My couch is a goddamn Tesla coil

Evil Multifarious

My girlfriend and I got an excellent couch a while back. It is pretty huge, stylin', comfortable, and has a large sectional piece that is sort of triangular. It's great.

However, the microfiber of which it is made is apparently produces spectacular levels of static. Just now I went to the bathroom and went to flip the light on - and there was very audible CRACK and my finger was briefly numbed after a jolt of pain. Actually, it's still tingly.

This happens regularly. Using a blanket on the couch results in a terrifying chain of crackling, popping static bursts that directly contravene the desired comfort provided by blankets on the couch.

My girlfriend has tried a spray bottle of water, as suggested by a google search, with no success. We've tried the static guard spray, which smells horrible, seems threatening chemical, and had no real effect.

Does anyone have any solutions for this, hopefully before malevolent electrical imps make us into another mysterious case of spontaneous human combustion?

evilmrhenry

A quick Google suggests water+fabric softener. (Test for color changes first.) Did you try that, or just plain water?
http://www.ehow.com/how_4769257_of-static-electricity-microfiber-furniture.html

TychoCelchuuu

Install a giant metal pole in the center of the couch. You'll be grounded and you'll also be able to practice your firefighter/pole dancer skills.

MushroomStick

What about anti static dryer sheets?

Satsumomo

You could also get a humidifier, which makes breathing so much better!

agentk13

Invite the inlaws and sit back for the show.

Seriously, though, put some old metal lamppost right up against the thing. If it works, just get some laps that actually look good in the room and do the same thing. Cheap, simple, easy.

ihmmy

are the covers removeable at all? A lot of the microfibre type blankets I've purchased say to wash before use, the couple times I forgot to resulted in super static-ness. If you can throw them in for a quick wash and then dry them with a couple anti-static dryer sheets that should help out

Robman

Go for the humidifier. There is stuff like anti-static sprays, but why bother exposing yourself to aerosols when you can just make your sinuses happier?

ProPatriaMori

agentk13 wrote: »

Invite the inlaws and sit back for the show.

Seriously, though, put some old metal lamppost right up against the thing. If it works, just get some laps that actually look good in the room and do the same thing. Cheap, simple, easy.

I want to say that I believe this to be faulty science. Couches are generally not sufficiently conductive to support a ground path through a lamp post.

Humidifier seems sensible in this case.

zilo

Are you using the StaticGuard stuff correctly? We use it on ours once every few months and it works great. Our cats are thrilled that we no longer shock the shit out of them every day when we go to pet them.

Do you have any fleece blankets that you use on/near the couch? Those generate a pretty good static charge on their own.