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What the fuck do I do here?
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All the friend related stuff seems like the catalyst that set off a bomb of pent up / repressed emotions, IMHO. Too illogical.
Granted, how often does one penis slip out on two different occasions? Your bud is suspect. Irrelevant, she doesn't seem to want any compromise in matter.
Weird situation, brother. See if anything else has been stressing her out lately. 'Til then, either get a new relationship or respect her wishes and meet with friend elsewhere.
Kiss your fiance's ass.
Does your fiance' have a history of being bat-shit insane irrational? I get the feeling you have been somewhat resistant to her claims.
I mean if she caught a glimpse of the tip or something, it could have been a mistake. But if the whole thing was out and about, you can probably easily side with your girl and find a new best man.
Xaquin's Manly Knitting Blog! Conquest Tactics .... a better CCG
I'm gonna have to say that one dick-glimpse is sketchy, and two is far too many for comfort, regardless of the amount showing. I have guy friends a-plenty, but if I saw one of their dicks in a less-than-accidental context even remotely like this - namely, twice, after he refused to leave my house, and was in an emotionally weird state - you bet your ass I'd be angry with my fiance for trying to convince me it wasn't a big deal.
(Also, if I'd just come "back" to work (illness?), and my coworkers were giving me heaps of vindication I hadn't gotten from my fiance, I'd also be upset...but then realize I was being irrational, after some time to think about it.)
yeah, that's a good point .... I'm 31 and have never seen so much as a tip by accident. Twice in a day or two would be rather suspect
Xaquin's Manly Knitting Blog! Conquest Tactics .... a better CCG
Guys think and do stupid things that girls don't understand all the time.
I know guys that actually think the sight of their penis is some sort of aphrodisiac. That the mere sight of it would make girls slip on their seats.
You're really giving the vast majority of dudedom more credit than we deserve.
Edit: whatever this is, it's not an attempt at seduction. No one in their right mind would have been anything but weirder out by this, let alone suddenly in the mood.
Also, incident one was when he was in bed, bottomless (weird, but he's always slept bottomless when he stays here), the second incident was in shorts. Both were at weird angles. The penis was not fully exposed. It was just visible, but her terminology is continually "it was hanging out."
Thank all that is weird and slightly creepy for the confluence of events that brought this sentence onto the internet.
This is just so weird. She's afraid she'll look silly if she was wrong but she has no problem gossiping to her coworkers about it. Something she does frequently apparently and when they call you something really, really rude she runs home to tell you about it? I mean, did she even stand up for you? If someone said that about my boyfriend I'd give them hell. Why would you ever tell your coworkers about this kind of thing, that's just so unprofessional.
Is she normally rational or is this kind of thing routine? Because I'm starting to wonder if she even saw it a second time or if she is so worked up over the first time that she just thinks saw she something the second time. I mean, she saw his cell in the bathroom and immediately assumed that he was trying to videotape her on the toilet. That is not a normal conclusion for most people.
We need to all keep in mind they've all known each other for a decade. Suddenly Jill and Bob's relationship implodes (you seemed very surprised even if you were told after the fact it had been 'building') so I'm taking that as you were not the most emotionally connected to Bob. Or he'd have let you in on the rocky situation.
So Sally, who seems pretty tight with Jill since she knew the relationship was toppling, maybe knows something you don't. Or she's just upset over the breakup and taking Jill's side. I may be a detective, but I'm not there casing the scene. Neither should you for that matter, some mysteries are best left unsolved.
edit: I don't want to... well... be a rumor-monger, but I agree pretty much with VoC (as usual). Theories about how someone might have been videotaping you in the shower are one thing, but flipping out emotionally all over you for doing one thing then doing the opposite to try to make her happy is not rational behavior. Once someone starts behaving irrationally in one way, the rest of their story starts to wear thin if it's out of character for some of the players or improbable. BUT I THINK IT'S BEST TO NOT WORRY ABOUT THIS and just focus on calming everyone down.
Yeah... but are you looking?
Anyway, I've seen some accidental dicks in my time. As I'm a guy, its not really a big deal.
My advice - be kind but firm. For the sake of your friendship with Bill, you have to decide if you believe him or not. It can still be not cool, and seriously unfortunate, but you're eventually going to have to decide if you think it was accidental or not.
Because if it was, then this is no excuse to run your friend out of town. Believe it or not, good friends that last for decade(s) are rare as Hell.
Because if it wasn't, you need to stop hanging out with your boy for seriously violating the man code (as well as being creepy as fuck).
You're really not going to be able to play halfsies with this. Assuming you decide it was an accident, just see your friend away from your fiance for a while. If she has major issues with this, I'd suggest you watch out. Telling someone who they can be friends with is a pretty big red flag.
Even assuming everything eventually works out, realize that in the short-term your fiance is not going to like Bill. She's getting bad press about him from his ex, from the old biddies at work, etc.
Good luck man.
"There is not a man of us who does not at times need a helping hand to be stretched out to him, and then shame upon him who will not stretch out the helping hand to his brother."
*appropriate self-deprecation for momentary idiocy*
There's arguably room for interpretation here; she non-arguably is of the "if I can see wang, it's hanging out" school of thought.
If you're still giving her any hint whatsoever that she should not be upset for something that very clearly upset her, she's going to remain upset, aided and abetted by coworkers whose workday is only going to be livened up by piling sympathy on her. It's not fair, but there you have it.
Why are you still defending your friend?
Your fiance' is freaked out and it just sounds like you're tyring to prove to her that she shouldn't be having the feelings she is having.
Which is to say, you are invalidating them.
Which is probably why she is pissed.
There is more to marriage than constantly telling your better half that they're right.
"There is not a man of us who does not at times need a helping hand to be stretched out to him, and then shame upon him who will not stretch out the helping hand to his brother."
Xaquin's Manly Knitting Blog! Conquest Tactics .... a better CCG
Because if he wasn't wearing looser boxers, and shorts that were that high, there is no way Mr. Johnson is poking his tumescent way out unless you're shining a maglite at him.
edit: I also swear this is a joke from some gross out comedies. I really hope you don't get dragged into a huge fight, Figgy. I hate those.
I'm not saying it was cool. I'm not saying she shouldn't be wierded out. I'm not saying her feelings are irrational. I'm saying there are other possibilities here than "he was arranging his clothing in such a way to show off his penis."
She saw his penis for whatever reason. Before this situation, how did you think she would have responded? I'm really getting a Jill told her something weird vibe. Can you talk to Jill?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYJVo9v6MNI
I didn't say otherwise yet I don't think he has friends constantly showing their peni to his fiance'.
This is a one off situation where she needs to know where he stands, is it not?
I recall trying something similar when I was staying with my friend and his fiance. It was only one time and I have been friends with this person for over 20 years.
Why doesn't he wear underwear when he sleeps at your house and why wasn't he wearing underwear when he was wearing those shorts? That's just odd behavior.
I don't think he does either, frankly.
Slight off-topic advice- Do not let your friends of any stripe be naked in your house anywhere other than the bathroom. I mean, perhaps its just the vibe I give off, but none of my (even admittedly hippie) friends would even consider that for a second. I would be disrespected by that.
"There is not a man of us who does not at times need a helping hand to be stretched out to him, and then shame upon him who will not stretch out the helping hand to his brother."
I've slept naked at friends houses and wouldn't find it odd for someone to do it here. I also wear thongs, so if you catch me in my underwear its still going to be awkward for everyone involved. Have you guys never had your penis pop out of the fly on some boxers or pajama pants? I've had it happen dozens of times.
I think the iPhone thing is crazy as shit. Why on Earth would she jump to that conclusion? Is it even possible to trigger the phone to start recording when someone is in there? It was in there all day, wasn't it? Why would she think he wants to see her going to the bathroom and not, maybe, showering? She immediately jumps to "he wants to watch me pee"? Its so utterly bizarre that I think her freaking out about that is either Jill told her something she hasn't told you, or she is just freaking out and making things worse.
I can't really ask Jill about this because they are still in the "breaking up process." This would make that situation needlessly messier.
But your wife seems to be the type who worries about making a scene.
The second situation is more weird, but I've had guy friends who get pretty comfortable with athletic shorts and stop paying attention to what is happening with them. its not like wearing cut offs and just having it flapping in the wind.
Tell your wife you got her back but also give her a couple days to calm down. Unless the dude was making other uncomfortable advances, which I hope she would express to you, it sounds like shes maybe drew a couple strange conclusions and needs to think them out.
Well, she said she didn't say anything because she didn't want to make it awkward. Instead, she continued to converse for several minutes without saying anything. I guess that's not awkward?
I went over it with her again and she said the first time he was in a "Burt Reynolds pose" in the bed. She is referring to this pose. He was wearing a shirt, and the covers were on, but they weren't fully covering, so that she could see his penis. The second time, he was wearing loose shorts and sitting in such a way that it was visibly out.
So, very fucking weird all around.
Either way: don't invite Bill over anytime soon, don't take Sally anywhere that Bill's going to be, and don't ask Sally to talk to him or hear him out (in person, on the phone, or any other way) unless she suggests it herself.
This! For the love of god this is not a normal conclusion to come to.
- You can go the route where you say "look, I don't know what happened but I trust that it bothers you and it's serious to you, and you and I will do what it takes to make it right."
or
- You can go the route where you say "look, this was probably an accident and I'm going to give you some time to calm down, keep seeing Bill, and hope you come to your senses."
They are both going to have implications for your relationship, but one has the potential for much more fallout later.
The thing is, I find the fact that she had such a big reaction to this whole thing a little bit weird, but I also find Bill's behavior as well as his excuses extremely suspect. Twice in one day is a weird fucking accident. His text to her was unnecessary and inappropriate under the circumstances. I have my theories as to what's actually going on here, but it's probably worthless because I have a feeling we're all missing a lot of pieces that we can't possibly have. You might not have them either, so if I were you I would err on the side of making sure Sally feels okay.
Sleeping in the nude at someone else's house in a common area is REALLY weird.
Not wearing underwear while at someone's house and wearing shorts is just wrong.
Could be boxers?
I had a girl look up my shorts in gym class in HS, once.
"There is not a man of us who does not at times need a helping hand to be stretched out to him, and then shame upon him who will not stretch out the helping hand to his brother."
Esh has some good points, if you have a guest room with a door, I'm probably not going to sleep with pajamas on, but I would still have on some undies. I donno who sleeps in a shirt but not boxers.
2) The phone was on the bathroom counter when she went to get ready for work Monday morning. He must have left it in there while getting ready to go to bed the night before. I woke up at 9am for a doctor's appointment. I don't remember seeing it in there.
She says she saw the phone leaning against the back of the counter and she checked to see if it was filming, and it was just his dashboard. What's weird is she says she pushed the button once and it went to the dashboard. I have the same phone. You need to swipe to unlock it. Further, he has a password to unlock his iPhone.
That said, I'm going to relate an anecdote from my former marriage that I hope helps you not repeat the same mistakes my ex-husband did. Let me emphasize the Ex part.
Anyhoo, he and I were at his bosses for some summertime grilling and hottub shenanigans. Beers were ingested, people mingled and mixed and eventually left me, my husband and his boss alone in the hot tub.
Boss was shitfaced. Completely and utterly shitfaced. Like slobbery and drooly drunk. And decided it would be a brilliant idea to get naked next to me in the hot tub.
Now to this point I wasn't bothered, penises are funny, especially on roly poly red faced drunk guys. But then he started to rub up against me and I asked my husband for help, which I didn't get. I was ignored while his boss rubbed his wee willy winky on me until I pushed him off the edge of the hottub.
And then, while boss snored away sprawled out like a side of tender lovin' beef, I had the first of many explosive fights about Ex not supporting me or helping me in an extremely uncomfortable situation and was basically given ceres' second option: fuck you for being oversensitive and making a big deal out of nothing. But to me it was a big deal and pretty fucking icky, but the worst part is that the man who I had promised to love and support for the rest of my life (Ha!) didn't have my back.
So this is definitely not the same situation, at least as Sally's explained to us via you so far, but the bottom line is that you have your wife's back or you won't have a wife.
Sentry nailed it on Page 1.