Hello, you may now embed "gifv" simply by pasting the link (same as youtube). Enjoy!
Our new Indie Games subforum is now open for business in G&T. Go and check it out, you might land a code for a free game. If you're developing an indie game and want to post about it, follow these directions. If you don't, he'll break your legs! Hahaha! Seriously though.
Our rules have been updated and given their own forum. Go and look at them! They are nice, and there may be new ones that you didn't know about! Hooray for rules! Hooray for The System! Hooray for Conforming!

Let us "rap" with Victorian Diction

ZoelZoel Registered User regular
edited February 2011 in Singularity Engine++
It has recently come to my attention that there is a new musical form known chiefly as "rap" practiced by gentlemen who use a manner of speech quite unlike any we have heard before. It filled me with despair to know that these lyrical masterpieces could not be appreciated by those of us with more delicate sensibilities. Recently, an acquaintance of mine attempted to remedy this with some rather stunning adaptations. The following work is quite incredible, and I wish that I were capable of writing something one fifth as engaging. Behold the translation of a one OrangeJulius, below.
Given the frequency with which matters of grave importance arise in the tumultuous and oft impoverished urban neighborhoods south of Los Angeles proper, I often find simple existence to be a trying concern. However, in some fashion I find difficult to put into words, I am still able to derive, often daily, works one might describe as baroque or avant-garde. With that in mind, as I find myself without any pressing engagements, I should welcome you, good friend, into my domicile, so that I might relate to you a brief anecdote or two in the hope that such a tale should lighten your purse a pence or two in compensation.

Fear not waking my mother, for she is not about, and indeed because of this, the revelry and merrymaking of this evening's fete has not yet subsided, even at this late hour of two. Several members of the fairer sex have congregated in my parlor, and are engaged in the act of lovemaking. I have their personal assurance that they will not be departing until the hour of six. With that in mind, I put forth this query: what activities would you prefer to partake in? Verily, I have several prophylactics on my person, as do the gentleman who accompany me. I will take no offense should you turn down the lantern and shut the door! I myself may do the same, but let us both admit, we carry no lasting adoration for these strumpets. Perhaps in addition to intercourse, we shall inhale the smoke of smoldering cannabis while we dance to the sounds of a wax cylinder rotating on my phonograph.

Verily, I have obtained some distilled alcohol flavored with juniper berries, distributed by Diageo PLC under the brand name "Seagrams", and it seems that everyone has a receptacle for said spirit yet no one has contributed any tender towards its procurement. The occurrence of this particular scenario being the norm, I find it not uncivil to partake in this beverage before anyone else has had a chance to do the same. Nothing is troubling or melancholy for those who hark to the words I speak. Often spoken with a timbre and pitch so as to resemble sing-song, and uttered while standing in the middle of the thoroughfare and imbibing a delicate aperitif, these words catch the ear like the song of the Sirens, and not soon afterwards, I am moved to become amorous with a moll answering to the moniker of "Sadie", who in a time long past was betrothed to a confidant of mine. With the mercury indicating a temperature of eighty degrees, I find myself coldly shunning the harlot, crudely demanding that she refrain from laying the weight of her loins against mine. With the haste of my retreat no doubt disturbing the air around her, I find myself with a group of close friends and join their ante-meridian constitutional.

Some time later another friend of mine, a physician with the sobriquet "Dre", victoriously arrived carrying with him a parcel consisting of a juniper spirit similar to that from the previous evening, but sporting the label "Tanqueray", and a wildly tumescent roll of cut greenleaf enclosed in paper and engineered to be smoked. It is not in jest, I assure you, that partaking in this roll, I found its effects so overpowering that I had to excuse myself briefly and set my toby jug aside. The spirit and drug together conspired to impair my senses, and yet I found myself uninclined to cease with either, for I found the disorientation pleasant and delightful. Philanthropically, Dre had also taken it upon himself to bring with him several courtesans from the prefecture of Compton, who began to service me in earnest. I explained to them in no uncertain terms that there would be no post-coital co-mingling, and asked that they not lament over my post-haste departure, for I hold no lasting fondness for them. And with that in mind, I find myself

Ambulating down the thoroughfare smoking green leaf and quaffing a combination of juniper spirit and juice, in an easy-going and quite casual manner, reciprocally and poetically having my thoughts focused on my finances, and my finances chiefly in my thoughts.

So, friends and colleagues, I propose that we try our hand at translating these finer works of culture. My own attempts will be forthcoming. However, in an effort to ensure that this communique remains respectful and commensurable with our character, I must ask that you provide any response in the most polite of manners. Ungentlemanly conduct will almost assuredly be met with scorn and reproach from your colleagues.

Enclosed, please find my attempt to translate the rather popular song "I Require Immediate Medical Assistance, Regards, Eminem" by Dr. Dre, featuring a one Mr. Marshall Mathers:
Spoiler:

In any event, gentlemen, embrace your monocles. We are going to need more calligraphers.

Zoel on
«13

Posts

  • AntimatterAntimatter Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    I enjoy large posteriors I cannot prevaricate

  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    suck my motherfuckin dick

    please

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • sarukunsarukun Gornlord Interplanetary InsanitariumRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
  • ZoelZoel Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Dearest Snowbeat,

    I fear that we may have to engage in acts of mutual pugilism if you do not relent from this line of inquiry.

    Regards,
    Princess Zoey

  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood This could be forever Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
  • sarukunsarukun Gornlord Interplanetary InsanitariumRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
  • Sweeney TomSweeney Tom Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    There are numerous things for which touching is a possible sense that may occur, but this is not one of those things.

  • sarukunsarukun Gornlord Interplanetary InsanitariumRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    today i didn't even have to use my flintlock
    i got to say
    today was a good day

    my good gentlemen

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • sarukunsarukun Gornlord Interplanetary InsanitariumRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
  • AntimatterAntimatter Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
  • ZoelZoel Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    I feel a variety of emotions with regards to the lack of translations offered in response, but indeed, delight is not one of them. Perhaps they will appear at a later date, after all it is unreasonable to expect creativity to spring unbound in such a short span of time.

  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    it was all a dream
    i used to read word-up magazine

    fellow rappers of style

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • ZoelZoel Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Tom, I hate to reproach you, having gotten into the spirit of the evening, but that is the opposite of gentlemanly. Our intended audience will certainly not understand this when presented in such a vulgar manner.

  • DodgeBlanDodgeBlan PSN: GaderenRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    50K for a verse no album out

    Beyond the scope of light beyond the reach of dark
  • sarukunsarukun Gornlord Interplanetary InsanitariumRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
  • Sweeney TomSweeney Tom Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Zoel wrote: »
    Tom, I hate to reproach you, having gotten into the spirit of the evening, but that is the opposite of gentlemanly. Our intended audience will certainly not understand this when presented in such a vulgar manner.

    Hence my warning in said wordage above said video, fine chap.

  • KazakaKazaka Registered User
    edited February 2011
    I admit that the number of problems bequeathed upon me approaches one shy of one hundred;
    however, a woman's wiles is not among their number.

    ... They ate, slept and worked. Some of them found uninteresting partners at work who they married and came home to. Sometimes they would half-heartededly thrust into each other and children were made. They lived a middle class existence until their deaths to heart disease and cancer.
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood This could be forever Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    nerdcore

    4TItaHV.jpg
  • ZoelZoel Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    I have never felt the term nerdcore was an accurate moniker for what it entailed. It seems instead to be a polite way of denoting that the rapper is Caucasian and has an interest in games with a an electric audio-visual component.

  • KazakaKazaka Registered User
    edited February 2011
    Commandment the fifth:
    never derive joy from one's own cache.

    ... They ate, slept and worked. Some of them found uninteresting partners at work who they married and came home to. Sometimes they would half-heartededly thrust into each other and children were made. They lived a middle class existence until their deaths to heart disease and cancer.
  • DodgeBlanDodgeBlan PSN: GaderenRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Zoel wrote: »
    I have never felt the term nerdcore was an accurate moniker for what it entailed. It seems instead to be a polite way of denoting that the rapper is Caucasian and has an interest in games with a an electric audio-visual component.

    so a nerd, right?

    Beyond the scope of light beyond the reach of dark
  • DodgeBlanDodgeBlan PSN: GaderenRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    or: MUSICAL STIMPAKS THAT IMPACT THE SOUL

    Beyond the scope of light beyond the reach of dark
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood This could be forever Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    DodgeBlan wrote: »
    Zoel wrote: »
    I have never felt the term nerdcore was an accurate moniker for what it entailed. It seems instead to be a polite way of denoting that the rapper is Caucasian and has an interest in games with a an electric audio-visual component.

    so a nerd, right?

    non threatening raps for sweaty basement dwellers

    4TItaHV.jpg
  • MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    guys black people rap better than white people what are you doing

    do not ask for whom the snerd tolls
  • MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    if white people are gonna do anything Victorian it's sell black people to each other

    do not ask for whom the snerd tolls
  • Romanian My EscutcheonRomanian My Escutcheon Two of Forks Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Move, madam, remove yourself from my path.

    Remove yourself from my path, madam, remove yourself from my path.

    2cf4m6f.gif
  • ZoelZoel Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    That sounds like part of a by gone era, Miss Nerd.

  • Sweeney TomSweeney Tom Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Move, madam, remove yourself from my path.

    Remove yourself from my path, madam, remove yourself from my path.

    I particularly enjoyed this.

  • MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    stick to your strengths

    do not ask for whom the snerd tolls
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood This could be forever Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    yall gay

    im out

    4TItaHV.jpg
  • ZoelZoel Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Children today. Even when I was a young man, I found myself able to defecate and disperse my excrement skyward in a responsible and polite manner.

  • Ruby RhodRuby Rhod Multipass!Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    http://www.angelfire.com/music5/victorianrap/

    Halt, Fall, stop them and open a store
    Oh, no
    It is in this way that Ruff Ryders Progress

  • GreasyKidsStuffGreasyKidsStuff Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Kazaka wrote: »
    I admit that the number of problems bequeathed upon me approaches one shy of one hundred;
    however, a woman's wiles is not among their number.

    Oh my god

    :^:

    http://twitter.com/#!/dirtylonghair - My Twitter / GT: GreasyKidsStuff / NNID: GreasyKidsStuff / 3DS Friend Code: 4828 5290 8757 / Digital Comics Codes
  • DodgeBlanDodgeBlan PSN: GaderenRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    the problem with Nerdcore is that the Deltron rendered the entire genre obsolete before it was invented

    Beyond the scope of light beyond the reach of dark
  • Mortal SkyMortal Sky queer punk hedge witchRegistered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Forsooth, a story it would please me to tell
    about three dastardly brothers who I shall assume you know quite well
    It began quite some time ago in historical manner
    And features the characters Adam the Rock, MCA, and I your narrator Michael Diamond

  • Romanian My EscutcheonRomanian My Escutcheon Two of Forks Registered User regular
    edited February 2011
    Bear my child, be my wife, and be financially secure.

    Bear my child, be my wife, and be financially secure.

    2cf4m6f.gif
«13
Sign In or Register to comment.