.

    Not this time!

  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Okay seriously at this point your shtick is wearing mighty thin antoine

    like who seriously complains about this, makes a thread about it in H/A, just to "prove" their gf wrong

    That's something 13 year olds do

  • BlackjackBlackjack Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Seriously, Antoine, you're right.

    There is a bitchy person in the relationship.

    I just don't think you're right about who that person is.

    steam_sig.png

    3DS: 1607-3034-6970 | Let's Play Avadon 2!
  • MurphyMurphy Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    The point was that you said she was "a bitch 50% of the time", and that was one of the examples of her alleged bitchery. Except, the point we were all trying to make was: Not really.

    Seriously dude, if you don't like the girl, don't date her. Stop making up reasons why she is a terrible person and then asking us to validate your feelings.

    And yeah, what Blackjack said.

  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Yeah you're missing the point

    Even if she was wrong her intention was your safety, not being a bitch

    Anyways Murphy I apologize for calling you passive-aggressive yesterday

  • Rogueknight-Rogueknight- Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    For the first time in months, I got an intelligent, sweet, and thoughtfully written message from a really hot guy that it seems I could have a lot in common with.

    Of course, he lives in the UK. I'm in Ohio. :/

    Murphy, I was curious about this if you don't mind going into more detail.

    What about the message made the difference to you and made it stand out? Was it just a generally terrible quality of message you receive in general or did the guy actually to his credit do something different or particularly well? I'm not asking for you to post any personal details, just to open the floor to a discussion of what is a good message.

    Rent, nice work buddy! I think the best part of this process is that it can (At least I suppose while Rent and I are still new at it) be new and exciting.

    Antoine - You don't need to find a certain X level of proof that she is evil before you end it. If you aren't happy, break up with her and move on to someone else. Your posts seem to be desperately trying to find something wrong with her. Could it be there is absolutely nothing wrong with her, but she is not what you want and you are having a hard time dealing with that?

  • AntoineAntoine __BANNED USERS
    edited November 2010
    Argh, I don't even think I was bringing that up as an example of bitchiness, it was just something she does.

    A better example of bitchiness: One time I was telling her I was going to invite a couple people to a beach get-together and when I mentioned this one girl she was like "oh don't bother inviting her she's morbidly obese and probably won't want to go anyway because everyone will be in bathing suits".

    I was like "..haha.."(HOLY SHIT..)

    WHat do you guys say about that?

  • BlackjackBlackjack Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Then dump her and stop complaining on the internet!

    steam_sig.png

    3DS: 1607-3034-6970 | Let's Play Avadon 2!
  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited November 2010

    Rent, nice work buddy! I think the best part of this process is that it can (At least I suppose while Rent and I are still new at it) be new and exciting.

    Yeah

    it's nice to know, as an ego boost, that attractive women can find me attractive and want to pursue me

  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited November 2010
    That seems if anything merciful

    Like, yeah. If you're morbidly obese you don't necessarily want to be somewhere showing off your body

    Everyone can pretend like it doesn't matter but it totally does, people will be staring

  • AntoineAntoine __BANNED USERS
    edited November 2010

    Antoine - You don't need to find a certain X level of proof that she is evil before you end it. If you aren't happy, break up with her and move on to someone else. Your posts seem to be desperately trying to find something wrong with her. Could it be there is absolutely nothing wrong with her, but she is not what you want and you are having a hard time dealing with that?

    She seems exactly like what I want, and a lot of times I'm happy with her.

    But crap, I worry sometimes if her personality is kind of fucked up. She's kind of mean. Or maybe just blunt.

  • LeCausticLeCaustic Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Now I have to think of something to do in the middle of the day for Saturday. Coffee...and then

    a) http://spiritandplace.org/ (for a couple hours, if that)

    b) Walk downtown -

    c) midday billiards or bowling

    d) http://indianapolis-indiana.funcityfinder.com/2009/05/09/artspark-in-the-iac/

    I have no clue

    Your sig is too tall. -Thanatos
    kaustikos.png
  • MurphyMurphy Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Rent - It's cool. I'll accept a free In-N-Out Burger if you end up dating that girl.

    Antoine - Actually, it totally was. Also, your subsequent examples aren't helping your case.

    Rogueknight - Without going into too much detail, he showed that he had obviously read my profile, and had more to say about it than just "nice profile" or "you like [activity/book/movie]! I also like [activity/book/movie]! Soulmates?" He had read some of the answers to my questions, and mentioned one he found particularly amusing because of my explanation.

    Also, he was attractive. So you know, that helped increase my interest.

  • FroThulhuFroThulhu Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Antoine wrote: »

    Antoine - You don't need to find a certain X level of proof that she is evil before you end it. If you aren't happy, break up with her and move on to someone else. Your posts seem to be desperately trying to find something wrong with her. Could it be there is absolutely nothing wrong with her, but she is not what you want and you are having a hard time dealing with that?

    She seems exactly like what I want, and a lot of times I'm happy with her.

    But crap, I worry sometimes if her personality is kind of fucked up. She's kind of mean. Or maybe just blunt.

    Yeah, she's like kind of a dick. But I dated a girl kind of like that, and she was the most fun, wonderful person ever. Until I found out she was a cheating monster.

    Nova_C wrote: »
    "I'm arresting you for failing to check yourself. You have the right to wreck yourself."
  • NocturneNocturne Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Like it's gotten to the point where I almost want to pay OKC $5 so I can filter by body type

    It's that bad

  • Rogueknight-Rogueknight- Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Antoine wrote: »

    Antoine - You don't need to find a certain X level of proof that she is evil before you end it. If you aren't happy, break up with her and move on to someone else. Your posts seem to be desperately trying to find something wrong with her. Could it be there is absolutely nothing wrong with her, but she is not what you want and you are having a hard time dealing with that?

    She seems exactly like what I want, and a lot of times I'm happy with her.

    But crap, I worry sometimes if her personality is kind of fucked up. She's kind of mean.

    Then you have only a few choices:

    Stick with her and call her on it/talk to her about it when she does something that upsets you. It maybe she backs down when she realises it upsets you, or she may turn on you. Either way you learn something about her personality and are in a better position to make the decision if it is right for you now. You don't have to be aggressive, or confrontational, just clear.

    The alternative is that you decide you have reached your limits and break it off.

    Murphy - Thanks for the update, useful to know.

  • MurphyMurphy Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    It is not bad. Sexual attraction to someone is kind of key.

  • FroThulhuFroThulhu Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Yeah, I'm kinda sad there's no body type filter. With ya, Murph.

    Nova_C wrote: »
    "I'm arresting you for failing to check yourself. You have the right to wreck yourself."
  • Rogueknight-Rogueknight- Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Murphy wrote: »
    It is not bad. Sexual attraction to someone is kind of key.

    I think you may be understating that point a bit! :D

    I guess the thing that comes into my mind when I'm sending a message is how to make it more personal and not just reiterating the points of the profile back at her like 500 other responses. Depends on the profile and when inspiration strikes, but i've tried to use it as a springboard.

  • Rogueknight-Rogueknight- Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Hmm. I now have more messages from okcupids founder than from interested women.

    I think I might have to tell him he isn't what I'm looking for from the site o_O

  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited November 2010
    Usually what I do is I pick on thing out of her profile, focus on it, and send a message with my opinion/recommendation about it

    It works pretty well

  • Peter PrinciplePeter Principle Registered User
    edited November 2010
    So, I DID meet this girl on craigslist. We got a meeting tentatively scheduled for tomorrow, wednesday. She's put forth two options:

    1) meet her in public (after meeting with a business client) THEN possibly go to her house and play airhockey.

    2) wait for her to get home and then just meet for our airhockey date.

    Pros? Cons?

    BTW, airhockey is used literally in this instance.

    "A man is likely to mind his own business when it is worth minding. When it is not, he takes his mind off his own meaningless affairs by minding other people's business." - Eric Hoffer, _The True Believer_
  • FroThulhuFroThulhu Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    go with option #1

    Nova_C wrote: »
    "I'm arresting you for failing to check yourself. You have the right to wreck yourself."
  • BlackjackBlackjack Registered User regular
    edited November 2010
    So, I DID meet this girl on craigslist. We got a meeting tentatively scheduled for tomorrow, wednesday. She's put forth two options:

    1) meet her in public (after meeting with a business client) THEN possibly go to her house and play airhockey.

    2) wait for her to get home and then just meet for our airhockey date.

    Pros? Cons?

    BTW, airhockey is used literally in this instance.
    Um.

    Go with number 1.

    Make sure "airhockey" doesn't mean "get killed by an ax"

    steam_sig.png

    3DS: 1607-3034-6970 | Let's Play Avadon 2!
«13456763
Sign In or Register to comment.