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[Internet Dating] 'It built character.' - But only after you get them dates!!

MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
edited July 2011 in Debate and/or Discourse
Internet Dating


Where you can find real life

Internet_dating_2.jpg


Now that the old thread has reached one hundred pages, here is a new thread so we can share more hilarious and heartwarming tales of dating on the internet.

Our friendly and helpful forum-goers have put together a lot of advice since these threads began, I've copy-pasted most of it from Richy's old OP.

Your Profile
Wherein we discuss dating profile advice.
OkCupid wrote:
Every Section
STOP being "honest" via self deprecation in your profiles
STOP apologizing to the reader of your profile
STOP making excuses to the reader of your profile
STOP following confident statements with insecure "lol" or "haha" or "i guess"
STOP insulting your own life path in your profile
STOP calling yourself nerdy or geeky or dorky or funny or witty or handsome or sarcastic or any-fucking-thing. Leave out any sentences that say, "I am [adjective]" unless you are prepared to put up or shut up.
YOU ARE TRYING TO WOO A MATE. THIS IS NOT AN HONEST AUTOBIOGRAPHY. YOU'RE SELLING YOURSELF

My Self Summary
- Be Specific
- Show, don't tell. Use stories to show that you are interesting
- Don't talk about vague shit like "I like to travel" and "I read books for fun" and "I have maintained possession of both my eyes since birth."

What I'm Doing With My Life
- Don't beat around the bush. Just fucking tell me what you do for money or what you are studying in school. It's going to be a first question on a date and gives a potential suitor something to ask you about.
- Put interesting things in here. Hobbies. Not JUST work-things. Show me why you are awesome to hang out with.

I'm Really Good At
- You are not good at making people laugh or being funny or whatever. Find SKILLS that you have that you are good at. I can cut a deck of cards one-handed. I can drive stick shift. Something interesting that you can do that is awesome.

First Things People Notice
- It's not your smile or your eyes or your sense of humor or whatever.
- Think about something that people would notice across a bar if you were hanging out with your friends in a loud, crowded place.

Favorites
- List YOUR FAVORITES. Not every book, movie, television show, and food you've ever read, seen, watched, or eaten.
- Pick 10-12 things MAXIMUM
- If you must use key words, only key word two or three things in each section. The favorites of your favorites.
- For books, list titles, not authors. Some authors write a wide range of books. Some authors are associated with being a prick or a poser. Book Titles tell a lot more about who you are as a person.

Six Things
- Don't list bullshit like oxygen, air, water, food, friends and family. It's boring and meaningless.
- Don't list your computer, the internet, these forums, or something else pathetic.
- Do list things relating to stuff you love or mention elsewhere in the profile. Feel free to be silly here, but don't list six random things that have no connection or theme.

I Spend a lot of time thinking about
- Don't suddenly get all deep and existential when there's nothing else like that in your profile.
- Don't say "Taking over the world" because that's bullshit.
- Feel free to be funny or silly here, too, but don't make it cliche.

Typical Friday
- Don't say "there is no typical Friday"
- Don't say "taking over the world"
- Don't say "out with friends or in reading a book" like every other person ever
- This is a bullshit question, but be specific. If you are out with friends, what are you doing? Do you go dancing? Go to bars for trivia night? Watch movies and eat popcorn?

The Most Privet Thing
- ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION

Message me if
- Don't say "if you want to" or any other variation of that. BE SPECIFIC.
Pictures:
- Your main picture should feature you alone, and your face should be visible.
- Other pictures can include other people, but do specify who you are in the picture.
- Do not put up pictures where you are not at all. It's a dating site, not a Facebook album.
- Do not put up pictures with your ex. WTF would you think that's a good idea?

Headline:
- Do not write "I never know what to write in those things". Think of something. It's not hard.
- Do not write "Headlines are stupid". NO U.

I am looking for:
- Not "intimate encounters". Girls do not need the internet to find "intimate encounters". Most of them, in fact, have their accounts set to automatically block messages from guys looking for "intimate encounters".

Question section:
- Do not "prefer not to say". These are simple straightforward questions that give some basic background info on yourself. Answer them. They're not asking the number of girls you slept with or the size of your wang or the hiding place of John Connor. They're asking whether or not you own a car. If you can't answer that with a simple yes/no, you've got issues.

Interests:
- Put some.
- Be specific.
- "Doing stuff" is not an interest. Neither is "taking over the world".

About me:
- Everything from the OKC profile advice applies here.

First date:
- Do not write "i dunno." Do not write "you come up with something." Do not write "we'll talk about it and decide." Do not write "whatever you want to do." It makes you look dull and unimaginative and boring.
- Everyone has a mental picture of an ideal date. Write a one or two line abstract of it.
- This section is important. It gives the other person a good idea of your personality. If your first date idea is chatting over coffee, you might not be a match for someone whose ideal first date is skydiving over a volcano while carrying an active bomb wrapped in barbed wire. See? Important information there.

Charts!
Wherein number are plotted against other numbers to look more interesting.
People lie in their profiles
MaleHeightDistributionYoink.png

Older women are awesome
Sparkline-Casual-Sex-Gray-40.png

Pictures do matter
conversations.png

Men are stupid
Male-Messaging-Curve.png

Female-Messaging-Curve.png

Race does matter
Reply-By-Race-Male.png

Reply-By-Race-Female.png

leet speek is p. dum
netspeak-chart.png

Be specific, a.k.a. metal-loving vegetarian zombies rock
interests-chart.png

Advice
Wherein we're wise men and women. Single, sad, lonely wise men and women.
  • Don't be discouraged if you've read this entire OP, looked through the thread, and sent out a hojillion messages without anything meaningful responses. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't, but your profile and the messages you send are only fraction of who you are, so don't take that shit to heart.
  • Pellaelon wrote: "What I do get is the opportunity to view and be viewed by people outside of the areas I spend 95% of my time (work, gym, apt complex, grocery store, local bar). Maybe they contact me, maybe I contact them, maybe nothing happens. On the off chance no one messages me and no one I message ever replies it just means that I don't meet people that I would never meet in my normal life anyway. The horror! The upside is that I have a profile that is always potentially working for me while I'm doing other things like working, sleeping, watching tv, etc. For free. While I can also pursue other means of meeting women at the same time if I so choose."
  • Too good looking for you? Son, let a girl figure out why she won't sleep with you. Don't do it for her.

Also, remember if you want more specific advice to post your profile link in the thread. Four or five people will usually jump right on and begin tearing it to shreds (in a good way) so you can be more successful.

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Malkor on
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Posts

  • OrganichuOrganichu Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    well, i have been getting a lot of OKC success, so i guess i'm not looking for advice, but for my dot in this thread:

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Organichu

    um

    i don't think my profile is all that great, and my pics are abysmal placeholders... but i'm still getting laid a lot by nice, attractive, sane women

    so i guess something right's going on there

    Organichu on
  • BrainleechBrainleech Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I will not post my profile on OKC because it's really bad. I really should bother with it but part of jsut doesn't feel like it

    Brainleech on
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  • EggyToastEggyToast Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Brainleech wrote: »
    I will not post my profile on OKC because it's really bad. I really should bother with it but part of jsut doesn't feel like it

    If you think it's bad, get rid of the sections you think are bad. It's better to have a very short, plain profile than a bad one. Unless it's hilariously bad.

    EggyToast on
    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • JoolanderJoolander The Most Handsome / Best Pilot of the Bunch Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    i need to re-do my profile

    yep

    spring cleaning is in order

    Joolander on
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  • AgesAges Registered User
    edited April 2011
    Somehow, even though I coulda swore I was on this thread, my post went to the old one. Whoops...

    Obligatory profile post:

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Egonaut

    Ages on
  • OrganichuOrganichu Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Ages wrote: »
    Somehow, even though I coulda swore I was on this thread, my post went to the old one. Whoops...

    Obligatory profile post:

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Egonaut

    your first sentence is like the worst first sentence i've ever seen

    but the other sections look pretty entertaining to me

    Organichu on
  • LadyMLadyM Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Redid my profile, changed my orientation to "gay", and immediately got a bunch of hits from creepy looking guys. UM.

    Anyway, I'm going to peruse some random profiles today and further ponder what separates the good, bad, and mediocre.

    LadyM on
  • AgesAges Registered User
    edited April 2011
    Really? I guess I could shave that off. I mean, I'm not really using this thing to it's full potential anymore since I'm trying to cut down on dating for awhile.

    Ages on
  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    LadyM wrote: »
    Redid my profile, changed my orientation to "gay", and immediately got a bunch of hits from creepy looking guys. UM.

    Anyway, I'm going to peruse some random profiles today and further ponder what separates the good, bad, and mediocre.

    Niiiiiiiiice.

    Malkor on
    14271f3c-c765-4e74-92b1-49d7612675f2.jpg
  • rizriz Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    LadyM wrote: »
    Redid my profile, changed my orientation to "gay", and immediately got a bunch of hits from creepy looking guys. UM.

    Anyway, I'm going to peruse some random profiles today and further ponder what separates the good, bad, and mediocre.

    Hahaha.

    Mmm, new thread smell.


    OP needs that thing that one guy wrote about texting his friends with a "QUICK, ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE ME" or whatever to fill out the "things people notice" question. Or was it another question? Either way, that was solid advice.

    riz on
    Organichu wrote:
    she's some sort of malevolent creature who bores through this world into the next using hatred and suffering as her fuel
  • SliderSlider Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    A new thread. I suppose that means I should clean my profile a little bit. Any suggestions?

    Slider on
  • OrganichuOrganichu Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    you posted the generic 'my profile' link

    search for your username on OKC

    then link that

    Organichu on
  • <3<3 Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Hello new thread,

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/its_contagious

    Do you like my profile?

    [ ] yes
    [ ] no
    [ ] maybe

    <3 on
  • OrganichuOrganichu Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    well, you're very good looking so that's a plus

    "I tend to be pretty quite at first, but I promise I'm not a robot. BEEP. BOOP."

    quiet

    otherwise i like it

    Organichu on
  • SliderSlider Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Hello new thread,

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/its_contagious

    Do you like my profile?

    [ ] yes
    [ ] no
    [ ] maybe

    No.

    Remove "I'm sexy," "BEEP. BOOP.," "I love traveling," and "GTL with my bros."

    Slider on
  • SliderSlider Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Organichu wrote: »
    you posted the generic 'my profile' link

    search for your username on OKC

    then link that

    Fixed.

    Slider on
  • <3<3 Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Travelling is overly used isn't it?

    <3 on
  • Z0reZ0re Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Hey, you totally copied my OP!
    that I shamelessly copied from Richy!

    I'm thinking of starting up an OKcupid profile again, now that school is out for the summer and I can hopefully avoid some of the mistakes I made last time. Good idea y/n?

    Z0re on
  • Medium DaveMedium Dave Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    riz wrote: »
    LadyM wrote: »
    Redid my profile, changed my orientation to "gay", and immediately got a bunch of hits from creepy looking guys. UM.

    Anyway, I'm going to peruse some random profiles today and further ponder what separates the good, bad, and mediocre.

    Hahaha.

    Mmm, new thread smell.


    OP needs that thing that one guy wrote about texting his friends with a "QUICK, ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE ME" or whatever to fill out the "things people notice" question. Or was it another question? Either way, that was solid advice.

    It was just as general description, although it could totally roll into "things people notice" as well. So you don't feel like a cocky motherfucker pointing out all your good bits.

    Medium Dave on
    steam_sig.png
  • VideotapeVideotape Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Had a girl message me saying she had just created her OKC account. She said she was checking out the prospects around my city since she's graduating in May and moving here and I seemed like the most interesting guy around here. Ended up getting her number and we've been texting a bit. Cut to 3 days later and she tells me she just deleted her account and can't wait to hang out with me and have me show her what the city has to offer. /excite

    Videotape on
  • MelksterMelkster Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    This week in dating:

    1. One guy flaked out on our first meeting without notice. Heh. Moron.

    2. Second guy turned out to have very little in common. Real nice though!

    Now I'm chatting with a third guy... :D

    Melkster on
  • CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I am carrying conversations with two women in different cities. No idea why I'm doing it, I'm not interested in long distance, really.

    I also decided to message a couple of women who have checked out my profile multiple times over the last few months without saying anything, so far one has replied, we'll see what happens. Oddly, both of these ladies were nearly six feet tall.

    Corvus on
    :so_raven:
  • LaliluleloLalilulelo Richmond, VARegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
  • RamiRami Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I keep thinking I should do this, especially since I just moved to California from the UK and don't really know anyone. But..ugh, I just can't put myself out there like that. It must be a pretty common problem but that doesn't make it any less inhibiting.

    Rami on
    Steam / Xbox Live: WSDX NNID: W-S-D-X 3DS FC: 2637-9461-8549
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  • LaliluleloLalilulelo Richmond, VARegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Rami wrote: »
    I keep thinking I should do this, especially since I just moved to California from the UK and don't really know anyone. But..ugh, I just can't put myself out there like that. It must be a pretty common problem but that doesn't make it any less inhibiting.


    It's like going to the gym, or some kind of practice. The hard part is getting there. Once you're in, it's no sweat.

    Lalilulelo on
  • rizriz Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Rami wrote: »
    I keep thinking I should do this, especially since I just moved to California from the UK and don't really know anyone. But..ugh, I just can't put myself out there like that. It must be a pretty common problem but that doesn't make it any less inhibiting.

    Just remember, you now have a Cute and/or Sexy British Accent, so your work is halfway done.*

    I sympathize, though. Moving to a totally new place is not at all fun in this sense for introverts.


    *This is with the assumption you're originally from the UK as well.

    riz on
    Organichu wrote:
    she's some sort of malevolent creature who bores through this world into the next using hatred and suffering as her fuel
  • ihmmyihmmy Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Grrr, why do all of you make your profile only viewable to those with an account? I don't want to reactivate my account at the moment, why must you make it hard to stalk, er, critique you? :P

    ihmmy on
  • LadyMLadyM Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Ages wrote: »
    Somehow, even though I coulda swore I was on this thread, my post went to the old one. Whoops...

    Obligatory profile post:

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Egonaut

    Kudos on deleting the first line, but I'd also delete your current first paragraph. Or at least the marriage part. You're going to scare off girls not interested in marriage--yes, even though you say you aren't interested in it. Their eyes are going to latch right onto that word and they're going to frantically hit the back button without reading the rest.

    Just my opinion, of course. But that was what sprung out at me. "MARRIAGE, WHAT. NO, GET TO KNOW A GIRL FIRS--oh wait. He doesn't want marriage."

    LadyM on
  • rizriz Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Yeah that's possibly the worst way to start a profile. "Doesn't want children" in the box on the side covers your intentions there. Not to mention even "I can handle a relationship" sounds like it's something that might be up for debate. (Then again I'm not sure you care given that your "looking for" says just friends.)

    riz on
    Organichu wrote:
    she's some sort of malevolent creature who bores through this world into the next using hatred and suffering as her fuel
  • CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Rami wrote: »
    I keep thinking I should do this, especially since I just moved to California from the UK and don't really know anyone. But..ugh, I just can't put myself out there like that. It must be a pretty common problem but that doesn't make it any less inhibiting.

    I used to feel that way, and I now wish I'd gotten into doing this much, much, sooner.

    What is putting you off doing it?

    Fear of losing anonymity? It's 2011, privacy is, if not dead, on its way there. And looking for people to date is nothing to be ashamed of anyways!

    Lack of experience? You don't get any, without trying for it!

    Putting yourself out there is a little daunting at first, but remember, most things worth going for involve a little struggle.

    The people in these threads have had some pretty awesome advice and its helped me and many other posters get better at this aspect of life, so maybe we can help you out with this.

    Corvus on
    :so_raven:
  • genericpostergenericposter Registered User
    edited April 2011
    I've lurked these forums for a while now and randomly read these threads over all the others. I think the fact that I met my fiance through match.com is the reason I have a soft spot in my heart for it.

    Internet dating works. When I got divorced I used it to have a plethora of random, fun, "meaningless" interaction with random woman I'd have never met if it wasn't for the internet. "Wounds" healed.

    Then I met my fiance. We've known each other a year this Sunday and spent the last 6 months living an amazing life.

    Thank you internet dating. She hates admitting to others that we met online, but I tell everyone that asks. I hope it helps them as much as its helped me.

    genericposter on
  • psyck0psyck0 Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    2nd date Sunday. Pretty promising. It was her birthday this week, so I should take something, but flowers aren't really going to work because it is an outdoor thing. Any ideas?

    psyck0 on
    Play Smash Bros 3DS with me! 4399-1034-5444
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  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    psyck0 wrote: »
    2nd date Sunday. Pretty promising. It was her birthday this week, so I should take something, but flowers aren't really going to work because it is an outdoor thing. Any ideas?
    Bubble maker?

    Silly/cheap/fun

    Also they sell the pans or regular bottles everywhere.

    Malkor on
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  • DemerdarDemerdar Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    ihmmy wrote: »
    Grrr, why do all of you make your profile only viewable to those with an account? I don't want to reactivate my account at the moment, why must you make it hard to stalk, er, critique you? :P

    make a bullshit dummy account..

    that is.. what i do.

    Demerdar on
    parabol
    nin_new2.gif
  • SliderSlider Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I have managed to reduce potential dates in the Seattle area down to 13 pages. I've started to "hide" all of the women that are either unattractive or haven't responded to my messages. I will continue to do this until I've reduced the number of pages to 0.

    I'm beginning to think that Seattle women do not have what I'm looking for.

    Slider on
  • rizriz Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    She hates admitting to others that we met online, but I tell everyone that asks. I hope it helps them as much as its helped me.

    This is sweet.

    riz on
    Organichu wrote:
    she's some sort of malevolent creature who bores through this world into the next using hatred and suffering as her fuel
  • MyDcmbrMyDcmbr Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Yay new thread!

    I got a couple hits on my profile, nothing panned out though. I also checked out that "whats your price" website, found a really cute girl that lives near me... turns out that it was pictures of Raven Riley.

    Nuts.

    MyDcmbr on
    Steam
    So we get stiff once in a while. So we have a little fun. What’s wrong with that? This is a free country, isn’t it? I can take my panda any place I want to. And if I wanna buy it a drink, that’s my business.
  • trednistrednis Registered User
    edited April 2011
    now that a bunch of you will be seeing some random guy in your visitors section I might as well put up my profile for critique http://www.okcupid.com/profile/trednis.

    I recently received a complimentary message from a local swinger. Was a "thanks, but no thanks" moment.

    trednis on
  • OrganichuOrganichu Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    trednis wrote: »
    now that a bunch of you will be seeing some random guy in your visitors section I might as well put up my profile for critique http://www.okcupid.com/profile/trednis.

    I recently received a complimentary message from a local swinger. Was a "thanks, but no thanks" moment.

    tangential: i don't say this of most people but you look really good with the beard, i'd keep it

    Organichu on
  • AgesAges Registered User
    edited April 2011
    Removed the entirety of the first paragraph, but it's moot because I don't plan on using this thing for dating for awhile anymore.

    The met an actress girl for coffee on Tuesday and just spent two hours talking to her -- I've never had that much compatibility with a girl I was dating before, which is kinda scary. This is the first time in a really long time that I've wanted something to evolve into something bigger than just casual. We ended up making arrangements for a second "real" date towards the end of our first one. Monday night. It seriously cannot come fast enough.

    I kinda surprised her yesterday at one of her shows -- she was doing an abstract version of Oklahoma. I don't know much about the original play, but I was pretty much floored by her performance. I never would've guessed at all that my presence there was making her nervous.

    So yeah, OKC profile is pretty much unimportant to me.

    Ages on
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