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Social Entropy++: AWESOME POST in "Oh dear god my [i let dogs piss on my neck] girlfriend is so

Mortal SkyMortal Sky FONOTUNEElectric FairytaleRegistered User regular
edited January 2011 in [2008-2012] Awesome Posts?
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Read the whole thing. Don't skip a word. Don't TL;DR.Trust me.
Post: Oh dear god my girlfriend is so loud
Forum: Social Entropy++
Assigned Moderators: WhipstitchZombie, Larlar, Bogey, Knob, potatoe, Orikaeshigitae

Posted by: Cheezy
Original Content:
yeah so I was living with two girls and three other guys around 2002. these guys were all best friends from childhood. one of the guys, let's call him dave, would use the commons computer all the time that he wasn't at work. neither he nor I had another computer, so basically any time I got to use it was when he was working or asleep. Now, dave was not the most technically literate fellow, so he never deleted his history, his cookies, or any of that sort of stuff, so i constantly had to logout of his shit. this guy was nuts for email though. he had email accounts from every site that would let him. guy didn't even care if that shit was in french, he'd find a way to get an account. I was pretty sure he was schizophrenic. he walked around randomly naked and was the kind of catholic that literally supported new crusades.

so anyway, dave had been "together" with sophie, one of the girls in the house for a long time, basically as long as I can remember. so one day dave gets off the computer to go to work in a hurry and I get on. i see that he once again left his shit open. i start to close it when i catch an email to dave from one of his friends. I normally try to just close it, but the subject line was "had a fun time last nite, never tried anal :)"

now sophie and I were never really close but this really bothered me since she and dave had been serious for quite a while. I decide to fuck with him by using one of those internet filters before adblock that allowed you to replace images with whitespace and redirect URLs to other sites. I decide to redirect that particular email account to a "big brother is watching you cheat." he confronts me, being the most technically saavy, and he tells me jovially to remove the block. i told him to stop cheating on sophie. he starts joking around, about how it doesn't matter 'cause they have an open relationship.

now while I wasn't close to sophie except as a fixture of our group, I knew enough about her to know she was monogamous as shit, though, so I tell him that I don't buy it and if he wouldn't stop, I was going to tell sophie about it. this is where I find out that he's both schizophrenic and a sociopath. all the kidding around drops and he just gives me the most demonic look I have ever experienced in my life. now dave is quite a bit bigger than me, i mean he was at least twice my size. so I had the coldest look on a guy who could absolute destroy me and then he says that if I told sophie, the group would break up, and he'd all make damn sure it was my fault to them.

so i ask people online what I should do, some said "it's none of your business" and others said "fuck him, tell her." I went with the latter group and told sophie. she confronts him, he denies it, she goes ballistic when she knows I wouldn't lie about this kind of shit. she decides to leave him there and then, and the group drops him immediately. we've all told him to leave the house, but he decides that since he is on the lease, he can stick around. we realize we can't do anything about it, so he does, with everyone ignoring his existence for the remainder of the lease, which was like four months. after that, he leaves, and everyone forgets his existence.

a few months later we hear that he bolted and eloped to canada (so he could live under a king!) with his new wife

the kicker, though?
Spoiler:

Mortal Sky on
Kochikens wrote: »
oh man I saw an otter with a boner at the seattle one and this kid asked his dad, IS HE EATING A HOT DOG
and I laughed forever
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