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I'm in the mood for a little vivisection. [X-Com LP IV]

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Posts

  • chrishallett83chrishallett83 Hi! Registered User regular
    see317 wrote: »
    Kainy wrote: »
    msuitepyon wrote: »
    Okay recruits--review your reading materials on Operation Meat Shield. Training will begin tomorrow.

    Oooh, the booklet says that I get unlimited free steak until deployment to better delay the alien menace while it feasts on me!

    Free steak!

    Mine doesn't seem to specify what kind of steak though.
    Just saying, I've seen some of the cold storage units. And while it's hard to tell for certain post-vivisection, it looks like there's a couple slices of muton missing here and there.

    I assure you recruit, my PTSD counsellor can vouch for this too, once the research team is done with captives, there is little more than a wet m-

    Recruit, may I ask, have you seen the first series of the television series Breaking Bad?

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  • HobnailHobnail Registered User regular
    Alright! I have an aptitude for firearm maintenance and creating dangerous situations from nothing, what can I do to help?!

  • KainyKainy Registered User regular
    see317 wrote: »
    Kainy wrote: »
    msuitepyon wrote: »
    Okay recruits--review your reading materials on Operation Meat Shield. Training will begin tomorrow.

    Oooh, the booklet says that I get unlimited free steak until deployment to better delay the alien menace while it feasts on me!

    Free steak!

    Mine doesn't seem to specify what kind of steak though.
    Just saying, I've seen some of the cold storage units. And while it's hard to tell for certain post-vivisection, it looks like there's a couple slices of muton missing here and there.

    I assure you recruit, my PTSD counsellor can vouch for this too, once the research team is done with captives, there is little more than a wet m-

    Recruit, may I ask, have you seen the first series of the television series Breaking Bad?

    Hey man, if it tastes like steak, I don't care if it's Muton or Lobsterman or what.

    Actually lobsterman would probably be pretty tasty. Make you grow up big and strong, with a carapace nearly impervious to Earth weapons!

    IcyLiquid wrote: »
    There's anti-fuckery code in there now :) Sorry :)
  • ImperfectImperfect Registered User regular
    Hey, nevermind the provenance of the steak, it's still better than the chow they served up in the aquatic division.

    "Unlimited Barnacles"

    Yum.

    And the barnacles spoke, too.

    INSIDE YOUR MIND.

  • timspork's ghosttimspork's ghost Ghostbuster Hook & Ladder 8Registered User regular
    Imperfect wrote: »
    Hey, nevermind the provenance of the steak, it's still better than the chow they served up in the aquatic division.

    "Unlimited Barnacles"

    Yum.

    And the barnacles spoke, too.

    INSIDE YOUR MIND.

    Man I don't remember that at all. By the way, you still taking those vitamins they gave us? I keep getting them like clockwork. Taste like flintstone vitamins. The docs here seem really bug me to make sure I'm taking them. Must be vitamin c deficient or something.

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    (3DS Friend Code) 5472-6198-4568 (PSN) timspork (Steam) timspork
  • ElderlycrawfishElderlycrawfish Registered User regular
    see317 wrote: »
    Kainy wrote: »
    msuitepyon wrote: »
    Okay recruits--review your reading materials on Operation Meat Shield. Training will begin tomorrow.

    Oooh, the booklet says that I get unlimited free steak until deployment to better delay the alien menace while it feasts on me!

    Free steak!

    Mine doesn't seem to specify what kind of steak though.
    Just saying, I've seen some of the cold storage units. And while it's hard to tell for certain post-vivisection, it looks like there's a couple slices of muton missing here and there.

    Nothing wrong with a nice muton chop dinner.

    PSN/Steam - Elderlycrawfish
  • ImperfectImperfect Registered User regular
    Imperfect wrote: »
    Hey, nevermind the provenance of the steak, it's still better than the chow they served up in the aquatic division.

    "Unlimited Barnacles"

    Yum.

    And the barnacles spoke, too.

    INSIDE YOUR MIND.

    Man I don't remember that at all. By the way, you still taking those vitamins they gave us? I keep getting them like clockwork. Taste like flintstone vitamins. The docs here seem really bug me to make sure I'm taking them. Must be vitamin c deficient or something.

    Aw man, you get doctors?

  • Caulk Bite 6Caulk Bite 6 Registered User regular
    see317 wrote: »
    Kainy wrote: »
    msuitepyon wrote: »
    Okay recruits--review your reading materials on Operation Meat Shield. Training will begin tomorrow.

    Oooh, the booklet says that I get unlimited free steak until deployment to better delay the alien menace while it feasts on me!

    Free steak!

    Mine doesn't seem to specify what kind of steak though.
    Just saying, I've seen some of the cold storage units. And while it's hard to tell for certain post-vivisection, it looks like there's a couple slices of muton missing here and there.

    Nothing wrong with a nice muton chop dinner.

    Wait, that's not a typo?

    No wonder the meat's always more tender than I'd expect.

  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    I just wanna shoot some crazy ass laser guns and whatnot. Pchooo! Pew pew pew!

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    Spoiler:
  • SticksSticks Registered User regular
    I still want two laser (or better yet, plasma) pistols.

    Screw that rifle BS.

    Just gonna charge into action. Pretend running in slow motion. Firing indiscriminately at anything that moves while doing my best action movie impersonation.

    I'll need someone to help by setting off well timed explosions with grenades in the background.

  • Caulk Bite 6Caulk Bite 6 Registered User regular
    We can probably load Antimatter with a rapid-fire pigeon cannon to help simulate any soldier's needs to emulate Chow Yun-Fat.

  • chiasaur11chiasaur11 Never doubt a raccoon. Registered User regular
    Sticks wrote: »
    I still want two laser (or better yet, plasma) pistols.

    Screw that rifle BS.

    Just gonna charge into action. Pretend running in slow motion. Firing indiscriminately at anything that moves while doing my best action movie impersonation.

    I'll need someone to help by setting off well timed explosions with grenades in the background.

    Okay, this kind of attitude? It is not going to get you to Mars.

    2MyOx.png
  • KainyKainy Registered User regular
    chiasaur11 wrote: »
    Sticks wrote: »
    I still want two laser (or better yet, plasma) pistols.

    Screw that rifle BS.

    Just gonna charge into action. Pretend running in slow motion. Firing indiscriminately at anything that moves while doing my best action movie impersonation.

    I'll need someone to help by setting off well timed explosions with grenades in the background.

    Okay, this kind of attitude? It is not going to get you to Mars.

    He's joining as part of contact team Terra, whose job it is to die in the field long enough to let Ultima and Ratio send the best and brightest to mars.

    Unless this soldier somehow gets 100+ in every stat, I doubt he was ever going there

    So what I'm saying is, live the dream, Sticks

    IcyLiquid wrote: »
    There's anti-fuckery code in there now :) Sorry :)
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    chiasaur11 wrote: »
    Sticks wrote: »
    I still want two laser (or better yet, plasma) pistols.

    Screw that rifle BS.

    Just gonna charge into action. Pretend running in slow motion. Firing indiscriminately at anything that moves while doing my best action movie impersonation.

    I'll need someone to help by setting off well timed explosions with grenades in the background.

    Okay, this kind of attitude? It is not going to get you to Mars.

    MURDERBOT HAS A SMALL COMPARTMENT THAT CAN BE RETROFITTED TO CARRY SULLEN ASHES.

    Steam name: munkus_beaver
    Blizzard thing: munkus#1952
    Nintendo ID (3DS thinger): munkusbeaver
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  • msuitepyonmsuitepyon Registered User regular
    chiasaur11 wrote: »
    Sticks wrote: »
    I still want two laser (or better yet, plasma) pistols.

    Screw that rifle BS.

    Just gonna charge into action. Pretend running in slow motion. Firing indiscriminately at anything that moves while doing my best action movie impersonation.

    I'll need someone to help by setting off well timed explosions with grenades in the background.

    Okay, this kind of attitude? It is not going to get you to Mars.

    MURDERBOT HAS A SMALL COMPARTMENT THAT CAN BE RETROFITTED TO CARRY SULLEN ASHES.

    I think Rank was going to cram that with blow.

  • SticksSticks Registered User regular
    edited August 2012
    chiasaur11 wrote: »
    Sticks wrote: »
    I still want two laser (or better yet, plasma) pistols.

    Screw that rifle BS.

    Just gonna charge into action. Pretend running in slow motion. Firing indiscriminately at anything that moves while doing my best action movie impersonation.

    I'll need someone to help by setting off well timed explosions with grenades in the background.

    Okay, this kind of attitude? It is not going to get you to Mars.

    But...but... I was gonna play "Holding out for a Hero" in the background.

    How could I not be a good choice for Mars?

    Sticks on
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    msuitepyon wrote: »
    chiasaur11 wrote: »
    Sticks wrote: »
    I still want two laser (or better yet, plasma) pistols.

    Screw that rifle BS.

    Just gonna charge into action. Pretend running in slow motion. Firing indiscriminately at anything that moves while doing my best action movie impersonation.

    I'll need someone to help by setting off well timed explosions with grenades in the background.

    Okay, this kind of attitude? It is not going to get you to Mars.

    MURDERBOT HAS A SMALL COMPARTMENT THAT CAN BE RETROFITTED TO CARRY SULLEN ASHES.

    I think Rank was going to cram that with blow.
    No, Rank's already requested his blow be brought up in Murderbot's large compartment. And the ship's main hold. And that two of the backup air tanks be filled with his... what was it called again... "Happy gas"? Anyway it's some sort of aerosol crack mixed with viagra and three or four other chemical compounds that we're still not sure exactly what they do. It also smells like fried chicken, and fear.

    Apparently, Rank's not planning on staying around long up there, assuming his current rate of increase in consumption stays somewhat steady, that'll only last him a day, maybe a day and a half. Coincidentally, that's approximately 14 hours longer then the ammunition is expected to hold out once hostile contact is made.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
  • BYToadyBYToady Registered User regular
    We all know Rank is just going to pull a Space Station 13 and beat all the aliens to death with an air tank in one hand and a toolbox in the other.

    Battletag BYToady#1454
  • ElderlycrawfishElderlycrawfish Registered User regular
    Sticks wrote: »
    chiasaur11 wrote: »
    Sticks wrote: »
    I still want two laser (or better yet, plasma) pistols.

    Screw that rifle BS.

    Just gonna charge into action. Pretend running in slow motion. Firing indiscriminately at anything that moves while doing my best action movie impersonation.

    I'll need someone to help by setting off well timed explosions with grenades in the background.

    Okay, this kind of attitude? It is not going to get you to Mars.

    But...but... I was gonna play "Holding out for a Hero" in the background.

    How could I not be a good choice for Mars?

    Because you didn't opt to play Mars, the Bringer of War by Gustav Holst.

    You could have even been singing along while you were prepping/landing!

    PSN/Steam - Elderlycrawfish
  • Ion2AtomIon2Atom Registered User
    !confirm

    Sorry for the late report sir. I was trying to get some of me fellow potential recruits drunk. Hopefully they'll be too wasted to report in so I can steal their place in line.

    That and the "We're all going to die! ... Might was well drink" set in.

  • KainyKainy Registered User regular
    edited August 2012
    In honor of my callup, I have begun rereading this LP from the beginning. And holy shit it is still awesome.

    I will take vengeance for the fallen.

    Edit: 52 pages in to thread 2! I have spent ALL my time on this and it's great!

    Kainy on
    IcyLiquid wrote: »
    There's anti-fuckery code in there now :) Sorry :)
  • FishmanFishman I find your lack of Hail Hydra! disturbingRegistered User regular
    edited August 2012
    Happenstance Base

    Pilots
    Lt. BlitzAce1981 (Interceptor-5) [Plasma Beam]

    Soldiers - Contact Team Terra
    Pvt. Decomposey
    Pvt. Sticks
    Pvt. ASimPerson
    Pvt. Flay
    Pvt. Supraluminal
    Pvt. Hobnail
    Pvt. see317
    Pvt. GrimmyTOA
    Pvt. El Guaco
    Pvt. Imperfect
    Pvt. Kainy
    Pvt. Hullis
    Pvt. Nova_C
    Pvt. Rainfall

    (Reserves)
    Pvt. ForceVoid
    Pvt. big l
    Pvt. YerMum
    Pvt. Rius
    Pvt. APODionysus
    Pvt. Ion2Atom


    Antimatter-class Laser Tank

    Fishman on
    X-Com LP Thread I, II, III, IV, V
    That's unbelievably cool. Your new name is cool guy. Let's have sex.
  • FishmanFishman I find your lack of Hail Hydra! disturbingRegistered User regular
    edited August 2012
    Welcome to X-Com.

    We apologise for the secretive nature of this assignment, but as you'll soon discover, some things are better left unknown. Hopefully, for you this will be yet another long deployment where you sit around doing nothing for long periods of time and never see action. I know that's what I'm hoping for.

    Due to the risk involved in this project, we can't reveal much about the nature of the work you will do here. However, you will be assigned equipment on the cutting edge of technological achievement; weapons and armours unlike any found elsewhere on Earth. You may choose between the proven reliable Laser Rifle, or the newly researched Plasma Rifle.

    UFO%20Defense%202012-08-14%2009-03-22-02.png

    Did I say the Laser Rifle proven reliable? Obviously, that's just testing. X-Com has no other deployments and no record of combat engagements. And no scientific research team, either. This is all third-party industro-military complex prototypes, based on known scientific principles. X-Com is everything you see here. And by 'here', I mean only those things you have clearance to see. Don't try and enter the door marked 'Hyperwave Decoder'. The... uh... the high radiation levels will probably kill you.

    Why is the Interceptor designated Interceptor-5? And the transport Skyranger-3? Uh... It's standard military counter-intelligence protocol, to throw off possible espionage and intelligence agents. Did you know General Patton was put in charge of a fictitious army before the Normandy landings, stationed at Dover and told to drive around looking at the coast of Calais? Same theory.

    So, if there's no further questions, I will take you on the tour of all areas of the base that you have the clearance to visit.

    Fishman on
    X-Com LP Thread I, II, III, IV, V
    That's unbelievably cool. Your new name is cool guy. Let's have sex.
  • KarlKarl Registered User regular
    Fishman wrote: »
    Happenstance Base

    Pilots
    Lt. BlitzAce1981 (Interceptor-5) [Plasma Beam]

    Soldiers - Contact Team Terra
    Pvt. Decomposey
    Pvt. Sticks
    Pvt. ASimPerson
    Pvt. Flay
    Pvt. Supraluminal
    Pvt. Hobnail
    Pvt. see317
    Pvt. GrimmyTOA
    Pvt. El Guaco
    Pvt. Imperfect
    Pvt. Kainy
    Pvt. Hullis
    Pvt. Nova_C
    Pvt. Rainfall

    (Reserves)
    Pvt. ForceVoid
    Pvt. big l
    Pvt. YerMum
    Pvt. Rius
    Pvt. APODionysus
    Pvt. Ion2Atom


    Antimatter-class Laser Tank

    This is going to be......messy

    Spoiler:
  • ASimPersonASimPerson And they will tremble again at the sound of our silence!Registered User regular
    Sir, Director Fishman, sir! Here is my request form, sir!

    Primary Weapon: Plasma Rifle

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  • chiasaur11chiasaur11 Never doubt a raccoon. Registered User regular
    So, those are the soldiers defending Earth?

    I had a speech prepared for this. Well, two, but one was written during, well, a dark time, sir, if I'm being honest. The language makes "Son of Sam" and "The Big Lebowski" look like Disney movies.

    The other is a little more inspiring and somewhat less likely to end in suicide. Think that one's a better choice.

    Ahem.
    So, you heard the call. You few, you happy band of brothers, you're X-Com now. If we live, if the world lives, you will be legends. The final line against the dark, heroes among heroes. You'll never have to pay for a drink again. Every man alive would give his right nut to be in your place. Veterans benefits should be astronomical, and you'll never want for anything. No-one in his right mind would doubt your happiness.

    You will not be in your right mind, and you will know despair. Your victories turned to ash in your mouths, food will have no flavor, and the only happiness to come is the sweet release of death.

    Why?

    Well, some of the reasons I can't tell you. But the biggest one, I can.

    There is an assignment coming. A major operation, calling for the best and brightest we have to offer. Every man and woman selected will be tested, proven, forged in fire you can scarcely imagine, and even knowing their names will kill you inside, because you weren't one of them.

    Because you had a chance, and you failed.

    You heard correctly. We are monitoring this "X-Com" project for experts. The best and the brightest. We have our team, handpicked and tested. But if you're good enough, if you're daring and brilliant and astoundingly lucky, you can join them. The be-all-you-can-be crap you've been fed since you were a civilian would finally be true. No human being alive could be more than what we will demand from this team.

    This is not just an assignment. This is a test and a forge. Glory to the soldier who is worthy. Death, dishonor, and worse to the rest.

    Good luck.

    Again, do NOT ask for the other speech.

    2MyOx.png
  • Indie WinterIndie Winter Nattravnen Registered User regular
    guys we are having a pre-mission boozer right

    I mean if we're going to die on another planet we might as well do it with a hangover

    ShhxB.gif
  • KarlKarl Registered User regular
    guys we are having a pre-mission boozer right

    I mean if we're going to die on another planet we might as well do it with a hangover

    Too bloody right we will.

    I'll bring all my scotch.

    Yes thats right. ALL OF IT.

    Spoiler:
  • chiasaur11chiasaur11 Never doubt a raccoon. Registered User regular
    Mind if I join in?

    It's been a while since my last pre-suicide mission drunk, and we didn't have anything decent back then. Just seaweed moonshine.

    2MyOx.png
  • KarlKarl Registered User regular
    Everyone is invited.

    I'll bring cigars as well.

    Spoiler:
  • DecomposeyDecomposey Registered User regular
    Right... so... the higher ups are lying to us already. This bodes well!

    Before following any advice, opinions, or thoughts I may have expressed in the above post, I feel I should warn you: I found Keven Costners "Waterworld" to be a very entertaining film.
  • SticksSticks Registered User regular
    Well, I'm new to this whole shindig, but one thing I know for certain. Well, two things.

    First, plasma sounds way cooler than laser.

    Second, when dealing with inexperienced recruits, there might be a little ah...friendly fire. So it's safest if the biggest weapons are in my hands

    ...safest for me I mean.

    Requesting a plasma rifle, sir

  • KainyKainy Registered User regular
    Due to its ammoless nature, and Terra's role as a cheap bandage/delaying tactic, I'll request a Laser Rifle, Director. I've got a good feeling about it.

    IcyLiquid wrote: »
    There's anti-fuckery code in there now :) Sorry :)
  • DecomposeyDecomposey Registered User regular
    Personally I think I should stick with a laser rifle until I know I can hit the broad side of a barn.

    Before following any advice, opinions, or thoughts I may have expressed in the above post, I feel I should warn you: I found Keven Costners "Waterworld" to be a very entertaining film.
  • RainfallRainfall Don't lose your WAAAAAAAYRegistered User regular
    I'll take a brand new Plasma Rifle, sir! After all, the military-industrial complex doesn't make messes with known scientific principles, and it looks a hell of a lot more powerful than that old-school laser rifle!

    I can't wait to kick some ass out in the field! Hoorah!

  • HobnailHobnail Registered User regular
    Gun that shoots lasers.....gun that shoots plasma....lasers...plasma....

    Requesting a plasma rifle sir!

  • TofystedethTofystedeth veni, veneri, vamoosi Registered User regular
    Fishman wrote: »

    Why is the Interceptor designated Interceptor-5? And the transport Skyranger-3? Uh... It's standard military counter-intelligence protocol, to throw off possible espionage and intelligence agents. Did you know General Patton was put in charge of a fictitious army before the Normandy landings, stationed at Dover and told to drive around looking at the coast of Calais? Same theory.

    They even had rubber ships in the harbor. It's one of coolest spy stories ever.

    steam_sig.png
  • ImperfectImperfect Registered User regular
    Uh, I'll take whichever weapon is more "spray and pray". I've always been a big fan of accuracy by quantity, you know?

    Co-incidentally, that's also how I do my drinking! I will definitely join in the binge, and in fact, I happen to have a small bottle of... something anyway. The guy I bought it off of said it would "wreck my skull", so I guess it's alcoholic?

  • SupraluminalSupraluminal Registered User regular
    The plasma rifle sounds more unstable and dangerous to myself and our team as well as our enemies, so it's really a no-brainer!

    Request a plasma rifle, sir!

  • RiusRius Registered User regular
    Sir! I have played my fair share of video games and I know without a doubt that lasers are precise weapons that fire millimeter-thin beams of light, meant for skilled marksmen. Plasma weapons just fire great big gobs of burning 4th-dimensional ooze that explodes on contact and burns through just about anything. Only a scrublord would stoop to using a plasma-based weapon.

    ...

    Plasma Rifle, please :winky:

This discussion has been closed.