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Best way to tell roomie to be more discreet about woman issues

DeusfauxDeusfaux Registered User regular
edited January 2011 in Help / Advice Forum
tampon wrappers on top of the garbage in plain sight is one thing - and really, even that's not necessary and probably too much information (push it down under other stuff or cover with a tissue or some tp, please)


BUT

visibly bloody items half assed wrapped in tp sitting out there in the open on the top of the garbage is so not acceptable.^

possibly worse are the "bits" left in the shower's drain catcher (meant to prevent hair from accumulating and clogging up the drain as has already occured once). fucking clean the catcher out after every shower ANYWAYS, but for god's sake do it when you're on your period



FYI: the garbage is just a little bin immediately next to the toilet. we could get one with a lid, but you'd still see stuff every time you put something in or were the one to take it out.

^personally I don't even like it when people have nosebleeds and leave visibly bloody tissues around. I don't need to know or see the stuff that comes out of your body


I'm 100% sure it's just ignorance and obliviousness - perhaps not enough experience living with others (she's 20? 21?)

but all the same, how do you raise this issue without embarrassing the hell out of both parties and making them want to kill themselves/move out immediately after?

MORE DISCRETION NEEDED

Deusfaux on
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Posts

  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle sometimes a boy just needs to get out of the house and meet some girls Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Just mention it one time in a calm rational way. Really only 2-3 sentences are needed.

    If you leave a note or something that's easy to perceive as passive aggressive even if your intention was to avoid embarrassment.

    This is how roommates are.

    edit: I'd say "Hey, not making a big deal or trying to embarrass you but can you please <however you want to word it>." with the reasoning being that you don't like the sight of any blood if you have to rationalize it. I don't either, so it's a valid thing. Menstruation really shouldn't be taboo because 51% of the population has experienced it and the other 49% know about it.

    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.
  • DoraBDoraB Registered User
    edited January 2011
    Just tell her. Seriously. It sounds like this is bothering you and whoever else is living with you WAY more than it should, so it should be worth the temporary embarrassment both you AND her will feel at the confrontation. If you don't feel like talking about it face to face, send and e-mail or leave her a letter. It doesn't have to be big and dramatic or more than thirty seconds of conversation. Just a simple, "Hey, this isn't a huge deal, but I've noticed that you tend to be a little careless/hurried when cleaning up after yourself sometimes. If you could make sure certain things are more carefully wrapped when you dispose of them and maybe give the shower drain a cursory rinse and glance when you're done, we would really appreciate it."

    It happens. The shower thing is kinda gross, but for the rest, get a bin with a lid. Yeah, as you say, you'd still "see stuff" when you put things inside it, it's still easier to tuck something inside one of those revolving lids without looking yourself.

  • admanbadmanb the bored genie Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    As Castle said, you need to be upfront and phrase it in a way that doesn't place the blame on her. It's probable she won't get why it bothers you (I don't) but if she wants to be a good roommate she'll accept a minor inconvenience for your comfort.

    The shower thing is a bit gross though.

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  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle sometimes a boy just needs to get out of the house and meet some girls Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    You may also then hand your roommate a beer and/or hot pocket and/or other tasty item they enjoy to show that you are a good roommate too.

    edit: meanwhile, we have a covered trash lid and it was a little full so I was trying to push one last thing in there. Suddenly it slipped and my hand plunged into something awful and slimy. Was just a yogurt container but grosssssssssss. Don't just put your hand in there!

    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.
  • IrukaIruka Registered User, Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    Tampon wrappers are sanitary. If you are living with a girl don't be a dick. Its colorful plastic, and a periods not a mark of shame. If just the wrappers bug you, thats on you.

    However, leaving bloody anything is not acceptable, and this should be discussed. Just be civil about it and not like "you're a gross girl who bleeds!!" You should be fine. If you want to soften it further ask if you are doing anything gross that she hasn't mentioned and you'll try to improve.

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  • EntriechEntriech Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Yeah, I would definitely approach this situation as seeking an accommodation for your preferences rather than expecting her to behave in a certain way. Not only is she more likely to agree and not take offense, your attitudes towards menstruation do not appear to fall under the majority. Tampon wrappers are not a big deal.

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  • admanbadmanb the bored genie Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    They're in an open trash can. They're not being left around.

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  • IrukaIruka Registered User, Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    I consider the shower drain "left around" and even amoung girls, exposed blood in a open trash can is considered kinda gross, and it will smell.

    Wrappers and stuff, though, thats ridiculous. Especially because pad wrappers are usually the best for rewraping a used one for odor, the plastic will contain it a bit. You have to get over the knowledge her period exists, or ask her to facilitate your obsessiveness.

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  • LadyMLadyM Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Get a trash can with a lid. Then stop worrying about it.

    Yes, bloody pads are gross and so are bloody tampons. But expecting her to dig little holes in the trash to hide "the evidence" is absurd. And seriously, worrying about tampon WRAPPERS?

    The shower thing is different. Discuss that with her.

    Incidentally, if your roomie starts using DivaCups she'll need a lot less pads. Maybe none. They are AWESOME.

  • DeusfauxDeusfaux Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Entriech wrote: »
    Yeah, I would definitely approach this situation as seeking an accommodation for your preferences .... Tampon wrappers are not a big deal.

    Well they aren't really why I made a thread, are they?

    Iruka wrote: »
    I consider the shower drain "left around" and even amoung girls,

    this is amoung girls.


    Iruka wrote: »
    You have to get over the knowledge her period exists,

    The difference is between knowing it exists (who cares?)

    and knowing when it's happening / for the duration of it / each and every time.

    One doesn't need that in their face, but it's been tolerated until things got markedly worse. (see above)



    Will look at other trash bin options.

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    and Operation Flashpoint: Red River code to trade/sell
    and Halo: Reach code
    and Portal 2 code
  • FellhandFellhand Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Sounds like you're making a big deal out of nothing. Either use some "clean" trash to push it down or just pt more trash on top. As for the shower thing, just use rubber gloves if you clean the drain.

  • DeusfauxDeusfaux Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    "nothing" would be the effort required to spare others you live with from unpleasantness you've caused.

    you know, like how we close the lid on the toilet (THE LID, not just the seat like every other home of people my age - why do people think toilets have a fucking lid ?)

    turn on the fan to mask bathroom noise

    turn on music to mask sex noise or porn videos

    go into a closed room or leave to have a heated argument


    it's politeness and discretion and how we like to live here.

    sharing a living space with someone does not necessitate sharing everything with them

    STEAM GIFTS 4 U: Nuclear Dawn (Steam gift)
    and Operation Flashpoint: Red River code to trade/sell
    and Halo: Reach code
    and Portal 2 code
  • EshEsh Sunshine! Kittens! Rainbows! Smiles! Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Just talk to her. It's as simple as that. Uncomfortable, but whatever. Obviously the blood is making you more uncomfortable than any conversation will.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."
  • DeusfauxDeusfaux Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    it literally JUST happened and she had/has a guest over. it's not something that's been stewed over. thought I might throw this up for some creative solutions or ideas or just solicit opinions on how to broach the subject

    it's not up to me to talk to her, but I personally never have a problem talking to anyone about anything.

    edit: I don't think it needs to be said, but yes she'll have it mentioned to her

    edit 2: via note written in blood on the bathroom wall

    STEAM GIFTS 4 U: Nuclear Dawn (Steam gift)
    and Operation Flashpoint: Red River code to trade/sell
    and Halo: Reach code
    and Portal 2 code
  • FellhandFellhand Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Being passive aggressive and obsessing over little things isn't polite. You probably have some habits or quirks that annoy your roommate too. Your options are to shrug it off or just ask her not to do those things.

  • EshEsh Sunshine! Kittens! Rainbows! Smiles! Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Deusfaux wrote: »
    it literally JUST happened and she had/has a guest over. it's not something that's been stewed over. thought I might throw this up for some creative solutions or ideas or just solicit opinions on how to broach the subject

    it's not up to me to talk to her, but I personally never have a problem talking to anyone about anything.

    Wait, before you made it sound like this was an ongoing thing. I'm confused. Is it that it's happened a few times and it just happened again now?

    If it's habitual, wait till the guest leaves and then just talk to her about it. Don't pussyfoot around it. It's not tough.

    If it's the first time? Get over it until it becomes a thing, then have a talk with her. Just be up front with her.

    EDIT: (In response to your edits)

    1. It does need to be said. Don't project your habits and wants/needs on others. That's the first step toward being a horrible roommate.

    2. Please don't do that.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."
  • UsagiUsagi WOMP WOMPRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    You can either 1) ask her politely to be a bit more meticulous during that time of the month or 2) shut the hell up and deal with it

    And fuck being creative, just be an adult and talk to her. For example: "Hi female roommate, the bloody tampon hanging out in the trash is kind of icky. And the bits in the shower drain are not cool. Could you take care of that please?"

    You heard it here first, folks.
    Putting your finger in someone's butthole.
    Basically the same as flowers.
  • IrukaIruka Registered User, Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    I think that the general point is that its a simple issue and you shouldnt have to be creative about broaching the issue. Also if this just started up, its not a huge deal. Its just different toleration of these conditions. It'll be a lot easier if you cut her some slack.

    Why is it "not up to you to talk to her"?

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  • EshEsh Sunshine! Kittens! Rainbows! Smiles! Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Iruka wrote: »
    I think that the general point is that its a simple issue and you shouldnt have to be creative about broaching the issue. Also if this just started up, its not a huge deal. Its just different toleration of these conditions. It'll be a lot easier if you cut her some slack.

    Why is it "not up to you to talk to her"?

    Because he feels like he shouldn't have to and she should just "know" what she's doing wrong.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."
  • DeusfauxDeusfaux Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Esh, your crystal ball fucking sucks. When you assume you make an ass out of yourself. Only yourself.

    Someone else is talking to her.

    STEAM GIFTS 4 U: Nuclear Dawn (Steam gift)
    and Operation Flashpoint: Red River code to trade/sell
    and Halo: Reach code
    and Portal 2 code
  • UsagiUsagi WOMP WOMPRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Is this mythical third party also a roommate, or are they acting as a facilitator because you didn't want to have the conversation?

    You heard it here first, folks.
    Putting your finger in someone's butthole.
    Basically the same as flowers.
  • DeusfauxDeusfaux Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Iruka wrote: »
    I think that the general point is that its a simple issue and you shouldnt have to be creative about broaching the issue.

    This assumes the problem girl also (in addition to her roommates) takes it to be a simple issue. A dialogue involves 2 people. If she has big hangups or is shocked out of obliviousness about what she's been doing it could have more serious effects on the relationships here. Just because it's not a big deal to US (you, I, most of the people here) doesn't mean we can go around treating it and talking about it like it's not a big deal to anyone.

    There are specifics in how one could or might approach a potentially sensitive topic. (tact, etc). But hardly anyone wanted to really get into that and instead just dump on the OP, as is all too often the case here.
    Usagi wrote: »
    Is this mythical third party also a roommate, or are they acting as a facilitator because you didn't want to have the conversation?

    There are multiple roommates. The one speaking to her thinks it is a problem. I already said I don't have a problem talking to anyone about anything.


    For the record: not looking for any more help or advice in the event you think I still am. It's dead in the water

    STEAM GIFTS 4 U: Nuclear Dawn (Steam gift)
    and Operation Flashpoint: Red River code to trade/sell
    and Halo: Reach code
    and Portal 2 code
  • EshEsh Sunshine! Kittens! Rainbows! Smiles! Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Deusfaux wrote: »
    Iruka wrote: »
    I think that the general point is that its a simple issue and you shouldnt have to be creative about broaching the issue.

    This assumes the girl also takes it to be a simple issue. A dialogue involves 2 people. If she has big hangups or is shocked out of obliviousness about what's been happening it could have more serious effects in the home dynamic.

    There are specifics in how one could or might approach a potentially sensitive topic. But hardly anyone wanted to really get into that and just dump on the OP, as is all too often the case here.

    We've already told you what you or this mysterious third party need to do. Try and not be so hostile when you want advice. You asked a simple question and you're getting a simple answer which for some reason doesn't seem to be what you want to hear. You're rather needlessly over complicating the situation.

    and...

    Deusfaux wrote:
    Esh, your crystal ball fucking sucks. When you assume you make an ass out of yourself. Only yourself.

    Someone else is talking to her.

    Deusfax wrote:
    "edit: I don't think it needs to be said, but yes she'll have it mentioned to her"


    I just repeated what you said. Calm down.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."
  • UsagiUsagi WOMP WOMPRegistered User regular
    edited January 2011
    You're awfully defensive about this

    I know you're not looking for more advice at the moment, but chilling out about the simple things is probably a good idea

    You heard it here first, folks.
    Putting your finger in someone's butthole.
    Basically the same as flowers.
  • DeusfauxDeusfaux Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    Esh wrote: »
    Deusfax wrote:
    "edit: I don't think it needs to be said, but yes she'll have it mentioned to her"[/I][/B]

    I just repeated what you said. Calm down.

    sorry, maybe you're off the hook here:

    I meant I dont think it needs to be made clear to the thread audience here,

    but that yes she'll be talked to IRL (so people stop giving that as their only "advice")


    edit: there's just the prevailing attitude here that if someone makes a thread about something, that person must believe it's a big deal, and they're too excited or too angry or too emotional or too this or that, and they're always told 90% of the problem is them for being too sensitive or upset or whatever.

    I'm like, dudes, this is one of 5 tabs I have open, in addition to Steam and winamp blasting music, and I'm making and eating a wrap and texting people on the phone and they're just words on the internet asking for the casual opinions of some people who are likely to respond very quickly. It means literally nothing in the grand scheme of things, yet people always take it upon themselves to remind the OP of HA threads of that, like they didn't already know.

    I wanted to see if people had a creative or skilled way of broaching the subject with her, that protects her dignity, saves everyone from embarrassment and yet still ensures the issue will be addressed.

    The best I got was "just talk to her".* Well, that's really descriptive and helpful. And of course the pile of personal criticism for having a problem that needs HA in the first place So, forget it, it's over. Words of our own careful choosing will be thought out.

    *actually that first reply suggesting to keep it real short is a good consideration. calm and rational and given, i think.

    STEAM GIFTS 4 U: Nuclear Dawn (Steam gift)
    and Operation Flashpoint: Red River code to trade/sell
    and Halo: Reach code
    and Portal 2 code
  • IrukaIruka Registered User, Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    I understand your point, but unless you're going to provide some information about said girl, I don't see why you wouldn't approach her as a reasonable person first. If she is particularly fragile, then I suppose you need to be creative, but I would still think a strait approach would gel the easiest? I don't really understand how its dumping on you to advise that.

    edit: You might be reading between the lines, I didn't really mean to imply that you were crazy? Generally being really cute about issues like this just makes it weird. I guess if you want some Shakespearian lines for it, I'm not really surprised people didn't assume that. I'm sorry that the thread isn't serving your interests, You can easily state we're going in the wrong direction, without much issue.

    You can modify a very small trash can top to have a sanitary drop hole, I guess, Is that the sort of solution you're looking for?

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  • DeusfauxDeusfaux Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    I LIKE that idea about the garbage can, and I'm sure if I spend 5 minutes looking into it, I'll find designs that would be a good improvement over our open air little bin.


    on her - I mean, if I knew more maybe I'd have more to share, as it stands she's too new and just a big question mark

    -But see it doesn't matter anyways because the surest bet is you treat someone the safest way possible. You can't go wrong with that. If she's very open and understanding and not overly sensitive, great, you didn't need to be so delicate! You hope for the best, but you prepare for the worst.

    STEAM GIFTS 4 U: Nuclear Dawn (Steam gift)
    and Operation Flashpoint: Red River code to trade/sell
    and Halo: Reach code
    and Portal 2 code
  • IrukaIruka Registered User, Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    I don't really understand what you're getting at. I don't know what scathing way one might phrase it, but "hey, it kinda squicks me out to see blood in the trash, could you try and wrap up your pads?" I cant imagine that would break anyone down.

    Sincerely apologize if I am being too unspecific, but I really dont see the point in trying to be less than strait forward.

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  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2011
    The only relevant advice here is to grow up. I pity your roommates.

    belruelotterav-1.jpg
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited January 2011
    The shower thing is fair enough just politely say that the shower at times can get a little out of hand and you would appreciate it if she could keep an eye on it after she uses it.

    But man, the second one? That is totally your problem and not hers. You need to get over that. You are complaining that there is rubbish in the rubbish bin. This is ridiculous. If the bin was never emptied and it became a temple of blood and pads that would be different, but it is not.

    You need to get over it or buy a bin with a lid yourself.

  • ceresceres Love is in the battlecry Nevada, USASuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited January 2011
    Deusfaux, you're being kind of a dick. I'm just as protective of my advice-givers as I am of advice-seekers, so I really suggest you clean up your fucking tone.

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    The avalanche has already started; it is too late for the pebbles to vote.
  • FyreWulffFyreWulff Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited January 2011
    Buy a small trashcan with a foot-lever that opens the lid.

This discussion has been closed.