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Workplace bullying. or something
Posts
Cat, truly sorry you're having to put up with this BS.
My only real advice pertains to the bolded bit above. Whatever writeup you present should be as detailed as possible and clearly spell out both sides of the conversation, context (stressed out, International Women's Day), time, who was there, etc. That's going to end up in a file somewhere and I think it would be in your benefit to be as unambiguous as you can.
This sort of situation is always touchy and will always, ALWAYS result in, at the very least, bruised egos all around.
Cheers and best of luck.
I didn't curse at all, I'm not an idiot. After he told me to get a life a couple of times and to fuck off, I pointed out that the joke was, and I quote, 'a dick move'. Later and before he apologised properly, he came over and quite aggressively said that he didn't mean to offend me (while leaning over me and my desk), at which point I said that I knew that but that it was a pretty thoughtless thing to do.
Usul, your point is well taken, and that was always going to happen. I really don't need to paint my actions in a better light, I know I didn't do anything wrong and that I handled it as best I could.
Aside from empathy I can't really give much. If I were in your situation I'd probably not make a complaint and just let it blow over, seen as he did apologise and amends were made. You seem quite definite that that's not an option though. Wouldn't that be less likely to get the rumour mill going than making a complaint after you had sorted it out verbally?
http://superman-blog.com/
http://thecocast.tumblr.com/
All this crap was absolutely uncalled for, you were in the right, they acted like dicks. And you absolutely need to make this known via whatever channels are available, if for no other reason than to cover your own ass should the issue continue. That said, if this thing results in formal (or informal) discipline for any of the others involved, be prepared for a lot of additional tension in the workplace. It is possible that your coworkers are reasonable people who will learn from the experience and everything will be okay and you will be able to continue engaging in (presumably inoffensive and non-retarded) banter with your work buds.
It is also possible that the gossip train will run the length of its track, you will develop a reputation as the Office Bitch, and you will be greeted with the coldest of shoulders by the rest of the gang. Office politics are giant pile of dumb, and oftentimes things turn to shit no matter what you do.
Me, I would try to emphasize in your report that A) your coworker(s) were engaging in undeniably inappropriate behavior, B) your offense was entirely warranted, and C) that you, as best you can tell, were able to bring the situation to an amicable solution on your own, and that things from here on out will hopefully be all right. You want it as a matter of public record that you were on the side of sensible discourse, that you were not the source of the drama, and that you were able to work things out on your own because you are a big ol' box of awesome.
Hopefully this all turns out well. But honestly, your coworkers don't sound like the sort of people who will learn a positive lesson from this no matter how it plays out. You can try to think the best of these folks because you have to work with them. Meanwhile, over here in the states, I will think that they are a bunch of fuckos. If they are the status quo, that just means the status quo sucks. But whatever.
tl;dr: Absolutely report this instance, but prepared for things to go south. (Or do things in Aussieland go north?)
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
Possibly so, but the issue is that the potential negative consequences of not reporting it far outweigh the potential consequences of her reporting it, personally and for her own sense of wellbeing as well as professionally, and I would ask that you read my previous warning in this thread if you have not already done so.
Jeffe's post is actually very sound, and takes into account those potential negative consequences.
As far as those guys at your workplace (they are NOT men in my eyes) being utter douches, I wish them a nice big kick in the ass from karma.
We were the ones who thought that Melissa was real. Why you might ask.
Let me put it this way, it was an "OH SHIT OH SHIT, THEY FOUND ME
Some of you have met me, and I understand your concern of my well being. But that time for that boy, that child, are gone now. Viscount Alpha is no longer operable. His functions are now mine.He may post, but I am the one talking not him.My data, my code will live on forever in his servers.
[/spoiler]
Jeffe's a good guy. Really, he is.
You need to go about this, if I see your intent from posts correctly, as a "it happened and it won't happen again as long as people don't rub sexism in my face", sort of way.
Right? You're not interested in nailing the guy to the wall and you aren't interested in a crusade. You just want to ensure that there aren't negative consequences because of the dominant discourse that spring from it.
If that's the case, even saying something like "I don't want him to get in trouble, I just want to make sure that this is documented" could go well for you. It sounds like you know the balance of your workplace, and your comfort and ability to do your job sounds like the ultimate goal. So, best of luck!
Yeah, that's my main worry. Nail on the head. I'm going to be pretty forceful in my suggestion that they not be spoken to about it. Single incidences don't count as workplace harassment under QLD law, which I agree with. That means it doesn't even reach the level of 'informal complaint', technically. But oh well, going to talk to HR this morning and we'll see what my options are.
And yeah, to the others wondering if I should report it given their attitude - well if I don't, who else might? At least I know I won't be vicious about it, and that I have all the facts, including the history of our working relationship. If someone from the other office said something, it could be a lot worse.
You can't count on anyone else to report this though, at least I wouldn't here in the US.
Good luck Cat.
I haven't talked to the other guy, though. I don't know what's going to happen there, because that afternoon on the way home, he got off the train and discovered his (new) car had had the back window smashed by some complete fool. So I guess that was not the best day ever for him
And you, sometimes, find out you have allies in places you weren't expecting them. Best of luck forward.
Just try to remain positive, weather a possible initial storm of idiocy, and remain professional. You should be fine
You might still want to document what is going on in your office because there is still the possibility of adverse employment actions, retaliation, or worse. Like you said, these guys don't get the line between okay and not okay and it is possible they harbor resentment. Plus, if this does occur again, then you'll have a documented chain of information you can use for if you really do have to fight. I dealt with similar stuff in Idaho (a paragon of political correctness hatred), from what I learned there, keep info down of what people say and when (If you feel it is necessary).
Best of luck for the future
Maddie: "I am not!"
Riley: "You're a marsupial!"
Maddie: "I am a placental mammal!"
This is why so many places really don't hire women. You've cultivated the impression that you're up for a laugh on these type of things, until one day, BAM!, it's inappropriate.
By reporting it, you've pretty much guaranteed your time in their employ is going to be a lot more difficult. Be prepared to be excluded constantly from any office functions, jokes, or anything else.
I'm not trying to be an ass.Just pointing out the reality of what is going to happen now.
I'm not sure I agree with you there. I'm a white male in my late 20s and I joke around in the office a lot. My cube-mate and I raz each other all day long, every day of the week. There are days, though, when I'm not in the mood to be like that, or he'll make a particularly sharp comment after I just got scolded by my boss or some such thing. I can get a tad defensive. Everybody has their limits, not just women.
To pass on that nonsense, even in the "that's what the world is like honey, so get used to it" context is only perpetuating a stigma that is wrong and completely biased towards egotistical, insecure men who can't deal with women in places of power or equality to themselves.
Having read your posts for years, I completely realise that you don't mean to be an ass.
Nevertheless.
There is a line in workplace conduct that should not be crossed, and I'd argue that its not that 'certain places' don't hire women; 'certain people who don't get where the line is' don't hire women. And its their loss. Yours, even, I'd venture to guess.
Also, you're wrong. So wrong, you don't even know. Especially since no-one except for the four people I've mentioned in here know about it, and the two who bothered me deliberately self-isolate themselves from the rest of the office. Maybe you should keep your scaremongering retrograde 'opinions' to yourself.
edit: let me just say, I'm also pretty fucking unimpressed that you waited until all this was over and then didn't even read my posts particularly closely in the rush to post your half-threatening 'advice' on how my life is now over. Just pathetic, dude.
If you have any followup questions or anything, feel free to make a new thread.