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Verbally Aggressive Neighbor - Legal / Official Options?

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Posts

  • Sir CarcassSir Carcass I have been shown the end of my world Austin, TXRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I agree with Ceres and think the OP is handling this the right way. The H/A consensus to neighbor issues is always, "man up and go talk to them", and in certain situations that is terrible advice. Like if said neighbor had already come over to your house, banging on your door, yelling obscenities at your wife and children. That's not how reasonable people behave and the OP has no reason to believe she'll suddenly act reasonable if he goes over to her house.

    camo_sig2.png
  • CabezoneCabezone Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Nova_C wrote: »
    I hate dogs and I think your reaction to him walking his dog is pretty unreasonable. Unless you have a fence and/or a hedge, when someone walks past your property with a dog, it is very likely that the dog is going to investigate the few inches of grass next to the sidewalk. If this is completely unacceptable to you, then the problem is yours, not the dog owners. And so long as he cleans up any dog poop that is left by his akita, which he says he does, again the problem is yours.

    Let me re-iterate. I. Fucking. Hate. Dogs. But you guys are about a hair's breadth from calling for the defacto banning of dogs. The only thing he's done wrong with his dog is let the hair blow away. Other than that he's being a goddamn angel with his akita. Most people in every neighborhood I've lived in can't be bothered to clean up the dog poop their animal leaves behind.

    If I'm reading you correctly, if you don't' fence off your property, I can do as I please on it? What if I want to have a picnic?

  • DiorinixDiorinix Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    What about a blend of both options? Have a formal letter notarized by your lawyer, go and deliver it in person. Attempt an olive-branch-offering, but you have the back up of the letter if things go South with the face to face chat?

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  • CabezoneCabezone Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I agree with Ceres and think the OP is handling this the right way. The H/A consensus to neighbor issues is always, "man up and go talk to them", and in certain situations that is terrible advice. Like if said neighbor had already come over to your house, banging on your door, yelling obscenities at your wife and children. That's not how reasonable people behave and the OP has no reason to believe she'll suddenly act reasonable if he goes over to her house.

    It's also very unreasonable to call the police on your neighbor about washing their drive with water without talking to them first.

    This whole thing seems like two unreasonable people living next to each other.

  • Sir CarcassSir Carcass I have been shown the end of my world Austin, TXRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Cabezone wrote: »
    I agree with Ceres and think the OP is handling this the right way. The H/A consensus to neighbor issues is always, "man up and go talk to them", and in certain situations that is terrible advice. Like if said neighbor had already come over to your house, banging on your door, yelling obscenities at your wife and children. That's not how reasonable people behave and the OP has no reason to believe she'll suddenly act reasonable if he goes over to her house.

    It's also very unreasonable to call the police on your neighbor about washing their drive with water without talking to them first.

    This whole thing seems like two unreasonable people living next to each other.

    No, not really.

    camo_sig2.png
  • bowenbowen Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Cabezone wrote: »
    I agree with Ceres and think the OP is handling this the right way. The H/A consensus to neighbor issues is always, "man up and go talk to them", and in certain situations that is terrible advice. Like if said neighbor had already come over to your house, banging on your door, yelling obscenities at your wife and children. That's not how reasonable people behave and the OP has no reason to believe she'll suddenly act reasonable if he goes over to her house.

    It's also very unreasonable to call the police on your neighbor about washing their drive with water without talking to them first.

    This whole thing seems like two unreasonable people living next to each other.

    More like 70% her, 30% him. Profact, everyone in your life will be unreasonable to some degree about their feelings!

    For instance, I'm unreasonable about doing things just to shut people up, because 9 times out of 10, that situation gets taken advantage of.

    If I have agreed to wash puke off someone's lawn because my friend was over and my neighbor totally saw them do it what is to stop them from asking me to mow their lawn because water from my sprinklers ran down hill and made her grass more fertile this week? It seems a lot of you have never had crazy unreasonable neighbors.

    Especially in drought zones. When you live in a desert that shit is serious. Hey you can't boil a pot of water for food this week because your neighbor decided to wash her sidewalk. Fuck you, sorry. Nope, call the cops because that shit is serious.

  • DjeetDjeet Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Diorinix wrote: »
    What about a blend of both options? Have a formal letter notarized by your lawyer, go and deliver it in person. Attempt an olive-branch-offering, but you have the back up of the letter if things go South with the face to face chat?

    If he's going the legal-sounding letter route he should send it certified (or through other official means) since it doesn't really serve any purpose other than to lay the groundwork for future legal action.

    Chances are good such a letter is just going to exacerbate the situation.

    Water use, noise, code, HOA and other such violations are policed pretty much solely through tattletales (even under mandatory water restriction), so when the authorities are called on you for that you know it's one of your neighbors. There isn't enough manpower* for these things to be policed via patrolling authorities, and to do so would be a waste anyways.

    Basically you tipped your hand that you're not nice to deal with by having the first action be involving the authorities. Her coming over and being a bitch was also wrong. A difficult situation for either side to back down from. I'd try the application of baked goods and a nice conciliatory talk to make a stab at her getting her back down, maybe invite her over to the next BBQ or 2, but prepare to hunker down and stare daggers at one another til one of you moves. I suppose you could put up a no trespassing sign, but whenever I see one of those I think crazy people live there.

    No one is going to lack potable water for food prep because someone washed their driveway, that's silly.


    *Edit: Gated communities can probably do patrols, and the rules in such a community are a lot more stringent then in most other communities.

  • Nova_CNova_C Sniff Sniff Snorf Beyond The WallRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Cabezone wrote: »
    Nova_C wrote: »
    I hate dogs and I think your reaction to him walking his dog is pretty unreasonable. Unless you have a fence and/or a hedge, when someone walks past your property with a dog, it is very likely that the dog is going to investigate the few inches of grass next to the sidewalk. If this is completely unacceptable to you, then the problem is yours, not the dog owners. And so long as he cleans up any dog poop that is left by his akita, which he says he does, again the problem is yours.

    Let me re-iterate. I. Fucking. Hate. Dogs. But you guys are about a hair's breadth from calling for the defacto banning of dogs. The only thing he's done wrong with his dog is let the hair blow away. Other than that he's being a goddamn angel with his akita. Most people in every neighborhood I've lived in can't be bothered to clean up the dog poop their animal leaves behind.

    If I'm reading you correctly, if you don't' fence off your property, I can do as I please on it? What if I want to have a picnic?

    If your yard is a few inches of grass, I guess so!

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  • rockmonkeyrockmonkey Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Cabezone wrote: »
    Nova_C wrote: »
    I hate dogs and I think your reaction to him walking his dog is pretty unreasonable. Unless you have a fence and/or a hedge, when someone walks past your property with a dog, it is very likely that the dog is going to investigate the few inches of grass next to the sidewalk. If this is completely unacceptable to you, then the problem is yours, not the dog owners. And so long as he cleans up any dog poop that is left by his akita, which he says he does, again the problem is yours.

    Let me re-iterate. I. Fucking. Hate. Dogs. But you guys are about a hair's breadth from calling for the defacto banning of dogs. The only thing he's done wrong with his dog is let the hair blow away. Other than that he's being a goddamn angel with his akita. Most people in every neighborhood I've lived in can't be bothered to clean up the dog poop their animal leaves behind.

    If I'm reading you correctly, if you don't' fence off your property, I can do as I please on it? What if I want to have a picnic?

    If you're planning a picnic, you better watch out for the dog crap before you set your blanket down.


    All kidding aside there is (at least to me) a difference between a dog being walked, crapping on the edge of my lawn (first couple feet in from the side walk), and then the owner picks it up and continues on.
    Opposed to say, an 80-100lb dog walking on a retractable leash into the middle or center of my yard and crapping a sizeable heap, and then having it picked up, especially if such a thing happens on a daily basis causing buildup despite removal.

    All that said I live in a rather upscale subdivision, the sidewalk happens to be on the other side of the street from my house, and like previously mentioned, we have numerous walking trails in the neighborhood. I see several people walking dogs EVERY day but don't have to deal with it because it's always across the street on the sidewalk, and to their compliment I have never seen one not big up their dog's mess.

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  • SatanIsMyMotorSatanIsMyMotor Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Cabezone wrote: »
    Nova_C wrote: »
    I hate dogs and I think your reaction to him walking his dog is pretty unreasonable. Unless you have a fence and/or a hedge, when someone walks past your property with a dog, it is very likely that the dog is going to investigate the few inches of grass next to the sidewalk. If this is completely unacceptable to you, then the problem is yours, not the dog owners. And so long as he cleans up any dog poop that is left by his akita, which he says he does, again the problem is yours.

    Let me re-iterate. I. Fucking. Hate. Dogs. But you guys are about a hair's breadth from calling for the defacto banning of dogs. The only thing he's done wrong with his dog is let the hair blow away. Other than that he's being a goddamn angel with his akita. Most people in every neighborhood I've lived in can't be bothered to clean up the dog poop their animal leaves behind.

    If I'm reading you correctly, if you don't' fence off your property, I can do as I please on it? What if I want to have a picnic?

    That's ridiculous. We're talking about a person walking by someone's house - which would take maybe 10 seconds. If the dog happens to wander up on the yard for 5 of those seconds and you freak out about that, well, you're crazy.

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  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I short-lead the dog, because there are many stray cats in our neighborhood and he doesn't like cats apart from ours. A retractable lead would be crazy... the lead I use is about 8in long. He's trained to stand on my left side and walk or run slightly behind me. He's not wandering around in the middle of anyone's yard!

  • bowenbowen Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Djeet wrote: »
    Diorinix wrote: »
    What about a blend of both options? Have a formal letter notarized by your lawyer, go and deliver it in person. Attempt an olive-branch-offering, but you have the back up of the letter if things go South with the face to face chat?

    No one is going to lack potable water for food prep because someone washed their driveway, that's silly.

    :rotate: If everyone thinks that way though!

  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Djeet wrote: »
    Diorinix wrote: »
    What about a blend of both options? Have a formal letter notarized by your lawyer, go and deliver it in person. Attempt an olive-branch-offering, but you have the back up of the letter if things go South with the face to face chat?

    If he's going the legal-sounding letter route he should send it certified (or through other official means) since it doesn't really serve any purpose other than to lay the groundwork for future legal action.

    Chances are good such a letter is just going to exacerbate the situation.

    Water use, noise, code, HOA and other such violations are policed pretty much solely through tattletales (even under mandatory water restriction), so when the authorities are called on you for that you know it's one of your neighbors. There isn't enough manpower* for these things to be policed via patrolling authorities, and to do so would be a waste anyways.

    Basically you tipped your hand that you're not nice to deal with by having the first action be involving the authorities. Her coming over and being a bitch was also wrong. A difficult situation for either side to back down from. I'd try the application of baked goods and a nice conciliatory talk to make a stab at her getting her back down, maybe invite her over to the next BBQ or 2, but prepare to hunker down and stare daggers at one another til one of you moves. I suppose you could put up a no trespassing sign, but whenever I see one of those I think crazy people live there.

    Cookies and burgers? No. That's not really something the OP should be considering.

    For one thing, I'm sure his wife and kids never want to deal with this wacko again. The problem, though, is that sending a certified letter without first having a conversation isn't going to insure you never have to deal with this wacko again. It's going to make a tense situation worse, and somewhere down the road there is going to be another altercation.

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  • DjeetDjeet Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Well if you're going the legal route you don't want to serve documents in person, unless you're an officer of the court I suppose, even then it's probably a good idea for someone else to do it.


    Personally I don't think going the legal route (or pretending to) is the shortest way out of preventing the neighbor from giving the wife and kids grief.


    My advice to make nice and give a peace offering is because bribery and being friendly works, and he's going to be asking her to do something for his benefit (e.g. please don't come over and be a bitch to my family, though in nicer terms). But I guess threatening/official sounding letters might work better; I've never tried that route.

  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I agree with you about talking to her as a first step, but baked goods? This isn't an episode of Full House.

    daniant wrote:
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  • sevendsevend Registered User
    edited August 2012
    let's face it, spool is not being entirely honest in his account of this whole situation. he talks about his dog, an akita and that bullshit about allowing the dog's huge chunks of white hair to fly so the birds can build a nest. please. birds live outdoors. they have plenty of things to build nests with besides your dog's hair that you're too lazy to pick up that flies all over the neighborhood which people might find dirty, disgusting and allergenic. you called the police and got your neighbor fined for watering which is something that a douchebag would do, instead of just mentioning to her. perhaps that few hundred dollar fine was a big hardship for an elderly person. have you considered that or are you too self centered. let's read between the lines: you are a nightmare of a neighbor and i'm glad you're not mine. you respect no one's property with your dog poop, dog hair, the backyard full of weeds which you don't maintain. then, like a nosy self righteous dick, you call the police first chance you get when your neighbor violates some rule that offends you. may i point out your panic over your wife and this situation was caused by YOU. you created this bad situation with your neighbor by walking all over her rights as a human being and then calling the police to report her for using water. maybe she was watering your dog's shit and hair from her property?!?!?!?!?! i'm glad i don't live next door to you and i don't believe your take on the events. you talk about the akita, but in your letter you refer to "one of my animals." so how many are there in your backyard full of weeds, birdnests, poop and dog hair????????

    my advice: first take an honest assessment of what you've got going on there. pay your neighbor in full for the fine you cost her, clean up your own backyard and stop trashing your neighbors, and assure your wife that you will no longer be an asshole and she won't have to worry about angry neighbors freaking out. take some responsibility and stop sugar coating what you've done to create this situation.

    sevend on
  • sevendsevend Registered User
    let's face it, spool is not being entirely honest in his account of this whole situation. he talks about his dog, an akita and that bullshit about allowing the dog's huge chunks of white hair to fly so the birds can build a nest. please. birds live outdoors. they have plenty of things to build nests with besides your dog's hair that you're too lazy to pick up that flies all over the neighborhood which people might find dirty, disgusting and allergenic. you called the police and got your neighbor fined for watering which is something that a douchebag would do, instead of just mentioning to her. perhaps that few hundred dollar fine was a big hardship for an elderly person. have you considered that or are you too self centered. let's read between the lines: you are a nightmare of a neighbor and i'm glad you're not mine. you respect no one's property with your dog poop, dog hair, the backyard full of weeds which you don't maintain. then, like a nosy self righteous dick, you call the police first chance you get when your neighbor violates some rule that offends you. may i point out your panic over your wife and this situation was caused by YOU. you created this bad situation with your neighbor by walking all over her rights as a human being and then calling the police to report her for using water. maybe she was watering your dog's shit and hair from her property?!?!?!?!?! i'm glad i don't live next door to you and i don't believe your take on the events. you talk about the akita, but in your letter you refer to "one of my animals." so how many are there in your backyard full of weeds, birdnests, poop and dog hair????????

    my advice: first take an honest assessment of what you've got going on there. pay your neighbor in full for the fine you cost her, clean up your own backyard and stop trashing your neighbors, and assure your wife that you will no longer be an asshole and she won't have to worry about angry neighbors freaking out. take some responsibility and stop sugar coating what you've done to create this situation.

  • Giggles_FunsworthGiggles_Funsworth Paranoiac Bay Area SprawlRegistered User regular
    Please let this be spool's neighbor.

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  • DhalphirDhalphir don't you open that trapdoor you're a fool if you dareRegistered User regular
    that would just be so perfect.

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