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Things says, done, written while stupidly drunk.

samurai6966samurai6966 Registered User
edited May 2011 in Help / Advice Forum
So here's my great story. Last night I got stupid drunk. I'm also on pain meds for having my wisdom teeth so I was extra fucked up too. I know it wasn't smart but it happen, I survived, let's continue. I remember everything that happen but now I don't know what to do.

A girl that I like, who's placed me in friend's zone yet still makes out with me is currency sleeping in my roommate's bed. Last year, the girl and I had a sexual relationship, kinda of a summer fling as she was going to join the Army in 2 months. Things when great and she left. In December, she came back after medical discharged (I'm not too sure if that's true, she's a wild child and I'm sure she got kicked out for something else) and hit me up on my old Myspace, I hung out with her twice, in which I, being a gentlemen I am, paid for dinner, movie tickets, even filled up her gas tank since she was looking for work. She kissed me in a way that only girls who are really interested in you do, passionate movie kisses. But after that, she showed me no affection other than a hug after we met the second time. The second time she asked if you could borrow money for rent, I gave it to her (I know, I'm an idiot for not seeing the signs before this), then heard nothing for a month until she text me again asking if I could spare more. I said I couldn't and she stop talking to me after I texted her a few days later. I know she had a phone as far back in February, my roommate and I drunk text her and she answered because it was one of those stupid text you wouldn't understand.

So enter Monday, I'm setting up my Facebook and I happen to come across her. I add her as a friend and almost instantly get a message about hanging out again, wanting to catch up, blah blah blah. I say fine and start the whole thing over again. She kisses me again, then sleeps at my place for two days, I buy her lunches, tickets, do things for her. Then last night I'm up on my pain meds as I got my wisdom teeth pulled Wednesday and in that stupidness start drinking as I haven't drink in weeks. Somewhere my roommate shows up, starts hanging out. They get flirty but he doesn't at first do anything. But after I'm good, drugged and drunk, she starts saying things that start to hurt me. Like how she had sex with me because I was nice enough to pay for everything. And how I'm like her brother now (friend's zoned), and how we weren't sexual compatible. Then she ask if I would mind if they fucked as she's horny as hell, blah blah blah and I said sure. Now I'm not sure what made me say that. Maybe it's because I'm a push over, but I let them, and they pretty much wasted no time going to his room, fucking loud enough I heard it and left me sitting alone, drunk, and now pissed. So I did something stupid. I wrote a very long letter to her on facebook saying how I'm done being used by her, how I'm sick of being treated as the butt of everyone's joke. The whole high school emo shit. I sent it, when to bed. Now I'm up, 4 hours later, hung over, pissed and wondering where I go from here. I'm pretty much done with her, but my roommate has been a cool friend up until this point and I said some shit about him in that letter I shouldn't have said. I still have to live with this guy (I'm in military dorms so I can't just move) so what do I do?

samurai6966 on
Echo wrote: »
Yeah, some times I just want to get my farm in shape without being bothered by green explosive dildos.

Posts

  • BoomShakeBoomShake Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Cut this girl out of your life. Defriend, block her phone number, everything.

    Talk to your roommate friend today. Try to explain the situation and your mental state (i.e. emotions, feelings of betrayal, etc.) and how sorry you are for saying X, Y, Z in the heat of the moment. Do not lean on being drunk as even the tinyest of excuses. With any luck, your roommate will be an understanding guy.

  • John MatrixJohn Matrix Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. You probably meant the majority of what you said.

  • adytumadytum Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Doesn't sounds like you really did anything wrong.

    For her: She doesn't exist to you anymore. She sounds like a toxic person, and you don't need those in your life.

    For him: Are you friends? Good friends? Do you care to salvage the relationship? If you're at all good friends, and he knew the history between you and her, then what he did wasn't so much wrong as completely insensitive to your feelings. If you're good friends, all you'll need to say is "I was drunk and I said some things I didn't mean. It's not an excuse, I apologize for my actions, and it won't happen again."

    That's all you should need to say to a good friend. And then make sure it doesn't happen again. If you can't prevent it from happening again, then you never want drink so much you're not in control of yourself again.

    You might want to expand on your relationship with your roommate if you're to receive better advice.

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  • WezoinWezoin Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. You probably meant the majority of what you said.

    I hate this expression because its not necessarily true at all. Sure occasionally you'll let something slip you didn't mean to when you're drunk, but the vast majority of shit I say when I'm drunk? Pure garbage that doesn't at all represent how I feel when I'm sober.

    The best example I can use to illustrate this is the stereotypical girl saying "I wish I hadn't slept with that guy last night." Sober she would have never slept with him or even had any interest in him, drunk she'd sleep with him and probably a lot more guys she'd not have any interest in sober.

  • DerrickDerrick Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Wezoin wrote: »
    A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. You probably meant the majority of what you said.

    I hate this expression because its not necessarily true at all. Sure occasionally you'll let something slip you didn't mean to when you're drunk, but the vast majority of shit I say when I'm drunk? Pure garbage that doesn't at all represent how I feel when I'm sober.

    The best example I can use to illustrate this is the stereotypical girl saying "I wish I hadn't slept with that guy last night." Sober she would have never slept with him or even had any interest in him, drunk she'd sleep with him and probably a lot more guys she'd not have any interest in sober.

    I don't think you understand the point of that statement.

    To the OP: If a girl makes out with you but "friend-zoned" you? Yeah, not a person you want to be around.

    "The welfare of each of us is dependent fundamentally upon the welfare of all of us."
    Spoiler:
    -Theodore Roosevelt
  • RikushixRikushix Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Ouch. That's a rough thing to hear from a girl. I'd say even more so if she's drunk. The sex doesn't help things.

    Cut her out of your life. I know what's it's like to "see the signs" yet willingly turn a blind eye. She's someone who isn't THAT into you, just try and move on. As for your roommate, he was drunk, and a girl wanted to have sex with him. Hopefully no hard feelings between you two.

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  • The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Oh man, now this is my sort of thread. I've said, done and written things drunk that I regret. A lot. Usually on a semi-weekly basis.

    But the only thing it seems you did was grow the backbone you didn't have before. I suspect that your guilt comes more from a position of having done this drunk than in having done it at all. I agree with the previous posters in that this woman sounds unstable, manipulative and an all-around horrific person willing to use you for money and trailing you along like a puppy. You're better off without her in your life.

    Now your roommate is another story, but I'd suggest preempting the telephone game and sitting him down and telling him what's up. The fact that he was off having loud sex with her in earshot of you is reason enough to be upset after everything she put you through. Let him know that you said shit about him, but that it was your frustration with her that was really your issue. Apologize and let him know that you were really pissed about the whole thing. It doesn't sound like he really wanted to mess with you, but that he followed his dick into a far more complicated and messed-up situation than he expected. Let him know you're not really pissed at him, and that this woman is, essentially, so irresponsible and manipulative that he got swept up in something that made him an incidental target of sorts.

    And again, you did the right thing even if you were drunk.

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  • JebusUDJebusUD Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    That is pretty messed up that she acted like that. No consideration for you.

    She said you weren't sexually compatible? I would be more worried about that. Maybe you need to up your game in bed. There are plenty of sex guides out there that are actually really good. Sex for Dummies comes to mind (no joke, actually really informative). Alternatively, maybe she is just mean spirited.

    No way I would put up with her nonsense though. That is just rude behavior.

    You haven't given me a reason to steer clear of you!
  • The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    JebusUD wrote: »
    She said you weren't sexually compatible? I would be more worried about that. Maybe you need to up your game in bed. There are plenty of sex guides out there that are actually really good. Sex for Dummies comes to mind (no joke, actually really informative). Alternatively, maybe she is just mean spirited.

    I don't think that the OP's bedroom skillz are at all in consideration here. I'd also shy away from making him think that if he were "better in bed" she wouldn't have used and abused him for money, dinners and facilitating a within-earshot hookup after ridiculing him in from of his roommate. Shame on you, Jebus.

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  • ceresceres Just your problem OoSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited May 2011
    This isn't so bad. Many a usually even-tempered adult has written a drunk note and been okay. It may feel immature at the moment, but anything that helps you cut yourself off from this parasitic relationship is probably time well-spent. Don't beat yourself up about it too badly.

    How much longer do you have to live with your roommate?

    I've got my own life and I've got my own plans
    I hope you understand, and like the way that I am
  • JebusUDJebusUD Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    JebusUD wrote: »
    She said you weren't sexually compatible? I would be more worried about that. Maybe you need to up your game in bed. There are plenty of sex guides out there that are actually really good. Sex for Dummies comes to mind (no joke, actually really informative). Alternatively, maybe she is just mean spirited.

    I don't think that the OP's bedroom skillz are at all in consideration here. I'd also shy away from making him think that if he were "better in bed" she wouldn't have used and abused him for money, dinners and facilitating a within-earshot hookup after ridiculing him in from of his roommate. Shame on you, Jebus.

    Oh no, she totally would have abused him and used him either way. She just would have used him longer. Probably a terrible person that you shouldn't be around. However rude people can often be brutally honest. They can also be liars that are just trying to hurt you. So use your best judgement.

    edit: she might potentially see herself as not having used you at all. You paid for things for her, she slept with you. Not very flattering for her, but that might be how she sees it. Honestly, if you want to not be hurt, probably not the best person to be around.

    You haven't given me a reason to steer clear of you!
  • LucidLucid Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Next time you get involved with someone, make what you want a priority. It's fine to consider someone else's feelings, but not when they're being manipulative.

    Also don't listen to Jebus.

    No museum needs another upside-down toilet bowl once it has one.
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle and you're not happy, but you're funny and I'm tripping over my joyRegistered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Life rule, this is very serious: you do not and should not have to pay people for sex or affection.

    That is where this all went wrong.

    You bought her things in place of establishing a real connection (which she likely would've refused, THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IN ANY WAY), you didn't push (in a mature adult way) for a conversation to see where things were where you laid out what you'd like (a relationship?) and then you hung out with her anyway in just a limbo state and agreed to let her sex up your roommate.

    Lots of lessons here. I've learned many of them first hand. In fact, my first and guiding life rule is "Do not do anything you don't want to." which isn't "Be selfish." but is instead just don't do something if it'll make you uncomfortable or you know you will regret it, your morals and doing what you consider right are the most important thing. You have to be honest and assertive, and then you will attract people who are also honest and assertive.

    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.
  • samurai6966samurai6966 Registered User
    edited May 2011
    So update, I left soon after posting to go to the free Comic book thing and when I came back, they were both gone. I hoped for a while. Soon she comes in my room (I never lock the fucking thing) and wants to "buddy" up with me. I yell her out, she wants to talk. We talked and now it's known that I don't care for her, I'm not her bitch anymore, and I don't want to see her anymore.

    Also, all things she said, she said in front of my roommate and me. She was sober. We weren't. I got to talking to him today and he said that that was a dick thing of her and he's done with her too. Honestly, it's been a horrible weekend. Sex guides are pretty useless also for a guy who's on a year dry spell, Jebus.


    Edit: She sent me a message on facebook saying that I should be a writer after reading my 3 page letter. Silver linings and that bullshit.

    Echo wrote: »
    Yeah, some times I just want to get my farm in shape without being bothered by green explosive dildos.
  • JebusUDJebusUD Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Also, all things she said, she said in front of my roommate and me. She was sober. We weren't. I got to talking to him today and he said that that was a dick thing of her and he's done with her too. Honestly, it's been a horrible weekend. Sex guides are pretty useless also for a guy who's on a year dry spell, Jebus.

    Yeah, best to find someone who is into you as a person and then they will be willing to make the sexytimes work. Best to move on and try to find that person. The fact that she is just going to throw that kind of thing in your face and then get with your roomie means you are best off without her.

    I also agree with Last Castle on the money and communication issues. Gotta make it clear what you are looking for.

    Good work on working things out with the roomie too, that is the most important thing, since you have to live with him.

    You haven't given me a reason to steer clear of you!
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle and you're not happy, but you're funny and I'm tripping over my joyRegistered User regular
    edited May 2011
    College students and their drama. Yelling at her wasn't even worth it, and I hope you're learning lessons about yourself and not just "She's a bitch. I got used." because your behavior here isn't very cool either.

    Sorry if that's harsh, but I think you need to hear it.

    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.
  • Skoal CatSkoal Cat Registered User
    edited May 2011
    College students and their drama. Yelling at her wasn't even worth it, and I hope you're learning lessons about yourself and not just "She's a bitch. I got used." because your behavior here isn't very cool either.

    Sorry if that's harsh, but I think you need to hear it.


    Do you see this? You should because its in neon fucking green now. Did you read this? You should, because even though she is a horrible person, you aren't exactly golden here.

    ceres wrote: »
    Skoal Cat is correct.
  • exisexis Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Skoal Cat wrote: »
    College students and their drama. Yelling at her wasn't even worth it, and I hope you're learning lessons about yourself and not just "She's a bitch. I got used." because your behavior here isn't very cool either.

    Sorry if that's harsh, but I think you need to hear it.


    Do you see this? You should because its in neon fucking green now. Did you read this? You should, because even though she is a horrible person, you aren't exactly golden here.

    Wait, what? What terrible things has the OP done, besides telling her how he honestly feels about being emotionally and financially used?

    XBL: ecksys | LoL: deyur | Path of Exile: deyur | Check out our Kiwi games podcast
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  • ZombiemamboZombiemambo Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    JebusUD wrote: »
    JebusUD wrote: »
    She said you weren't sexually compatible? I would be more worried about that. Maybe you need to up your game in bed. There are plenty of sex guides out there that are actually really good. Sex for Dummies comes to mind (no joke, actually really informative). Alternatively, maybe she is just mean spirited.

    I don't think that the OP's bedroom skillz are at all in consideration here. I'd also shy away from making him think that if he were "better in bed" she wouldn't have used and abused him for money, dinners and facilitating a within-earshot hookup after ridiculing him in from of his roommate. Shame on you, Jebus.

    Oh no, she totally would have abused him and used him either way. She just would have used him longer. Probably a terrible person that you shouldn't be around. However rude people can often be brutally honest. They can also be liars that are just trying to hurt you. So use your best judgement.

    edit: she might potentially see herself as not having used you at all. You paid for things for her, she slept with you. Not very flattering for her, but that might be how she sees it. Honestly, if you want to not be hurt, probably not the best person to be around.

    That's dumb. Sexual compatibility is way more complex than that.

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  • ceresceres Just your problem OoSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited May 2011
    exis wrote: »
    Skoal Cat wrote: »
    College students and their drama. Yelling at her wasn't even worth it, and I hope you're learning lessons about yourself and not just "She's a bitch. I got used." because your behavior here isn't very cool either.

    Sorry if that's harsh, but I think you need to hear it.


    Do you see this? You should because its in neon fucking green now. Did you read this? You should, because even though she is a horrible person, you aren't exactly golden here.

    Wait, what? What terrible things has the OP done, besides telling her how he honestly feels about being emotionally and financially used?

    Yeah, I'm confused on this too. He didn't light her cat on fire, he was just blunt with his feelings. Yeesh.

    edit: unless you're talking about trying to win her over by buying her stuff. That wasn't particularly swift, and yeah, don't fall for girls it looks like you're going to have to buy.

    I've got my own life and I've got my own plans
    I hope you understand, and like the way that I am
  • DemerdarDemerdar Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    News flash:

    Nobody will never be "golden" in a situation like yours. You are running on emotions and things will be said on said emotions (rofl at this sentence). My point being, you aren't being a bad person saying what you said to her, or how you said it to her. Cheer up and chalk this up to a learning experience :^:.

    parabol
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  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle and you're not happy, but you're funny and I'm tripping over my joyRegistered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Ceres, if this is not the kind of response you wanted just let me know and I'll take it down...

    He is fueling this drama. The three key incidents of that were agreeing that they could have sex when they asked (what he wanted to say was "No, I like you and this makes me uncomfortable."), writing a super long letter to her and then yelling at her in person.

    He should've just said enough is enough and shut it all down. You can go vent to some close friends, but to her you just say "I don't want to talk to you anymore." and then you stop talking to her. All the rest is creating and maintaining a bad situation.

    Do you think she learned a lesson by being yelled at? Noooooooooo, sir. I'm of the opinion that maturity is knowing when you've lost, for whatever reason, and accepting and moving on. She's a terrible person from these descriptions so move on.

    I feel it is bad advice and destructive to not tell him that he did a few things wrong in this situation because I think unless he internalizes that it could be repeated with a different girl under the thought "This time will be different!"

    edit: Samurai, the only reason I am able to give you this advice is I have been in similar situations to yours. I'm not trying to scold you. I really, really, really sympathize.

    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.
  • ceresceres Just your problem OoSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited May 2011
    OTLC, I don't think anybody's trying to say that he handled it perfectly, but he didn't really do anything all that wrong, either. The thing is, the question in the OP has nothing to do with the girl; he's asking more about if things need fixing with the roommate. So instead of picking apart his dealings with the girl (which were neither particularly extreme nor particularly destructive in this case), people should probably really be talking about the roommate question more.

    I've got my own life and I've got my own plans
    I hope you understand, and like the way that I am
  • YaitsajYaitsaj Registered User
    edited May 2011
    You should send her a message and ask her for money. Flip the tables.

  • The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Yaitsaj wrote: »
    You should send her a message and ask her for money. Flip the tables.

    Whatever you do, don't do this. Close the door. Delete her from Facebook and MySpace and your phone. She has proven that she isn't someone you want to associate with, and sticking to that is, perhaps, the most important part of telling her how you feel.

    And I'll suggest, again, that you should really talk to your roommate before this goes into the second-hand rumor mill.

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  • samurai6966samurai6966 Registered User
    edited May 2011
    Things with my roommate are good. We had some beers last night, laughed about it, made jokes about Eiffel Towering the next girl (google it. I had to...), and even played around on my OKCupid profile looking at girls and sending them messages.

    I know yelling at her doesn't seem mature and whatnot, but it got her out of my life. Hopefully for good.

    Echo wrote: »
    Yeah, some times I just want to get my farm in shape without being bothered by green explosive dildos.
  • Inquisitor77Inquisitor77 a.k.a. Nubmonger/Antaeus#1352, 2 x Penny Arcade Fight Club Champion Oakland, CARegistered User regular
    edited May 2011
    Maybe you didn't handle this one perfectly, but now you know what to look for and will hopefully deal with it sooner (and comport yourself better in the process). Good job on hashing things out with the roommate and moving on.

    One piece of final advice: Try not to turn this into a deep, abiding hatred sort of thing. She's out of your life. You learned your lesson. Time to move on. I've had toxic relationships that I've held onto in my burning heart of hearts for years (as in, every time I thought about this person I would get angry). It doesn't do anything constructive, and only hurts you. Chalk this one up to life and consider it a good experience for the future.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no.
  • samurai6966samurai6966 Registered User
    edited May 2011
    Oh, I'm not going to let this eat me up. I have better things to do like... like...

    I'm not sure, but I know I got something cooler to do!

    :P

    Echo wrote: »
    Yeah, some times I just want to get my farm in shape without being bothered by green explosive dildos.
  • ceresceres Just your problem OoSuper Moderator, Moderator mod
    edited May 2011
    Oh, I'm not going to let this eat me up. I have better things to do like... like...

    Like pick at your toenails. There is literally nothing less worth doing than dwelling on this person.

    I'm glad you recognize that; many don't, especially those for whom it's been a while since their last relationship. You're pretty much coming out ahead, here.

    I've got my own life and I've got my own plans
    I hope you understand, and like the way that I am
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