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Rap Battle Contest - Beta

13

Posts

  • Green DreamGreen Dream Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I started writing a battle section for Tycho...and couldn't stop. Maybe I'll get to writing the other three later?


    Penny Arcade’s getting’ paid, can’t evade, be afraid,
    Of the blades (self-made) arrayed in my serenade;
    I’m rolling twenty; you trollin’ plenty
    Kris and Scott gotta flame for their fame ‘cause they failing funny.

    Scott and Kris, makin’ comics that are so pedestrian,
    Beatin’ dead horses thinking they might be a top equestrian,
    Give it a rest on this quest – you can’t see? That the best in your head’s
    Just a flutter of my dick for me?

    With heads in the sand these words you can’t remand,
    Can’t stand; nothing more than an also-ran. Haven’t you heard?
    I’m the hip-hop C’thulu, bending concepts askew, making you two
    Eschew further lyrics that you will both live to rue.

    Boys beggin’ for Kickstart, I’m whippin out my bic start
    Teachin’ you antic art – the lesson that I impart?

    In pants or on screen, yo’ bit is just a bit part.

    Like a lich with an itch to be rich I enrich my niche,
    Burnin’ up the Frequency like I’m burning pitch,
    Now Kris close your eyes, Scott cut me a switch;
    Time to make your kitch my bitch like an ostrich.

  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Tossrock wrote: »
    I'm not white [noparse]>:([/noparse]
    Toss I have yet to see you rap.

  • LTMLTM Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    darleysam wrote: »
    godmode wrote: »
    darleysam wrote: »
    Unless I'm misinterpreting 'verse', 12-16 of them each side sounds like quite the undertaking.

    12-16 "lines". That's not too hard at all!

    Well then, 'lines' is certainly more manageable.

    I was trying to hit 12 verses, 3 per dude. That was definitely an undertaking that I couldn't quite master.

  • LTMLTM Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Here's a rap fragment I can't quite get into anything:

    "Pax, Child's Play, got 'em givin' us money in droves
    The only thing you've organized is an orgy with dick-wolves"

  • skettiosskettios Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
  • Robert KhooRobert Khoo Registered User, Administrator, ClubPA, Penny Arcade Staff, PAX Staff staff
    edited June 2011
    I think I shall deem this a success.

    Some guy.
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2011
    [Tycho]
    They. Might.
    Hate on Gabe for getting clout, Hate on 'Cade for selling out
    But. I.
    Give the best don't marginalize, make dick jokes an' capitalize;
    Sell platinum merchandise, makes fly duds for all the guys;
    Gets me rich and wins the prize: a bullseye from Thompson's eyes
    But. My.
    Hit list drops like flies, beat the rap buy alibi's
    So much dough could give you wives, but nope, so sad for all your lives

    [Scott]

    Hey now dudes, no disrepectin', but I don't think ya'll learned ya lesson.
    Haters gonna hate cause wolf date rape, not dick jokes from low-rate flat-mates.
    Let me demonstrate: you can't write to relate, 50% of your market defenestrate
    TRIGGER WARNING: it's over by the morning. Flash in the pan, no one's mourning.

    [Gabe]

    Big talk, big man. What'd you say bout flash in the pan?
    Now I mean no disrepesctin', ain't been any respectin' since '97
    We bring gamers with cutting wit. Number1 in a million unique hits.

    Anybody stay fer Scott's tits? Two ditz kids, kiss....
    "Will they? Won't they?" Wanna solve things in a sexual way?
    Not PvP: WE TEASE YOU READ. Please. PvP jumped the shark
    When Buck was having bloody farts. Explain my art?
    Drop yo' flaccid rhymes, an' watch my acid etch my sign
    Cause it pays-us the be a P-A-play-as makin' mecca for the V.G. Jesus
    So go, new age Judas, can't be the lewdest, too prude, magnet of BOO
    But even changin the 'tude , getting crude won't make you top dude when ya
    Cant make em come with Johansson's vagina. At the end o' the day ya still big-baby-whina'

    Steam name: munkus_beaver
    Blizzard thing: munkus#1952
    Nintendo ID (3DS thinger): 0619-4510-9772
    Please give to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America: http://www.ccfa.org/
    Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process.
  • TossrockTossrock too weird to live too rare to dieRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Munkus you a biter

    "Big talk from a big man" was my line

    unless that's homage, then we're cool

  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2011
    I did not read any of the other submissions. That would be plagiarism.

    Steam name: munkus_beaver
    Blizzard thing: munkus#1952
    Nintendo ID (3DS thinger): 0619-4510-9772
    Please give to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America: http://www.ccfa.org/
    Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process.
  • AkimboLegsAkimboLegs Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I started writing a battle section for Tycho...and couldn't stop. Maybe I'll get to writing the other three later?


    Penny Arcade’s getting’ paid, can’t evade, be afraid,
    Of the blades (self-made) arrayed in my serenade;
    I’m rolling twenty; you trollin’ plenty
    Kris and Scott gotta flame for their fame ‘cause they failing funny.

    Scott and Kris, makin’ comics that are so pedestrian,
    Beatin’ dead horses thinking they might be a top equestrian,
    Give it a rest on this quest – you can’t see? That the best in your head’s
    Just a flutter of my dick for me?

    With heads in the sand these words you can’t remand,
    Can’t stand; nothing more than an also-ran. Haven’t you heard?
    I’m the hip-hop C’thulu, bending concepts askew, making you two
    Eschew further lyrics that you will both live to rue.

    Boys beggin’ for Kickstart, I’m whippin out my bic start
    Teachin’ you antic art – the lesson that I impart?

    In pants or on screen, yo’ bit is just a bit part.

    Like a lich with an itch to be rich I enrich my niche,
    Burnin’ up the Frequency like I’m burning pitch,
    Now Kris close your eyes, Scott cut me a switch;
    Time to make your kitch my bitch like an ostrich.

    this is sensational, the horse line and ostrich line are absurdly good

  • T4CTT4CT BAFTA-NOMINATED NAFTA-APPROVEDRegistered User regular
    edited June 2011
    oh my god tell me this is still open to submission

    my twitter | beats music
    I made a bad game! Download it scrubs.
    Keep it Up!: iOS Android
  • Robert KhooRobert Khoo Registered User, Administrator, ClubPA, Penny Arcade Staff, PAX Staff staff
    edited June 2011
    Yeah - the deadline will be whatever the deadline is for the mainsite contest.

    Some guy.
  • AneurhythmiaAneurhythmia Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    So, I should save my payload for the main event?

    1LRdqui.png
  • LTMLTM Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Are you going to shorten the length for the main contest? Or is 12-16 verses going to be used to separate the wheat and chaff?

  • Robert KhooRobert Khoo Registered User, Administrator, ClubPA, Penny Arcade Staff, PAX Staff staff
    edited June 2011
    Yeah we'll shorten it up. And dont worry all of Your entries here will be considered part of the main contest.

    Some guy.
  • ArbitraryDescriptorArbitraryDescriptor Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I'm not going to enter this but I do want to make two rhyme requests

    orange/door hinge

    and

    saucier/dossier
    I will give it my 1:30 best, sir.

    My rhymes smooth like courvoisier,
    mix 'em like a saucier,
    feed 'em to your girl,
    then I'll add her to my dossier.


    I'm the Apple of pimps!
    Next to me? You're an orange
    My dicks the God of Thunder.
    Your shit squeaks like a door hinge.

    Automata-Sg.png
  • LadaiLadai Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    I'll try this. Never ever rapped before (written or otherwise).

    jerry:
    yo I'm tycho as in brahe, observin the stars
    but I musta messed up, ever hookin' up with y'all
    nothing but a perma-bridesmaid who can't fit in his dress
    and a never-was with dad issues, yo your style's a mess
    that's right kurtz, you'll alway be number two while we laugh
    but at least with Kstraub you're two and a half
    ya see don't mess with me, I got 20 on my die
    hey mike take over I'm tired from carrying these guys

    mike:
    hey kurtz how long's it been
    since we all hit the scene
    hey kurtz how long's it been
    since you first got on yo' knees
    no no don't bother gettin' up
    just 'cause we entered the room
    Come over when yer done slobbin' on straub's knob
    'cause my dick's drier than Dune.

    Kstraub:
    sorry to interrupt you lovers, but I'm showin' off my might
    'cause unlike you, we run comics on our own
    plus the most popular part of your 'site
    our fans layin' down paper
    our new show getin' a boost
    while you sitting at home
    fuckin' an orange for juice


    kurtz:
    ya know it's painful
    hearin' these rhymes y'all botch
    you guys can't win a rap battle,
    'guys can't even hang on to a watch
    I see jerry gettin' all heated
    draggin' his ass in ping pong
    better be savin' your energy
    for when you're paintin' my dong

    4zyrt5.jpg
  • Speed RacerSpeed Racer I'm Speed Racer and I drive real fast. I drive real fast, I'm gonna last.Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    Mike:
    Okay, okay, I think that I figured out the trick
    We can't lose if I make rhymin' reference to my dick
    My dong is long and it's covered in pubes
    My hard-on's strong when I look at some boobs
    Let me see, um, for breakfast I had an orange I uh
    Know that doesn't make sense but I wanna say "vagina"

    Jerry:
    Michael, you know what maybe I should step in.
    Not to step on your toes but in order to win
    We'll need my expanded vocabulary.
    This is my wheelhouse so just leave it to me.

    Oh shit bitches, gonna get interred
    Under an avalanche of obscure absurd words.
    The labyrinthine sentences my mind can spawn
    Are more mind-melting than the Necronomicon.
    Bet you've never seen a fucker rhyme "sialagogic."

    Mike:
    What, like PVP?

    Jerry:
    That's "shitty webcomic."

    Kris: Scott we are getting DESTROYED we have GOT to step it up big-time buddy!
    Scott: I hear that my mans! And I've got just the thing: an in-rap Blamstorm!
    Kris: Great idea! I'LL start.


    Kris:
    I'm pitchin' two dipstick two-bit half-wits
    Emittin' lame-ass shit, nerds pissed
    About games and shit?
    Bitchin' how hittin' a switch trips a glitch
    How the framerate dips in something called Mount and Blade?
    No one gives a shit!
    Slit wrists, jock-itch, or a kick in the dick
    Are all better than this! It's called "Penny Arcade."

    Scott:
    That's not too bad, but how about this?
    It's about two guys named Scott and Kris.
    Their god-like art is the best in town,
    Ladies touchin' themselves whenever they come 'round.
    Spittin' fly-ass rhymes like Doctor Seuss
    Droppin' mad rad Blams like bolts from Zeus
    Pleasin' the fans while Mike's jackin' off to Jerry jackin' off at the zoo,
    Name of the Blam? Heh, the very rap song you're listening' to.

    speedsig2_zps388d2098.jpg
  • Robert KhooRobert Khoo Registered User, Administrator, ClubPA, Penny Arcade Staff, PAX Staff staff
    edited June 2011
    shit is heating uppppp

    Some guy.
  • Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    edited June 2011
    i got this far and had to stop... probably for the best
    Spoiler:

    3DS - 3239-3347-2159
    XB1/360 - Local H Jay
  • psolmspsolms Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    speed racer that shit was tight.

  • Tommy2HandsTommy2Hands what is this where am i Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    oh god what is this

    Tumbling
    MacGuffin wrote: »
    Baka!
    Belief in the heart of friendship and you'll always be kawaii Tommy-Chan!

  • AMP'dAMP'd Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    all raps should begin "RAP SONG, RAP SONG"

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • MereHappenstanceMereHappenstance Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Scott goes to mars, to get more candybars.

    Kris goes to jupiter to get more stupider.

    word

  • Good Looking Fat GuyGood Looking Fat Guy Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    hey mike take over I'm tired from carrying these guys


    Best line of the contest, in my opinion

  • Good Looking Fat GuyGood Looking Fat Guy Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    My entry
    Spoiler:

  • StraightziStraightzi The rock, the vulture, and the chain All that the proud can feel of painRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Wait wait wait

    West Hartford, CT?

    Seriously?

  • Good Looking Fat GuyGood Looking Fat Guy Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Straightzi wrote: »
    Wait wait wait

    West Hartford, CT?

    Seriously?

    Yes.

  • StraightziStraightzi The rock, the vulture, and the chain All that the proud can feel of painRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    I just graduated from college there. And in fact was there last night with friends.

  • sarukunsarukun Gornlord Interplanetary InsanitariumRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Internally, Brian (merch guy) and I like to torment Dave Coffman (PAX guy that is super shy) by taking on his (not actually his. Brian and I made it for him) West Coast 80s Rap Persona, DJ DeeCoff. We turn the quiet, mild mannered vegetarian into a lyrical flowing sex-hound that runs PAX on the side.

    Anyway, I tell you this story because we're thinking of running a weird contest where the winners get a signed pair of these:
    http://www.penny-arcade.com/2011/5/23/shoes/

    the pre-order version of this:
    http://store.penny-arcade.com/products/blamimations-season-1-dvd-set

    and the pre-order version of this:
    http://store.penny-arcade.com/products/volume-7-be-good-little-puppy

    and a signed copy of the upcoming Season 2 DVD.
    (NO LINK YET)

    Given the creators (Kris/Scott and Mike/Jerry), I thought that what might be interesting was a contest that had you write a rap battle between the two groups. Is this weird? Yes, it's probably weird. But before we unleashed it onto the wild, I wanted to test the waters with you guys to see if it had legs.

    Let's say 12-16 verses each side?

    If it does well in here, we'll put it out into the world (whoever is best here I'm sure we can come up with a separate prize, and yeah the stuff you submit here will be put into the main pool as well).
    I'm sure this has been appropriately answered already, but whatever the outcome, you should know that any time anyone wants to do a rap battle for any reason, the answer to the question "should we do this rap battle" is always 100% in the affirmative


    furthermore, if this does not happen, I will fall into a crushing depression that will likely end with my lifeless body found clogging the gutters of Spokane (even though I do not live anywhere near Washington State).

  • BlankzillaBlankzilla The Year 198X Being Xtreme to the MaxxRegistered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Ahem

    Kris
    Rappin with these motherfuckers, slower than a turtle
    Leapin over motherfuckers like I'm running hurdles
    You like that boys? Yeah, I made it myself
    Your rhymes gather dust like they sittin' on a shelf
    Now I'll pass the mic back soon as I am good and able
    Hold up, cause this chick is giving head under the table
    I'm a ladies man, get with all the girls I can
    Make em all so wet that they'll call me Aquaman
    First verse man oh I guess I'm just the best
    I will always give you more I will never give you less
    Now make a dice roll, cause I got an extra hit
    I ain't gotta keep goin, we all know I'm the shit

    Mike
    White Boy rappin, everybody stand clear
    Rhymes so beautiful they make you shed a tear
    I know you like that chicken with the sweet and sour sauce
    I'll go and get you some soon as you call me the boss
    Now pack it up son, the big boys are playin
    We about to beat you like a fuckin Super Saiyan
    Hurry up man cause I got a bitch waitin
    and y'all got a date with your hands masturbatin
    You keep goin and a goin like the Energizer bunny
    But you never beat me son, ain't that shit funny?
    I let the beat build man, I ain't gotta rush
    Specially since your raps sound like yo mouth made outta mush
    Now I am not a pro, but you are fuckin amateurs
    this ain't a rap battle it's a damn rap massacre

    Scott
    What you got, son? Yeah damn right nothin
    Play you like an Xbox, pushin all your buttons
    Rock out with my cock out yeah do it freestyle
    Beat you like a bitch by a fucking quarter mile
    Fuck yourself man, go and get bent
    Put some glasses on me, fuckin' Clark Kent
    Yeah Superman bitch, my rhymes are super tight
    Fly some honeys down cause they's my Kryptonite
    Been a little while since I got my dick wet
    Lil time I'll be fuckin bitches I ain't met
    Been out the game, never been a playa
    Gimme few months, be player of the year (ye-uh)
    Never touch me man, never come near (ne-uh)
    Rhymes fall apart like they made in Korea

    Jerry
    We ain't done son, that first rap was foreplay
    Fuckin Girl Talk we can do this shit All Day
    Might seem cocky, but man we're just better
    Bustin out rhymes making all these girls wetter
    I know we chalk white and ain't very burly
    but we spit you down the drain like a fuckin verbal swirly
    So bring out your best, dogs, bring out ya A-Game
    Never beat us kids, ain't that a damn shame
    See a fly girl and I'll be all on that
    Tear shit up like playin Mortal Kombat
    No Fatalities son, I don't want her dead
    No decapitations but I'm still getting head
    This shit come natural, guess I'm a phenom
    When I beat y'all ya got a shoulder to lean on
    We gotta get goin man, feelin kinda sick
    Sincerely, PA. PS: Suck our dicks

  • Robert KhooRobert Khoo Registered User, Administrator, ClubPA, Penny Arcade Staff, PAX Staff staff
    edited July 2011
    I LOVE RAPS

    Some guy.
  • redfenixredfenix Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    this is not about rap at all, but: hey Khoo, 'what-if' time.

    Had you not met Mike and Jerry, what did you plan to do, and/or what do you think you'd be doing these days?
    I'm just curious as to what industry you'd be running from behind the scenes right now if it weren't this one.

  • ArbitraryDescriptorArbitraryDescriptor Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    redfenix wrote: »
    this is not about rap at all, but: hey Khoo, 'what-if' time.

    Had you not met Mike and Jerry, what did you plan to do, and/or what do you think you'd be doing these days?
    I'm just curious as to what industry you'd be running from behind the scenes right now if it weren't this one.

    Khoogle

    Obviously.

    Automata-Sg.png
  • Robert KhooRobert Khoo Registered User, Administrator, ClubPA, Penny Arcade Staff, PAX Staff staff
    edited July 2011
    I'd be in games one way or the other. Other than that, it's tough to tell. I'm a pretty adaptable person, so what would have caught my eye if I had not run into MJ isn't a question I can answer.

    but yes, definitely games. I love love love games.

    Some guy.
  • joshua1joshua1 Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Khoo would invent the worlds first rap orchestra.

  • psolmspsolms Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Ok, heres what i got:

    Announcer (Ryan North): OH SHIT, ITS THE WEBCOMIC THROWDOWN! KRIS STRAUB, SCOTT KURTZ, SHOW THESE PEOPLE WHAT YOU GOT!

    Kris:
    first of all, I'm The Straub, let me start with introductions
    when it comes to webcomics, i've bred a metric fuck-ton
    i got blams, chainsawsuits and f-chords
    a Blank Label and a Halfpixel's all i need to f-yours

    Scott:
    we the new game in town, motherfuckin Toonhound
    we kickstart more than your poorly-drawn fingers can count
    ive won Eisner and Harvey, your Lookouts made me bored
    and i sure as fuck didnt see your faces at the goddamn Reuben Awards

    Kris:
    dont fuck around, show the beard some respect,
    watch your mouth or ill starslip a noose around your neck

    Scott:
    im the unstopable force in comics, dont try to push me
    this shit is PvP - we the players, you the pussies.

    Ryan: OH SHIT! YOU MOTHA FUCKAS GOT SERVED! GABE! TYCHO! HOW YOU GONNA TOP THAT?!?

    Tycho:
    everyone, step up and see what the fucking hum-drum did.
    wait, were you the first webcomic in Time's Top One Hundred?
    my intellect is impeccable, my cohort's creative cream delectable
    your fecal matter's ineffectual.

    i could go on for eternity
    verbal lacerations so bad youll need mother fuckin surgery.

    Gabe:
    and you're screaming 'stop hurtin me!'
    this shit is child's play, lets send the babies back to the nursery.

    You fruity fuckers, you fucking with the Photoshop Hero
    How many people came to the PvP Expo? Zero.
    we run this shit. what else can I say?
    Jim winks and says 'have a magical day.'

    Ryan: DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN! PENNY ARCADE BROUGHT THE FIRE! THIS SHIT IS BANGIN! I CANT DECIDE WHO WON! WE MIGHT NEED ANOTHER ROUND!

  • Robert KhooRobert Khoo Registered User, Administrator, ClubPA, Penny Arcade Staff, PAX Staff staff
    edited July 2011
    Alright that was pretty fucking sweet.

    Some guy.
  • RendRend Registered User regular
    edited July 2011
    Tycho
    Mothafucka we are Penny-arcade, you can't mess wit' us
    You best respect or you'll get decked when you addressin' us
    We bring down entire sites just by makin' a joke
    Our link's a death sentence, fool, now yo bandwidth's broke

    Kris
    You think you guys got game? Well you ain't never seen this
    Give the ladies bliss while their boyfriends hiss dismiss their impotent diss
    I got my comics on the net and y'all would be remiss
    if ya miss my kiss to yo wife's abyss all courtesy of kris

    Gabe
    It's cool that you guys draw, too bad you wannabe
    the difference here is when I draw people wanna see
    Y'all think you're walking tall, well I got news for you
    The funniest thing you got is a fuckin' stupid goatee

    Scott
    I can see why you'd be jealous of us, i'm just sayin'
    Cause we runnin' this place, while you sit there playin'
    It's impossible for us not to be awesome you see
    kstraub and scott kurtz takin' over completely

  • Robert KhooRobert Khoo Registered User, Administrator, ClubPA, Penny Arcade Staff, PAX Staff staff
    edited July 2011
    Looks like we're launching the full contest early next week. I think you can find it on /contest/rapbattle/

    Anyway thank you for helping out on this. Everyone that already submitted here will be automatically entered. They are great.

    Some guy.
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