Note that there's plenty of women who feel generally uncomfortable and gross during their periods, so I wouldn't suggest being gung-ho about it during the first couple dates.
And definitely don't put your feelings about it on your OKC profile.
OKC profile:
My Self-Summary
I love period sex
What I'm doing with my life
Laundry
I'm really good at
Period sex, laundry
The first things people usually notice about me
How suave I am, duh
My favorite books, movies, music, and food Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret
You should message me if
You're into period sex, you know of a clearance sale on towels, or both.
Wink November 14th, 2010 – 9:14am I just winked at you!
If you'd like to strike up a conversation with me, simply reply with something short and encouraging, like “Thanks for the wink! What's new?”
Winks are a special gesture on OkCupid.
They're limited to 1.5 per person, per day, per eye.
Message from Raslin
22% Match53% Friend 43% Enemy
This message was sent to you by OkCupid on behalf of Raslin
Yea, hormones are big factor. My last GF was practically PRESENTING to me during her periods but neither she nor I were willing to clean the blood. While she was incredibly aroused most of the time she found the actual sex to be rather icky.
On a different note this stupid dating site I made a profile on not only gives me partner suggestions from across the damn country, it is also full of what I suspect to be spambots posing as 30+ women. Just great.
Ferrus on
I would like to pause for a moment, to talk about my penis.
My penis is like a toddler. A toddler—who is a perfectly normal size for his age—on a long road trip to what he thinks is Disney World. My penis is excited because he hasn’t been to Disney World in a long, long time, but remembers a time when he used to go every day. So now the penis toddler is constantly fidgeting, whining “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How about now? Now? How about... now?”
And Disney World is nowhere in sight.
spent most of the weekend with the guy from OKC, and it's been going very, very well. i might have something worth pursuing on my hands! fingers crossed..
it's been like, two years since my last "real" relationship, and a solid three since i really felt a super spark with someone so this is all sort of new again and scary for me. ha!
Ugh. I think I'm doing that thing where a person tries so hard to not read situations the wrong way that they miss giant obvious signals.
I have been constantly back and forth with this one really great guy (basically, if we're both home, we're messaging each other). After our first IM conversation, he sent me a message that said
"I really enjoyed talking to you earlier.
a lot."
And I'm still sitting here all "WHAT DOES IT MEAN"
Ugh. I think I'm doing that thing where a person tries so hard to not read situations the wrong way that they miss giant obvious signals.
I have been constantly back and forth with this one really great guy (basically, if we're both home, we're messaging each other). After our first IM conversation, he sent me a message that said
"I really enjoyed talking to you earlier.
a lot."
And I'm still sitting here all "WHAT DOES IT MEAN"
I know. There was even a smiley face in that message.
My big issue is coming from the fact that we're, like, 170 miles apart. It would be easier to read (for me, a person involved) if we were closer, I think.
It means he likes you a lot, and may be willing to spend a lot of money to see you.
170 miles isn't that far...it's 2-3 hours, depending on the car/driver. I'd do that...but only if it were a major city like Chicago. Then if things go bad, I'd just crash at my sisters place. :whistle:
But I've yet to have that happen. Guy likes you a lot. You need to meet up....that's my take. You need to send a message indicating so..but don't be obvious.
Well, it's a bit more complicated than "just two-three hours" because I can't drive (long story short: I have depth perception issues), and he apparently hates to drive, but I dunno. I'll give him my number and we'll go from there I guess.
My last ex lived near Cleveland and I live in Cincinnati. It went well...at first. But he was willing to drive all the way down to see me, and the whole time I was like "how desperate is this guy that he's willing to drive 4.5 hours for a hook up?" Turns out, he was kind of a prick, so...pretty desperate.
Well, it's a bit more complicated than "just two-three hours" because I can't drive (long story short: I have depth perception issues), and he apparently hates to drive, but I dunno. I'll give him my number and we'll go from there I guess.
If he likes you a lot, he'll make the trip. I hate driving too, but if I wanna see someone enough, I'll do what it takes to see them.
But if all else fails, you could always take a bus.
spent most of the weekend with the guy from OKC, and it's been going very, very well. i might have something worth pursuing on my hands! fingers crossed..
it's been like, two years since my last "real" relationship, and a solid three since i really felt a super spark with someone so this is all sort of new again and scary for me. ha!
Congratulations and best of luck!
I seem to still be stuck with talking to people until i ask them to go out and having them ignore me. Hmmm, where am I going wrong?
DemonStacey on
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
Dunno, maybe you're responding/asking them out too quickly...? It's impossible to say. edit: and may just be bad luck. You could have people here take a look at what kind of messages you send and/or your profile.
I'm still stunned the date I had on Saturday went so well when she had called 10 minutes before it pseudo-canceling. I guess she was just nervous and probably busy with this whole "med school" thing.
I'm thinking about starting an okcupid profile. Is it a good service? Are profiles easily deleted? I'm looking for an actual relationship, not a sexual facebook. Have those of you who've used it started any successful relationships?
Can someone explain the point of the "wink" to me?
Because...just send a message.
It's "I think you're cute but don't have anything to say." Either they're taciturn or don't like initiating (since a wink is more of an intention to communicate, rather than actual communication).
You guys talk about people visiting your profiles and then not saying anything, so it might simply be a way to break the ice. But it does seem like a kind of stupid feature.
I seem to still be stuck with talking to people until i ask them to go out and having them ignore me. Hmmm, where am I going wrong?
If you want an honest critique, you should post up the message you sent that was the "last one." If you're uncomfortable doing that (and hey, fair enough), I would imagine it falls down to the fact that asking someone out is a decision point. Before that question comes up, it is relatively easy to have a pleasant conversation with someone regardless of how you really feel about them. You might be talking about a band or movie genre or whatever, but suggesting to meet means you want to, you know, have a significantly more "tuned in" activity.
I wouldn't be surprised if people become much more critical of individuals once that question comes up. They probably look over your pictures and think "do I want to do [activity] with this person?" And that's a tough one. I think it's different for everyone as to what their response is, although I think it is a good argument for having quality pictures.
Alternatively, the person might simply think meeting people from the internet is weird. Aren't there questions on the site about how you feel about meeting people from the internet?
A final possibility is that they've technically started dating someone else in the meantime and are continuing to talk because they feel bad pre-dumping you before you even ask.
I'm thinking about starting an okcupid profile. Is it a good service? Are profiles easily deleted? I'm looking for an actual relationship, not a sexual facebook. Have those of you who've used it started any successful relationships?
I was just thinking about this yesterday, actually, since a coworker of mine met what she describes as "the best boyfriend she's had" using OKCupid. What does success mean to you? A girlfriend? Marriage? A couple dates with different people?
I do think it's funny when people are skeptical of online dating based on past experience. If you meet a girl on OKCupid and things don't work out, did OKCupid fail? If you find a girlfriend and it lasts for a couple years, resulting in a breakup, is that online dating's fault? And what about the opposite -- if you've had bad luck dating people "in real life," does that mean that "real life dating" doesn't work?
(although to be honest, I think a lot of people use online dating because they feel that "real life dating" generally doesn't work, at least for liberal working atheists)
Alternatively, the person might simply think meeting people from the internet is weird. Aren't there questions on the site about how you feel about meeting people from the internet?
This also baffles me! You're on a dating site. Why are you on a dating site if not to date?
So, I sorta realized that I'm practically dating a friend of mine
Other than the fact that we don't do anything overtly romantic(like kissing, etc) in public, while I do it with others around her.
But other than that, we pretty much act like we're dating. To the point where strangers assume we are, etc.
I live an interesting life.
That happened to me with one of my friends once. Except she had a boyfriend at the time. Long story short, when she broke up with him and I tried to get things between us to the next level, it got messy.
Ahh. The thing here is, I'm pretty much certain that she would be my girlfriend if I wanted, I just don't particularly want a girlfriend at the moment, and with her in particular. She's really cool, and I don't mind having fun with her, but she's not quite my type. Fun to hang out with though.
Several pages late because I apparently don't have a subscription on the new thread, but I have something similar going, except it's with one of my friends that rejected me when I asked her out over a year ago. My feelings for her have resurfaced, but I don't really have any reason to think her mind's changed. Fuuuuu-
In internet dating land I'm talking to this girl on okc that might have potential, but her pictures aren't really impressive and she never asks questions in her messages so I have to do all the work to keep the conversation going. Not really impressive so far...
Sevorak on
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DemonStaceyTTODewback's DaughterIn love with the TaySwayRegistered Userregular
Can someone explain the point of the "wink" to me?
Because...just send a message.
It's "I think you're cute but don't have anything to say." Either they're taciturn or don't like initiating (since a wink is more of an intention to communicate, rather than actual communication).
You guys talk about people visiting your profiles and then not saying anything, so it might simply be a way to break the ice. But it does seem like a kind of stupid feature.
I seem to still be stuck with talking to people until i ask them to go out and having them ignore me. Hmmm, where am I going wrong?
If you want an honest critique, you should post up the message you sent that was the "last one." If you're uncomfortable doing that (and hey, fair enough), I would imagine it falls down to the fact that asking someone out is a decision point. Before that question comes up, it is relatively easy to have a pleasant conversation with someone regardless of how you really feel about them. You might be talking about a band or movie genre or whatever, but suggesting to meet means you want to, you know, have a significantly more "tuned in" activity.
I wouldn't be surprised if people become much more critical of individuals once that question comes up. They probably look over your pictures and think "do I want to do [activity] with this person?" And that's a tough one. I think it's different for everyone as to what their response is, although I think it is a good argument for having quality pictures.
Alternatively, the person might simply think meeting people from the internet is weird. Aren't there questions on the site about how you feel about meeting people from the internet?
A final possibility is that they've technically started dating someone else in the meantime and are continuing to talk because they feel bad pre-dumping you before you even ask.
Most of the time it's just me responding to their last message followed by a simple, "Hey, would you be interested in going out sometime?"
If there's a better way I am very open to suggestions.
And this is my profile so you guys can tell me what to change... I've updated a but since the last it was posted and have new pics up..... PROFILE!
And I've tried to ask before about an appropriate wait time between starting to talk to someone and asking them out but never got an answer... It's tough because when dealing with cute girls the window of opportunity before someone else snags them up is short!
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
Well, you seem friendly and attractive, but that is a giant mish-mash of cliches. Which are particularly poisonous when the idea is to stand out so people want to meet you. I'm trying to be constructive so I hope you're ready.
"I know it's a bit of an eclectic mix, but that's what makes me who I am!" Being into cars, MMA fighting and videogames are the possibly most stereotypical guy things. It's cool that you're into those, but the sentence I quoted wouldn't fit no matter what your interests were. Talk more specifically about your hobbies if they really do make you who you are. You will find someone into those and they'll be able to comment on it. The rest of it for this section is fine if sparse.
So is the next part.
I'm really good at: "Being friendly? I don't know, I'm not good at all this describing myself business!" Yeah... no, think of something. Just a guess but maybe it's hip kicks or working on advertising campaigns. Or something else. But it is something.
Things people notice: "My ADD or my eyes... or so I'm told." the "...or so I'm told" is cliche. C'mon, own something about yourself that you want to present."
The last section, message me if: "You've read all of this and find me interesting! Seriously... that should be kind of obvious, right? Why is this question here?" Burn and pillage. Delete that and write down who you actually want to message you. Is it a hot girl who likes driving fast and can beat Super Mario 3 in under 20 minutes? Well write that! That is why the question is there.
Well, both pictures are of you with a rap face, which are typically not the most flattering. You kind of look pissed off. That doesn't make you seem very approachable when combined with your hobby of MMA. Not that you shouldn't talk about MMA, but my snap impression when I read someone who trains in MMA is that they're a physically violent individual. I might talk to the person but I might be frightened to meet them.
And while I think it's admirable that you're up front about having ADD, unless it affects your ability to have a first date, I wouldn't mention deficiencies. For example, if you had a food allergy or a disease that meant you couldn't eat at most restaurants, that would be important, but if you handle your ADD well, save it for the first or second date.
For the "what you're good at," unless you feel that you're actually really good at something, leave it blank. Or put in something that you're actually terrible at. Like if you're terrible at kick ball, you can put "I'm really good at: losing kickball games"
I feel the same way about some of your other sections, honestly; if you don't really have something to put there, don't be afraid to skip it. Treat them like the "6 things" question -- put what feels right to you. Your profile reads a bit like a list of what you're interested in, rather than who you are. Don't be afraid to explain yourself or avoid using jargon — I know what MMA is but a lot of people may not, and they may then google it and find a youtube video and think "holy crap." Your interests are somewhat stereotypical of males, which isn't a problem, but it means that you may blend in. I'm not sure what the men in your area with a similar match % are into, though (obviously). What makes you different from the other guy into cars, video games, and MMA? The fact that you actually DO MMA is certainly a big one.
Finally, your "you should message me if" can work as a good conclusion, so don't just write "what is this question about, this is dumb." Use it as a way to sort of point out the kind of girlfriend you want. Not in the "cute and into my interests" way, but think about what you put in the other parts of your profile and consider whether you want someone who is an equal or someone who is different. So if you want someone who is into the same things, you'd say that, but if you want someone who is more feminine and isn't really interested in cars, mma, or video games, you can say that you're looking for more variety. That's true for the Self Summary parts as well. Remember that these types of profiles are partly to convey to people what you're all about, but they're also to show people the kind of person you're looking for. Another example: a 'cat owner' loves cats -- a 'cat lover' wants to date someone who also loves cats. Or is secretly a furry.
Alternatively, the person might simply think meeting people from the internet is weird. Aren't there questions on the site about how you feel about meeting people from the internet?
This also baffles me! You're on a dating site. Why are you on a dating site if not to date?
Maybe people like the idea of being persued constantly without the risk of hurting anyone's feelings in person. Getting lots of messages from strangers is quite an ego booster.
Most of the time it's just me responding to their last message followed by a simple, "Hey, would you be interested in going out sometime?"
If there's a better way I am very open to suggestions.
'Going out' literally means anything in existence aside from that which occupies your several hundred square feet of living space. That's pretty murky. Try to narrow it down and propose something as well as a time, preferably. This way you're nailing something down and creating a deadline of sorts. Either they'll respond and say yes, that it isn't good for them and reschedule, or the day will have passed by and you'll know for sure. A fourth potentiality is they get back to you after and apologize for being busy or what have you and suggest something of their own.
Is something cool coming up but with plenty of time for them to respond to your suggestion without requiring a calendar? Suggest it!
"Hey, the new Tron is coming out next week (for the purposes of this example it's December 8th) would you want to go catch it?"
Is there a new restaurant that's opening or that you've heard of? Mention it!
"Hey, I just heard about this XOCO place by Rick Bayliss; supposedly it's really good. Would you be interested in grabbing a bite next Friday after work?"
Does nothing fun ever happen in your accursed wasteland of moose and squirrel? That sucks!
"Hey, would you want to grab a nice cuppa sometime? I'm free this Saturday."
In all cases try to tailor your suggestion to something you think she'd like as well. I mean, if they hate sci-fi I doubt they'll like Tron so it isn't the best idea. Then again, if they hate sci-fi what the hell is wrong with them? Also, also movie dates are kind of meh since you don't really get to talk during the duration of the movie and by the time it lets out you may not spend much more time together. That's just a universal example in comparison to there being Muppets at the MSI, because a lot of you apparently live in places that civilization dare not tread.
To reinforce what Moniker says, think about when you hang with your friends. When they say "wanna hang out" you know it's a loose thing, no real structure or commitment. When your friend says "Dude I wanna get tickets for this shit, I'm gonna buy them on Friday, you in?" You know it's gonna require some planning and you know what you're gonna do.
The latter is MUCH easier for someone who doesn't know you to commit to. This is true beyond dating -- if you just make a new friend, same gender & everything, asking them to "come hang" is pretty nebulous. So try to give the person some idea what you have in mind. It's much easier to get someone to commit to something fun that they would do anyway, which is why coffee for young people is a common suggestion in the thread. Most college campuses have coffee shops and they're pretty public, and they don't involve eating.
The thing I checked for most before agreeing to a date was how interesting I felt the person would be. If I got the vibe that they were boring, I didn't really care about seeing them. If they were interesting, I proposed something that seemed agreeable. I had much more luck with proposing stuff for weekend afternoons than any other time, for what it's worth.
DemonStaceyTTODewback's DaughterIn love with the TaySwayRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
Thank you guys for the help! I really appreciate it! I tried to fix all of the stuff you guys suggested, tell me if it's any better. PROFILE UPDATE!
As for me apparently mean mugging in the pics... the first one I'm just kind of staring off and the second one... well I'm smiling there. That's the most I can smile for a picture haha.
And Moniker- That seems so simple... I don't know why I didn't think of it. Thank you.
To reinforce what Moniker says, think about when you hang with your friends. When they say "wanna hang out" you know it's a loose thing, no real structure or commitment. When your friend says "Dude I wanna get tickets for this shit, I'm gonna buy them on Friday, you in?" You know it's gonna require some planning and you know what you're gonna do.
The latter is MUCH easier for someone who doesn't know you to commit to. This is true beyond dating -- if you just make a new friend, same gender & everything, asking them to "come hang" is pretty nebulous. So try to give the person some idea what you have in mind. It's much easier to get someone to commit to something fun that they would do anyway, which is why coffee for young people is a common suggestion in the thread. Most college campuses have coffee shops and they're pretty public, and they don't involve eating.
The thing I checked for most before agreeing to a date was how interesting I felt the person would be. If I got the vibe that they were boring, I didn't really care about seeing them. If they were interesting, I proposed something that seemed agreeable. I had much more luck with proposing stuff for weekend afternoons than any other time, for what it's worth.
Well, that and because coffee is cheap and noncommittal. If you like the person it can evolve into a real date or prompt a 2nd date that's more like a proper one; if you don't like the person then all you wasted was $3 and an hour. Not that doing something more for a first date is inherently a waste you don't click. I mean, if I really want to go to the theatre then the ticket price was worth it regardless. It's just typically more fun when I enjoy the company as well.
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
Ugh, dating grad and doctoral students is hard. They're so busy.
My last ex lived near Cleveland and I live in Cincinnati. It went well...at first. But he was willing to drive all the way down to see me, and the whole time I was like "how desperate is this guy that he's willing to drive 4.5 hours for a hook up?" Turns out, he was kind of a prick, so...pretty desperate.
Haha this dude lives near Cleveland too. Hopefully it's not the same one. :P
Possible, but unlikely. Is this guy a terrible human being? Because my ex was a terrible human being.
So, on the non-internet dating (or even really dating at all) front, I seem to be pissing dudes off left and right without even trying. It is because I am not putting out. And we aren't even really dating. We're just kind of hanging out from time to time, and I think we're just friends, and then they are all /bruised ego, and I'm like "..."
Not that I am opposed to dating. But damn it, ask me out if you want to ask me out. Don't just casually bump into me at a bar and then be mad when I don't want to go home with you.
edit: And ON the topic of OKC and internet dating, I really need to start taking profile pictures somewhere other than my damn bathroom. But this apartment is really dim, and it's the only place with decent lighting.
Murphy on
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
I think my dating escapades are worth it just for what ladies say the first time you kiss them. The latest one, when I was being particularly bold and stopped her on our walk to our cars... I turned her to face me and kissed her. Her response: "Kissing?" in kind of a high pitched voice. I said yes, then we kissed some more.
She'd already dropped it like it was hot on my crotch showing her drunk med school friends how it was done so... I felt okay doing that.
OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited November 2010
94%, dogg. Anyway, I'm trying on this dating front. Was talking to a girl and she said to text her, turns out my phone isn't receiving texts. I tell her I'm on the phone with customer service but she can just tell me what she'd texted "I was just going into detail about what underwear I'm wearing...ha no I just asked what u were up to, nothing important" Made me laugh out loud on the phone. Damn her.
edit: And ON the topic of OKC and internet dating, I really need to start taking profile pictures somewhere other than my damn bathroom. But this apartment is really dim, and it's the only place with decent lighting.
You could take photos... outside of your apartment.
Posts
Wink
November 14th, 2010 – 9:14am
I just winked at you!
If you'd like to strike up a conversation with me, simply reply with something short and encouraging, like “Thanks for the wink! What's new?”
Winks are a special gesture on OkCupid.
They're limited to 1.5 per person, per day, per eye.
Message from Raslin
This message was sent to you by OkCupid on behalf of Raslin
3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
This. I am always happy to oblige.
On a different note this stupid dating site I made a profile on not only gives me partner suggestions from across the damn country, it is also full of what I suspect to be spambots posing as 30+ women. Just great.
And Disney World is nowhere in sight.
it's been like, two years since my last "real" relationship, and a solid three since i really felt a super spark with someone so this is all sort of new again and scary for me. ha!
I have been constantly back and forth with this one really great guy (basically, if we're both home, we're messaging each other). After our first IM conversation, he sent me a message that said
"I really enjoyed talking to you earlier.
a lot."
And I'm still sitting here all "WHAT DOES IT MEAN"
3DS: 1607-3034-6970
It means he likes you alot.
My big issue is coming from the fact that we're, like, 170 miles apart. It would be easier to read (for me, a person involved) if we were closer, I think.
3DS: 1607-3034-6970
170 miles isn't that far...it's 2-3 hours, depending on the car/driver. I'd do that...but only if it were a major city like Chicago. Then if things go bad, I'd just crash at my sisters place. :whistle:
But I've yet to have that happen. Guy likes you a lot. You need to meet up....that's my take. You need to send a message indicating so..but don't be obvious.
3DS: 1607-3034-6970
If he likes you a lot, he'll make the trip. I hate driving too, but if I wanna see someone enough, I'll do what it takes to see them.
But if all else fails, you could always take a bus.
Congratulations and best of luck!
I seem to still be stuck with talking to people until i ask them to go out and having them ignore me. Hmmm, where am I going wrong?
I'm still stunned the date I had on Saturday went so well when she had called 10 minutes before it pseudo-canceling. I guess she was just nervous and probably busy with this whole "med school" thing.
Because...just send a message.
3DS: 1607-3034-6970
It is one of OKC's many many ways to sort of passively non-confrontationally get into contact with another person. It's kind of dumb. Yeah.
It's "I think you're cute but don't have anything to say." Either they're taciturn or don't like initiating (since a wink is more of an intention to communicate, rather than actual communication).
You guys talk about people visiting your profiles and then not saying anything, so it might simply be a way to break the ice. But it does seem like a kind of stupid feature.
If you want an honest critique, you should post up the message you sent that was the "last one." If you're uncomfortable doing that (and hey, fair enough), I would imagine it falls down to the fact that asking someone out is a decision point. Before that question comes up, it is relatively easy to have a pleasant conversation with someone regardless of how you really feel about them. You might be talking about a band or movie genre or whatever, but suggesting to meet means you want to, you know, have a significantly more "tuned in" activity.
I wouldn't be surprised if people become much more critical of individuals once that question comes up. They probably look over your pictures and think "do I want to do [activity] with this person?" And that's a tough one. I think it's different for everyone as to what their response is, although I think it is a good argument for having quality pictures.
Alternatively, the person might simply think meeting people from the internet is weird. Aren't there questions on the site about how you feel about meeting people from the internet?
A final possibility is that they've technically started dating someone else in the meantime and are continuing to talk because they feel bad pre-dumping you before you even ask.
I was just thinking about this yesterday, actually, since a coworker of mine met what she describes as "the best boyfriend she's had" using OKCupid. What does success mean to you? A girlfriend? Marriage? A couple dates with different people?
I do think it's funny when people are skeptical of online dating based on past experience. If you meet a girl on OKCupid and things don't work out, did OKCupid fail? If you find a girlfriend and it lasts for a couple years, resulting in a breakup, is that online dating's fault? And what about the opposite -- if you've had bad luck dating people "in real life," does that mean that "real life dating" doesn't work?
(although to be honest, I think a lot of people use online dating because they feel that "real life dating" generally doesn't work, at least for liberal working atheists)
3DS: 1607-3034-6970
Several pages late because I apparently don't have a subscription on the new thread, but I have something similar going, except it's with one of my friends that rejected me when I asked her out over a year ago. My feelings for her have resurfaced, but I don't really have any reason to think her mind's changed. Fuuuuu-
In internet dating land I'm talking to this girl on okc that might have potential, but her pictures aren't really impressive and she never asks questions in her messages so I have to do all the work to keep the conversation going. Not really impressive so far...
Most of the time it's just me responding to their last message followed by a simple, "Hey, would you be interested in going out sometime?"
If there's a better way I am very open to suggestions.
And this is my profile so you guys can tell me what to change... I've updated a but since the last it was posted and have new pics up..... PROFILE!
And I've tried to ask before about an appropriate wait time between starting to talk to someone and asking them out but never got an answer... It's tough because when dealing with cute girls the window of opportunity before someone else snags them up is short!
"I know it's a bit of an eclectic mix, but that's what makes me who I am!" Being into cars, MMA fighting and videogames are the possibly most stereotypical guy things. It's cool that you're into those, but the sentence I quoted wouldn't fit no matter what your interests were. Talk more specifically about your hobbies if they really do make you who you are. You will find someone into those and they'll be able to comment on it. The rest of it for this section is fine if sparse.
So is the next part.
I'm really good at: "Being friendly? I don't know, I'm not good at all this describing myself business!" Yeah... no, think of something. Just a guess but maybe it's hip kicks or working on advertising campaigns. Or something else. But it is something.
Things people notice: "My ADD or my eyes... or so I'm told." the "...or so I'm told" is cliche. C'mon, own something about yourself that you want to present."
The last section, message me if: "You've read all of this and find me interesting! Seriously... that should be kind of obvious, right? Why is this question here?" Burn and pillage. Delete that and write down who you actually want to message you. Is it a hot girl who likes driving fast and can beat Super Mario 3 in under 20 minutes? Well write that! That is why the question is there.
at least i got to meet Kevin Nealon
And while I think it's admirable that you're up front about having ADD, unless it affects your ability to have a first date, I wouldn't mention deficiencies. For example, if you had a food allergy or a disease that meant you couldn't eat at most restaurants, that would be important, but if you handle your ADD well, save it for the first or second date.
For the "what you're good at," unless you feel that you're actually really good at something, leave it blank. Or put in something that you're actually terrible at. Like if you're terrible at kick ball, you can put "I'm really good at: losing kickball games"
I feel the same way about some of your other sections, honestly; if you don't really have something to put there, don't be afraid to skip it. Treat them like the "6 things" question -- put what feels right to you. Your profile reads a bit like a list of what you're interested in, rather than who you are. Don't be afraid to explain yourself or avoid using jargon — I know what MMA is but a lot of people may not, and they may then google it and find a youtube video and think "holy crap." Your interests are somewhat stereotypical of males, which isn't a problem, but it means that you may blend in. I'm not sure what the men in your area with a similar match % are into, though (obviously). What makes you different from the other guy into cars, video games, and MMA? The fact that you actually DO MMA is certainly a big one.
Finally, your "you should message me if" can work as a good conclusion, so don't just write "what is this question about, this is dumb." Use it as a way to sort of point out the kind of girlfriend you want. Not in the "cute and into my interests" way, but think about what you put in the other parts of your profile and consider whether you want someone who is an equal or someone who is different. So if you want someone who is into the same things, you'd say that, but if you want someone who is more feminine and isn't really interested in cars, mma, or video games, you can say that you're looking for more variety. That's true for the Self Summary parts as well. Remember that these types of profiles are partly to convey to people what you're all about, but they're also to show people the kind of person you're looking for. Another example: a 'cat owner' loves cats -- a 'cat lover' wants to date someone who also loves cats. Or is secretly a furry.
Maybe people like the idea of being persued constantly without the risk of hurting anyone's feelings in person. Getting lots of messages from strangers is quite an ego booster.
'Going out' literally means anything in existence aside from that which occupies your several hundred square feet of living space. That's pretty murky. Try to narrow it down and propose something as well as a time, preferably. This way you're nailing something down and creating a deadline of sorts. Either they'll respond and say yes, that it isn't good for them and reschedule, or the day will have passed by and you'll know for sure. A fourth potentiality is they get back to you after and apologize for being busy or what have you and suggest something of their own.
Is something cool coming up but with plenty of time for them to respond to your suggestion without requiring a calendar? Suggest it!
"Hey, the new Tron is coming out next week (for the purposes of this example it's December 8th) would you want to go catch it?"
Is there a new restaurant that's opening or that you've heard of? Mention it!
"Hey, I just heard about this XOCO place by Rick Bayliss; supposedly it's really good. Would you be interested in grabbing a bite next Friday after work?"
Does nothing fun ever happen in your accursed wasteland of moose and squirrel? That sucks!
"Hey, would you want to grab a nice cuppa sometime? I'm free this Saturday."
In all cases try to tailor your suggestion to something you think she'd like as well. I mean, if they hate sci-fi I doubt they'll like Tron so it isn't the best idea. Then again, if they hate sci-fi what the hell is wrong with them? Also, also movie dates are kind of meh since you don't really get to talk during the duration of the movie and by the time it lets out you may not spend much more time together. That's just a universal example in comparison to there being Muppets at the MSI, because a lot of you apparently live in places that civilization dare not tread.
The latter is MUCH easier for someone who doesn't know you to commit to. This is true beyond dating -- if you just make a new friend, same gender & everything, asking them to "come hang" is pretty nebulous. So try to give the person some idea what you have in mind. It's much easier to get someone to commit to something fun that they would do anyway, which is why coffee for young people is a common suggestion in the thread. Most college campuses have coffee shops and they're pretty public, and they don't involve eating.
The thing I checked for most before agreeing to a date was how interesting I felt the person would be. If I got the vibe that they were boring, I didn't really care about seeing them. If they were interesting, I proposed something that seemed agreeable. I had much more luck with proposing stuff for weekend afternoons than any other time, for what it's worth.
As for me apparently mean mugging in the pics... the first one I'm just kind of staring off and the second one... well I'm smiling there. That's the most I can smile for a picture haha.
And Moniker- That seems so simple... I don't know why I didn't think of it. Thank you.
Well, that and because coffee is cheap and noncommittal. If you like the person it can evolve into a real date or prompt a 2nd date that's more like a proper one; if you don't like the person then all you wasted was $3 and an hour. Not that doing something more for a first date is inherently a waste you don't click. I mean, if I really want to go to the theatre then the ticket price was worth it regardless. It's just typically more fun when I enjoy the company as well.
Just date five, should keep you busy. :P
Come and knock on his door...
3DS: 1607-3034-6970
So, on the non-internet dating (or even really dating at all) front, I seem to be pissing dudes off left and right without even trying. It is because I am not putting out. And we aren't even really dating. We're just kind of hanging out from time to time, and I think we're just friends, and then they are all /bruised ego, and I'm like "..."
Not that I am opposed to dating. But damn it, ask me out if you want to ask me out. Don't just casually bump into me at a bar and then be mad when I don't want to go home with you.
edit: And ON the topic of OKC and internet dating, I really need to start taking profile pictures somewhere other than my damn bathroom. But this apartment is really dim, and it's the only place with decent lighting.
She'd already dropped it like it was hot on my crotch showing her drunk med school friends how it was done so... I felt okay doing that.
My profile isn't a secret: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/gentlemantycoon
You could take photos... outside of your apartment.