Any old wives here to offer tales for the creation of babies?

Mr_Grinch

So my wife and I have decided we've had enough of sleep and no longer want a tidy, quiet house so we would like one of those baby things that other people seem to have. So how do we do it?

I'm after all the old wives tales, rumours, tips and tricks that you've heard that may or may not be true (as long as they're not harmful!).

Spoiler:

I'm not after biology stuff, or suggestions to talk to a doctor/the family planning place. Don't worry, we'll be doing the sensible stuff. But it doesn't harm to try any of the crazier 'do-it-whilst-standing-her-on-her-head' suggestions you may have. Also suggestions for how to have a boy would be awesome. For me. Not my wife, she wants a girl.

bowen

Not sure what to tell you. There's a reason they're called tales.

The only thing I can offer for getting a boy is to use methods that allow you to penetrate deeper (or get a longer penis) because depositing Y sperm closer will result in more likely a chance for male babies. Human Y sperm swim faster, live shorter, X sperm live longer but swim slower.

Sarcastro

I always thought the Lebowski method was fairly amusing. The lady is on her back afterwards with her hips propped up, gently bicycling the air as if to slosh the testicular white-wash around her insides for an even coat.

For a newly generated non-aurthoritative tale of my own design, I once read an interesting paper on the purpose and function of the female orgasm. It indicated that the muscular contractions during orgasm provided a gentle suction for the delivery of semen into/up through the cervix, and was therefor a bonafide evolutionary response to finding an appropriate partner etc, abloobloo. So lie her back, dig deep, after her first orgasm, time for the twosome. Then if you can still wiggle right, get her come again. Like a pregnancy hat trick.

At that point, even if you mess it up, no one will care.

bowen

This is why biological tales are way more important than wives tales. If you want something useful and not complete baloney.

I've read that on numerous occasions and heard it from a biology (college) and health teacher (high school) so I'm sure there's some basis for the fact.

Robman

Have lots of sex and lots of orgasms. Have her continue to lie on her back after you've finished off for a while.

But prepare for lots and lots of sex, humans just aren't that fertile. Despite what you've heard, you won't get knocked up, in all likelihood, from a single act of unprotected sex. Your odds of catching an STD from a single condom-free fuck are also pretty low, but that doesn't mean you should go around fucking randoms all willy-nilly.

I'd start getting concerned if you've been fucking like the proverbial rabbits for a year and no babby formed yet. Also feel free for your lady to have a glass of wine to set the mood, and don't do preggo tests more then once per month.

OnTheLastCastle

Do not tell anyone about the pregnancy until you pass a certain threshold. I'm sure someone will know the exact date, but miscarriages are very common early on.

Daenris

OnTheLastCastle wrote: »

Do not tell anyone about the pregnancy until you pass a certain threshold. I'm sure someone will know the exact date, but miscarriages are very common early on.

I think the usual quoted threshold is about 10 weeks. Either that or after first trimester.

Depending on where you look for stats, something like 25-30% of pregnancies miscarry before week 8. This is a number that I had absolutely no idea was so high before talking to doctors after it happened to us, so I'd definitely agree on the waiting to tell people.

bowen

It's also usually only the woman's first pregnancy ever that has a miscarriage rate that high, I thought.

Darkewolfe

I think a lot of those early stage miscarriages are never identified as pregnancies to begin with anyway. The early numbers are much, much higher than you'll find anecdotally, because the majority go unnoticed.

bowen

Yeah that's what I'm thinking, whilst it may be an actual 20%, the "noticeable" miscarriages are something around like 5-10% tops. If the chart at wikipedia means anything. Most people probably have a lag time of 1+month before they notice, and that would seem the spontaneous abortion rate is much lower than the quoted one (which is true after a little research).

Sir Carcass

I don't know if it was coincidence or something more, but after a year of my wife and I trying with no luck (using monthly ovulation sticks), the first month we used a digital fertility monitor she got pregnant. I can find out the brand if you're interested, but they're pretty pricey.

ceres

The threshold for blabbing to everyone you know is three months (the first trimester) because miscarriage rates see another sharp drop-off at that point. I know some people who follow this strictly out of superstition ("jinxing it" and so forth), and some who follow it strictly because on top of the trauma involved with losing a baby at 2 1/2 months, you then have to explain it to everyone you know.

Sarcastro

Oh and on determining gender, this theory seemed to be feasible, at the very least. This was just one of the results on googling diet impacting gender, but I remember researching the topic previously and there's a fair amount of evidence that it does something.

Djeet

A technique that I've heard of (but don't know much regarding the scientific/medical validity of) was saving up your stuff and doing it when she's most fertile. Basically don't whack it, wait a couple days between each attempt, and time it so it's when she's in the most fertile part of her cycle. Though I think trying to keep to this kind of routine (besides abstinence from masturbation) might put too much pressure on you both to produce.

There's an article I'd read about how the mother eating breakfast and having a high calorie diet is correlated with male babies (though it doesn't skew heavily). FWIW, I did make a lot of bacon and eggs breakfasts for my woman when she was pregnant with our 2 boys, and she craved a lot of red meat and BBQ during those pregnancies (not normally like her at all really). We haven't had a girl yet so don't know if the "meat for boys" and "sweets for girls" tale bears out.

Robman

The male testes can happily produce enough sperm to blast out a fertile ejaculation 1-2/day, no reason to 'save up'. Also, having sex whilst the lady is ovulating is too late, since sperm can require up to days to properly capacitate. Just fuck all the time, enjoy yourselves, and eventually babby will be maek

EDIT and don't stop the oral stuff, seriously don't stress over this. fertility rates among humans are so low that getting a blowie every now and then won't make a difference

Sir Carcass

Djeet wrote: »

We haven't had a girl yet so don't know if the "meat for boys" and "sweets for girls" tale bears out.

We have a son and she just craved desserts all of the time. She didn't eat much meat at all during her pregnancy.

Fuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud

Sarcastro wrote: »

Oh and on determining gender, this theory seemed to be feasible, at the very least. This was just one of the results on googling diet impacting gender, but I remember researching the topic previously and there's a fair amount of evidence that it does something.

This is absolute bonkers nonsense. You can't change the pH of your hoot by eating a bunch of certain foods, and tissue is naturally buffered anyways, so that wouldn't work even if food was a mechanism for pH change.

Djeet

Robman wrote: »

The male testes can happily produce enough sperm to blast out a fertile ejaculation 1-2/day, no reason to 'save up'. Also, having sex whilst the lady is ovulating is too late, since sperm can require up to days to properly capacitate. Just fuck all the time, enjoy yourselves, and eventually babby will be maek

EDIT and don't stop the oral stuff, seriously don't stress over this. fertility rates among humans are so low that getting a blowie every now and then won't make a difference

Old wives' tales are not exactly grounded in scientific fact, and that info was given as such.

Similarly, outside of IVF I know of no way to reasonably inform the gender of a baby.

The Cat

May I say, its also really kind of horrible to be angling for any particular gender? Ten fingers, ten toes, one head, no vestigial tail. These are the goals.

After that, wanting it too much and freaking out about not getting pregnant 'soon enough' can create the kind of stress that makes one's body assume that you're like, in a war zone and that pregnancy would be ill-advised. Don't turn getting knocked up into a mission.

bowen

Also an occasional whack will, in theory, improve your chances for copulation. The reason being is the oldest sperm that is about to die will be in the front queue ready to leave. The newer sperm will be right behind them. That's the theory I've read, but, the internet being what it is, and us all being internet doctors, that may not be good.

Neyla

I had a friend that would take her temperature everyday when she first woke up. Marked it down. They say when you get a temperature "spike" that is when ovulation happens and it's time to get freaky.

It took her a couple of months to find the right time, but she did get preggers.

I think the fertility monitors work the same way, I'm not sure though.

Robman

bowen wrote: »

Also an occasional whack will, in theory, improve your chances for copulation. The reason being is the oldest sperm that is about to die will be in the front queue ready to leave. The newer sperm will be right behind them. That's the theory I've read, but, the internet being what it is, and us all being internet doctors, that may not be good.

This is wrong

The best way to get pregnant is to just have sex as often and in as many ways as you want, without birth control. Babies will happen, eventually.

bowen

Older sperm are eliminated in a process, though more sex and less whacking will, of course, lead to more of a chance. Fertility wise, those sperm that come after will be "newer" sperm as long as your immune system is good. Though they are designed to die off before it becomes an issue you never know if that round you're shooting is going to be the ones that are about to die.

Like I said, purely theoretical.

Spoiler:

http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/news/20021017/old-sperm-die-hard If you want more information and how age plays a factor in that sort of thing too

Peen

ceres wrote: »

The threshold for blabbing to everyone you know is three months (the first trimester) because miscarriage rates see another sharp drop-off at that point. I know some people who follow this strictly out of superstition ("jinxing it" and so forth), and some who follow it strictly because on top of the trauma involved with losing a baby at 2 1/2 months, you then have to explain it to everyone you know.

Yes, this on top of this. It happened to us and it is something you DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH.

As for getting pregnant in the first place, +1 to lots of sex and orgasms. Don't sweat it until you're really having problems, it only took my wife and I a few tries to get pregnant both times (it helps that I have the Michael Phelps of sperm).

Djeet

Tradition holds that you wait to tell til after the first trimester, and presumably that is linked with the much higher incidence of miscarriage in the 1st trimester. It sucks to be reminded of the miscarriage everytime someone who knew about the pregnancy (but doesn't yet know about the miscarriage) asks after the prospective mother.

It also sucks to be really upset about something and none of your support group knows why cause they didn't even know you were pregnant.

After her 1st 2 miscarriages my wife elected to go ahead and tell a select group of close friends and family as soon as she knew, but with the admonition that it's still 1st trimester. The idea being that she'd get the support and attention she needed and leaving it up to those we told to exercise judgement with the information they've been given.

Heir

Robman wrote: »

Have lots of sex and lots of orgasms. Have her continue to lie on her back after you've finished off for a while.

But prepare for lots and lots of sex, humans just aren't that fertile. Despite what you've heard, you won't get knocked up, in all likelihood, from a single act of unprotected sex. Your odds of catching an STD from a single condom-free fuck are also pretty low, but that doesn't mean you should go around fucking randoms all willy-nilly.

I'd start getting concerned if you've been fucking like the proverbial rabbits for a year and no babby formed yet. Also feel free for your lady to have a glass of wine to set the mood, and don't do preggo tests more then once per month.

Anecdotal and all, but I now have two friends who have gotten pregnant almost immediately after they started trying.

I would agree that typically it takes a while though.

Sarcastro

Fuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud wrote: »

Sarcastro wrote: »

Oh and on determining gender, this theory seemed to be feasible, at the very least. This was just one of the results on googling diet impacting gender, but I remember researching the topic previously and there's a fair amount of evidence that it does something.

This is absolute bonkers nonsense. You can't change the pH of your hoot by eating a bunch of certain foods, and tissue is naturally buffered anyways, so that wouldn't work even if food was a mechanism for pH change.

The world in general disagrees.

ceres

Hey guys, I think you missed the part where he said specifically that he wasn't asking for science, just old wives' tales to have fun with.

It's a fun thread. Get over yourselves and have fun or go away.

bowen

ceres wrote: »

Hey guys, I think you missed the part where he said specifically that he wasn't asking for science, just old wives' tales to have fun with.

It's a fun thread. Get over yourselves and have fun or go away.

Wax your butt-hair so you're more aerodynamic.

ceres

bowen wrote: »

ceres wrote: »

Hey guys, I think you missed the part where he said specifically that he wasn't asking for science, just old wives' tales to have fun with.

It's a fun thread. Get over yourselves and have fun or go away.

Wax your butt-hair so you're more aerodynamic.

:^:

Sarcastro

I see your well-placed rebuke, and raise you a totally non-scientific Chinese pregnancy horoscope.

OnTheLastCastle

bowen wrote: »

ceres wrote: »

Hey guys, I think you missed the part where he said specifically that he wasn't asking for science, just old wives' tales to have fun with.

It's a fun thread. Get over yourselves and have fun or go away.

Wax your butt-hair so you're more aerodynamic.

That's just common sense.

OP, they make body wash with pheromones. You should probably buy some of that too before you make sexy time. I mean, PHEROMONES.

mts

yea having a miscarraige at 2.5 months sucks. though it happens. my wife has been using the basal thermometer this time around and her spike was actually earlier than she thought based on what google was telling her was the right time.

thats what google gets for nosing into my wifes privates, wrongness.

Mr_Grinch

Cheers for all the responses up to now guys and gals. As Ceres pointed out, I'm just after the fun "it's-so-crazy-it-just-might-work" stuff.

So thanks Bowen, I shall be waxing tonight.

mts

you can try having her do a handstand afterwards, so you can use gravity to your advantage, just make sure she doesn't cartwheel

ceres

mts wrote: »

you can try having her do a handstand afterwards, so you can use gravity to your advantage, just make sure she doesn't cartwheel

Centrifugal force could make that messy?

ben0207

Technically if held her by the knees, penetrated then span her round like a shot-put that might lead to faster pregnancy.

edit: or vomiting / bruising / divorce