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Friend is looking at a potentially ugly divorce

RaekreuRaekreu Registered User regular
edited December 2010 in Help / Advice Forum
So a good friend of mine officially declared 2010 the year of the buttfuck back in January, and sure enough - he has been (metaphorically) buttfucked.

The short story: buddy started dating this chick when they were both working at the same job. She gets pregnant not long after they start dating. Kid is born, courthouse marriage occurs, and then some time in late 2009/early 2010 she starts seeing another guy on the side. Buddy finds emails with a lot of damning conversations in them. He gives her the ultimatum of him or me. She agrees to stop cheating but in fact goes right on doing what she was doing.

So I don't know what to tell my friend. He's been unemployed for over a year and in February is shipping out for basic training with the national guard. His fear at this point is that if he seeks out a no-fault divorce, she's going to flip her shit and turn it into one hell of a legal donnybrook, which pretty much guarantees that he'll be kicked out of basic until things are settled with the courts.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What can I do to help my friend, aside from buy him drinks and say things like 'fuck that bitch, you're better off without her'?

Raekreu on

Posts

  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Advise him to get a lawyer, especially if he's afraid she'll take him for all he's worth.

  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle sometimes a boy just needs to get out of the house and meet some girls Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Infidelity is not acceptable in a marriage. If your friend can prove it, he needs to save those records and get a lawyer. NOW. Yesterday even, go go go go!

    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.
  • flowerhoneyflowerhoney Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    He's for sure going to need a good lawyer, no question

    It sucks that he's unemployed and probably not able to pay top dollar but if she's going to take a turn for crazy town he needs to be prepared

  • MrMonroeMrMonroe Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    he doesn't need no-fault if he's got evidence of infidelity

    he needs to talk to a lawyer registered with the bar in the state in which he was married

    all you can do is tell him that, and if he feels uncomfortable with it, remind him that it will be cheaper to get a lawyer now than to deal with this woman for the rest of his life

    also?

    paternity test

  • RaekreuRaekreu Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    he doesn't need no-fault if he's got evidence of infidelity

    he needs to talk to a lawyer registered with the bar in the state in which he was married

    all you can do is tell him that, and if he feels uncomfortable with it, remind him that it will be cheaper to get a lawyer now than to deal with this woman for the rest of his life

    also?

    paternity test

    Dangit...I read up on the laws in our state and that's exactly what all of the marginal legal advisers recommend. I guess he was thinking no-fault because it can expedite the process if both sides come to an agreement on how to settle everything.

  • KazakaKazaka Registered User
    edited December 2010
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    he doesn't need no-fault if he's got evidence of infidelity

    he needs to talk to a lawyer registered with the bar in the state in which he was married

    all you can do is tell him that, and if he feels uncomfortable with it, remind him that it will be cheaper to get a lawyer now than to deal with this woman for the rest of his life

    also?

    paternity test

    Second, this could be a pretty smart move even if he's fairly sure the kid is his

    ... They ate, slept and worked. Some of them found uninteresting partners at work who they married and came home to. Sometimes they would half-heartededly thrust into each other and children were made. They lived a middle class existence until their deaths to heart disease and cancer.
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited December 2010
    Raekreu wrote: »
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    he doesn't need no-fault if he's got evidence of infidelity

    he needs to talk to a lawyer registered with the bar in the state in which he was married

    all you can do is tell him that, and if he feels uncomfortable with it, remind him that it will be cheaper to get a lawyer now than to deal with this woman for the rest of his life

    also?

    paternity test

    Dangit...I read up on the laws in our state and that's exactly what all of the marginal legal advisers recommend. I guess he was thinking no-fault because it can expedite the process if both sides come to an agreement on how to settle everything.

    Crazy women (people) don't agree to non-crazy terms.
    He reeeeeally needs to ask himself if she is a good mother and a bad spouse or a bad mother and a bad spouse. If she is a good mother, this can be easy because he won't need to fight for custody (a long and drawn out battle). If she is a bad mother and he needs to get his child away from her, well, this is going to be a shitstorm of a time and he needs to make some serious decisions. The first of which is probably post-poning his military service.

    He needs to start communicating with her only in writing and to be careful about what he says. He needed a lawyer back in January to say the least.

    edit: I'll admit, I'm bit jaded when it comes to crazy exes taking you to court and having a kid involved etc etc.

    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
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