Penny Arcade Strip "The New Kid" to become Motion Picture

Hurtdog

ArbitraryDescriptor wrote: »

Hurtdog wrote: »

Oh that actually makes sense now...

but why go through that hassle? Is it to pay less taxes or something?

Partially that, I imagine. But I also imagine that it is mostly done to fuck over the naive saps doing business with them.

God damn thats a lot of effort just to fuck over some poor saps.

Gosling

ArbitraryDescriptor wrote: »

Hurtdog wrote: »

Oh that actually makes sense now...

but why go through that hassle? Is it to pay less taxes or something?

Partially that, I imagine. But I also imagine that it is mostly done to fuck over the naive saps doing business with them.

I call it a stupid tax, but yeah, that's my thinking too. Catch out the people that don't know Hollywoodese.

mcdermott

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that Khoo has the four-one-one on that shit, though. I doubt PA has the kind of clout required to demand points on the gross, but I'm sure whatever lump they're getting was negotiated with such creative accounting practices in mind.

Talka

Some of you guys are being way less exuberant than this sort of news merits. This is awesome! The New Kid is a great strip / concept, Gary Whitta is awesome, and this is just amazing news for Mike and Jerry.

So cool.

Bagginses

I think that part of why it was greenlit was that it had a lot more elements that lend themselves to a movie. It wasn't a cold open, the story doesn't have an obviously imminent end, it wouldn't have to involve animals (that's what killed westerns), et cetera. Then there's the fact that the M&J wanted to turn it into a feature. Of course, it probably doesn't hurt that what we've seen so far could bring Carl Jung to orgasm.

Element Brian

Somewhere Jack Thompson is having a stroke.

Handkor

This is great, with this news and all the exposure I can't wait to see what it can do for Child's Play.

Tomanta

I'm always excited when Penny Arcade expands their empire.

Hopefully if this actually gets made (optioned is far from a guarantee) they get a PA logo slapped up at the beginning.

Spoiler:

Then some soccer mom goes to look it up, since hey, their kid liked the movie! Maybe they made some others. Then the parents start reading the comics. Queue o_O O_oD:

Handkor

Tomanta wrote: »

I'm always excited when Penny Arcade expands their empire.

Hopefully if this actually gets made (optioned is far from a guarantee) they get a PA logo slapped up at the beginning.

Spoiler:

Then some soccer mom goes to look it up, since hey, their kid liked the movie! Maybe they made some others. Then the parents start reading the comics. Queue o_O O_oD:

Fox News special report: "The people behind this summers new kid movie could unleash 'CLAWSHRIMPS', what is this new menace, more at 11."

Donkey Kong

They will almost certainly be:

Based on a comic by
Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik

21stCentury

When's the Jim Darkmagic film trilogy coming out?

They better make one... Because seriously, Jim Darkmagic (Of the New Hampshire Darkmagics). That say it all, I think.

see317

Hurtdog wrote: »

ArbitraryDescriptor wrote: »

Hurtdog wrote: »

Oh that actually makes sense now...

but why go through that hassle? Is it to pay less taxes or something?

Partially that, I imagine. But I also imagine that it is mostly done to fuck over the naive saps doing business with them.

God damn thats a lot of effort just to fuck over some poor saps.

It seems like a lot of effort, but consider that Forrest Gump took in nearly 700 million bucks on a budget of 55 million. The 3 percent of that that the author thought he'd be getting is easily worth the effort needed to set up a PO box and a front corporation to fuck him up the ass. Sure, he still got 350 grand, but damn...

Another interesting example of Hollywood accounting, Babylon 5. Appearently JMS hasn't made a cent off of it thanks to this bullshit and despite having made a profit for each of the 5 seasons plus raking in nearly half a billion on DVD sales is apparently still 80 million in debt on paper. "Basically," says Straczynski, "by the terms of my contract, if a set on a WB movie burns down in Botswana, they can charge it against B5's profits."

More info from Wiki, but Hollywood Bullshit probably deserves a thread of it's own rather then polluting this thread about a wonderful thing happening.

Bagginses

21stCentury wrote: »

When's the Jim Darkmagic film trilogy coming out?

They better make one... Because seriously, Jim Darkmagic (Of the New Hampshire Darkmagics). That say it all, I think.

I don't think the average viewer has the capability to suspend disbelief in the face of claims that there's anything magical in New Jersey.

Gosling

Bagginses wrote: »

21stCentury wrote: »

When's the Jim Darkmagic film trilogy coming out?

They better make one... Because seriously, Jim Darkmagic (Of the New Hampshire Darkmagics). That say it all, I think.

I don't think the average viewer has the capability to suspend disbelief in the face of claims that there's anything magical in New Jersey.

This is why you make haste.

Haaaaaaaste.

Suriko

I'm going to be over here, sulking that Automata didn't get a movie.

Because damn, I would watch the fucking shit out of a movie of that.

Bagginses

Suriko wrote: »

I'm going to be over here, sulking that Automata didn't get a movie.

Because damn, I would watch the fucking shit out of a movie of that.

If it helps, you can still watch episode 19 of The Big O:

With the case of the android crusher still unsolved, Paradigm HQ takes drastic measures by assigning a new inspector, R. Frederick O'Reilly, to the case. The android and Colonel Dastun form an uneasy partnership to catch the criminal.

21stCentury

Bagginses wrote: »

21stCentury wrote: »

When's the Jim Darkmagic film trilogy coming out?

They better make one... Because seriously, Jim Darkmagic (Of the New Hampshire Darkmagics). That say it all, I think.

I don't think the average viewer has the capability to suspend disbelief in the face of claims that there's anything magical in New Jersey.

It might be a joke I don't get by virtue of not being American, but isn't New Hampshire a different state from New Jersey?

I mean, I'm well aware of New Jersey, but I thought New Hampshire was and still is considered to be New Englands most magical state...

Bagginses

21stCentury wrote: »

Bagginses wrote: »

21stCentury wrote: »

When's the Jim Darkmagic film trilogy coming out?

They better make one... Because seriously, Jim Darkmagic (Of the New Hampshire Darkmagics). That say it all, I think.

I don't think the average viewer has the capability to suspend disbelief in the face of claims that there's anything magical in New Jersey.

It might be a joke I don't get by virtue of not being American, but isn't New Hampshire a different state from New Jersey?

I mean, I'm well aware of New Jersey, but I thought New Hampshire was and still is considered to be New Englands most magical state...

I meant New Hampshire, but my mind always fills in "New Jersey" whenever I'm shitting on a state.

KalTorak

Why are people "disappointed that it's this instead of Automata" or whatever?

This is god damn Hollywood. This is one of their most marketable ideas to a broad audience, and if it actually gets made and makes everyone sacks of money, it means they have a better chance of getting more projects made. There was never going to be an Automata movie without this coming first.

Heffling

Hurtdog wrote: »

Ugh, I suppose The New Kid is probably the easiest film to make though of all their ideas.

Stuff like Automata would require much more effort and budgets.

And Nike sponsorship.

And they'll end up getting Michael Bay involved, leading to something like this.

Scooter

Am I the only one not expecting this to feel PA-ish in the least? I mean, there's no indication that it's going to be using PA writing or PA art styles...someone just decided it'd be easier to buy an idea than start one of their own. Be glad they didn't buy Automata or something else they actually did plot for, because that'd just be more stuff that's not going to be anywhere in any movie that gets made.

Corvus

What, no one wanted to make a series of Fruitfucker films?

Heffling

We're doing the Topping films first, Corvus. You start with kinky and work your way up to weird.

DiannaoChong

people want an automatia movie, but I can't help but interject since we just got it, we could easily get an automatia game in the vein of LA Noir. That would be pretty badass.

JaysonFour

I can't wait for Friday's newspost.

They're going to E3, they've inspired a movie, what's next? Fighting crime?

Rent

Considering The New Kid was by far the most "safe" and uninteresting of the three comics they demoed and really the only offering I didn't want to see any more exploration of, I'm not excited that a non-Pixar animation studio bought the rights

well queen of bells was p lame too now that i think about it

basically my point is is why haven't we gotten an Automata film, what the hell

anyways I'm just gonna guess that "The New Kid" is gonna be somethin like this:

The New Kid, Teaser Trailer wrote:

OPEN on Minivan. BACKGROUND MUSIC reminiscent of old time western plays softly in background.

ANNOUNCER: For Sol Lunaton, his life had always been moving from place to place.

Dramatic pan in on SOL. He is a roguish mid teen with impossibly good looks and a defiant pout on his face, staring out of the window.

SOL (Zac Efron): But Da-ad, I just want to be the NORMAL kid at school for once!

Pan over to SOL'S DAD, Light Lunaton. He is currently driving the minivan. He is a weathered middle aged man with a look of apology and foolish optimsm on his face.

LIGHT (Zach Braff): I know, son. But maybe you should just give it a chance...for me? This'll be the last time we'll have to move, I swear.

Sol rolls his eyes dramatically.

SOL: What-ever. (mutters under his breath) Like I haven't heard that a million times before. (changing subject) So where are we anyways?

LIGHT: Uhh...Solaris XV, in the Horsehead Nebula.

DRAMATIC ZOOM OUT, revealing Minivan is actually IN SPACE, orbiting nearby planet. Comedic pause for emphasis.

SOL: Oh.

Two note dramatic riff plays, music changes to comedic

ANNOUNCER: Now Sol has to navigate the rigors of high school-

SOL walks onto high school campus, very visibly the only human to be seen. A MALE BIPEDAL HUMANOID WITH ONE GROSSLY EXAGGERATED FEATURE, BUT IN ALL OTHER RESPECTS LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS A HUMAN BUT A DIFFERENT COLOR, walks up to him. He is very obviously the COMEDIC RELIEF of this movie, and will be SOL'S BEST FRIEND.

BUBZEE (Michael Cera): Hey, I'm Bubzee. Could we be best friends?

SOL (disgusted, rolling eyes): Ugh.

Comedic pause. Screenwipe.

ANNOUNCER: All while climbing the social ladder-

Bubzee voicing a panover of the high school's cafeteria, as the HIGH SCHOOL CLICHES BUT ALIENS ARE EATING.

BUBZEE: Over there you have your popular kids-

EFFETE RICH ALIEN: Whatever, losers.

BUBZEE: In the middle you have your less cool kids- the middle of the pack, you would say.

NORMAL ALIEN: (looks up momentarily, resumes eating some gelatinous substance)

BUBZEE: And on the right, you have your losers.

DORKY ALIEN SPEAKING WITH OVEREMPHASIZED LISP: Hey guyth, haveth you seenth my new Dorculon X trading card?! It'sth the new hot thing in Mordorkalin.

CAMERA pans back to Sol, speaking to Bubzee.

SOL (inquistive): Sooo...where do you eat?

BUBZEE (sheepishly): Uh...Outside, actually.

SOL (rolling eyes, facepalms excessively dramatically): Ugh.

ANNOUNCER: And just maybe, finding a little love along the way.

An attractive female alien named LORNIA approaches SOL in the hall. She looks EXACTLY THE SAME AS A HUMAN EXCEPT WITH THE SAME EXAGGERATED FEATURE BUBZEE HAS, AS VISUAL FORESHADOWING.

LORNIA (Miley Cyrus) (seductively): Hey, I don't think I've seen you around before, new kid. You should give me a ring on the Holo-Phone sometime.

SOL (embarassed, stammering): Y-yeah, I'll do that. (laughs nervously)

Lornia walks off seductively, to an extended REAR VIEW SHOT)

SOL (dreamily, speaking aloud to himself, facing camera): Oh man, Lornia is SUPER HOT.

BUBZEE approaches from STAGE LEFT, angrily emoting with his hands

BUBZEE: DUDE, she's my sister!

SOL immediately changes his face to that of a sheepish grin, staring directly into the camera, and half-shrugs.

ANNOUNCER: Now SOL has to face bullies-

OBVIOUS BLACK ANALOGUE ALIEN approaches SOL menacingly

TAIREEQ (Tracy Morgan): Yo, where my credits at, punk?!

ZANY FIGHT MUSIC MONTAGE begins to play

SOL (alarmed): Uh-Oh!

SOL easily dodges TAIREEQ's left hook by ducking under it, as a crowd of students cheer him on.

ANNOUNCER: Get the girl-

CAMERA pans to LORNIA and SOL standing together in the hall.

SOL: So, uh, doing anything tonight?

LORNIA: I don't know. Might be washing my hair.

SOL: But wait- you don't have hair!

LORNIA winks suggestively and walks off.

SOL speaks in voiceover as the trailer continues of stills with close up shots of LORNIA's face

SOL (voiceover): I've never felt the same way about ANYONE as I have about her! I have to be with her!

LORNIA and SOL are standing under a CYBERTERRACE as the TWO MOONS above them twinkle. ROMANTIC MUSIC begins to swell, and LORNIA and SOL lean in to KISS.

BUBZEE suddenly pops up between them, ARMS EXTENDED. The ROMANTIC MUSIC immediately stops, followed by a RECORD SCRATCH.

BUBZEE: WOAH WOAH WOAH, that's CLOSE ENOUGH!

ANNOUNCER: Discover the true meaning of friendship-

(JUMP CUT to SOL speaking to BUBZEE as INOFFENSIVE INDIE ROCK SONG plays in background)

SOL: You know, you're the best friend I've ever had, man.

BUBZEE (seriously): I know.

(JUMP CUT to TAIREEQ and SOL talking post fight, both with OBVIOUS BRUISES)

TAIREEQ (complimentary): You know, you're not too bad for a human.

SOL (sheepishly): Uh, thanks.

ANNOUNCER: And maybe even- SAVE THE WORLD.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC swells, as SOL VOICES OVER GENERIC FIGHT SCENES)

SOL: We gotta stop Dorculon's evil plan, no matter what!

ANNOUNCER: From the people who brought you such hit classics as Shrek and How to Train Your Dragon-

(CARTOONISH VIOLENCE continues, with at least one CROTCH SHOT and FART JOKE thrown into the mix)

ANNOUNCER: Comes this summer's family friendly comedy for all ages-

LIGHT's voiceover as scenes of SOL struggling through high school are shown, emotional music begins to play

LIGHT: Son, I just want you to know that whatever you do, I believe in you, and you'll always be a success in my eyes.

SOL (heartfelt): Really?

LIGHT: Really.

SOL and LIGHT share a touching hug as the screen fades out

ANNOUNCER: On August 17, there'll be no kid-

Interposed shots of the titular characters yelling "SOL!"

ANNOUNCER: Like The New Kid.

Dramatic Music ends, as Title Card pops down behind SOL standing, arms crossed, facing screen.

(Next Card): BLAST OFF IN 2013

(Next Card): Credits

(Post Credits Zinger): All principal characters are standing in an obvious WAR ROOM. SOL is directing them.

SOL: Bubzee, you lead the cool kids in from the side. Taireeq, you take the Jocks and Bullies and assault them from the front. Me and Lornia will scout ahead with the geeks. Everyone clear?

Everyone nods assurances, and is about to leave when BUBZEE pipes up)

BUBZEE: Hey, this isn't just you trying to get with my sister, now is it?!

Everyone rolls their eyes dramatically and continues to leave

(Next Card): Become The New Kid at twitter.com/thenewkid

Bionic Monkey

Antimatter wrote: »

kinda disappointed by this, would rather have seen more Automata, Sand, or Lookouts

this is still good for Mike and Jerry

Of course, if this actually gets made, and turns out to be a success, I'd fully expect to see studios license the hell out of their other content.

This is an interesting event, and I'm happy for the guys, but unless they're writing it (and they're not), I don't hold out hope that it will be good.

jothki

Lookouts could never be made by Hollywood, at least not properly. Too much violence and death for something that cartoony. There'd be no target audience.

UrQuanLord88

jothki wrote: »

Lookouts could never be made by Hollywood, at least not properly. Too much violence and death for something that cartoony. There'd be no target audience.

I can totally see that as a Genndy Tartakovsky animation

RMS Oceanic

jothki wrote: »

Lookouts could never be made by Hollywood, at least not properly. Too much violence and death for something that cartoony. There'd be no target audience.

They should go back in time to 1970's/1980's England and comission the guys that made Watership Down, Plague Dogs and When the Wind Blows.

Kagera

Finally Penny Arcade begins the ultimate battle of ultimate destiny against the ultimate foe, Pixar.

Jintor

Rent wrote: »

Considering The New Kid was by far the most "safe" and uninteresting of the three comics they demoed and really the only offering I didn't want to see any more exploration of, I'm not excited that a non-Pixar animation studio bought the rights

well queen of bells was p lame too now that i think about it

basically my point is is why haven't we gotten an Automata film, what the hell

anyways I'm just gonna guess that "The New Kid" is gonna be somethin like this:

The New Kid, Teaser Trailer wrote:

OPEN on Minivan. BACKGROUND MUSIC reminiscent of old time western plays softly in background.

ANNOUNCER: For Sol Lunaton, his life had always been moving from place to place.

Dramatic pan in on SOL. He is a roguish mid teen with impossibly good looks and a defiant pout on his face, staring out of the window.

SOL (Zac Efron): But Da-ad, I just want to be the NORMAL kid at school for once!

Pan over to SOL'S DAD, Light Lunaton. He is currently driving the minivan. He is a weathered middle aged man with a look of apology and foolish optimsm on his face.

LIGHT (Zach Braff): I know, son. But maybe you should just give it a chance...for me? This'll be the last time we'll have to move, I swear.

Sol rolls his eyes dramatically.

SOL: What-ever. (mutters under his breath) Like I haven't heard that a million times before. (changing subject) So where are we anyways?

LIGHT: Uhh...Solaris XV, in the Horsehead Nebula.

DRAMATIC ZOOM OUT, revealing Minivan is actually IN SPACE, orbiting nearby planet. Comedic pause for emphasis.

SOL: Oh.

Two note dramatic riff plays, music changes to comedic

ANNOUNCER: Now Sol has to navigate the rigors of high school-

SOL walks onto high school campus, very visibly the only human to be seen. A MALE BIPEDAL HUMANOID WITH ONE GROSSLY EXAGGERATED FEATURE, BUT IN ALL OTHER RESPECTS LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS A HUMAN BUT A DIFFERENT COLOR, walks up to him. He is very obviously the COMEDIC RELIEF of this movie, and will be SOL'S BEST FRIEND.

BUBZEE (Michael Cera): Hey, I'm Bubzee. Could we be best friends?

SOL (disgusted, rolling eyes): Ugh.

Comedic pause. Screenwipe.

ANNOUNCER: All while climbing the social ladder-

Bubzee voicing a panover of the high school's cafeteria, as the HIGH SCHOOL CLICHES BUT ALIENS ARE EATING.

BUBZEE: Over there you have your popular kids-

EFFETE RICH ALIEN: Whatever, losers.

BUBZEE: In the middle you have your less cool kids- the middle of the pack, you would say.

NORMAL ALIEN: (looks up momentarily, resumes eating some gelatinous substance)

BUBZEE: And on the right, you have your losers.

DORKY ALIEN SPEAKING WITH OVEREMPHASIZED LISP: Hey guyth, haveth you seenth my new Dorculon X trading card?! It'sth the new hot thing in Mordorkalin.

CAMERA pans back to Sol, speaking to Bubzee.

SOL (inquistive): Sooo...where do you eat?

BUBZEE (sheepishly): Uh...Outside, actually.

SOL (rolling eyes, facepalms excessively dramatically): Ugh.

ANNOUNCER: And just maybe, finding a little love along the way.

An attractive female alien named LORNIA approaches SOL in the hall. She looks EXACTLY THE SAME AS A HUMAN EXCEPT WITH THE SAME EXAGGERATED FEATURE BUBZEE HAS, AS VISUAL FORESHADOWING.

LORNIA (Miley Cyrus) (seductively): Hey, I don't think I've seen you around before, new kid. You should give me a ring on the Holo-Phone sometime.

SOL (embarassed, stammering): Y-yeah, I'll do that. (laughs nervously)

Lornia walks off seductively, to an extended REAR VIEW SHOT)

SOL (dreamily, speaking aloud to himself, facing camera): Oh man, Lornia is SUPER HOT.

BUBZEE approaches from STAGE LEFT, angrily emoting with his hands

BUBZEE: DUDE, she's my sister!

SOL immediately changes his face to that of a sheepish grin, staring directly into the camera, and half-shrugs.

ANNOUNCER: Now SOL has to face bullies-

OBVIOUS BLACK ANALOGUE ALIEN approaches SOL menacingly

TAIREEQ (Tracy Morgan): Yo, where my credits at, punk?!

ZANY FIGHT MUSIC MONTAGE begins to play

SOL (alarmed): Uh-Oh!

SOL easily dodges TAIREEQ's left hook by ducking under it, as a crowd of students cheer him on.

ANNOUNCER: Get the girl-

CAMERA pans to LORNIA and SOL standing together in the hall.

SOL: So, uh, doing anything tonight?

LORNIA: I don't know. Might be washing my hair.

SOL: But wait- you don't have hair!

LORNIA winks suggestively and walks off.

SOL speaks in voiceover as the trailer continues of stills with close up shots of LORNIA's face

SOL (voiceover): I've never felt the same way about ANYONE as I have about her! I have to be with her!

LORNIA and SOL are standing under a CYBERTERRACE as the TWO MOONS above them twinkle. ROMANTIC MUSIC begins to swell, and LORNIA and SOL lean in to KISS.

BUBZEE suddenly pops up between them, ARMS EXTENDED. The ROMANTIC MUSIC immediately stops, followed by a RECORD SCRATCH.

BUBZEE: WOAH WOAH WOAH, that's CLOSE ENOUGH!

ANNOUNCER: Discover the true meaning of friendship-

(JUMP CUT to SOL speaking to BUBZEE as INOFFENSIVE INDIE ROCK SONG plays in background)

SOL: You know, you're the best friend I've ever had, man.

BUBZEE (seriously): I know.

(JUMP CUT to TAIREEQ and SOL talking post fight, both with OBVIOUS BRUISES)

TAIREEQ (complimentary): You know, you're not too bad for a human.

SOL (sheepishly): Uh, thanks.

ANNOUNCER: And maybe even- SAVE THE WORLD.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC swells, as SOL VOICES OVER GENERIC FIGHT SCENES)

SOL: We gotta stop Dorculon's evil plan, no matter what!

ANNOUNCER: From the people who brought you such hit classics as Shrek and How to Train Your Dragon-

(CARTOONISH VIOLENCE continues, with at least one CROTCH SHOT and FART JOKE thrown into the mix)

ANNOUNCER: Comes this summer's family friendly comedy for all ages-

LIGHT's voiceover as scenes of SOL struggling through high school are shown, emotional music begins to play

LIGHT: Son, I just want you to know that whatever you do, I believe in you, and you'll always be a success in my eyes.

SOL (heartfelt): Really?

LIGHT: Really.

SOL and LIGHT share a touching hug as the screen fades out

ANNOUNCER: On August 17, there'll be no kid-

Interposed shots of the titular characters yelling "SOL!"

ANNOUNCER: Like The New Kid.

Dramatic Music ends, as Title Card pops down behind SOL standing, arms crossed, facing screen.

(Next Card): BLAST OFF IN 2013

(Next Card): Credits

(Post Credits Zinger): All principal characters are standing in an obvious WAR ROOM. SOL is directing them.

SOL: Bubzee, you lead the cool kids in from the side. Taireeq, you take the Jocks and Bullies and assault them from the front. Me and Lornia will scout ahead with the geeks. Everyone clear?

Everyone nods assurances, and is about to leave when BUBZEE pipes up)

BUBZEE: Hey, this isn't just you trying to get with my sister, now is it?!

Everyone rolls their eyes dramatically and continues to leave

(Next Card): Become The New Kid at twitter.com/thenewkid

I don't know whether to be impressed or to be horrified

Rhesus Positive

Impressified.

Quid

Great for them. Also, while Dreamworks isn't on par with Pixar in my opinion, they've been steadily improving overall. I think this will be good.

ben0207

Rent wrote: »

Spoiler:

Considering The New Kid was by far the most "safe" and uninteresting of the three comics they demoed and really the only offering I didn't want to see any more exploration of, I'm not excited that a non-Pixar animation studio bought the rights

well queen of bells was p lame too now that i think about it

basically my point is is why haven't we gotten an Automata film, what the hell

anyways I'm just gonna guess that "The New Kid" is gonna be somethin like this:

The New Kid, Teaser Trailer wrote:

OPEN on Minivan. BACKGROUND MUSIC reminiscent of old time western plays softly in background.

ANNOUNCER: For Sol Lunaton, his life had always been moving from place to place.

Dramatic pan in on SOL. He is a roguish mid teen with impossibly good looks and a defiant pout on his face, staring out of the window.

SOL (Zac Efron): But Da-ad, I just want to be the NORMAL kid at school for once!

Pan over to SOL'S DAD, Light Lunaton. He is currently driving the minivan. He is a weathered middle aged man with a look of apology and foolish optimsm on his face.

LIGHT (Zach Braff): I know, son. But maybe you should just give it a chance...for me? This'll be the last time we'll have to move, I swear.

Sol rolls his eyes dramatically.

SOL: What-ever. (mutters under his breath) Like I haven't heard that a million times before. (changing subject) So where are we anyways?

LIGHT: Uhh...Solaris XV, in the Horsehead Nebula.

DRAMATIC ZOOM OUT, revealing Minivan is actually IN SPACE, orbiting nearby planet. Comedic pause for emphasis.

SOL: Oh.

Two note dramatic riff plays, music changes to comedic

ANNOUNCER: Now Sol has to navigate the rigors of high school-

SOL walks onto high school campus, very visibly the only human to be seen. A MALE BIPEDAL HUMANOID WITH ONE GROSSLY EXAGGERATED FEATURE, BUT IN ALL OTHER RESPECTS LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS A HUMAN BUT A DIFFERENT COLOR, walks up to him. He is very obviously the COMEDIC RELIEF of this movie, and will be SOL'S BEST FRIEND.

BUBZEE (Michael Cera): Hey, I'm Bubzee. Could we be best friends?

SOL (disgusted, rolling eyes): Ugh.

Comedic pause. Screenwipe.

ANNOUNCER: All while climbing the social ladder-

Bubzee voicing a panover of the high school's cafeteria, as the HIGH SCHOOL CLICHES BUT ALIENS ARE EATING.

BUBZEE: Over there you have your popular kids-

EFFETE RICH ALIEN: Whatever, losers.

BUBZEE: In the middle you have your less cool kids- the middle of the pack, you would say.

NORMAL ALIEN: (looks up momentarily, resumes eating some gelatinous substance)

BUBZEE: And on the right, you have your losers.

DORKY ALIEN SPEAKING WITH OVEREMPHASIZED LISP: Hey guyth, haveth you seenth my new Dorculon X trading card?! It'sth the new hot thing in Mordorkalin.

CAMERA pans back to Sol, speaking to Bubzee.

SOL (inquistive): Sooo...where do you eat?

BUBZEE (sheepishly): Uh...Outside, actually.

SOL (rolling eyes, facepalms excessively dramatically): Ugh.

ANNOUNCER: And just maybe, finding a little love along the way.

An attractive female alien named LORNIA approaches SOL in the hall. She looks EXACTLY THE SAME AS A HUMAN EXCEPT WITH THE SAME EXAGGERATED FEATURE BUBZEE HAS, AS VISUAL FORESHADOWING.

LORNIA (Miley Cyrus) (seductively): Hey, I don't think I've seen you around before, new kid. You should give me a ring on the Holo-Phone sometime.

SOL (embarassed, stammering): Y-yeah, I'll do that. (laughs nervously)

Lornia walks off seductively, to an extended REAR VIEW SHOT)

SOL (dreamily, speaking aloud to himself, facing camera): Oh man, Lornia is SUPER HOT.

BUBZEE approaches from STAGE LEFT, angrily emoting with his hands

BUBZEE: DUDE, she's my sister!

SOL immediately changes his face to that of a sheepish grin, staring directly into the camera, and half-shrugs.

ANNOUNCER: Now SOL has to face bullies-

OBVIOUS BLACK ANALOGUE ALIEN approaches SOL menacingly

TAIREEQ (Tracy Morgan): Yo, where my credits at, punk?!

ZANY FIGHT MUSIC MONTAGE begins to play

SOL (alarmed): Uh-Oh!

SOL easily dodges TAIREEQ's left hook by ducking under it, as a crowd of students cheer him on.

ANNOUNCER: Get the girl-

CAMERA pans to LORNIA and SOL standing together in the hall.

SOL: So, uh, doing anything tonight?

LORNIA: I don't know. Might be washing my hair.

SOL: But wait- you don't have hair!

LORNIA winks suggestively and walks off.

SOL speaks in voiceover as the trailer continues of stills with close up shots of LORNIA's face

SOL (voiceover): I've never felt the same way about ANYONE as I have about her! I have to be with her!

LORNIA and SOL are standing under a CYBERTERRACE as the TWO MOONS above them twinkle. ROMANTIC MUSIC begins to swell, and LORNIA and SOL lean in to KISS.

BUBZEE suddenly pops up between them, ARMS EXTENDED. The ROMANTIC MUSIC immediately stops, followed by a RECORD SCRATCH.

BUBZEE: WOAH WOAH WOAH, that's CLOSE ENOUGH!

ANNOUNCER: Discover the true meaning of friendship-

(JUMP CUT to SOL speaking to BUBZEE as INOFFENSIVE INDIE ROCK SONG plays in background)

SOL: You know, you're the best friend I've ever had, man.

BUBZEE (seriously): I know.

(JUMP CUT to TAIREEQ and SOL talking post fight, both with OBVIOUS BRUISES)

TAIREEQ (complimentary): You know, you're not too bad for a human.

SOL (sheepishly): Uh, thanks.

ANNOUNCER: And maybe even- SAVE THE WORLD.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC swells, as SOL VOICES OVER GENERIC FIGHT SCENES)

SOL: We gotta stop Dorculon's evil plan, no matter what!

ANNOUNCER: From the people who brought you such hit classics as Shrek and How to Train Your Dragon-

(CARTOONISH VIOLENCE continues, with at least one CROTCH SHOT and FART JOKE thrown into the mix)

ANNOUNCER: Comes this summer's family friendly comedy for all ages-

LIGHT's voiceover as scenes of SOL struggling through high school are shown, emotional music begins to play

LIGHT: Son, I just want you to know that whatever you do, I believe in you, and you'll always be a success in my eyes.

SOL (heartfelt): Really?

LIGHT: Really.

SOL and LIGHT share a touching hug as the screen fades out

ANNOUNCER: On August 17, there'll be no kid-

Interposed shots of the titular characters yelling "SOL!"

ANNOUNCER: Like The New Kid.

Dramatic Music ends, as Title Card pops down behind SOL standing, arms crossed, facing screen.

(Next Card): BLAST OFF IN 2013

(Next Card): Credits

(Post Credits Zinger): All principal characters are standing in an obvious WAR ROOM. SOL is directing them.

SOL: Bubzee, you lead the cool kids in from the side. Taireeq, you take the Jocks and Bullies and assault them from the front. Me and Lornia will scout ahead with the geeks. Everyone clear?

Everyone nods assurances, and is about to leave when BUBZEE pipes up)

BUBZEE: Hey, this isn't just you trying to get with my sister, now is it?!

Everyone rolls their eyes dramatically and continues to leave

(Next Card): Become The New Kid at twitter.com/thenewkid

Oh god. What have you done.

815165

RMS Oceanic wrote: »

jothki wrote: »

Lookouts could never be made by Hollywood, at least not properly. Too much violence and death for something that cartoony. There'd be no target audience.

They should go back in time to 1970's/1980's England and comission the guys that made Watership Down, Plague Dogs and When the Wind Blows.

I had this exact same thought when I read that post.

More kids movies need a seagull telling rabbits to piss off in them. :^:

Yar

Regarding dough-re-mi:

I definitely took notice when P-A stopped being about their shitty retail jobs, and started being about the trouble they have hooking up their new massive home theater system. And that was years ago, before PAX. I don't know for sure, but I'd wager that putting on a very successful conference year after year generates more revenue than selling movie rights in untested waters.

If the movie is a huge success and then they sell another IP for a movie after that, that's when I expect to see them taking baths filled with nothing but diamonds and ancient Mayan gold coins.

Yall

Very nice!

Igort

Quid wrote: »

Great for them. Also, while Dreamworks isn't on par with Pixar in my opinion, they've been steadily improving overall. I think this will be good.

From the article:

After tasting success of its first non-DreamWorks Animation-produced animated film Rango, Paramount is jumping into the medium again with New Kid.

This will be Paramount, but not Dreamworks.

Evil Multifarious

That was probably an entirely too accurate version of this movie's trailer

But maybe not!