Talking to a Shrink

Penguin_Otaku

So, for several reasons my bestfriend who I've dated for the past year and a half wants me to get help and talk to someone.

I don't want to. I'm not a big fan of talking to some stranger about my problems. It terrifies me for some reason, but I'm going to try it for her and mine own sake.

Do you guys have any experience with something similar? I don't really have anything to hide, I'm not worried about that. I just don't know how a stranger, who knows nothing about me, can sit there and figure me out from similar circumstances. That just seems... odd to me, I guess.

I've talked to a shrink when I was back in the 4th grade for issues with suicide (yup, fucked up right?) and I haven't really given it any thought since...

So any advice, encouragement, berating you guys have I'd love to hear it.

HK5

Therapy is great. They're not going "figure you out". They are just there to listen to what you have to say and be a sounding board for the things in your life that are weighing you down. They will listen and offer some advice or insight and it essentially just gives you something to think about and a way to move forward. It will take time (months at least) but patience is essential.

Without help, you stand still and hold your problems inside and let them stagnate. A good therapist just points out the path forward. You do all the walking yourself.

TychoCelchuuu

You seem to have odd hangups about talking to a psychiatrist, you should see a psychiatrist to see if they can help you sort that out.

In any case I'd say that if your best friend who you've been dating for a year and a half says it's a good idea, and your own compunctions are the sort of ones you've given us here, then yes, it's probably a good idea. We don't know you anywhere near as well as your best friend, so we have to either go with them and say "see a shrink" or go with you and say "you don't need to see one," but what you've told us only seems to me to make it more likely that it would be a good idea to talk to somebody.

Pirusu

Therapists don't really "figure you out." It'd be better to say they help you figure yourself out. It's often helpful to have a third party state your "issues" to you without otherwise knowing you. An unbiased perspective, if you will.

That being said, depending on what it is you want to get out of it, therapy can be (hard) work. While I would say that going to see a therapist would be a good idea, even if so you can see what you'd get out of it, it's only as good as to what you yourself put into it.

EWom

If you don't like the idea of talking to a shrink, you can always talk to a neurologist. They often help people deal with many of the same problems a psychiatrist does, but go at it in a completely different way.

That_Spoony_Bard

HK5 hit it on the head pretty well.

Also, don't be afraid to switch therapists if you feel like you can get with them. There are a lot of therapists out there who have different ways to practice. If you're a student, you can always start at your uni/community college counseling center for referrals.

There are also differences between psychiatrists, psychologists, and master level therapists. Unless you are suffering from some severe psychiatric illness, I'd probably stick with a psychologist or a therapist.

Re: neurologists. They're not suitable to provide psychotherapy. They may know some stuff about psychiatric illnesses, but their training and specialty isn't to deal with issues related to mental illnesses. That, and they are hard to get into and if you're not on an insurance plan, can cost $$$ for one appointment.

Demerdar

Just give it a shot. Be sure to shop around too. If you don't feel good about a shrink after the first meeting, look for somebody else.

Rayze

Pirusu wrote: »

Therapists don't really "figure you out." It'd be better to say they help you figure yourself out. It's often helpful to have a third party state your "issues" to you without otherwise knowing you. An unbiased perspective, if you will.

Exactly. It's nice to get an outside perspective and have someone help you identify your problems and work to fix them

It might take you a couple of tries to find the right therapist for you. I had a therapist I saw a few times and she was very quick to judge. I didn't care for that so I severed ties and found someone who was more willing to listen. You could find the one for you on the first try but don't get discouraged if it doesn't happen


And kudos for you for willing to go see someone. I'm sure your SO will appreciate it and I hope it works out for you

EWom

That_Spoony_Bard wrote: »

HK5 hit it on the head pretty well.

Also, don't be afraid to switch therapists if you feel like you can get with them. There are a lot of therapists out there who have different ways to practice. If you're a student, you can always start at your uni/community college counseling center for referrals.

There are also differences between psychiatrists, psychologists, and master level therapists. Unless you are suffering from some severe psychiatric illness, I'd probably stick with a psychologist or a therapist.

Re: neurologists. They're not suitable to provide psychotherapy. They may know some stuff about psychiatric illnesses, but their training and specialty isn't to deal with issues related to mental illnesses. That, and they are hard to get into and if you're not on an insurance plan, can cost $$$ for one appointment.

And not everything in the head is a psychiatric issue. Chemical imbalances in the brain can't be talked away, but can be diagnosed and treated, and neurologists are just as capable as diagnosing problems. And the neurologist I see is no more expensive than any other specialized doctor I've been too.

Rusk

EWom wrote: »

That_Spoony_Bard wrote: »

HK5 hit it on the head pretty well.

Also, don't be afraid to switch therapists if you feel like you can get with them. There are a lot of therapists out there who have different ways to practice. If you're a student, you can always start at your uni/community college counseling center for referrals.

There are also differences between psychiatrists, psychologists, and master level therapists. Unless you are suffering from some severe psychiatric illness, I'd probably stick with a psychologist or a therapist.

Re: neurologists. They're not suitable to provide psychotherapy. They may know some stuff about psychiatric illnesses, but their training and specialty isn't to deal with issues related to mental illnesses. That, and they are hard to get into and if you're not on an insurance plan, can cost $$$ for one appointment.

And not everything in the head is a psychiatric issue. Chemical imbalances in the brain can't be talked away, but can be diagnosed and treated, and neurologists are just as capable as diagnosing problems. And the neurologist I see is no more expensive than any other specialized doctor I've been too.

You're a bit confused. The specialty you're describing is Psychiatry (a medical specialty, so therefore capable of prescribing medications). Neurologists treat diseases like Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinsons, and strokes - diseases that are neurological, not psychiatric. Psychologists (who can't prescribe medications) will focus a lot more on talk therapy (or psychotherapy) as opposed to drugs. If they think that a medication is needed, they need to recommend it to the patient's doctor. Psychiatrists sometimes engage in psychotherapy, but more commonly do less talking and more prescribing.

The last part of your statement is only partially true. Medications (from a Psychiatrist or your family doctor) are very useful, but so is psychotherapy (talking). Sometimes meds are sufficient on their own, or in combination with psychotherapy, but sometimes just talking is enough. The use of medication is strongly supported by evidence, but it isn't the only treatment that works (it depends on the patient).

To the original poster, I think a few others have already described what psychotherapy is very well. For many people, talking about these kind of problems and discussing solutions can be enough to help you overcome them. Considering your best friend's concern for you, it's definitely worth a shot. I would just go into it with an open mind and don't expect the psychologist/psychiatrist to tell you what to do, but rather try to help you work through any problems you might have. Keep in mind that not every "shrink" is the same, so I hopefully whoever you see is helpful and a good fit.

Hope it all works out for you.

That_Spoony_Bard

Also keep in mind that some (not all) therapist offer a free 30 minute consultation to see if you are a good fit for them. Now, it's up for debate if that 30 minutes is actually helpful, but I just wanted to point that out.

Pirusu

Also, if you DON'T have insurance, there are lots of non-profits that will see you. You'll end up seeing a student who is working on a MSW or something similar, but your case will be overseen by a professional, and they offer income-based payment options. When I was jobless for a while, and seeing someone like this, it cost me about $15 per session.

exis

I spoke to a counsellor (not a psychiatrist) a couple of years ago who pretty much did nothing but encouraged me to talk and listened. He'd pipe up at times, but for the most part it was just me talking.

I found it tremendously helpful. In the same way that having to write something down forces you to put your ideas into a coherent and logical sequence, talking out loud about stuff that confuses you makes you piece those things together in a way that makes sense when it might not have before.

Did it solve any of my problems? Not really. But it helped me figure out what a lot of my hangups really were, and that was really valuable. I'd definitely encourage you to at least try it for a couple of sessions.

Glirk Dient

Talk therapy is something that can help some people and not others. For me it helped immensely. I would say that the reason it effected me so was that I am a fairly intuitive person and am able to approach things with an open mind. There were numerous times it was brought to my attention I approached certain things with a unique perspective and once I realized that it allowed me to think about things in a new way.

I would say definately give it a shot. It won't hurt and can potentially change your life around if you let it.

Beck

Definitely go for it, man. Think of it this way: They've gone to school to learn how to learn about people, open people up, and offer perspectives different from the ones you hold.

A little anecdotal, but I recently went to a therapist to deal with some problems. And I had to switch therapists, because I learned I was totally unable to open up to another man about my issues, I just couldn't put myself in a vulnerable place because of physical and emotional abuse I endured from my dad as a kid. The therapist didn't tell me that, I just learned that on my own, and it was something I didn't realize until just recently. And it really helped me understand my failures in my last relationship (becoming too reliant on my girlfriend) and showed me new ways to grow as a person. There's lots of other stuff I haven't been able to talk to her about, but you build an interesting relationship with these people, and they're a great asset for those who haven't had the most ideal start in life.

And yeah, it's weird to think that they're going to give you similar advice to someone else, but people are weirdly predictable. We have one part of our brain that's emotional, and thoughtful, and deep but, another part that's quite simple. We have needs and wants and disappointments, almost all of which are universal.

ceres

Go for it. The thing that people don't often tell you but should is that there are many different styles in practice, and every therapist (like most people) has a unique personality, and that personality meshes with their chosen style in a unique way.

What that means is that if you have the freedom to do so you may need to shop around a bit. If you don't like the first one you see, try another one or two before dismissing the whole thing. My current therapist is the best I've seen. He's a talker, asking questions and providing feedback, and until I started seeing him I never saw therapy as being particularly useful. He's my fifth attempt at this, and the only one so far that's really been a good match for me.

Sarcastro

Penguin_Otaku wrote: »

Do you guys have any experience with something similar? I don't really have anything to hide, I'm not worried about that. I just don't know how a stranger, who knows nothing about me, can sit there and figure me out from similar circumstances. That just seems... odd to me, I guess.

I suppose its much like asking for help over the internet, except you get to meet them in person. :P

Most of the points have been covered, I think. In some ways, a therapist or counselour is just a friend, helping you sort out certain problems or issues. They certainly have thier own issues, but they are more or less there to help you with yours. Not everybody has people like this in thier circle of friends, and even if they do, there is always give and take (socially)- money just sort of rebalances that scale so they can focus on you completely.

Because its a personal and social thing, you need to find someone you're comfortable with, and not everybody will be a good fit for you. Play the field a bit. You likely won't have to search to hard, most of the therapists and counselours I know are extremely friendly people who get along well with just about anyone.

Penguin_Otaku

I guess I'm able to separate you guys from being strangers for some reason, I don't know why.

I keep talking myself out of it. SO turns out to just want to push me off onto this and we're not really together anymore. That's fine and well, though a big bummer.

I've battled with suicidal thoughts for years now and I feel them creeping up again despite a lot of good things going on for me. It's not that I feel bad about myself or I'm unhappy with my life, I just don't feel deserved enough.

And I have a lot of friends here and there, but none I'm all that close to. No one really knows me outside of ex-SO in the way I need help. And I don't want to just dump my problems on them and expect help, because this is a big thing but I'm fighting myself over it now and I have no idea who's going to win. This time feels different.

VisionOfClarity

To be honest, you've posted in here a lot about various issues over the years (and due to stupid search being disabled I can't pull up) mostly surrounding problems you have had with others people. You probably could really benefit from talking to someone about your interpersonal relationship issues in addition to the suicidal thoughts you're admitting having.

Rusk

Penguin_Otaku wrote: »

I guess I'm able to separate you guys from being strangers for some reason, I don't know why.

I keep talking myself out of it. SO turns out to just want to push me off onto this and we're not really together anymore. That's fine and well, though a big bummer.

I've battled with suicidal thoughts for years now and I feel them creeping up again despite a lot of good things going on for me. It's not that I feel bad about myself or I'm unhappy with my life, I just don't feel deserved enough.

And I have a lot of friends here and there, but none I'm all that close to. No one really knows me outside of ex-SO in the way I need help. And I don't want to just dump my problems on them and expect help, because this is a big thing but I'm fighting myself over it now and I have no idea who's going to win. This time feels different.

Do you have any family you're close to? Consider talking to them if so. If you feel like you're burdening someone, just consider whether you'd want them to come to you if they were considering suicide.

If that's not an option (or even if it is), I really recommend calling a hotline to talk this out with someone. If you're feeling suicidal, I really hope you'll consider calling. They should be a good resource. 1-800-273-TALK (8255) is the # for a national hotline, which will connect you to a more local service. It's confidential, too. They should be helpful in talking out your problems, helping brainstorm solutions, connect you with local resources, etc.

MKR

Psychiatrists are brain technicians. But rather than probing you with circuit testers and diagnostic programs, they probe by asking questions.

If you'd go to a mechanic when your car starts puking oil, there shouldn't be any holdup about seeing a psychiatrist about your brain.

Ringo

Psychiatrists prescribe pills, MKR. They are pretty hands off beyond talking with you about your symptoms and then checking to see how the pills they described have affected you.

Psychologists/Therapists are the people who actually talk to you about your life, and help you work through your problems.

Using both together is highly recommended!

MKR

It's been a long time since I took that introductory psychology class. :P