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"just a behavior" with his brother. He had the opportunity to restrain himself and he didn't. He hit his wife. That he's 'still getting to know.'
Wait, was this an arranged marriage? Or some sort of Mormon thing? I think I saw this on TV once.
Nobody here is saying this is okay. But it is understandable, even when we don't condone it. We all do a million little unconscious things every day that have been drilled into us over the years from social interaction. Sometimes it's imperceptible, but sometimes it's reacting more strongly and violently than a situation calls for.
The goal is to recognize these behaviors when they happen, and work to counteract them when they're socially unacceptable, like hitting a person when they do something you don't like.
Queue up every, "Should I ask this girl out" post ever?
I think this is pretty solid advice. The fact that he wasn't enraged, having visions of her blood spilling out on the tile, sounds like he isn't quite the angry and violent guy who needs anti-psychotics that some of the posters want to make him to be.
For future reference, the "Get Ahold of Yourself!" slap only ever works in movie land. If you slap or punch a man or woman who is genuinely hysterical you only make them more so.
# paweaboo Talk about the animu's with friendly people on SLASHnet.
First off,
So, I elbow checked my mom in the face a lot when she tried to tease me. This came from teh chicken flap maneuver all children learned and as I hit puberty, this became a hazard to her face. The instinct is still there and several employers have had to count their lucky stars that they weren't high enough to catch it in the face.
This habit was conditioned away, over a long period of time. People still catch a cold one now and then, but not as many people as there could be. I would advise you to wade through some large crowds and try and relax, not letting your mind go to the flight or fight state. Thats a good instict in the right situation but its good that you recognize you have a potential issue with it.
Second, find out how physical your wife is when it comes to horseplay. She's not going to give you an outright list of contact, maneuvers, and appropriate newtons that can be applied to each blow, but its a question to ask now and then. My first girlfriend was pretty solid and benched all throughout highschool (poor nutrition at a poor home environment can be offset by exercise) so her limits were pretty comparable to my own (probably more since she is a woman). Compare to my second flame, who, while the same build and weight, was didn't have as much muscle and wasn't as much for physical horseplay as the first.
People are different and you've probably learned her little habits, loves, memorized her cycle and got a stockpile of her comforts, but this is one of little things no one thinks to mention after the fact.
tl;dr
Too trigger happy? its cool, walk through crowds.
Find out how violent your wife likes to be for fun, better now than later.
http://www.fallout3nexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=16534
Beating one's wife is obviously an extremely vile act, but I don't think this counts. You hit her shoulder with an open hand without sufficient force to knock her over or push her back. It doesn't sound like you were trying to hurt her, only that you were unpleasantly surprised and wanted to bring her actions to a swift stop.
I do understand why you're concerned about stopping this from happening again. Ultimately all you can do is remember this event and use that memory to stop yourself from acting that way in the future. Don't feel guilty just remember and think "I don't want to do that again." Your wife can help by not stealthily rubbing stuff that you don't like into your knees.
These things happen.
I must also add that I grew up with an older brother and we constantly beat the hell out of each other. This would never be an acceptable excuse to use if I ever hit my wife. Seeing a therapist about this (together and individually) is a great idea. Get to the bottom of the issue and hopefully it won't happen again. If you do nothing but ask the internet if you are justified or not a horrible person, you'll probably hit her again.