Talking Dirty

ben0207

Oh god. The girl I'm dating wants me to talk dirty to her and I have literally no idea what I'm doing. Any tips? Advice?

Iruka

You should probably be talking to her about it. What she considers dirty and what anyother random person considers dirty are not going to be equal. If she doesn't know what she wants, maybe watching porn/researching together to figure out what you both would want would be the best action.

Reverend_Chaos

I would her for some examples of things she'd like to hear.

This is something you don't want to overstep. Some girls like dirty talk, others like filthy talk and you really, REALLY don't want to take it further than she is going to like, because it will KILL mood for her, and possibly end the relationship.

A "sexy ______ (female dog)" is not the same as a "filthy _______ (someone who does things for money)"
........if you catch my drift.

MagicToaster

Give her some Orbit gum.

Reverend_Chaos

MagicToaster wrote: »

Give her some Orbit gum.

THIS.

OMG, I seriously LOL'd when I read that.

MushroomStick

All I can think of is this story a friend told me a few years ago about this one time he hooked up with a chick and when they started to get down to business, she tells him to talk dirty to her. Well, his mind blanks and all that comes out of his mouth is, "You're Ugly!"

So don't do that.

Aphostile

Tell her she likes it.
Reassure her that she likes it.
Refer to her with a vulgar name.
Make repeated demands that she "take it".
Make many references to your member, her body parts, and the interchange between them.
Compliment her body parts with a varying level of vulgarity and temperature level.

Auntie Shibby

A couple weeks ago I was dirty talking with my girlfriend, like normal. I then said 'I wanna F--- your C---' Didn't really do much for either of us.

So yeah, talk to her and gauge what is okay to not okay to the both of you.

Or you can start off small and start getting more and more into and find a peak.

Gafoto

Dan Savage has you covered (Pretty obviously NSFW):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2R7yAQfSyW0&feature=player_embedded

The Crowing One

My god I love Dan Savage. Spot on.

Honestly, there's a huge swath between what different people want. Some people enjoy degradation/humiliation-bent "dirty talk" while others want something "nasty but sweet"; there's a lot in-between. You've got to ask her what she wants before anything else. Dan Savage has the 101 of it, but really it's up to you and your girlfriend to work out the specifics.

ceres

Be reeeeeeeally careful when taking anyone's advice that isn't "talk to her about it before you open your fool mouth". If you must jump into something start off really general and really slow and let her give feedback on what she likes.

Rayze

Yeah, you really need to ask her. My man likes dirty talk and while it does nothing for me and I feel damn awkward doing it, I do it to make him happy. Have her start things off and you'll start to get a sense of what she likes and doesn't like

Darkewolfe

I want to "verb" my "noun" on/in your "noun."

I will not provide a wordbank.

Esh

Darkewolfe wrote: »

I want to "verb" my "noun" on/in your "noun."

I will not provide a wordbank.

It's like MadLibs.

"Sautée" "Giraffe" "Washing Machine"

John Matrix

Gafoto wrote: »

Dan Savage has you covered (Pretty obviously NSFW):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2R7yAQfSyW0&feature=player_embedded

That t-shirt is the very best of t-shirts. The advice is pretty good too.

Bagginses

Tell her you want to use her mom's skin as a condom while raping her sister/father. If she isn't more specific after that, you pretty much have license to say whatever you can think up. It's a win-win.

Viscountalpha

ben0207 wrote: »

Oh god. The girl I'm dating wants me to talk dirty to her and I have literally no idea what I'm doing. Any tips? Advice?

This is something you have to feel for her. Be direct and intimate. Reach down towards the bottom of your heart and let that lust flow out.

Be imaginative, creative and most of all be positive. I think more often then not that women want it to be a good thing unless she wants to be bad.

You want the words to evoke emotions and feelings. That's what women want in those situations.

For actual words? find some good erotic stories and learn from that a bit. Preferably something written by a woman.

YMMV

ChillyWilly

Bagginses wrote: »

Tell her you want to use her mom's skin as a condom while raping her sister/father. If she isn't more specific after that, you pretty much have license to say whatever you can think up. It's a win-win.

What the fuck, bro?


Seriously, just ask your lady what she means by "talk dirty". She might mean want you to say something like, "You have a lovely vagina and I would like to massage it and be in it with my varied appendages", but she might also want you to say something, "FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF MY SHIT, URGGGGHHHHH".

Definitions of "dirty talk" are going to vary from person to person. Just like anything involving sex (relationships in general, really), it's always best to talk directly to your partner about it so you don't cross a line that you didn't even know was there in the first place.

Good luck with everything.

Bliss 101

Keep in mind that this may not turn out to be your thing, and that's OK too. Some people just aren't into talking during sex. (This has once led me to commit an "I'm sorry but could you just stop talking" faux pas, which quickly led to things going downhill.)

Beck

Oh, when you talk to her about it, it's often better to ask "what's too far?" rather than asking her exactly what she wants. Usually it's more exciting if it doesn't sound coached.

ihmmy

I'd definitely check with her on what words are 'ok' as well... I love dirty talk but c*** and b**** turn me off instantaneously, but almost everything else is fine to use

El Mucho

If she mentions her panties, don't say "oh, you mean the panties your mother laid out for you".

Djeet

Tell her what you're going to do to her. Tell her what you're doing to her. Tell her what you just did to her. All while using some dirty words. Also confidence matters, so own it.

If you just can't get your head around it then this is not a terrible place to start (obviously NSFW for language, and since it's reddit NSFW re:productivity).

Figgy

Keep in mind it's possible to talk dirty without being insulting/derogatory. In other words, you don't have to call her a whore.

MushroomStick

Figgy wrote: »

Keep in mind it's possible to talk dirty without being insulting/derogatory. In other words, you don't have to call her a whore.

This will be dependent of her preferences. She might want him to call her a whore.

Doc

MushroomStick wrote: »

Figgy wrote: »

Keep in mind it's possible to talk dirty without being insulting/derogatory. In other words, you don't have to call her a whore.

This will be dependent of her preferences. She might want him to call her a whore.

Note: while "whore" may be acceptable, do not use the word "prostitute."

DoraB

I remember staying with a friend once while I was on a vacation years ago and I could hear her making out pretty heavily with her boyfriend in the next room one night... it was equal parts funny and embarrassing but after about fifteen minutes things went dead silent and all I hear is her say in this shrill, offended voice, "WHAT did you say? WHAT did you SAY?" and him stammering an apology before she made him go home. She was pretty furious... apparently he got over excited and, in her mind, went from "dirty" (which to her was something like "oh God you make me so hot") to downright "nasty" (which was apparently a detailed description of some sort of "S&M type derogatory behaviour"). They didn't break up or anything but by all accounts it was a pretty awkward/embarrassing/upsetting experience and pretty much illustrates the need for boundaries and communication in the bedroom. You can never really be sure unless you've been with someone intimately for years and years whether they'd laugh something like that off or be genuinely hurt and angry.

If I had one piece of advice beyond asking her what she wants you to say, saying something like, "Tell me what you want me to do to you" in the heat of the moment might get her to open up to you and provide a good example of what she considers to be "dirty talk" as well.

SammyF

Unless you're totally freezing, you can probably avoid 90% of potential pitfalls by just paying attention to what she's saying. If she's moaning, "Oh God, f__k my c__t. F__k me like a dirty look wh__e," those words are now all officially in-bounds.

If she's saying "talk dirty to me" and then lies there mute and makes you guess what's dirty without being offensive, your girlfriend's kind of a jerk.

matt has a problem

I don't remember who came up with this, it may have been Dan Savage actually. But, use the card method. Both get a stack of blank index cards, write down the words you'd be ok using during sex (without looking at what the other person is writing), then lay them out on a flat surface. Any card there are two of (i.e., you both wrote down that word), those go in the "use" pile. Any card there aren't two of, you can either agree to just discard, or talk about and decide if you want them in the "use" pile.

I think originally the card method was for sex acts, done the same way. But it will work for dirty talk.

It requires a non-judgemental partner of course. But if she wants you to talk dirty to her, chances are she's not that judgemental.

ceres

That is an old old old method for working out what's cool with two parties in bed.

Like, people used to post that when I started in H/A in 2005. So it probably wasn't Dan Savage.

Doc

ceres wrote: »

That is an old old old method for working out what's cool with two parties in bed.

Like, people used to post that when I started in H/A in 2005. So it probably wasn't Dan Savage.

He has been writing the same column for The Stranger since the early 90's. I'm not saying it was him, but the guy has been around for quite some time.