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[PARANOIA] The Source Of All Things Good And Right In Alpha Complex

AriviaArivia Registered User
edited February 2011 in Critical Failures
Greetings, citizen!

Uh, hi. What is this?

You have been selected to become a Troubleshooter, citizen!

Wh-what's that?

You are one of the chosen few who are ch-ch-chosen to defend Alpha Complex against traitors, spies, and especially the evil Commies!

But I don't want to do that! I like my life, cleaning algae vats and eating Hot Fun three times a day!

Did you just disagree with the mighty Computer, citizen? You are only INFRARED, that is a treasonous act.

No! No! I'm not a traitor, I swear! What...what do I do?

Here, citizen!

A box extends from the wall, containing fourteen geometrically-shaped twenty-sided spherical objects

Pick those spheres up, roll them in your hands, citizen, and drop them back in the box.

Okay.

You do so.

Excellent, citizen! Your new skills and identity, service firm assignment, and Mandatory Bonus Duty have been uploaded to your ME Card, the common identification for all Alpha Complex citizens! Tell me, what is your name?

Uh...Elvis-Elvis-Elvis-4.

ERROR. Citizen names must follow this pattern: given name-clearance initial-birth sector-clone number. Elvis is NOT an acceptable clearance initial. As you are now RED as you are a Troubleshooter, you are now Elvis-R-Elvis-4.

Alright. Okay.

Another drawer extends from the wall, containing a red jumpsuit and reflective armor, personal data computer, and laser pistol.

Please put on your Troubleshooter uniform and weapon, Elvis-R.

Here? But there's 40 other people here! Getting naked in public is treasonous, you know!

Please put on your Troubleshooter uniform and weapon, Elvis-R.

*sigh*

You do so.

Now, as a troubleshooter, you find trouble and you shoot it! Isn't this fun? Specifically, you find mutants, commies, traitors, members of Dead Leopard, rogue servbots wielding cotton candy dispensers and any other menace to the citizens of Alpha Complex!

Great.

Troubleshooters serve in squads. If one of your fellow troubleshooters turns out to be a traitor, a mutant, or a member of a secret society, you must report them to the Computer immediately! Understood?

Yes.

*kzzt*

"Hey Elvis, this is your bassist from Dead Leopard - we're thinking of hitting up the algae dispensers tonight, putting in some sweet drugs-"

*kzzt*

What was that?

N-nothing.

Are you a traitor, Elvis-Elvis-Elvis-4?

No.

Good. Stay that way, lest there be consequences. Like being executed.

Yes Computer!

Now, citizen. Are you familiar with the differences between treason and insubordination?

Yes.

List them.

Okay.
Spoiler:

Excellent, citizen. But you forgot one important insubordination - responding to me without ending your sentence with "Yes, Computer." Luckily for you that is not treason and therefore I am only fining you one thousand credits.

But that's a month's wages!

That will be another thousand credits.

Yes, Computer.

Good little Troubleshooter!

Can I go and get my assignment now?

Yes.

Thank you, Computer.

Oh, Elvis? *happy whistle*

Yes?

I heard your radio transmission.

ZAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!

New clone for Elvis-R-Elvis 5 will arrive within ten minutes.


250px-FCeye.gif

Welcome to PARANOIA.
Spoiler:

Arivia on
huntresssig.jpg
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Posts

  • MatevMatev Hugs? Hugs are for nerdsRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Serve the Computer, the Computer is your friend

    Totally rolling in a couple minutes. =D

    EDIT-EDIT:

    This clone's name is Aye-R-DUM-1

    DICE!

    14,17,8,17,1,9,7,8,4,14,3,19,9,7

    "Go down, kick ass, and set yourselves up as gods, that's our Prime Directive!"
    Spoiler:
  • ElldrenElldren 3067-6294-6208Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Okies!
    Spoiler:

    July-R-October-1

  • Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot P'burg, MTRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    John-R-Kane-1 reporting for duty, Computer.
    Spoiler:

    Spoiler:
  • Silas BrownSilas Brown Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Roll for Mori-R-Tea-1

    14d20=149

    CmgpQ.jpg
  • PhyphorPhyphor Building Planet Busters Tasting FruitRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
  • Sir FabulousSir Fabulous Malevolent Squid God Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    My name is Gilgamesh-R-Babylon-1 and I'm very happy that this thread has started.



    Rolls: 20, 11, 12, 10, 5, 18, 4, 5, 10, 20, 6, 13, 18, 4

  • samurai6966samurai6966 Registered User
    edited January 2011
    5, 2, 17, 15, 15, 13, 13, 17, 9, 16, 6, 17, 17, 10

    My name shall be Rikki-Tikki-Tavi!

    Echo wrote: »
    Yeah, some times I just want to get my farm in shape without being bothered by green explosive dildos.
  • webguy20webguy20 Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Steam ID: Webguy20
    Origin ID: Discgolfer27
  • FaranguFarangu I am a beardy man With a beardy planRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    What is this I don't even

    What the hell

    Patt-R-Son 1

    14d20 = 5, 4, 5, 16, 11, 7, 20, 12, 8, 8, 17, 5, 1, 6

    farangu.png

    Come join my Let's Play of Total War: Rome II! Boss around some Gauls!
  • El SkidEl Skid The frozen white northRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    mrpaku wrote: »
    my name is precisionk and i'm ten tanks

    wrath God fear traitor evil
  • AriviaArivia Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Friend Computer will take the first SEVEN applicants to become Troubleshooters! However, everyone's details are being kept in circular, rotating file and PDP-20 tape for future consultation. The Computer would like to promise you that your application will not be rerouted to fuel for the fusion reactors under Alpha Complex, nor will it be reprocessed into tonight's "Chunky Beef-Like Special."

    huntresssig.jpg
  • PhyphorPhyphor Building Planet Busters Tasting FruitRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Friend Computer is the best computer

  • The EnderThe Ender Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Oh, Paranoia. After all these years...


    Antag-R-Nist-1

    14d20 → [7,17,10,6,2,12,16,18,15,15,13,2,6,1] = (140)

    TOG Solid wrote:
    If that guy wasn't white he would have gotten popped by so many tasers simultaneously that Marvel could use that as the new origin for Electro.
  • AriviaArivia Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Matev wrote: »
    Serve the Computer, the Computer is your friend

    Totally rolling in a couple minutes. =D

    EDIT-EDIT:

    This clone's name is Aye-R-DUM-1

    DICE!

    14,17,8,17,1,9,7,8,4,14,3,19,9,7

    Aye-R-DUM, you have a Management of 14, a Stealth of 17, and a Violence of 8. You have a Mandatory specialty in Energy Weapons at 12.

    You have a Hardware of 17, a Software of 1, and a Wetware of 9.

    huntresssig.jpg
  • AriviaArivia Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Elldren wrote: »
    Okies!
    Spoiler:

    July-R-October-1

    July-R-OCTOBER, you have a Management of 3, a Stealth of 2, and a Violence of 10. You have a Mandatory specialization in Energy Weapons for 14.

    You have a Software of 1, a Hardware of 1, and a Wetware of 4.

    huntresssig.jpg
  • AriviaArivia Registered User
    edited January 2011
    John-R-Kane-1 reporting for duty, Computer.
    Spoiler:

    John-R-KANE, you have a Management of 14, a Stealth of 16, and a Violence of 5. You have a Mandatory specialization in Energy Weapons at 9.

    You have a Hardware of 16, a Software of 12, and a Wetware of 7.

    huntresssig.jpg
  • ElldrenElldren 3067-6294-6208Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    hooray I am useless

  • AriviaArivia Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Roll for Mori-R-Tea-1

    14d20=149

    Mori-R-TEA, you have a Management of 10, a Stealth of 15, and a Violence of 20. You have a Mandatory specialization in Energy Weapons at 24.

    You have a Hardware of 1, a Software of 2, and a Wetware of 9.

    Note that further failures to post the dice involved in rolls to the thread will be met with extreme prejudice. Have a nice day!

    huntresssig.jpg
  • MatevMatev Hugs? Hugs are for nerdsRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Elldren wrote: »
    hooray I am useless

    Citizen, the Computer has deemed you fit for duty! Are you doubting the Computer's judgement?

    ((Also, you're Energy Weapons 14, which isn't too bad))

    "Go down, kick ass, and set yourselves up as gods, that's our Prime Directive!"
    Spoiler:
  • AriviaArivia Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Phyphor wrote: »

    Puns-R-FUN, you have a Management of 7, a Stealth of 10, and a Violence of 1. You have a Mandatory specialization in Energy Weapons at 5.

    You have a Hardware of 18, a Software of 10, and a Wetware of 2.

    huntresssig.jpg
  • ElldrenElldren 3067-6294-6208Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Matev wrote: »
    Elldren wrote: »
    hooray I am useless

    Citizen, the Computer has deemed you fit for duty! Are you doubting the Computer's judgement?

    ((Also, you're Energy Weapons 14, which isn't too bad))

    Of course not. Friend Computer's judgement is absolute.

  • AriviaArivia Registered User
    edited January 2011
    My name is Gilgamesh-R-Babylon-1 and I'm very happy that this thread has started.



    Rolls: 20, 11, 12, 10, 5, 18, 4, 5, 10, 20, 6, 13, 18, 4

    Gilgamesh-R-BABYLON, you have a Management of 20, a Stealth of 11, and a Violence of 12. You have a Mandatory specialization in Energy Weapons at 16.

    You have a Hardware of 10, a Software of 5, and a Wetware of 18.

    huntresssig.jpg
  • AriviaArivia Registered User
    edited January 2011
    5, 2, 17, 15, 15, 13, 13, 17, 9, 16, 6, 17, 17, 10

    My name shall be Rikki-Tikki-Tavi!

    Rikki-Tikki-TAVI, you have a Management of 5, a Stealth of 2, and a Violence of 17. You have a Mandatory specialization in Energy Weapons at 21.

    You have a Hardware of 15, a Software of 15, and a Wetware of 13.

    huntresssig.jpg
  • Sir FabulousSir Fabulous Malevolent Squid God Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Yay! I'm so Managemantationable! Thank you friend computer.

  • samurai6966samurai6966 Registered User
    edited January 2011
    KILL EVERYTHING!!!

    Echo wrote: »
    Yeah, some times I just want to get my farm in shape without being bothered by green explosive dildos.
  • MatevMatev Hugs? Hugs are for nerdsRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Now, now Citizen Rikki, we only need to kill perfidious commie mutant traitors.

    "Go down, kick ass, and set yourselves up as gods, that's our Prime Directive!"
    Spoiler:
  • AriviaArivia Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Alpha Complex trembles. A Machine Empath is among us.

    huntresssig.jpg
  • PhyphorPhyphor Building Planet Busters Tasting FruitRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Maybe violence isn't the answer? I'm not so good with the shooting or the stabbing

  • Sir FabulousSir Fabulous Malevolent Squid God Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I agree. We should try to Manage this problem.

  • MatevMatev Hugs? Hugs are for nerdsRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Arivia wrote: »
    Alpha Complex trembles. A Machine Empath is among us.

    Insidious! We shall have to root out this traitor posthaste...! *slips off to munch algae chips and drink B3*

    "Go down, kick ass, and set yourselves up as gods, that's our Prime Directive!"
    Spoiler:
  • skarsolskarsol Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    why are you smelling it?
  • CarnarvonCarnarvon Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Paranoia games a rare, but them filling up within an hour isn't. I guess I'll just hope that Glorious Friend Computer is more bloodthirsty than normal.

    [3,5,5,1,3,5,5,1,4,2,1,4,3,2] = (44)

  • MatevMatev Hugs? Hugs are for nerdsRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I don' t think it's anymore possible to be excited for this game than I am now :):):)

    "Go down, kick ass, and set yourselves up as gods, that's our Prime Directive!"
    Spoiler:
  • Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot P'burg, MTRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I agree. We should try to Manage this problem.

    Of course! Let's schedule a meeting to discuss possible plans.

    Spoiler:
  • ElldrenElldren 3067-6294-6208Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Aren't we troubleshooters?

  • AriviaArivia Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Friend Computer has sent each and every lucky active Troubleshooter a very special private message!

    Your mission will begin very soon.

    huntresssig.jpg
  • Sir FabulousSir Fabulous Malevolent Squid God Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Hurrah! I can't wait to get this started!

  • AriviaArivia Registered User
    edited January 2011
    As the transtube to sector Theta-7-NRG slows and shudders to a halt, you sigh, leaving your old life as an INFRARED citizen behind. You think of the wonders ahead - danger! adventure! fun that did not come from a tube! a smutty holoreel that's not entirely stuck together, or maybe, just maybe, a real RED apple.

    You step off the dingy once-chromed stepladder and onto the sector platform. As the transtube pulls away, you sigh again, inhaling deeply and closing your eyes, smelling Hot Fun and Approved Cleaning Supply Variety 3 Antiseptic. This, you think - this is where my life really begins. One day they'll teach all the children in creche about the mighty Troubleshooter who shot all the Commies and saved the day every time - starting here, right now.

    You open your eyes again, seeing six more scruffy new Troubleshooters around you, all dressed in ill-fitting RED reflective armor, holding barrel-less laser pistols. Your teammates. You look around the small, dirty platform - the walls coated in old propaganda posters from Human Resources and PLC now faded, but there's a rather fetching holograph of Teela-O-MLY down near the end. No one else stands on the platform with you. You shiver, as a gust of cooled reprocessed once-air runs down the transtunnel, hinting at some tube off in the distance.

    "Greetings new Troubleshooters!" A vidscreen in the middle of the platform flashes to life, the monitor filled with the familiar eye of the Computer, darting from side to side like that time Goth-R-XED took too much Hot Fun for dessert and couldn't swallow his SleepTime (R). "Please proceed to exit the station to find your orders."

    You look at the two exits from the platform - one tunnel painted a bright GREEN, the other RED but filled with metal crates. A length of tape is stretched across the crates. It says: "ENTRANCE IS FORBIDDEN TO ORANGE AND BELOW BY ORDER OF INTERNAL SECURITY. TRESPASSING IS TREASON."

    You look at the tape, then look at your new friends. You shrug.

    Just another day in Alpha Complex.

    What do you do?
    Spoiler:

    huntresssig.jpg
  • MatevMatev Hugs? Hugs are for nerdsRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Aye-R looks at his team mates, then shrugs nonchalantly.

    "So, we're obviously not GREEN clearance...." He starts headed towards the RED tunnel, stopping short of the helpful barrier put into place by everyone's friends at Internal Security.

    "Go down, kick ass, and set yourselves up as gods, that's our Prime Directive!"
    Spoiler:
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